argument73 很认真地写了3个多小时。希望大家多拍！

小室黄瓜UID: 2155213

ＡＲＧＵＭＥＮＴ　来自同主题
７３The following appeared in a memo from a manager of a car dealership.

"Ten years ago, long-term car leasing became available in our country of Mohilia as an alternative to outright car ownership, and leasing has steadily risen in popularity. For each of the last five years, the number of people leasing new cars has surpassed the number buying new cars. The average age of cars driven in Mohilia is six years; hence, if new car leases again outnumber purchases this year, it is likely that the majority of drivers will be driving leased, not individually owned, cars. Therefore, we should change the focus of our business from selling cars to leasing them."
翻译：10年之前，M国开始了长期的租车行动，作为一个汽车所有制的补充，并且租用持续稳定的增长。过去的5年内的每一年，租车的人比卖车的人多。。在M国的平均驾驶车龄是6年，所以如果今年租车数量要比卖车的多，那么很有可能多数的驾驶者都是租车的，不是个人有车。所以我们应该改变从卖车到租车上。
提纲：
1作者断言如果一年后租车数量仍比卖车的多，那么今后大多租车而不买车理由不明
2即使过去的5年内租车的数量比卖车的多，a也有可能没车的人频繁的租车，b 更有可能是买之前适用，然后再决定买不买，这样也许以后买的更多。
3即使在10年中持续增长，可能是由于刚兴起这种事物比较新鲜，文中没有给出10年持续增长的具体原因的调查，不能反映驾驶人的真正意愿而猜测。
4结论：a作者并没有说哪个利润高。租车很大可能是买不起，卖一辆车比租一辆车能获利更多。由上租车的人数不能能说明比卖车的多，所以不能推出结论中的建议。B 即使的确租车的人多，而租车的人都要租新车，哪有那么多新车？成本太高，更不划算。所以卖车才应该是长久的主要内容。

This author assumes that if new car leasing again outnumber purchase this year, it is likely that there will be more people leasing rather than purchasing cars. However, the assumption based on “some facts” doesn’t make any sense, and the reasons are not cogent. Not to say the suggestion that given behind them.

To start with, the author stated that the average age of cars driven in Mohila is six years and in each of the last five years the new car leases always outnumber purchases, so that the majority of drivers will probably driving leased. But the “six years” doesn’t have relationship with the “last five years” and “this year”. It may mislead us by the opinion that after this year people will mostly finish their own-car -driving time and start to decide whether to buy again or lease. Because people who start to buy their cars cannot in the same time—six years before, this number is useless. So we cannot make the conclusion that cars leasing will outnumber the purchases.

In addition, the author have other “facts” to illustrate, one of which is that the number of people leasing new cars has surpassed the number of buying new cars in each of the five years. However, it cannot be the reason that the leasing number will go on surpass the purchasing number in the future, and the it cannot reflect people’s wills of choosing. In contrast, this phenomenon may have other possibilities. On one hand, the people who don’t have their own cars frequently lease new cars to satisfy their need. Imagine that each man will only buy himself one car but each man will not likely lease car for only one time. On the other hand, some people plan to buy a new car but haven’t decided yet , so they leased the similar new cars to just have a try, and find whether after a time they will buy them or not. After enjoying many times driving some new cars, they will make a decision on which one is their favorite, and then the purchasing number will become larger.

Another fact is that leasing number has steadily risen for 10 years. But the author doesn’t give proper conclusion of whether this will continually happen after 10 years. Maybe it is because of the beginning of leasing cars, and most people find it fresh and interesting, so a large quantity of people choose to have a try. However, there isn’t any survey of people’s real reasons of choosing leased cars and the detailed reasons for the rising numbers, thus we cannot have proper assumption for people’s wills in the future.

As a result, the conclusion and suggestion that the author make can’t base on any sound reasons. And what’s more, the author implies the profit, which is also weak in conclusion. For one thing, selling a new car may have more profit than leasing several new cars, and because we cannot assume whether the leasing number will continually rise in the future, we cannot conclude that the focus on leasing cars will benefit more.
For another thing, even if the people’s quantity of leasing are more than the purchasing, we have to raise a doubt that is there so many “new” cars for leasing? After one has finished leasing in a short time for a cheap payment, this car may not be needed again because people all want to lease new cars, then there will result in waste of money but not profit. And for this reason, to sell cars can be a long-term choice.

不知道这样写结构怎么样？觉得结尾没什么说的了，就没写结尾。

jingjingtousUID: 2164820

佩服，好认真的态度！呵呵

小室黄瓜UID: 2155213

汗~~
写的时间太长了，但是短时间内想不出来东西。
继续学，继续练！！！fighting！

copia_cloudUID: 2182278

加油加油

果小冻UID: 208370

1. leasing has steadily risen in popularity. For each of the last five years, the number of people leasing new cars has surpassed the number buying new cars.

