issue150 还是超时啊~~欢迎拍砖,一定回拍

monkeydryUID: 183691

Because of television and worldwide computer connections, people can now become familiar with a great many places that they have never visited. As a result, tourism will soon become obsolete.
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As the rapid development of information technology, people can now become more and more familiar with a great many places that they have never visited before. Some persons are worried that tourism will soon become obsolete and stagnant. However, I disagree with their unnecessary worries because I am convinced that the tourism will flourish with the help brought by television and worldwide computer connections, not to be replaced by them.
First of all, tourism gives people a kind of pleasure gained from heart, personal view and real touch, which are impossible to be replaced by the simple and boring information provided by the technology. Compare the feeling gained from the real Grate wall with the one from digital pictures, it is natural for us to choose to visit the real showplace because only in the very place where the scene locate, we can feel the historic smell emitted, view the beautiful prospect existed, and touch the real beauty presented by the nature. These feelings can only be provided by the real tourism, not by the digital one. In short, there is no possibility for the fictitious scene to replace the real scene.
Secondly, for the sake of technology, tourism will develop rapidly on the contrary. Just some years ago, it was such a difficult thing for persons to know the remote scene that many famous places can not attract more tourists. Through the introduction given by the television and internet, more and more persons find that there are many beautiful places around the world, and a great part of them will go to visit them. Just take Huanghe Building for example, 10 years ago the tourists visited the place were almost in China. However, currently the rate of foreign tourists in that place who basically know the place from internet according to a survey, has rise to 10 percent, and the absolute numbers of tourist also arrives at 80 thousand a year from 6 thousand before. This illustrates that technology promotes the development of tourism.
What is more, another factor that makes tourism flourish is the convenience in the tourism is also improved by the technology. People now can order the ticket on line instead of going to the station, and the helpful information about the key point of interest sought in the internet before will also help people save more time during their traveling. According to the statistics given by Chinese Tourism Bureau, 78 percents of tourists claim that they are satisfied about their tour than before because they can now gain more information by television and internet. Actually, the convenience brought by technology causes more and more people to go to the faraway places from their house.
Consequently, upon the critical analysis advocated and examples presented, we can arrive at the conclusion that as the development of television and computer connections, people will be more willing to go to the places they never visited, and tourism will become more and more flourishing.

superkiddUID: 2120413

Because of television and worldwide computer connections, people can now become familiar with a great many places that they have never visited. As a result, tourism will soon become obsolete.
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  As the rapid development of information technology, people can now become more and more familiar with a great many places that they have never visited before. Some persons are worried that tourism will soon become obsolete and stagnant. However, I disagree with their unnecessary worries because I am convinced that the tourism will flourish with the help brought by television and worldwide computer connections, not to be replaced by them.
  First of all, tourism gives people a kind of pleasure gained from heart, personal view and real touch, which are impossible to be replaced by the simple and boring information provided by the technology. Compare the feeling gained from the real Grate[Great] wall with the one from digital pictures, it is natural for us to choose to visit the real showplace because only in the very place where the scene locate, we can feel the historic smell emitted[很好的修辞], view the beautiful prospect existed, and touch the real beauty presented by the nature[不错的排比]. These feelings can only be provided by the real tourism, not by the digital one. In short, there is no possibility for the fictitious scene to replace the real scene.
  Secondly, for the sake of technology, tourism will develop rapidly on the contrary. Just some years ago, it was such a difficult thing for persons to know the remote scene that many famous places can not attract more tourists. Through the introduction given by the television and internet, more and more persons find that there are many beautiful places around the world, and a great part of them will go to visit them. Just take Huanghe Building for example, 10 years ago the tourists visited the place were almost in China. However, currently the rate of foreign tourists in that place who basically know the place from internet according to a survey, has rise to[by] 10 percent, and the absolute numbers of tourist also arrives at 80 thousand a year from 6 thousand before. This illustrates that technology promotes the development of tourism.
  What is more, another factor that makes tourism flourish is the convenience in the tourism is also improved by the technology. People now can order the ticket on line instead of going to the station, and the helpful information about the key point of interest sought in the internet before will also help people save more time during their traveling. According to the statistics given by Chinese Tourism Bureau, 78 percents of tourists claim that they are satisfied about their tour than before because they can now gain more information by television and internet. Actually, the convenience brought by technology causes more and more people to go to the faraway places from their house.
  Consequently, upon the critical analysis advocated and examples presented, we can arrive at the conclusion that as the development of television and computer connections, people will be more willing to go to the places they never visited, and tourism will become more and more flourishing.
  [文章段落清楚，文笔流畅，句型丰富，论据详实。不过，第一段既然煽情就可以再来狠一点，排比更长一点都不怕。还有，不知道楼主超时了多少啊？？]

superkiddUID: 2120413

哦，煽情是第二段，更正

Chloroplast923UID: 207486

As the rapid development of information technology, people can now become more and more familiar with a great many places that they have never visited before. Some persons[people] are worried that tourism will soon become obsolete and stagnant. However, I disagree with their unnecessary worries because I am convinced that the去掉 tourism will flourish with the help brought by television and worldwide computer connections, not to be replaced by them.
First of all, tourism gives people a kind of pleasure gained from heart, personal view and real touch, which are impossible to be replaced by the simple and boring information provided by the technology指代最好明确. Compare the feeling gained有这个搭配吗? from the real Grate wall with the one from digital pictures, it is natural[normal] for us to choose to visit the real showplace because only in the very place where the scene located搭配?, we can feel the historic smell emitted, view the beautiful prospect existed, and touch the real beauty presented by the nature长城是by the nature 的吗?. These feelings can only be provided by the real tourism, not by the digital one. In short, there is no possibility for the fictitious scene to replace the real scene.
Secondly, for the sake of这个词组是"为了", 你想用的是"因为"吧? technology, tourism will develop rapidly on the contrary. Just some years ago, it was such a difficult thing for persons to know the remote scene that many famous places can not attract more tourists. Through the introduction given by the television and internet, more and more persons[people] find that there are many beautiful places around the world, and a great part of them will go to visit them. Just take Huanghe Building for example, 10 years ago the tourists visited the place were almost in China. However, currently the rate of foreign tourists in that place who basically know the place from internet according to a survey, has rise to 10 percent, and the absolute numbers of tourist also arrives at 80 thousand a year from 6 thousand before. This illustrates that technology promotes the development of tourism.
What is more, another factor that makes tourism flourish is the convenience in the tourism is also improved by the technology. People now can order the ticket on line instead of going to the station, and the helpful information about the key point of interest sought in the internet before will also help people save more time during their traveling. According to the statistics given by Chinese Tourism Bureau, 78 percents of tourists claim that they are satisfied about their tour than before because they can now gain more information by television and internet. Actually, the convenience brought by technology causes more and more people to go to the faraway places from their house.
Consequently, upon the critical analysis advocated and examples presented, we can arrive at the conclusion that as the development of television and computer connections, people will be more willing to go to the places they never visited, and tourism will become more and more flourishing.


文章整体没什么问题.
继续努力!