Issue136 第14篇 虽然字数不少，可是例子举的不好，大家帮忙！

amanda1011UID：2106668

------摘要------
作者：寄托家园作文版普通用户     共用时间：40分2秒     614 words
从2005年7月4日22时41分到2005年7月4日23时40分


------题目------
The absence of choice is a circumstance that is very, very rare.


------正文------
Nowadays, we often hear some people complain that they have "no choice" for selecting. But in my view, I strongly agree with the claim above that the absence of choice is a circumstance that is very, very rare.

In the first place, we have the right and free will to make our choice in this democratic world. Any one could decide whether he/she would do or not do something. Also, there are so many choices around us. For example, when we go to the supermarket, we will find that even the biscuit would vary in so many brands. There are cookies coming from Italia or soda biscuits from Japanese. Almost every kind of commercial in the market would have more than one brand for us to choose. And we have freedom to pick our favorite one no matter where they are produced or how much they are. Furthermore, to some extent, it seems to be that the problem is not the absence of choice, but the more and more choices provided for us which would make us confused in choosing. When we stand before the product shelf in the supermarket, sometimes we would have no idea about which one is our best choice because there are too many for us to test one by one. So, in this sense, we would be compassed by those abundant choices rather than absence of them.

Secondly, people who claim that they have "no choice" may overlook the options which could also be considered as choices around us or be unwilling to make effort to find the choice. Take the same example stated above, when we step into the supermarket and find the only kind of biscuit put on the shelf is not the brand we want to buy; we may think that there is no choice for us. At this time, before we are disappointed of the absence of choice, do we think of that we could go to another store to look for our favorite one? Maybe sometimes we would be disinclined to go for a long distance to see whether we could find it or ignore the fact there are more than one store in the world.

Thirdly, another reason why people would claim so, in my point of view, is that people have no courage to make a choice. A friend of mine had complained to me that he had a tension with his wife and he was eager to end his marriage. However, for some reason, he had "no choice" but to maintain his unpleasant relationship. In some sense, he obviously had the right to choose his life. He could not pursue his choice because he may fear for the bad result after he made his decision.

Furthermore, as an old proverb says, weak men wait for opportunities and strong men create them. Granted that there is no choice, we could set up it for ourselves. For example, we want to change our jobs to some better ones, but we would find that there is no one we could choose because we have not enough capability to attain some new ones. In that case, the work which we must do is to improve ourselves and adapt to the new choice.

However, I have to concede that, there is some time when we have no choice. If we commit a crime and should be sentenced to death, we would have no choice because we must be responsible for we have done.

To sum up, the choice exists around us all the time. It is ourselves who have to find out it and take our courage to make decisions or we can also create choice for ourselves.

星星之火UID：2107154

Issue136 第14篇 虽然字数不少，可是例子举的不好，大家帮忙！

------摘要------
作者：寄托家园作文版普通用户     共用时间：40分2秒     614 words
从2005年7月4日22时41分到2005年7月4日23时40分


------题目------
The absence of choice is a circumstance that is very, very rare.


------正文------
Nowadays, we often hear some people complain that they have "no choice" for selecting. But in my view, I strongly agree with the claim above that the absence of choice is a circumstance that is very, very rare.（好简洁明了的开头啊，不过建议把原句改一下句式）
In the first place, we have the right and free will to make our choice in this democratic world. Any one could decide whether he/she would do or not do something. Also, there are so many choices around us. For example, when we go to the supermarket, we will find that even the biscuit would vary in so many brands. There are cookies coming from Italia or soda biscuits from Japanese. Almost every kind of commercial in the market would have more than one brand for us to choose. And we have freedom to pick our favorite one no matter where they are produced or how much they are（how much they are, 最好去掉，呵呵）. Furthermore, to some extent, it seems to be that the problem is not the absence of choice, but the more and more choices provided for us which would make us confused in choosing. When we stand before the product shelf in the supermarket, sometimes we would have no idea about which one is our best choice because there are too many for us to test one by one. So, in this sense, we would be compassed by those abundant choices rather than absence of them.（举例、描述都挺好的，建议再加几句说理引申的句子，是例子展现出来的是一般的规律，起到以小见大的效果。）Secondly, people who claim that they have "no choice" may overlook the options which could also be considered as choices around us or be unwilling to make effort to find the choice. Take the same example stated above, when we step into the supermarket and find the only kind of biscuit put on the shelf is not the brand we want to buy; we may think that there is no choice for us. At this time, before we are disappointed of the absence of choice, do we think of that we could go to another store to look for our favorite one? Maybe sometimes we would be disinclined to go for a long distance to see whether we could find it or ignore the fact there are more than one store in the world（ignore the fact that we may get it in some other stores.）（其实我觉得这样描述一个例子给人的感觉很清晰，挺好的，但最重要的是得从这个例子说明你的论点，我觉得最后还缺几句总结的话）
Thirdly, another reason why people would claim so, in my point of view, is that people have no courage to make a choice. A friend of mine had complained to me that he had a tension with his wife and he was eager to end his marriage. However, for some reason, he had "no choice" but to maintain his unpleasant relationship. In some sense, he obviously had the right to choose his life. He could not pursue his choice because he may fear for the bad result after he made his decision.（这一段举的例子有点不舒服，我想得一个例子是篮球比赛最后决定胜负时刻有些球员不敢投出制胜一球，不知合时吗，呵呵！还有就是总结句的问题，总结句好的话可以让文章添色不少的）
Furthermore, as an old proverb says, weak men wait for opportunities and strong men create them. Granted that there is no choice, we could set up it for ourselves. For example, we want to change our jobs to some better ones, but we would find that there is no one we could choose because we have not enough capability to attain some new ones. In that case, the work which we must do is to improve ourselves and adapt to the new choice. （这一段论点挺好的，学习ing, 但是感觉没有展开）However, I have to concede that, there is some time when we have no choice. If we commit a crime and should be sentenced to death, we would have no choice because we must be responsible for we have done.（这一段是多余的，其实作者的本意似乎是使文章逻辑更加完整，但在45分钟内不可能做到面面俱到，这个其实不必太在意，关键是把自己的论点讲清楚了就行，如果不能展开写的话，反而不如不写。像这一段我感觉是本文最大的瑕疵）
To sum up, the choice exists around us all the time. It is ourselves who have to find out it and take our courage to make decisions or we can also create choice for ourselves.

