argument216【kito组智恩的作业】

智恩UID: 2160717

Argument216（2005年2-9月总频21次）
The following appeared in a magazine article about planning for retirement.
"Because of its spectacular natural beauty and consistent climate, Clearview should be a top choice for anyone seeking a place to retire. As a bonus, housing costs in Clearview have fallen significantly during the past year, and real estate taxes remain lower than those in neighboring towns. Nevertheless, Clearview's mayor promises many new programs to improve schools, streets, and public services. Retirees in Clearview can also expect excellent health care as they grow older, since the number of physicians in the area is far greater than the national average."
【提纲】
1 no evidence is aviable to illustrate the spectacular natural beauty and consistent climate is the only factors considered by the retiring
people.【还考虑是否可供娱乐的场所，是否已经有老人在那里住下了引用已住老人的调查会更有说服力】
2 房价下降不代表房价低，基数是多少？而且不代表未来不会涨 地产税也是同样的道理 if真的房价低，那可能clearview的经济不太发达 social security criminal rate 作者忽视了其他city也有类似条件
3 改善学校、街道不是老人最关心的 这些和养老关系不大 承诺的新方案是否可行
4 the number of physicans can not illustrate the professional techniques’ level  
【正文】
The natural beauty and consistent climate, the fallen housing costs and low estate taxes and the mayor's new projects all exemplifies the recommendation of choosing Clearview as a place to retire. This argument is well-presented, but not well-reasoned.

First of all, no evidence is available to illustrate the spectacular natural beauty and consistent climate is the unique factors considered by people to choose a place to retire. The author fails to take account of other factors which may influence the choice of people, such as recreational  places, social security and so forth. Perhaps whether some retiring people have settled in Clearview might be a piece of significant information for choosing Clearview because old people are more concerned about if the peers would choose Clearview. Thus in order to cogently recommend Clearview the author needs to quote a satisfactory Clearview condition survey to demonstrate the correctness of choose it.

In addition, the author unfairly assumes that fallen housing cost is a symbol of low housing costs. The base of housing costs is unknown so the housing costs might be higher than other houses. Even if the house costs in Clearview is low and the estate taxes remain lower than the neighboring towns' houses, the author also neglects that there may be similar conditions in other cities. Otherwise, if the housing cost is indeed lower than the neighboring cities, there is an entire possibility that the economy of Clearview is under development. Although the economy level is not the most important fact the people concern, the undeveloped economy might have more social problems and high criminal rate, which make people absent of the sense of security. Without considering and ruling out such possibilities, the author's recommendation is untenable.

Besides the new programs to improve schools and streets contributes little support to the recommendation because the old people are not inclined to concern about such things. As is known to all, the retiring people tend to care the healthy community environment and medical service and so on. Moreover the author does not provide any evidence to guarantee the feasibility of such new projects and tell us the specific measures taken by the mayor. Thus this fact could not strengthen the author's recommendation.

Last but not the least, the number of physicians can not substantiate the professional techniques level of the local physicians and excellent health care. The author unfairly assumes the quantity could represent the quality. Whether the physicians are professional or not is determined by many factors. For example, whether the physician has a professional diploma and license and has abundant experience. Also except professional standards, the moral criterion is equally vital to an excellent doctor. Lacking of consideration of these facts, it is unreasonable to conclude that excellent health care is offered to the retirees in Clearview.

In summary, this recommendation is deficient in logic. Unless the author could provide more detailed evidence to substantiate the correctness of choose Clearview, such as the social security is warranted, the former residents are satisfied with the environment of Clearview, or it is difficult for people to accept his or her recommendation.

