issue38 ★无敌拍场★第十期作业

rosewmUID: 2183870

38"In the age of television, reading books is not as important as it once was. People can learn as much by watching television as they can by reading books."

Words:523

The speaker asserts that people can learn equally from television and books, as the age of television comes. I agree insofar as the television becomes a more and more important way to attain information and knowledge. At some point, however, I think the speaker overstates the comparative significance of television.

As a threshold matter, with the technology and the science development，television is a important means of transmission of information and presentation of pictures and sounds than books because television is more accurate and vivid. For one thing, it's no doubt that television as a modern accessorial tool of teaching provides a broad and effective education. For instance, students can see a lion's mane, how it preys, and how they fight against each other for find a mate from a documentary program such as Discovery whose contents are probably unapproachable in our entire lifetime. However, it can't be provided on any biologic textbook. For another thing, watching television helps students improve their memory and make their learning permanent.  Since psychologists indicate that people incline to learn visual matters faster, and recur them easier than literal one. In addition, some rewarding television programs such as Sesame Street can draw children’s interests in study. In short, people can learn more vivid information by watching television than they can by reading books.

At the same time, although the television brings people a colorful, convenient experience, in fact, it can't overtake the books when it comes to learning. For an Age of Information, tremendous amounts of love story programs and soap operas are full of our daily live. As is widely known, television stations operate as profit enterprises, consequently television programs are nowadays becoming more and more profit-based, and their commercial orientation drives them to be entertaining rather than educational, for the latter are obviously less profitable. Even if we are intent to study by watching television, the efficiency of learning would still be an illusory one. For example, you can imagine freely the aged face of the old man and how terrible the shark is when you read 'he struggle to ward off sharks from stealing his prey' in The Old Man and The Sea. However, television limits our ability of imagination because not enough space left for us to think deeper and wider resulting from the actual pictures and concrete idols. In short, watching television depress the ability of doubt, imagination and creativity, this is most desired for learning.

To some extent, television is a tool which transmits information and even gives us more vivid pictures and larger quantity of latest information which just limits of books are, while it's unsuited for education, which need profound consideration and reasoning. In contrast, reading books remains the most efficient way for people to acquire knowledge and absorb the idea and essence from books.

To sum up, due to watching television and reading books has its own merits, it is harmful for us to supersede one by another. Only we recognize both books and TV are necessary for learning, can we make full use of convention and new technology that help us achieve more than ever before.

最近开学了，比较忙，写的仓促，估计错不少
欢迎狂拍～猛拍～狠狠拍～

lyan1102UID: 2148674

38"In the age of television, reading books is not as important as it once was. People can learn as much by watching television as they can by reading books."

Words:523

The speaker asserts that people can learn equally from television and books, as the age of television comes. I agree insofar as [我刚刚查了字典，insofar 应该不是这么用的，请楼主复查一下] the television becomes a more and more important way to attain information and knowledge. At some point [这个短语没见过，不知楼主想表达什么意思呢？], however, I think the speaker overstates the comparative significance of television.

As a threshold matter, with the technology and the science development [with the development of technology and science]，television is a [an] [+more]important means of transmission of [to transmit] information and presentation of [present] pictures and sounds than books because television is more accurate and vivid. For one thing, it's no doubt that television [as a modern accessorial tool of teaching应置句前 ] provides a broad and effective education. For instance, students can see a lion's mane, how it preys, and how they fight against each other for find [wining] a mate from a documentary program such as Discovery whose contents [the contents of which] are probably unapproachable in our entire lifetime. However, it can't be provided [+so vivid 因为我们可以从书中知道这些过程，只不过不直观 ] on any biologic textbook. For another thing [-thing], watching television helps students improve their memory and make their learning permanent.  Since psychologists indicate that people incline to learn visual matters faster, and recur [recur 是不及物动词，可用bring to mind] them easier than literal one[+s]. In addition, some rewarding television programs such as Sesame Street can draw children’s interests in study. In short, people can learn more vivid information by watching television than they can by reading books.

At the same time, although the television brings people a colorful, convenient experience, in fact, it can't overtake the books when it comes to learning. For an Age [age] of Information, tremendous amounts of love story programs and soap operas are full of our daily live [lives are full of ……programs and operas, 楼主把关系写错了]. As is widely known, television stations operate as profit enterprises, consequently television programs are nowadays becoming more and more profit-based, and their commercial orientation drives them to be entertaining rather than educational, for the latter are obviously less profitable [这个理由不错，但是句子有点混乱]. Even if we are intent to study by watching television, the efficiency of learning would still be an illusory [？] one [one 代表什么？]. For example, you can imagine freely the aged face of the old man and how terrible the shark is when you read 'he struggle to ward off sharks from stealing his prey' in The Old Man and The Sea. However, television limits our ability [space, ability是我们自身存在的] of imagination because [there is] not enough space left for us to think deeper and wider resulting from the actual pictures and concrete idols. In short, watching television depress the ability of doubt, imagination and creativity [doubting, imagining and creating], this is most desired for learning.

