issue30 555字，回拍给链接！！

qwerty_123UID: 201741

"The primary goal of technological advancement should be to increase people's efficiency so that everyone has more leisure time."


Does everyone have more leisure time as the primary goal of technological advancement should be to increase people's efficiency? At first glance, this opinion seems convincing, however, further reflection tells us that I cannot agree with it for the following reasons: first, people's operating technology should be increase with the increasing of technology, and it takes people more time to study and understand the new technology; second, the more and more people lose job with the technological advancement, and the competitions of employment between people are more and more intense, third, admittedly, the technological advancement increase work efficiency and decrease the time of people's work.


In the first place, to follow the step of technological advancement, people, to some extent, may offer more time to learn and understand the new technology. Admittedly, the work time may be decrease for technological advancement, however, the time of studying new technology is more than the time that the technological advancement decreases. Consider the computer, for instance, before the present of computer, the efficiency of people's work may be not high, people work 8 hours one day. However, after the present of computer, to following the new technological advancement, people must learn more and more knowledge about computer. People, now, work 8 hours one day, but he should pay more time for learning new knowledge about computer, such as new programming technology, new electronic technology, etc.. People, now, have less leisure time than before. The instance tells us that technological advancement does not make people more leisure, but increase the efficiency of people's work.   


In the second, to be employment, more and more people should learn more knowledge because of the high efficiency as technological advancement. Common sense tells us that more and more people lose job for the technological advancement. The unemployment the competition of employment is more and more intense with the technological advancement，and people should learn new technology to be employment. It takes people much time to study new knowledge. For example, long time ago, people may not live well, but everyone has job, at least work on farm. However, with the technological advancement, it does not need so many peoples work on farm. The people know the new technology work on farm. The others lose job. If he wants to be employment, he should learn new technology. It follows that, to be employment, people work more time than before.


In the third place, admittedly, the technological advancement increase work efficiency and decrease the time of people's work. For instance, to manufacture a car, 20 years ago, it may takes 10 minutes, but now, it takes 2 minutes in China for the technological advancement. Similarly, to plant corn in an area of one square kilometer, 20 years ago, it need ten peoples, now, it just only 2 peoples. The two instances indicate that technological advancement decrease the time of work.


In sum, from what we have discussed, we may finally draw the conclusion that, it takes people much time to learn new technology and knowledge to follow the step of technological advancement. Admittedly, the technological advancement increases the work efficiency and decrease the time of people's work. However, the time to learn new technology is more that the time the advancing of technology decreases. It follows that, people dose not have more leisure time.

[ Last edited by staralways on 2005-7-12 at 09:46 ]

papayasunUID: 168355

通篇看下来我的感觉是你把科技进步带来的负面效果说得太多了。

我的看法是这样的。题目说的科技进步的首要目标是提高工作效率，这半句是对的。只是它所引出的提高工作效率的目的又是为了获得更多的休闲时间这个结论是不正确的。

诚然有负面效果，但是科技进步总归是不可逆的趋势以及人类进步的主流。但是只在倒数第二段用几句话稍微说了一下。我觉得有点不够。

按照你的观点我觉得应该是
第二段先谈谈 科技进步给我们带来效率提升，然后节省时间，以及一些科技进步的好处。 接着 三四段 在论述效率提升并没有给我们带来 休闲时间的增多

你觉得如何呢？

很凑巧我也写了 ISSUE30  你也帮我看看吧 互相进步 嘿嘿:p

https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... ge=1&highlight=

[ Last edited by papayasun on 2005-7-12 at 13:38 ]

runningpiggyUID: 194977

帮小哀忙的。。。。。。占个座。。。。晚上回来改。。。

AlexandraUID: 185174

"The primary goal of technological advancement should be to increase people's efficiency so that everyone has more leisure time."


