argument145 同主题写作,留链接,互拍.

savagettUID: 2134686

[TOPIC] 145.A new study collected data that shows that people who snore are more likely to gain weight than are people who do not snore. It is well known that many people who snore also stop breathing frequently during the night for a few seconds, a condition called sleep apnea. The interruption of breathing wakes the person often, so briefly that the waking goes unnoticed-and can leave the person too tired during the day to exercise. Anyone who snores, therefore, should try to eat less than the average person and to exercise more.
DATA 2006-02-18   TIME 30:00  WORDS: 338(426)
2天没写,生疏很多,非常糟糕
错误一 数据模糊 many people
错误二 假设不成立  打鼾---呼吸中断---不锻炼
错误三 建议不可行


The assertion claims anyone who snores is more easily to gain weight than one who does not, thus the author draws a conclusion that those who snore should do more exercise and eat less to lose weight. The suggestion sounds reasonable, however, it is based on vague data and an unwarranted assumption which render it suspicious.

Firstly, the author cites that many people who snore will stop breathing occasionally at the night, so they variably feel too tired exercise. This is the reason used to explain why people who snore are more likely to gain weight. However, the author only mentions many people are under this condition, while neglects the detail numbers. If it is from a large-scale survey, many people can amount to millions of people which is a sufficient sample; if it is a local survey, then many people is too little to represent the whole situation. Therefore, lacking any statistics, the fact that many people who snore usually break breath is questionable.

Secondly, the author infers that the break of breath will lead to less exercise is an unwarranted assumption. As it illustrates in the assertion, the interruption of breath is briefly and unnoticed, so it is entirely possible that it will not affect people's sleep quality at all. Hence, people who snore are not necessarily too tired to do any exercise. On the other hand, supposing the phenomenon that people do less exercise than is true, there's no causal relationship with the interruption of breathing. We all know that excessive pressure and overloaded work all might result in the lack of exercise. Therefore, the assumption that people who snore are exercising less because the breath break during sleep is indefensible.

Thirdly, according to the assertion that people who snore are more likely to gain weight, eating less and doing exercise more might be not a effective way for them to lose weight. Because this is not the fundamental reason for their gaining weight. To those who suffer from snore, their conditions are possibly different from ordinary obesity, so they need more professional instructions from doctors to lose weight rather than merely eat less or exercise more. The suggestion might be not practical for them.

In sum ,the conclusion that many people who snore should eat less and exercise more to lose weight is less reasonable. To make the conclusion more understandable, the author should provide the exact statistic of the survey, and prove the causal relationship between the breath break and less exercise. Finally, the suggestion should take more advice from doctors.

cavanaUID: 2178782

现在我要来看你的咯

cavanaUID: 2178782

The assertion claims anyone who snores is more easily to gain weight than one who does not, thus the author draws a conclusion that those who snore should do more exercise and eat less to lose weight. The suggestion sounds reasonable, however, it is based on vague data and an unwarranted assumption which render it suspicious.

Firstly, the author cites that many people who snore will stop breathing occasionally at the night, so they variably feel too tired exercise. This is the reason used to explain why people who snore are more likely to gain weight. However, the author only mentions many people are under this condition, while neglects the detail numbers[neglects the detail numbers to ensure the reliability 这句话说完比较好，不然detail numbers放在这里有点奇怪]. If it is from a large-scale survey, many people can amount to millions of people which is a sufficient sample[so it can be considered as a sufficient sample]; if it is a local survey, then many people is too little[我不太确定这里用is 和 little 对不对] to represent the whole situation[situation? 人应该还是代表人吧 the whole group]. Therefore, lacking any statistics, the fact that many people who snore usually break breath is questionable.

Secondly, the author infers that the break of breath will lead to less exercise is an unwarranted assumption. As it illustrates in the assertion, the interruption of breath is briefly and unnoticed, so it is entirely possible that it will not affect people's sleep quality at all[攻击这点阿，文章里用的是can 似乎很肯定阿，这医学上的事我也不懂。。。]. Hence, people who snore are not necessarily too tired to do any exercise. On the other hand, supposing the phenomenon that people do less exercise than is true, there's no causal relationship with the interruption of breathing. We all know that excessive pressure and overloaded work all might result in the lack of exercise. Therefore, the assumption that people who snore are exercising less because the breath break during sleep is indefensible.

Thirdly, according to the assertion that people who snore are more likely to gain weight, eating less and doing exercise more might be not a effective way for them to lose weight[前面有according to，后面的意思就应该和原文一样吧]. Because this is not the fundamental reason for their gaining weight. To those who suffer from snore, their conditions are possibly different from ordinary obesity, so they need more professional instructions from doctors to lose weight rather than merely eat less or exercise more.[这个建议的确写得比我的好！] The suggestion[by the arguer] might be not practical for them[all].

In sum ,the conclusion that many people who snore should eat less and exercise more to lose weight is less reasonable[less reasonable?怎么有比较级呢 unreasonable]. To make the conclusion more understandable, the author should provide the exact statistic of the survey, and prove the causal relationship between the breath break and less exercise. Finally, the suggestion should take more advice from doctors[我觉得这句话是病句，suggestion 能做take的主语吗，这句话去掉也罢，].

[以上就是我的愚见，觉得总体上也没什么大问题，细节上注意一点噢
用词及修饰。你的词汇量不错，口水。。。]

leedgenUID: 160823

The assertion claims anyone who snores is more easily to gain weight than one who does not, thus the author draws a conclusion that those who snore should do more exercise and eat less to lose weight. The suggestion sounds reasonable, however, it is based on vague data and an unwarranted assumption which render it suspicious. 开头不错，赞

Firstly, the author cites that many people who snore will stop breathing occasionally at the night, so they variably feel too tired [to] exercise. This is the reason used to explain why people who snore are more likely to gain weight. However, the author only mentions many people are under this condition, while neglects the detail numbers [the exact number]. If it is from a large-scale survey, many people can amount to millions of people which is a sufficient sample; if it is a local survey, then many people is too little to represent the whole situation. Therefore, lacking any statistics, the fact that many people who snore usually break breath is questionable.

Secondly, the author infers that the break of breath will lead to less exercise, [which is] is an unwarranted assumption. As it illustrates in the assertion, the interruption of breath is briefly [brief] and unnoticed, so it is entirely possible that it will not affect people's sleep quality at all. Hence, people who snore are not necessarily too tired to do any exercise. On the other hand, supposing the phenomenon that people do less exercise than [the average people] is true, there's no causal relationship with the interruption of breathing. We all know that excessive pressure and overloaded work all might result in the lack of exercise. Therefore, the assumption that people who snore are exercising less because the breath break during sleep is indefensible.

Thirdly, according to the assertion that people who snore are more likely to gain weight, eating less and doing exercise more might be not a [an] effective way for them to lose weight. Because this is not the fundamental reason for their gaining weight. To those who suffer from snore, their conditions are possibly different from ordinary obesity, so they need more professional instructions from doctors to lose weight rather than merely eat less or exercise more. The suggestion might be not practical for them.

In sum ,the conclusion that many people who snore should eat less and exercise more to lose weight is less reasonable. To make the conclusion more understandable, the author should provide the exact statistic of the survey, and prove the causal relationship between the breath break and less exercise. Finally, the suggestion[主语应该用人吧] should take more advice from doctors.

已经限时写啦，不错呀

savagettUID: 2134686

谢谢两位的修改.
while neglects the detail numbers 和最后一句,the suggestion...的确有问题~~!