Argument145 同主题 有拍必回

wwltlUID: 2156586

Argument145
A new study collected data that shows that people who snore are more likely to gain weight than are people who do not snore. It is well known that many people who snore also stop breathing frequently during the night for a few seconds, a condition called sleep apnea. The interruption of breathing wakes the person—often so briefly that the waking goes unnoticed—and can leave the person too tired during the day to exercise. Anyone who snores, therefore, should try to eat less than the average person and to exercise more.

1、研究不可信。因为是新近研究，没有机会得到太多验证。且信息太少，不能判断是否可信
2、觉得累不一定就会减少活动量
3、没有考虑每个人具体的生理状况，盲目节食和运动反而可能危害健康。

The author's suggestion to all people who snores, which is to eat less and exercise more, can not be proved reasonable. We find the evidence he cites, which is a study result, fails to demonstrate all the individuals who snores need to lose their weight. Moreover the deduction from the fact, which is the interruption of breathing in sleeping, to the conclusion, which is eating less and exercising more will help those people, seems to be illogical.

First of all, the study result cannot prove all of the people who snore need to work harder on their weight than the one who do not snore. What the study indicates is nothing but a possibility. As the author says, this study is new. That mean it has not be supported by lots of other studies, and its result has not been given enough practices and times to be confirmed. As we all know, a study concerning human's health usually needs lots of deep research to warrant its reliability, because our bodies involve complicated biochemistry process. Additionally, the argument provide no detailed information about how the study was conducted, who run it, how many people and what kind of people participate in it. Such information is very important for readers to tell the result is reliable or not. If the organization who conducted the study is not qualified enough, or if few people took part in, I am afraid the suggestion based on such study can not be trusted, especially when the issue involves our health.

Secondly, being tired does not equal to getting fat. The author holds a wrong assumption that if people feel tired, they must exercise less than they need and consequently become over-weight. He fails to recognize that these people could have enough physical exercise and eat healthily already, and consequently they do not have more chance than average person to get fat. When waking up, people are not entirely controlled by feeling tired or not, they still can make wise decisions on their own. If they are ambitious, they will still choose to work very hard, instead of sitting in couch. If they are professional sportsmen, they must have already exercised a lot. To suggest such people exercise more and eat less is not necessary, and probably will make them lack of energy and harm their health. Or maybe some people though snore and feel tired, they are very careful about their health. They eat vegetables, fishes, some cereals instead of red meat, fried chicken or deserts. If their bodies are basically in good condition, more exercise or less food will not be smart change.

Last but not least, some people's specific health condition might not permit them to follow the author's suggestion. The author seems forget that both eating less and exercising more could make some individuals sick. For example, to these suffering from anemia or malnutrition, eating less will only induce a worse physical condition. And to people who have some serious heart diseases, exercising more will not improve their health but jeopardize their lives. Even though the author's purpose is good, he should realize that people who snore not always have same physical condition.

To sum up, we can not trust conclusion in the argument without knowing further information and solid evidence. The author should at least provide evidence to prove the study is reliable. Even though it is, people should not reduce what they eat and exercise more without understanding their body condition. The smart thing to do is to make a scientific plan after consulting doctors.

jennie1221UID: 2262439

The author's suggestion to all people who snores, which is to eat less and exercise more, can not be proved reasonable. We find the evidence he cites, which is a study result, fails to demonstrate all the individuals who snores need to lose their weight. Moreover the deduction from the fact, which is the interruption of breathing in sleeping, to the conclusion, which is eating less and exercising more will help those people, seems to be illogical. (该段定语从句which is 使用过于频繁,应注意句式的多样性,建议使用一些同位语从句)

First of all, the study result cannot prove all of the people who snore need to work harder on(是否应该改成for) their weight than the one who do not snore. What the study indicates is nothing but a possibility. As the author says, this study is new. That mean (means) it has not be (been) supported by lots of other studies, and its result has not been given enough practices and times to be confirmed. As we all know, a study concerning human's health usually needs lots of deep research to warrant its reliability, because our bodies involve complicated biochemistry process. Additionally, the argument provide no detailed information about how the study was conducted, who run (ran) it, how many people and what kind of people participate(participated) in it(一句话里时态应保持一致,除非虚拟语气). Such information is very important for readers to tell the result is reliable or not. If the organization who conducted the study is not qualified enough, or if few people took part in, I am afraid the suggestion based on such study can not be trusted, especially when the issue involves (involved) our health.