谢谢修改！    

11yaoyaoUID: 177037

The natural beauty and consistent climate, the fallen housing costs and low estate taxes and the mayor's new projects all exemplifies the recommendation of choosing Clearview as a place to retire. This argument is well-presented, but not well-reasoned.头一次见这样的开头，不错的尝试

First of all, no evidence is available to illustrate the spectacular natural beauty and consistent climate is theTHE是多余的 unique factors considered by people to choose a place to retire. The author fails to take account of other factors which may influence the choice of people, such as recreational  places, social security and so forth. Perhaps whether some retiring 这里似乎应该用过去分词吧？people have settled in Clearview might be a piece of significant information for choosing Clearview because old people are more 这里没有看到比较的概念，不如把MORE换做MUCH concerned about if the peers would choose Clearview. Thus in order to cogently recommend Clearview the author needs to quote a satisfactory Clearview condition 不如说NEEDS TO QUOTE“ A STISFACTORY CONDITION” SURVEY IN CLEARVIEW survey to demonstrate the correctness of choose it.

In addition, the author unfairly assumes that 要加THE fallen housing cost is a symbol of low housing costs. The base of housing costs is unknown so the housing costs might be higher than other houses.这样讲很不清楚，BASE指的是哪个的BASE，你要攻击的是那里？这句话含义不清，其实意思我们都明白，还是语言的问题 Even if the house要加ING的 costs in Clearview is low and the estate taxes remain lower than the neighboring towns'有关定语的语法，这句话不如说“THAN THE HOUSES IN NEIGHVORING TOWNS houses, the author also neglects that there may be similar conditions in other cities. Otherwise, if the housing cost is indeed lower than the neighboring cities, there is an entire ENTIRE似乎是不必要的 possibility that the economy of Clearview is under development. Although the economy level is not the most important fact FACTOR 似乎比FACT更合适这个语境，如果想换个词，找个FACTOR的同义词就好啦 the people concern有关CONCERN的用法，查查字典吧，这样可以换着用，它的用法可多了, the undeveloped economy might have more social problems and high criminal rate, which make people absent of the sense of security. Without considering and ruling out such possibilities, the author's recommendation is untenable.

Besides the new programs to improve schools and streets contributes 前面是复数，这里是不用第三人称单数的，马虎啦 little support to the recommendation because the old people are not inclined to concern about such things. As is known to all 我觉得这样的攻击不是很有力度，却不如说，the author does not provide us evidence that the retiring people tend to care little about the healthy community environment and…, the retiring people tend to care the healthy community environment and medical service and so on. Moreover the author does not provide any evidence to guarantee the feasibility of such new projects and tell us the specific measures taken by the mayor. Thus this fact could not strengthen the author's recommendation.

Last but not the least, the number of physicians can not substantiate the professional techniques level of the local physicians and excellent health care. The author unfairly assumes the quantity quantity of what to present quality? could represent the quality. Whether the physicians are professional or not is determined by many factors. For example, whether the physician has a professional diploma and license and has abundant experience. Also except professional standards, the moral criterion is equally vital to可以说the moral criterion is equally vital to judge whether a doctor is excellent or not an excellent doctor. Lacking of consideration of these facts, it is unreasonable to conclude that excellent health care is offered to the retirees in Clearview.

In summary, this recommendation is deficient in logic. Unless the author could provide more detailed evidence to substantiate the correctness of choose 介宾短语，çhoose要ING啦，又马虎了 Clearview, such assuch as 相当于一个介词，不能加句子 the social security is warranted, the former residents are satisfied with the environment of Clearview, or it is difficult for people to accept his or her recommendation.结尾显得不是很系统，如果把上面的错误分别总结，分1，2，3然后再提出修正意见是不是会显得更清晰一些？主要是，我觉得老外比较喜欢细节，只说一句this recommendation is deficient in logic实在不足说明问题，你把具体的错误都写出来，就比较有说服力了不是么？我的理解撒，你可以再想一下，呵呵。

