issue51 同主题写作 恳请多多指教

wonderfullnameUID: 2208232

Issue51 "Education will be truly effective only when it is specifically designed to meet the individual needs and interests of each student."

Outline:

1.       People tend to believe that the interest is the impetus for success, so when the education is designed to meet the individual needs and interests of each student, it will be very efficiency.
2.       However, this method of meeting different students’ education need will be ineffective considering some elements. Such as the interest could be easily changed that student can not persist and so forth.
3.       Provided that education adjusting to the individual needs and interests will be fully effective, is it the only way to make education effective? Apparently, it is not.

Education, from the very beginning only stress on the knowledge, to the very strong multi-educational system in today’s developed society, will be a hot issue forever. For the purpose of how can make education truly effective induce people’s debate. I can not completely stand on the side of speaker whose view is that only based on the individual needs and interests of each student can education be effective.

It is confirmed that interest is the impetus for success, so when the education is designed to meet the individual needs and interests of each student, the function of education will be very efficiency. Student can understand what they want to and do what they like to under the condition of education. As a result, some of students will get the accomplishment in some realms and devote themselves to the whole world. The Marie Curie, Einstein, Newton are the good examples who gave historical contributions to the whole human advancement from the source of interests.

However, I hold the opposed view when considering the age, background and characteristic of students. For most of us, the interest could be easily changed that students can not persist, that is to say, in this period of studying will be unvoid. Furthermore, for a primary or secondary student who is too young to make some suitable choices, so it will be a disadvantage for a student’s whole education experience. Set aside from the personnel element, from the social aspect this method is impractical in this modern society because of the problem of the finance and of human capital. Educators cannot afford an enormous energy and finance cost on each student, maybe they can meet some students’ interests and needs, but if each student’s need must be supplied, it is beyond the ability of educators and institutions of education.

I have to concede that the education is designed to meet the individual interests and needs of each student can be come true in future or even has manipulated in some nations, meanwhile, assumption that this method is effective truly, is it the only way to make education effective? Apparently, it is not. For example, some basis subjects regarded as compulsory courses regardless of the interests of individuals, they are equally effective. They are the milestone for a career, no matter who you are, you have to know the law, culture, and moral firstly. As is known to all, hardly person has very deeply interest in something when he or she is born, interest can be directed by education, social and family environment, and a national cultural. Hence, some compulsory courses can be accepted by broad students. Most of all, studying the same courses can create the competitive phenomenon among students, this can spawn the efficiency of education.

In sum, the education will be effective when it is designed to meet the individual needs and interests of each student. Nevertheless, the education is not merely to judge which method has to be adopted, but the process which needs a group of methods assembly to fulfill the mission of education.

dayu_jinUID: 2286741

Education, from the very beginning only stress on the knowledge, to the very strong multi-educational system in today’s developed society, will be a hot issue forever. For the purpose of how can make education truly effective induce people’s debate.（主语好像没吧） I can not completely stand on the side of speaker whose view is that only based on the individual needs and interests of each student can education be effective.

It is confirmed that interest is the impetus（好词） for success, so when the education is designed to meet the individual needs and interests of each student, the function of education will be very efficiency. Student can understand what they want （to） and （do） what they like （to） under the condition of education. As a result, some of students will get the accomplishment in some realms and devote themselves to the whole world. The Marie Curie, Einstein, Newton are the good examples who gave historical contributions to the whole human advancement from the source of interests.（例子最好能展开说明）

However, I hold the opposed view when considering the age, background and characteristic（s） of students. For most of us, （the） interest could be easily changed that students can not persist, that is to say, in this period （of） studying will be unvoid（理由好像有些不是很充分）. Furthermore, for a primary or secondary student who is too young to make some suitable choices, （so） it will be a disadvantage for a student’s whole education experience. Set aside from the personnel element, from the social aspect this method(which method?) is impractical in this modern society because of the problem of the finance and (of) human capital(resources). Educators cannot afford an enormous energy and finance cost on each student, maybe they can meet some students’ interests and needs, but if each student’s need must be supplied, it is beyond the ability of educators and institutions of education.（这句子太长了，可以分开说明however to meet each student’s need is surely beyond the ability of educators and educational institutions)

I have to concede that the education (is) designed to meet the individual interests and needs (of each student) can (become) true in future or even has manipulated（不恰当） in some nations, meanwhile, assumption(assuming) that this method is effective truly, is it the only way to make education effective? Apparently, it is not. For example, some basis subjects regarded as compulsory courses regardless of the interests of individuals（没有谓语）, they are equally effective. They are the milestone（不恰当） for a career, no matter who you are, you have to know the law, culture, and moral firstly. As is known to all, hardly(few) person has (very deeply) interest in something when he or she is born, interest can be directed by education, social and family environment, and a national cultural.（好像上下句脱节了，不懂想表达什么意思） Hence, some compulsory courses can be accepted by broad students. Most of all, studying the same courses can create the competitive phenomenon among students, this can spawn the efficiency of education.