To some extent, television is a tool which [to, 用which的话就从句套从句了] transmits information and even gives us more vivid pictures and larger quantity of latest information which [+is] just [+the] limits of books are [-are],  while it's unsuited for education, which need profound consideration and reasoning. In contrast, reading books remains the most efficient way for people to acquire knowledge and absorb the idea[+s] and essence[+s] from books.

To sum up, due to [+each of] watching television and reading books has its own merits, it is harmful for us to supersede one by another. Only [+when] we recognize both books and TV are necessary for learning, can we make full use of convention and new technology that help us achieve more than ever before.

[看出来楼主写的很匆忙啦~~在论证方面，缺少了书的优点的论证，而用电视的缺点来证明，我个人认为既然题目中提到reading books is not as important as it once was，所以重点还是应该落在书上。以上均为本人愚见，如有不当之处请指正~~加油！]

望回拍！
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... &extra=page%3D1

[ 本帖最后由 lyan1102 于 2006-2-22 20:17 编辑 ]

dudujasperUID: 2180289

The speaker asserts that people can learn equally from television(s) and books, as the age of television comes. I agree insofar as the television becomes a more and more important way to attain information and knowledge. (Insofar as I can agree that televisions become more and more important on attaining ...?这样改也不知道对不对）At some point(s), however, I think the speaker overstates the comparative significance of television(s).

As a threshold matter, with the technology and the science development(with the development of the technology and the science)，television is a(an) important means of transmission of information and (of) presentation of pictures and sounds than books because television is more accurate and vivid.(这句话你用好多的名词啊，你把transmission和presentation换成动词如何？）For one thing(On one hand), it's（在这种正式的写作中不要用缩写的形式it is）no doubt that television， as a modern accessorial tool of teaching，当插入语） provides a broad and effective education. For instance, students can see a lion's mane, how it preys（后面用的复数，前面也用), and how they fight against each other for find(ing) a mate from a documentary program such as Discovery whose contents are probably unapproachable in(to?) our entire lifetime. However, it can't(can not) be provided on(by) any biologic textbook(s). For another thing(On the other hand), watching television(s) helps students improve their memory(ies) and make their learning permanent.  Since psychologists indicate that people incline to learn visual matters faster, and recur (to?) them easier than literal one. In addition, some rewarding television programs such as Sesame Street can draw children’s interests in study. In short, people can learn more vivid(vividly) information(删） by watching television than they can(删） by reading books.

At the same time, although the television brings people a colorful（and) convenient experience, in fact, it can't(can not) overtake the books when it comes to learning. For an Age of Information, tremendous amounts of love story(love-story) programs and soap operas are full of our daily live(s)(Our daily lives are flooded with love-story ....). As is widely known, television stations operate as profit(profitable?) enterprises, consequently， television programs are nowadays（换到后面去） becoming more and more profit-based nowadays, and their commercial orientation drives them to be (more)entertaining rather than educational, for the latter are obviously less profitable.（句子太长，分成短句说吧） Even if we are intent to study by watching television（s), the efficiency of learning would still be an illusory(值得怀疑的sceptical?) one. For example, you can imagine freely (that) the(an) aged face of the(an) old man and how terrible the shark is when you read 'he struggle to ward off sharks from stealing his prey' in (the book of )The Old Man and The Sea. However, television(s) limit our ability of(on?) imagination because not(there is no?) enough space left for us to think deeper and wider resulting from the actual pictures and concrete idols. In short, watching television depress the ability(ies) of doubt, imagination and creativity, this is(which are) most desired for learning

To some extent, television is a tool which transmits information and even(删） gives us more vivid pictures and larger(s) the quantity of latest information which just limits of books are, while it's(it is) unsuited for education, which need profound consideration and reasoning. In contrast, reading books remains the most efficient way for people to acquire knowledge and absorb the idea and the essence from books.
句子要好好琢磨一下，一个句子写太长，用太多的which给人很笨和冗繁的感觉
To sum up, due to watching television and reading books has its own merits, it is harmful for us to supersede one by another. Only when we recognize that both books and TV（不要用缩写） are necessary for learning, can we make full use of convention(s) and new technology(ies) that help us achieve more than ever before.(删了比较好吧）




语言：句子运用不熟练，有语法错误，建议不要用太多的长句，尤其是用WHICH连接起来的
思路：正反合，合的那段须再深入点
论证：举例论证，呵呵，好象大家都偏爱这个论证法，俺也HOHO，对例子的分析可以再深入点
加油哦，看来真的是匆匆忙忙写的，好多小错误
改的要是不对的话请指正哦

[ 本帖最后由 dudujasper 于 2006-2-23 01:09 编辑 ]

rosewmUID: 2183870

to lyan, 谢谢你帮我改的这么细心^_^
   insofar，adv. [通常和 as 连用]到这个程度[范围]; 在...情况下; 在...范围内; 只要...
   at some points, 指在某些方面
to dudu, 的确啊，合的那段应该再深入的，当时不知道该怎么写了～

哎，一大堆的语法错误，真是麻烦大家了，以后要好好努力了！