Does everyone have more leisure time as the primary goal of technological advancement should be to increase people's efficiency[/color][去掉吧？]　?
[我感觉这句话,不好.我想改为: Whether everyone having more leisure time is the primary goal of technological advancement or not?]
At first glance, this opinion seems convincing, however, further reflection tells us that I cannot agree with it for the following reasons:
［我想改为：The opinion seems convincing at first glance, however, it can hardly satisfy me after farther reflection. I follow the reasons that :］
first, people's operating technology should be increase with the increasing of technology, and it takes people more time to study and understand the new technology; second, the more and more people lose job with the technological advancement, and the competitions of employment between people are more and more intense, third, admittedly, the technological advancement increase work efficiency and decrease the time of people's work.　［我不赞同］[/color]［这是不是与你自己的观点矛盾？］

In the first place, to follow the step of technological advancement, people, to some extent, may offer more time to learn and understand the new technology. Admittedly, the work time may be decrease for technological advancement[/color]［我认为改为＂在这些过程中＂意思会更明白］， however, the time of studying new technology is more than the time that the technological advancement decreases. （１）　Consider 　［Considering］the computer, for instance, before the present of computer [换个位置怎样？], the efficiency of people's work 　［换个词，怎样？］may be not high, people work 8 hours one day　［用per day怎样？］. However, after the present of computer　（电脑普及之后吧？after the popularity of computer）, to following the new technological advancement, people must learn more and more knowledge about computer. People, now, [also]work 8 hours one day, but he should pay more [/color][extra]time for learning new knowledge about computer(2), such as new programming technology, new electronic technology, etc.. People, now, have less leisure time than before (3). The instance tells us that technological advancement does not make people more leisure, but increase the efficiency of people's work.   　(是不是与你的意思，矛盾了？)
Ｂ１：我建议你以后刻意的练练长句，这样以后有利于你对句子的操纵．
　　　在（１）中，我不赞同你的看法．在追求工业的进步中，是有很多人为此付出了很多，甚至一生．但是后人确实享受了工业进步带来的便携．
　　　　（２）中，花很多时间来学习使用电脑，也是为了在以后工作中提高效率啊．而且，也是一个短期投入啊．尽管电脑时代不断得更新换代，从某种意义上来说，他们学的东西，能够满足他们的需要，在他们的＂时代＂．
　　　　（３）从表面上看，他们在没有电脑的时代，每天工作８个小时，但是，确实存在从事某些职业的很多人在下班后自己加班加点地才完成工作．　电脑带来的高效率，大家是有目共睹的．
In the second, to be employment, more and more people should learn more knowledge because of the high efficiency as technological advancement. Common sense tells us that more and more people lose job for the technological advancement. The unemployment the competition of employment is more and more intense with the technological advancement　［　语法错误吧？］，and people should learn new technology to be employment[/color]［这句话，我也怀疑它的正确性耶:L］. It takes people much time to study new knowledge. For example, long time ago, people may not live well, but everyone has job, at least work on farm. However, with the technological advancement, it does not need so many peoples work on farm. 　［太绝对了吧？　照你这样说，现在失业的人，也有工作啊－－在家务农啊．:lol］The people know the new technology work on farm. The others lose job. If he wants to be employment, he should learn new technology. It follows that, to be employment, people work more time than before.
Ｂ２：　用on farm　的人们做例子，不妥吧？　角度是不是太小？　如果用farm为背景，那用机器代替手工，人们的leisure time，不是多了吗？那不是有时间享受生活了？？

　　　对这一段，我不赞同你的观点．太一边倒了．－－个人意见哦:)


In the third place, admittedly, the technological advancement increase work efficiency and decrease the time of people's work. For instance, to manufacture a car, 20 years ago, it may takes 10 minutes, but now, it takes 2 minutes in China for the technological advancement. Similarly, to plant corn in an area of one square kilometer, 20 years ago, it need ten peoples, now, it just only 2 peoples. The two instances indicate that technological advancement decrease the time of work.
Ｂ３，我觉得从你在首段的概括来看，与你在最前面所说的　＂不同意＂，很矛盾啊．