In sum, the education will be effective when it is designed to meet the individual needs and interests of each student. Nevertheless, the education is not merely to judge which method has to be adopted, but the process which needs a group of methods assembly to fulfill the mission of education.

整体思路不错，但表达上还欠缺，我感觉。
语法错误有些多……个别句子不明白说了什么。
可能写的匆忙了点吧，多注意表达哦！

看看我的吧，你楼上的：）

http://bbs.gter.ce.cn/bbs/thread-604074-1-1.html

[ 本帖最后由 dayu_jin 于 2007-2-5 23:16 编辑 ]

nujnujoahzUID: 2287893

wonderfullname 13
issue51 同主题写作 恳请多多指教


Issue51 "Education will be truly effective only when it is specifically designed to meet the individual needs and interests of each student."

Outline:

1.       People tend to believe that the interest is the impetus for success, so when the education is designed to meet the individual needs and interests of each student, it will be very efficiency.
2.       However, this method of meeting different students’ education need will be ineffective considering some elements. Such as the interest could be easily changed that student can not persist and so forth.（这个例子8错）
3.       Provided that education adjusting to the individual needs and interests will be fully effective, is it the only way to make education effective? Apparently, it is not.

Education, from the very beginning only stress on the knowledge, to the very strong multi-educational system in today’s developed society, will be a hot issue forever. For（for去掉） the purpose of how can make education truly effective induce（感觉用arouse比较好） people’s debate. I can not completely stand on the side of speaker whose view is that only based on the individual needs and interests of each student can education be effective.

It is confirmed that interest is the impetus for success, so when the education is designed to meet the individual needs and interests of each student, the function of education will be very efficiency. Student can understand what they want to and do what they like to under the condition of education. As a result, some of students will get the accomplishment in some realms and devote themselves to the whole world. The（去掉）Marie Curie, Einstein, Newton are the good examples who gave historical contributions to the whole human’s advancement from the source of interests.

However, I hold the opposed view when considering the age, background and characteristic of students. For most of us, the interest could be easily changed that students can not persist, that is to say, in this period of studying will be unvoid. Furthermore, for a primary or secondary student who is too young to make some suitable choices, so(去掉) it will be a disadvantage for a student’s whole education experience. Set aside from（这个 from不用加这吧）the personnel element, from the social aspect this method is impractical in this modern society because of the problem of the finance and of human capital. Educators cannot afford an enormous energy and finance cost on each student, maybe they can meet some students’ interests and needs, but if each student’s need must be supplied, it is beyond the ability of educators and institutions of education.

I have to concede that the education is designed to meet the individual interests and needs of each student can be come true in future or even（some educators） has manipulated in some nations, meanwhile, assumption(suppose, providing) that this method is effective truly, is it the only way to make education effective? Apparently, it is not. For example, some basis subjects regarded as compulsory courses regardless of the interests of individuals, they are equally effective. They are the milestone for a career, no matter who you are, you have to know the law, culture, and moral firstly. As is known to all, hardly(改成no或者把这个hardly放在has前面) person has very deeply（deep） interest in something when he or she is born, interest can be directed by education, social and family environment, and a national cultural. Hence, some compulsory courses can be accepted by broad students. Most of all, studying the same courses can create the competitive(产生竞争是个不错的例子) phenomenon among students, this can spawn the efficiency of education.
（这段说，还有别的方法使得教育更加有效率，有点跑题，题目是说针对每个人的教育才有效率，就应该对这个题目评论）（这个部分要是在阿狗里面是好用的）
In sum, the education will be effective when it is designed to meet the individual needs and interests of each student. Nevertheless, the education is not merely to judge which method has to be adopted, but the process which needs a group of methods assembly（together） to fulfill the mission of education.
兰色的是用的很贴切的词句
优点：1.例子举的都不错，很能说明问题

缺点：1。用词上，有些地方还不够地道，有些地方表达还需要更简练一些


看看我的吧:
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthread.php?tid=605026&extra=page%3D1

[ 本帖最后由 nujnujoahz 于 2007-2-21 14:28 编辑 ]