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第一个错误，for之前是得出的结论，之后是原因。它从前五年的租车人比买车人多，得出了租车比较受欢迎。
我想的是，从两个方面来辩驳。首先，人多有可能是因为同一个人租几次等造成的。其次，前五年有可能是特殊情况，如旅游业特别发达等，造成了租车的人多。所以，无法推出租车更受欢迎。

1. The average age of cars driven in Mohilia is six years; hence, if new car leases again outnumber purchases this year, it is likely that the majority of drivers will be driving leased, not individually owned, cars.

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第二个错误点，hence之前是原因，之后是结论。它从一个周期得出以后人们会租车而不是买新车。
我想的是，因为无法保证有车的人会因为追求车的好品质等买新的，也无法排除租车的人因为使用了车子之后发现其用处大以及租车的不便利，而买新车。

1. Therefore, we should change the focus of our business from selling cars to leasing them.

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第三个错误点，也就是其建议。我觉得辩驳这个可以从市场的不确定和租车利润低入手。

kito9695UID: 209685

占~~

copia_cloudUID: 2182278

This author assumes that if new car leasing again outnumber purchase this year, it is likely that there will be more people leasing rather than purchasing cars. However, the assumption based on “some facts” doesn’t make any sense, and the reasons are not cogent. Not to say the suggestion that given behind them.不错

To start with, the author stated that the average age of cars driven in Mohila is six years and in each of the last five years the new car leases always outnumber purchases, so that the majority of drivers will probably driving leased. But the “six years” doesn’t have relationship with the “last five years” and “this year”. It may mislead us by the opinion that after this year people will mostly finish their own-car -driving time and start to decide whether to buy again or lease. Because people who start to buy their cars cannot in the same time—six years before, this number is useless. So we cannot make the conclusion that cars leasing will outnumber the purchases.感觉理由有点牵强，我没看太明白

In addition, the author have other “facts” to illustrate, one of which is that the number of people leasing new cars has surpassed the number of buying new cars in each of the five years. However, it cannot be the reason that the leasing number will go on surpass the purchasing number in the future, and the it cannot reflect people’s wills of choosing. In contrast, this phenomenon may have other possibilities. On one hand, the people who don’t have their own cars frequently lease new cars to satisfy their need. Imagine that each man will only buy himself one car but each man will not likely lease car for only one time. On the other hand, some people plan to buy a new car but haven’t decided yet , so they leased the similar new cars to just have a try, and find whether after a time they will buy them or not. After enjoying many times driving some new cars, they will make a decision on which one is their favorite, and then the purchasing number will become larger.说的很具体了，非要挑刺的话就是说每个人可能不止租一次的时候要加上一句把话说透就好了

Another fact is that leasing number has steadily risen for 10 years. But the author doesn’t give proper conclusion of whether this will continually happen after 10 years. Maybe it is because of the beginning of leasing cars, and most people find it fresh and interesting, so a large quantity of people choose to have a try. However, there isn’t any survey of people’s real reasons of choosing leased cars and the detailed reasons for the rising numbers, thus we cannot have proper assumption for people’s wills in the future.

As a result, the conclusion and suggestion that the author make can’t base on any sound reasons. And what’s more, the author implies the profit, which is also weak in conclusion. For one thing, selling a new car may have more profit than leasing several new cars, and because we cannot assume whether the leasing number will continually rise in the future, we cannot conclude that the focus on leasing cars will benefit more.
For another thing, even if the people’s quantity of leasing are有点小的语法错误 more than the purchasing, we have to raise a doubt that is there so many “new” cars for leasing? After one has finished leasing in a short time for a cheap payment, this car may not be needed again because people all want to lease new cars, then there will result in waste of money but not profit. And for this reason, to sell cars can be a long-term choice.
楼主已经写的很不错了，基本上挑不出大的毛病，就差速度了。可是一想到自己的，汗……https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... &extra=page%3D2

kito9695UID: 209685

提纲
1作者断言如果一年后租车数量仍比卖车的多，那么今后大多租车而不买车理由不明这一点可能是作者的一个推断，究竟是怎么推出来的我也想了很久，最后得到了在我的提纲里的那个结论。你这种写法还是第一次见，不知道可不可以认为是理由不明？？关于这点我觉得leedgen的文章处理的很好，她没有管作者这个推论是怎么得出来的，理由是什么，只是批驳了这个推论的错误，你可以参考一下
2即使过去的5年内租车的数量比卖车的多，a也有可能没车的人频繁的租车这点似乎和long-term car leasing不太相符，b 更有可能是买之前适用，然后再决定买不买，这样也许以后买的更多这点我倒是没想到…学习，我写的是租车的可能是由于在存钱准备买车。
3即使在10年中持续增长，可能是由于刚兴起这种事物比较新鲜，文中没有给出10年持续增长的具体原因的调查，不能反映驾驶人的真正意愿而猜测。
4结论这个怎么能够称为结论呢？这点也可以算作一个批驳的层次呀，因为你前面并没有提到利润问题啊，结论通常是对文章整个的一个总结吧：a作者并没有说哪个利润高。租车很大可能是买不起，卖一辆车比租一辆车能获利更多。由上租车的人数不能能说明比卖车的多，所以不能推出结论中的建议。B 即使的确租车的人多，而租车的人都要租新车，哪有那么多新车？成本太高，更不划算。所以卖车才应该是长久的主要内容。