其实我感觉supermarket这个例子挺好的，挺通俗，也挺能说明问题,倒数第二段最好不要，倒数第三段再丰满一下，还有就是每段的总结句很重要，它是对论点的引申，如果没有的话就显得不是很完整。

说的不对的地方见谅，还有个问题挺想请教的，怎么能在这么短时间内写这么多字啊，我有时一句话就犹豫好长时间，一般写到500多一点就到点了。

有时间帮我也拍一下吧！多谢

https://bbs.gter.net/viewthread.php?tid=311974

ouymUID：2109118

------题目------
The absence of choice is a circumstance that is very, very rare.


------正文------
Nowadays, we often hear some people complain that they have "no choice" for selecting. But in my view, I strongly agree with the claim above that the absence of choice is a circumstance that is very, very rare.

In the first place, we have the right and free will to make our choice in this democratic world. Any one could decide whether he/she would do or not do something. Also, there are so many choices around us. For example, when we go to the supermarket, we will find that even the biscuit would vary in so many brands. There are cookies coming from Italia or soda biscuits from Japanese. Almost every kind of commercia(这是个形容词！commodity)l in the market would have more than one brand for us to choose. And we have freedom to pick(or buy?) our favorite one no matter where they are produced or how much they are. Furthermore, to some extent, it seems to be(是不是应该去掉to be?) that the problem is not the absence of choice, but the more and more choices provided for us which would make us confused in choosing. When we stand before the product shelf in the supermarket, sometimes we would have no idea about which one is our best choice because there are too many for us to test one by one. So, in this sense, we would be compassed by those abundant choices rather than absence of them.(挺好！)

Secondly, people who claim that they have "no choice" may overlook the options which could also be considered as choices around us（啥意思？去掉吧！） or be unwilling to make effort to find the choice. Take the same example stated above, when we step into the supermarket and find the only kind of biscuit put on the shelf is not the brand we want to buy; we may think that there is no choice for us. At this time, before we are disappointed of the absence of choice, do we think of that we could go to another store to look for our favorite one? Maybe sometimes we would be disinclined to go for a long distance to see whether we could find it or ignore the fact there are more than one store in the world. （挺好！以小见大，有点哲理的意味！）
Thirdly, another reason why people would claim so, in my point of view, is that people have no courage to make a choice. A friend of mine had complained to me that he had a tension with his wife and he was eager to end his marriage. However, for some reason, he had "no choice" but to maintain his unpleasant relationship. In some sense, he obviously had the right to choose his life. He could not pursue his choice because he may fear for the bad result after he made his decision.

Furthermore, as an old proverb says, weak men wait for opportunities and strong men create them. Granted that there is no choice, we could set up it for ourselves. For example, we want to change our jobs to some better ones, but we would find that there is no one we could choose because we have not enough capability to attain some new ones. In that case, the work which we must do is to improve ourselves and adapt to the new choice.

However, I have to concede that, there is some time（？） when we have no choice. If we commit a crime and should be sentenced to death, we would have no choice because we must be responsible for（what） we have done.（we still have some choices,for example,to deny what we had done, or to go backdoor, or to flee:lol开个玩笑！）（在字数不少的情况下，这段可有可无！）

To sum up, the choice exists around us all the time. It is ourselves who have to find out it （find it out）and take our courage to make decisions or we can also create choice for ourselves.(...to make decisions. And under some circumstance, we may even create choice for ourselves )

写的真好，若是限时完成，拿个5应该没问题吧！恭喜呀！

[ Last edited by ouym on 2005-8-6 at 03:15 ]

amanda1011UID：2106668

谢谢毛毛的鼓励，倒数第二段确实有点废话，也只是写的那刻有感而发，就随便写了几句，败笔，呵呵