In sum, from what we have discussed, we may finally draw the conclusion that, it takes people much time to learn new technology and knowledge to follow the step of technological advancement. Admittedly, the technological advancement increases the work efficiency and decrease the time of people's work. However, the time to learn new technology is more that the time the advancing of technology decreases. It follows that, people dose not have more leisure time.
我对这篇ＩＳＳＵＥ的观点是：　
（１，伴随着一次又一次的工业革命，机器逐渐代替人类的手工劳动，确实能使人类工作的效率提高，让人们摆脱了很多苦恼，有了更多的时间来　享受生活．
（２，但是工业的进步的主要目的，不是为了让人们有leisure time．
（３，工业的进步，也给人们带来很多负面影响，比如，失业，生活节奏太快等等．
我只是略想了一下．
欢迎大家批评我的观点．

AlexandraUID: 185174

不好意思啊，明明，我的颜色　还是没有加好啊，
不知道什么地方弄错了，怎么都变成蓝的了．．．．．？？？？／

kindeeUID: 2111241

Alexandra 好仔细阿,得好好学习!

abigredUID: 154473

Does everyone have more leisure time as the primary goal of technological advancement should be to increase people's efficiency? At first glance, this opinion seems convincing, however, further reflection 有问题这句话with it for the following reasons: first, people's operating technology should be increase with the increasing（两个increase在一句话有点别扭） of technology, and it takes people more time to study and understand the new technology; second, the（去掉） more and more(换成growing number 与后面的more and more不同) people lose jobs with the technological advancement, and the competitions of employment between people are more and more intense, third, admittedly, the technological advancement increase work efficiency and decrease the time of people's work.


In the first place, to follow the step of technological advancement, people, to some extent, may offer more time to learn and understand the new technology. Admittedly, the work time（hours 可能更恰当） may be去掉 decrease for technological advancement,（是句号吧？） however, the time of studying new technology is more than the time that the technological advancement decreases.（觉得换成这样更好：the time spent on studying the new technology might be more than that saved than higher efficiency，个人意见） Consider the computer, for instance, before the present of computer, the efficiency of people's work may be not high, people work 8 hours one day（有语法错误）. However, after the present of computer, to following（有语法错误）. the new technological advancement, people must learn more and more knowledge about computer. People, now, work 8 hours one day, but he should pay more time for learning new knowledge about computer, such as new programming technology, new electronic technology, etc.. People, now, have less leisure time than before. The instance tells us that technological advancement does not make people more leisure, but increase the efficiency of people's work.   （这段论述好像有点累赘了，反复在强调的样子）


In the second, to be employment (employed), more and more people should learn more knowledge because of the high efficiency as technological advancement. Common sense tells us that more and more people lose job for the technological advancement. The unemployment the competition of employment is more and more intense with the technological advancement，and people should learn new technology to be employment. It takes people much time to study new knowledge. For example, long time ago, people may not live well, but everyone has job, at least work on farm. However, with the technological advancement, it does not need so many peoples work on farm. The people know the new technology work on farm. The others lose job. If he wants to be employment, he should learn new technology. It follows that, to be employment（employed或者换成to get the job）, people work more time than before.(太多more 了！)


In the third place,(可以不用这句了吧？) admittedly, the technological advancement increase work efficiency and decrease the time of people's work. For instance, to manufacture a car, 20 years ago, it may takes 10 minutes, but now, it takes 2 minutes in China for the technological advancement. Similarly, to plant corn in an area of one square kilometer, 20 years ago, it need ten peoples, now, it just only 2 peoples. The two instances indicate that technological advancement decrease the time of work.


In sum, from what we have discussed, we may finally draw the conclusion that, it takes people much time to learn new technology and knowledge to follow the step of technological advancement. Admittedly, the technological advancement increases the work efficiency and decrease the time of people's work. However, the time to learn new technology is more that the time the advancing of technology decreases. It follows that, people dose not have more leisure time.

[ Last edited by abigred on 2005-7-12 at 22:42 ]

runningpiggyUID: 194977

Does everyone have more leisure time as the primary goal of technological advancement should be to increase people's efficiency?[这么restate真的不好.....而且别为了回答而提问......] At first glance, this opinion seems convincing, however, further reflection tells us that I cannot agree with it for the following reasons: first, people's operating technology should be increase[过去分词阿同学.....] with the increasing of technology, and it takes people more time to study and understand the new technology; second, the[多余的the] more and more people lose job with the technological advancement, and the competitions of employment between people are more and more intense, third, admittedly, the technological advancement increase work efficiency and decrease the time of people's work.[这样的开头有点搞笑....没必要这么写......这里把每段的TS句都弄出来了......而实际上......开头只需阐明自己的观点就好.......这么写只能是做无用功.....]