[ 本帖最后由 11yaoyao 于 2006-1-25 14:21 编辑 ]

kito9695UID: 209685

11斑斑拍得好像详细啦，我偷懒撒，不拍你这篇了，just学习，嘿嘿~~;P

智恩UID: 2160717

太感谢yaoyao了，得到斑斑的指点真是收获不少啊

智恩UID: 2160717

Argument216（2005年2-9月总频21次）
The following appeared in a magazine article about planning for retirement.
"Because of its spectacular natural beauty and consistent climate, Clearview should be a top choice for anyone seeking a place to retire. As a bonus, housing costs in Clearview have fallen significantly during the past year, and real estate taxes remain lower than those in neighboring towns. Nevertheless, Clearview's mayor promises many new programs to improve schools, streets, and public services. Retirees in Clearview can also expect excellent health care as they grow older, since the number of physicians in the area is far greater than the national average."
【提纲】
1 no evidence is available to illustrate the spectacular natural beauty and consistent climate is the only factors considered by the retiring people. [还考虑是否可供娱乐的场所，是否已经有老人在那里住下了引用已住老人的调查会更有说服力]
2 房价下降不代表房价低，基数是多少？而且不代表未来不会涨 地产税也是同样的道理 if真的房价低，那可能clearview的经济不太发达 social security criminal rate 作者忽视了其他city也有类似条件
3 改善学校、街道不是老人最关心的 这些和养老关系不大 承诺的新方案是否可行
4 the number of physicians can not illustrate the professional techniques’ level  
【正文】[562]
The natural beauty and consistent climate, the fallen housing costs and low estate taxes and the mayor's new projects all exemplifies the recommendation of choosing Clearview as a place to retire. This argument is well-presented, but not well-reasoned.

First of all, no evidence is available to illustrate the spectacular natural beauty and consistent climate is the unique factors considered by people to choose a place to retire. The author fails to take account of other factors which may influence the choice of people, such as recreational place, social security and so forth. Perhaps whether some retired people have settled in Clearview might be a piece of significant information for choosing Clearview because old people are much concerned about if the peers would choose Clearview. Thus in order to cogently recommend, Clearview the author needs to quote “a satisfactory condition” survey in Clearview to demonstrate the correctness of choosing it.

In addition, the author unfairly assumes that the fallen housing cost is a symbol of low housing costs. The base of housing costs in Clearview is unknown so the housing costs might be higher than other houses. Even if the housing costs in Clearview is low and the estate taxes remain lower than the houses in the   neighboring towns, the author also neglects that there may be similar conditions in other cities. Otherwise, if the housing cost is indeed lower than the neighboring cities, there is an entire possibility that the economy of Clearview is under development. Although the economy level is not the most important factor the people concern the undeveloped economy might have more social problems and high criminal rate, which make people absent of the sense of security. Without considering and ruling out such possibilities, the author's recommendation is untenable.

Besides, the new programs to improve schools and streets contribute little to the recommendation because the old people are not inclined to concern about such things. The author provides no evidence that the retired people tend to care little about the healthy community, the medical service and so forth. Moreover the author does not provide any evidence to guarantee the feasibility of such new projects and tell us the specific measures taken by the mayor. Thus this fact could not strengthen the author's recommendation.

Last but not the least, the number of physicians can not substantiate the professional techniques level of the local physicians and excellent health care. The author unfairly assumes the quantity of physicians could represent the quality of medical techniques. Whether the physicians are professional or not is determined by many factors. For example, whether the physician has a professional diploma and license and has abundant experience. Also except professional standards, the moral criterion is equally vital to judge whether a doctor is excellent or not. Lacking of consideration of these facts, it is unreasonable to conclude that excellent health care is offered to the retirees in Clearview.

In summary, this argument is logically flawed in a number of respects. To strengthen it, the author must provide the following information: 1 the spectacular natural beauty and consistent weather is the most significant factor the retired people consider; 2 the housing costs in Clearview is indeed reasonable and the statistics about the crime rate in recent years in order to guarantee the social security in Clearview; 3 the health condition and medical services are beneficial for the retiree.