Secondly, being tired does not equal to getting fat. The author holds a wrong assumption that if people feel tired, they must exercise less than they need and consequently become over-weight. He fails to recognize that these people could have enough physical exercise and eat healthily already(是否应用在完成时上?), and consequently they do not have more chance than average person to get fat. When waking up, people are not entirely controlled by feeling tired or not, they still can make wise decisions on their own. (feel tired 不是在醒来的时候,这句话看起来很别扭,是否有中式英语的味道) If they are ambitious, they will still choose to work very hard, instead of sitting in couch. If they are professional sportsmen, they must have already exercised a lot. To suggest such people exercise more and eat less is not necessary, and probably will make them lack of energy and harm their health. Or maybe some people though snore and feel tired, they are very careful about their health. They eat vegetables, fishes, some cereals instead of red meat, fried chicken or deserts. If their bodies are basically in good condition, more exercise or less food will not be smart change.

Last but not least, some people's specific health condition might not permit them to follow the author's suggestion. The author seems forget that both eating less and exercising more could make some individuals sick. For example, to these suffering from anemia or malnutrition, eating less will only induce a worse physical condition. And to people who have some serious heart diseases, exercising more will not improve their health but jeopardize their lives. Even though the author's purpose is good, he should realize that people who snore not always have same physical condition.

To sum up, we can not trust conclusion in the argument without knowing further information and solid evidence. The author should at least provide evidence to prove the study is reliable??. Even though it is, people should not reduce what they eat and exercise more without understanding their body condition. The smart thing to do is to make a scientific plan after consulting doctors.

1.        这篇文章有点没切中要害,没有按照错误重要性安排:survey其实是一个事实,而不是推理过程,argument重在对reasoning的过程进行驳斥,所以应该先对其推理过程中的漏洞进行批判,而像survey,study等的不确定性放在后面,除非argument本身就是一次survey.
2.        文章感觉起来有点中式英语的味道.很多地方有明显的不应该错的语法错误,应在行文中尽量避免.
3.        句式和用词虽说不像issue要求那么严格,但在练习的时候应该也要注意,这样也可以提高issue的写作水平.
4.        不过本人是一菜鸟,也许意见不妥,见谅!

wwltlUID: 2156586

多谢建议啊
其实你说的那个survey的问题我也知道的，当时写这一篇的时候我也有感觉的。
句式上，因为现在有点着急提高速度所以没有太注意
另外，文中的feel tired 倒真的不是中式英语，不过倒不是太书面，呵呵，经常在看美剧的时候听到他们说。

jennie1221UID: 2262439

不知道你何时考作文?

我说的中式英语不是feel tired的这个短语.是指when waking up那句.你的意思我能明白,就是说那些打鼾的人不会想自己到底累不累,而是会把经历放在其它更有意义的事情上面.即使不作运动也不会长胖了.是这个意思吗?其实从这句开始的论证跟你段落的主题有点偏离,现在文章第二段给我的总体感觉就是他们在醒着的时候可能会做很多decision,如果能改成他们在白天的工作里有多辛苦的做事情可能会更好一点.而且题目里面的exercise不是广义的exercise,它不包括白天所做的工作,而是狭义的exercise,就是运动.

之所以给我中式英语的感觉,其实也不光是在那句话上,还有"being tired does not equal to getting fat."其实两者本来就不相等.只能说前者不能导致后者,可能还有点口语的意味在里面.还有本段中的smart change不知道是什么意思,是不是改成smart alternative会好一点.也不知道我理解对没有.

wwltlUID: 2156586

嗯，明白你的意思啦
你说得很对，我在语言上真是还有很多要努力的，总是偷懒，不想背。
不知道你在语言方面提高有什么技巧吗？我觉得你的文章语言很让我佩服啊。

考作文的时间原定是3.1号，现在想推迟到3月中下旬，因为NEEA放假初八才上班，我得等到初八才能办手续。而且，初八是我能办更改的最后一天，所以，到初八大概我才能确定啊。

[ 本帖最后由 wwltl 于 2007-2-19 17:23 编辑 ]