In the first place, [加个in order在前面会更好.....不然会有点confusing.....]to follow the step of technological advancement, people, to some extent, may offer more time to learn and understand the new technology. Admittedly, the work time may be[多余的be] decrease for[for后面是跟从句的.....要不就改成due to或者because of好了......] technological advancement, however, the time of studying new technology is more than the time that the technological advancement decreases. Consider the computer,[太chinglish了.....而且既然后面说for instance.....这句话就显得很多余.....] for instance, before the present[invent吧.....] of computer, the efficiency of people's work may be not high,[很次的用法.....people lack efficiency就好了....] people work 8 hours one day. However, after the present of computer, to following the new technological advancement, people must learn more and more knowledge about computer. People, now, work 8 hours one day, but he should pay more time for learning new knowledge about computer, such as new programming technology, new electronic technology, etc.. People, now, have less leisure time than before. The instance tells us that technological advancement does not make people more leisure, but increase the efficiency of people's work.[应该说.....例子很一般......举了等于没举......跟前面说的东西没什么区别......整段而言......楼主并没有很好的证明分论点......既然想说科技的发展令人们要花更多的时间去学习新东西.....那就把重点放在这两者之间的必然性......正面说明这段里够多的了.....但是楼主有没想过从反面去说说.......如果人们不花时间去学习新东西会怎样......学了又会怎样......花时间去学东西是为了什么.......为什么一定要这么去做......不要一股脑的就重复自己的论点......]


In the second[怎么place也省掉了.....], to be employment[for the employment], more and more people should learn more knowledge because of the high efficiency as technological advancement.[没觉得这论点跟上一段有什么不同......] Common sense tells us that more and more[这more and more用的太多了吧......不如换个说法吧] people lose job for the technological advancement.[common sense怎么告诉我们这个东西的.....这么写太勉强了吧......] The unemployment[这里是怎么回事.....搞不清楚....] the competition of employment is more and more intense with the technological advancement, and people should learn new technology to be employment.[employed] It takes people much time to study new knowledge. For example, long time ago, people may not live well, but everyone has job, at least work on farm. However, with the technological advancement, it does not need so many peoples work on farm. The people know the new technology work on farm. The others lose job. If he wants to be employment, he should learn new technology. It follows that, to be employment, people work more time than before.[说实话......这段里的语言太差了......好好总结提高一下吧.....论述过程我就不说了.......还是没说清楚问题......而且即使说清楚了....这语言也实在是不行......]

In the third place, admittedly, the technological advancement increase work efficiency and decrease the time of people's work. For instance, to manufacture a car, 20 years ago, it may takes 10 minutes, but now, it takes 2 minutes in China for the technological advancement. Similarly, to plant corn in an area of one square kilometer, 20 years ago, it need ten peoples, now, it just only 2 peoples. The two instances indicate that technological advancement decrease the time of work.[楼主认为这两个所谓的例子能说明问题么.....一看就像是编的......而且也缺乏足够的论证......只是堆放了两个例子在这......里面的一些语法错误我就懒得改了.....楼主自己应该能看出来....]


In sum, from what we have discussed, we may finally draw the conclusion that, it takes people much time to learn new technology and knowledge to follow the step of technological advancement. Admittedly, the technological advancement increases the work efficiency and decrease the time of people's work. However, the time to learn new technology is more that the time the advancing of technology decreases. It follows that, people dose not have more leisure time.[结尾就别推理了.....直接总结一下然后说个结论就好了.....]


[说了楼主别生气......这篇文章问题很多很多.....无论是逻辑.....结构.....还是句式....语法......需要加强的东西太多了.......我建议你先别急着写文章.......好好看看别人是怎么写得.......好好学习一下......然后总结一下文章的结构应该是怎样的......还要补充一下语言......无论是词语还是句型......好好努力吧......前途是光明的.......]