This author assumes用claims之类好一些，只有if的部分属于假设，其他是这个假设下得出的结论 that if new car leasing again outnumber purchase this year, it is likely that there will be more people leasing rather than purchasing cars. However, the assumption based on “some facts” doesn’t make any sense, and the reasons are not cogent. Not to say the suggestion that given behind them.恩，这个句子看不明白
对开头我有个疑问，开头你只提了一个作者的一个推断似乎有些片面，因为除了这个假设文章还是有很多别的漏洞的，虽然这个推断是比较主要的一个论据；似乎是比较新奇的写法，但我不知道这样的写法好还是不好

To start with, the author stated没必要用过去时 that the average age of cars driven in Mohila is six years and in each of the last five years the new car leases always outnumber purchases, so that the majority of drivers will probably driving leased这句像在陈述原文，但完全没有表达出来你这段的主旨大意，要知道段落的首句应该而且最好是一針见血地指出这段批驳的主要错误. But the “six years” doesn’t have relationship with the “last five years” and “this year”也许原文真的是认为5+1=6呢，你这样写就有些风险. It may mislead us by the opinion that after this year people will mostly finish their own-car -driving time and start to decide whether to buy again or lease. Because people who start to buy their cars cannot in the same time—six years before这个用英语表达地有点费解, this number is useless. So we cannot make the conclusion that cars leasing will outnumber the purchases.

第二点就用In addition?我通常用在第三点以后In addition, the author have other “facts” to illustrateto illustrate什么，话没说完, one of which is that the number of people leasing new cars has surpassed the number of buying new cars in each of the five years同样，主旨句问题！. However, it cannot be the reason that the leasing number will go on surpass the purchasing number in the future文章中并没有提到以后租车的数量会超过买车啊，只是说假设如果第六年也是租车人数多的话，那么大多数有车的人就都是租来的了，而这一点你以后在上一段批过了, and the？？ it cannot reflect people’s wills去掉 of choosing. In contrast, this phenomenon may have other possibilities. On one hand, the people who don’t have their own cars frequently lease new cars to satisfy their need. Imagine that each man will only buy himself one car but each man will not likely lease car for only one time.这个论述不严密，不是each man will只每一辆车，而是大多数人may只买一辆车 On the other hand, some people plan to buy a new car but haven’t decided yet没有用It is possible之类的词，像是在陈述事实，最好加上对可能性的描述，因为毕竟只是一种可能的假设 , so they leased the similar new cars to just have a try, and find whether after a time they will buy them or not. After enjoying many times driving some new cars, they will make a decision on which one is their favorite, and then the purchasing number will用may become larger.不再首句表明主旨的话很难让读者一眼了解到你这段的内容

最好还是加个信号词，段落清晰一些Another fact is that leasing number has steadily risen for 10 years. But the author doesn’t give proper conclusion of whether this will continually happen after 10 years. Maybe it is because of the beginning of leasing cars, and most people find it fresh and interesting, so a large quantity of people choose to have a try. However, there isn’t any survey of people’s real reasons of choosing leased cars and the detailed reasons for the rising numbers, thus we cannot have proper assumption for people’s wills in the future.

As a result, the conclusion and suggestion that the author make can’t base on any sound reasons同样主旨句问题，这句可以去掉让下一句作主语，然后把这句作为结尾段中的一部分. And what’s more, the author implies the profit, which is also weak in conclusion. For one thing, selling a new car may have more profit than leasing several new cars, and because we cannot assume whether the leasing number will continually rise in the future, we cannot前面刚用了we cannot句子变一变 conclude that the focus on leasing cars will benefit more. For another thing, even if the people’s quantity怎么理解？ of leasing areis more than the purchasing, we have to raise a doubt that is there 应该是there isso many “new” cars for leasing?陈述句作doubt的同位语 After one has finished leasing in a short time for a cheap payment, this car may not be needed again because people all want to lease new cars, then there will result in waste of money but not profit. And for this reason, to sell cars can be a long-term choice.

