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"As Earth was being formed out of the collision of space rocks, the heat from those collisions and from the increasing gravitational energy of the planet made the entire planet molten, even the surface. Any water present would have evaporated and gone off into space. As the planet approached its current size, however, its gravitation became strong enough to hold gases and water vapor around it as an atmosphere. Because comets are largely ice made up of frozen water and gases, a comet striking Earth then would have vaporized. The resulting water vapor would have been retained in the atmosphere, eventually falling as rain on the cooled and solidified surface of Earth. Therefore, the water in Earth's oceans must have originated from comets."
<
对题目的分析: 我觉得在because的前面的论述都是事实部分,我们应接受全部. 真正的逻辑错误在后面. 对于: As the planet approached its current size, however, its gravitation became strong enough to hold gases and water vapor around it as an atmosphere.这句话可以说是作者既得的事实, 针对这样的情况, 作者做出如下猜测: the water might come from the striking of comets with earth. 我开始错误地认为: 既然上文已提到strong enough to hold the water… ,后面就不需要再推测了, 因为地球上已有water了. :(呵呵,本人理解能力有限!
>
The arguer's idea that the water in Earth's oceans must have originated from comets seems initially plausible according to the perfect theoretical physical model(结论准确!). However, none could record the actual process during which our earth formed and anything existed<existing> before human beings appeared. So any idea about our natural process is only a hypothesis which cannot be as the same as the natural way included<including> the argument above.(感觉写的有些像ISSUE,这些都是你自己加的内容吧!建议看一下[https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... type%26typeid%3D146]) In addition, the arguer's idea is in some extent paradoxical even as a hypothesis in some aspect follows:
Acknowledged that the Earth was being formed out of the collision of spaces rocks as fact, the arguer failed establish the cause<casual> relationship between increasing gravitational energy of the planet and the molten<melt> of the planet with<on> its surface. According to some basic physical knowledge---<又在加入你自己的知识了?>, the gravitational energy can only transfer to the kinetic energy during the occurring of the collision .Yet this kinetic energy may later transfer to the heat that may cause the moltening<melting>, but the arguer does not describe the process explicitly.
<有点偏离材料了!^_^>
Secondly, the arguer commits a paradoxical fallacy that he did not explain the source of the water presented which served as one of the constituent of the atmosphere before the comets' striking<作者在文中并未提到whether there was water on the earth before the comet’s striking> . If it is true that there was water before the comet's striking , the idea that the water in Earth's oceans must have originated from comet's cannot convince us<我觉得在AW中应该尽量避免用you,we等人称代词.而用one或her/he更好些!>. How we know the proportion of the water that from the comet and the Earth itself? Thus we can not obtain the conclusion that the water of the Earth's oceans originated from the comet completely or even mostly.(个人觉得这段正中ets的piont)
Thirdly, the reducing process of the kinetic energy and gravitational energy that was increasing has not been explicitly expounded. It is the prerequisite that the Earth cooled down and the water in gas would coagulate then the rain fell<感觉你在对其进行原理分析,而不是以材料为出发点>. In addition, the arguer treats the process of rain falling as a matter of the process of the ocean formed <forming of the ocean>without discuss the scale and time of the rain fall. We can not see any possibility of any rain fall that can form a new ocean in our time. So the arguer treats a lack of other possible process as constituting sufficient proof that the rain fall after a deduced comet's striking.<关于是否可以形成海洋我觉得不是很重要!>
Finally, what happened during that time is <only an>approximate hypothesis according to the discovery in <geography and geologic>?. We cannot get a conclusion of the origin of the water of the Earth's oceans in a hurry. (结尾是否写的有些仓促了?^_^)
小结:
1) 感觉你对某些词的理解和应用很熟练.看来你的语言功底是deep的!^_^
2) 强烈建议看我上面提到的帖子, 对issue与argu的区别要clear!
3) 另外也帮忙改一下我的啦!就是<<….>>的部分! 先道个谢了!呵呵!
<after retouching>
<<
The arguer's idea that the water in Earth's oceans must have originated from comets seems initially plausible according to the perfect theoretical physical model. However, after more consideration, I have found several flaws that make the speaker’s claim much unconvincing. (个人觉得开头点到为止,这里不是考试的重点!)
Firstly, the arguer commits a paradoxical fallacy that he did not explain whether the water had been existed before the comets' striking. It was much possible that water came out from chemical reactions happening on the earth’s molten surface with such high temperature as mentioned in the material by author. Further more, the water created before may gradually converged to large amount which later constitute the main part of water on earth. If it is true, the speaker’s claim that the water in Earth's oceans must have originated from comet is unconvincing.
Secondly, even if there was not water existing before the comet’s striking, the author’s assertion that comets were the only source of water on the earth is still open to question. There is one important uncertain factor which may leads to the total fallacy of author’s assumption----whether the condition in favor of the later vaporization of water resulting of the comet’s striking lasted for enough time. It is possible that after several thousand years, the earth’s condition changed drastically and the comets crashing onto earth were kept intact.
On the other hand, if assuming that the comets could have been vaporized, there is also another question that how about the volume or frequencies of such striking? Were they big enough to leave as much water as possible eventually leading to the formation of ocean? While the speaker tells nothing about this, his/her assertion pales when facing his/her own lacking of evidence.
In conclusion…………….
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[ Last edited by hustzwj on 2005-7-20 at 15:51 ] |
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