你用的很多句式都不是argument里常见的论述句式，虽然比较有新意，但似乎不太地道，而且这样新意句子有个别就好了，argument的基本句式还是要多掌握一些。这样会使得你的argument的感觉和通常的套路不太一样，多读些范文吧

说的都是我自己的理解，有些保守，也不一定对，你自己再好好研究研究，批判的接受吧！！态度很认真地说，以后肯定会有长足的进步的，fighting！！

frankkuUID: 2136240

７３The following appeared in a memo from a manager of a car dealership.

"Ten years ago, long-term car leasing became available in our country of Mohilia as an alternative to outright car ownership, and leasing has steadily risen in popularity. For each of the last five years, the number of people leasing new cars has surpassed the number buying new cars. The average age of cars driven in Mohilia is six years; hence, if new car leases again outnumber purchases this year, it is likely that the majority of drivers will be driving leased, not individually owned, cars. Therefore, we should change the focus of our business from selling cars to leasing them."
翻译：10年之前，M国开始了长期的租车行动，作为一个汽车所有制的补充，并且租用持续稳定的增长。过去的5年内的每一年，租车的人比卖车的人多。。在M国的平均驾驶车龄是6年，所以如果今年租车数量要比卖车的多，那么很有可能多数的驾驶者都是租车的，不是个人有车。所以我们应该改变从卖车到租车上。
提纲：
1作者断言如果一年后租车数量仍比卖车的多，那么今后大多租车而不买车理由不明
2即使过去的5年内租车的数量比卖车的多，a也有可能没车的人频繁的租车，b 更有可能是买之前适用，然后再决定买不买，这样也许以后买的更多。
3即使在10年中持续增长，可能是由于刚兴起这种事物比较新鲜，文中没有给出10年持续增长的具体原因的调查，不能反映驾驶人的真正意愿而猜测。
4结论：a作者并没有说哪个利润高。租车很大可能是买不起，卖一辆车比租一辆车能获利更多。由上租车的人数不能能说明比卖车的多，所以不能推出结论中的建议。B 即使的确租车的人多，而租车的人都要租新车，哪有那么多新车？成本太高，更不划算。所以卖车才应该是长久的主要内容。

This author assumes that if new car leasing again outnumber purchase this year, it is likely that there will be more people leasing rather than purchasing cars. However, the assumption based on “some facts” doesn’t make any sense, and the reasons are not cogent. Not to say the suggestion that given behind them.

To start with, the author stated that the average age of cars driven in Mohila is six years and in each of the last five years the new car leases always outnumber purchases(这里与第一段第一行的单复数不一致，还有一些名词和动词ing形式不一致，小室再看一看), so that the majority of drivers will probably driving leased. But the “six years” doesn’t have relationship with the “last five years” and “this year”. It may mislead us by the opinion that after this year people will mostly finish their own-car -driving time and start to decide whether to buy again or lease. Because people who start to buy their cars cannot in the same time—six years before, this number is useless. So we cannot make the conclusion that cars leasing will outnumber the purchases.

In addition, the author have（has） other “facts” to illustrate, one of which is that the number of people leasing new cars has surpassed the number of buying new cars in each of the five years. However, it cannot be the reason that the leasing number will go on surpass（surpassing）the purchasing number in the future, and the(去掉) it cannot reflect people’s wills of choosing（购买决策应该用Decision）. In contrast, this phenomenon may have other possibilities. On one hand, the people who don’t have their own cars frequently lease new cars to satisfy their need. Imagine that each man will only buy himself one car but each man will not likely lease car for only one time. On the other hand, some people plan to buy a new car but haven’t decided yet , so they leased the similar new cars to just have a try, and find whether after a time they will buy them or not. After enjoying many times driving some new cars, they will make a decision on which one is their favorite, and then the purchasing number will become larger.

Another fact is that leasing number has steadily risen for 10 years. But the author doesn’t give proper conclusion of whether this will continually happen after (within the next ) 10 years. Maybe it is because of the beginning of leasing cars, and most people find it fresh and interesting, so a large quantity of people choose to have a try. However, there isn’t any survey of people’s real reasons of choosing leased cars and the detailed reasons for the rising numbers, thus we cannot have proper assumption for people’s wills in the future.

As a result, the conclusion and suggestion that the author make can’t base on any sound reasons. And what’s more, the author implies the profit, which is also weak in conclusion. For one thing, selling a new car may have more profit than leasing several new cars, and because we cannot assume whether the leasing number will continually rise in the future, we cannot conclude that the focus on leasing cars will benefit more.
For another thing, even if the people’s quantity of leasing is more than the purchasing, we have to raise a doubt that is there so many “new” cars for leasing? After one has finished leasing in a short time for a cheap payment, this car may not be needed again because people all want to lease new cars, then there will result in waste of money but not profit. And for this reason, to sell cars can be a long-term choice.

我觉得不妨在结尾处加几句阿狗的套话，这样就好得多了。