Argument6 高频 （最后一篇argu了，达人帮忙看看）

amanda_chen_118UID: 2123327

ARGUMENT6 - The following was written as a part of an application for a small business loan by a group of developers in the city of Monroe.

"A jazz music club in Monroe would be a tremendously profitable enterprise. Currently, the nearest jazz club is 65 miles away; thus, our proposed club, the C Note, would have the local market all to itself. Plus, jazz is extremely popular in Monroe: over 100,000 people attended Monroe's jazz festival last summer, several well-known jazz musicians live in Monroe, and the highest-rated radio program in Monroe is 'Jazz Nightly,' which airs every weeknight. Finally, a nationwide study indicates that the typical jazz fan spends close to $1,000 per year on jazz entertainment. It is clear that the C Note cannot help but make money."
WORDS:         TIME: 0:30:00          DATE: 2006-3-17

In this argument , the suggestion that we should open a new jazz club in Monroe and it will make profit goes underlying a serious of unwarranted assumption , which includes that : 1) Jazz is popular in Monroe ;2)the local residents will choose a jazz club 3) our proposed new jazz club will take the place of the old one 65 miles away ;4) the proposed new jazz club will certainly make profit .

To begin with , the author suggests that jazz is extremely popular in Monroe , however ,this is not the case . It is possible that most of the 100000 people who attended Monroe's jazz festival last summer are out-town-visitors . It is entirely  possible that there are few listener although the radio always broadcasts jazz programs . As it comes to those famous jazz musicians, perhaps they just choose live in Monroe for its beautiful , clean environment or convenient communication or some other reason rather than the popularity of jazz .

Even we conceded that jazz is popular in Monroe，local residents can choose other forms to enjoy jazz instead of taking part in a jazz club . As common sense tell us that a jazz club always charges a large amount of money , It is quite possible that our residents prefer buying CDs or as the author mentioned that attending a jazz festival or listening over a radio other than be a member of a jazz club.

Moreover ,the mere fact that the nearest jazz club is 65 miles away can not get the conclusion that the local people will prefer C Note to the old one . As there are many possible factors that will influence the choice of jazz fans other than distance , for example , the ticket price , the quality of services , the environment and other members in club , etc. Perhaps C Note is not so attractive in other respects and the members will still choose the old jazz club as usual , Or perhaps 65 miles is not a long distance for jazz fans at all , especially for those who have cars because that it only take them a short time to get there. Unless the author can guarantee us that our proposed club will attract more customers than the former one , we can not simply concluded that the C Note will have members , not to mention that have the local market all itself.

Finally , Given that all the assumptions are correct, whether C Note will turn out to be a tremendous profitable enterprise remains question . The profit depends on not only the income brought by all consumers but also the total fee to run the jazz club , which included that payment of its employer , Taxations , rent of the room , etc . Unless Without a detailed buget that  proves the  income will outweigh expend  , we can not convince that C Note will profit .

In addition ,  the nationwide study showing that the typical jazz fan spends close to $1000 per year would lend support to the claim that local residents of Monroe will spend as much on Jazz entertainment only if jazz fans live in Monroe typifies all the jazz fans around the country . However , it is possible that Monroe is a small  town where most of people are not so rich as people live elsewhere , including those who love jazz . In that case , the result of the nationwide study can not prove our local jazz fans spend that much at all.

[ 本帖最后由 amanda_chen_118 于 2006-3-19 10:22 编辑 ]

amanda_chen_118UID: 2123327

结尾来不及的
开头没想好怎么写

calsunnyUID: 2163431

高频 Argu 6

ARGUMENT6 - The following was written as a part of an application for a small business loan by a group of developers in the city of Monroe.

"A jazz music club in Monroe would be a tremendously profitable enterprise. Currently, the nearest jazz club is 65 miles away; thus, our proposed club, the C Note, would have the local market all to itself. Plus, jazz is extremely popular in Monroe: over 100,000 people attended Monroe's jazz festival last summer, several well-known jazz musicians live in Monroe, and the highest-rated radio program in Monroe is 'Jazz Nightly,' which airs every weeknight. Finally, a nationwide study indicates that the typical jazz fan spends close to $1,000 per year on jazz entertainment. It is clear that the C Note cannot help but make money."
WORDS:         TIME: 0:30:00          DATE: 2006-3-17

In this argument , the suggestion that we should open a new jazz club in Monroe and it will make profit goes underlying a serious of unwarranted assumption , which includes that : 1) Jazz is popular in Monroe ;2)the local residents will choose a jazz club 3) our proposed new jazz club will take the place of the old one 65 miles away ;4) the proposed new jazz club will certainly make profit . -----你第一段归纳了四点，但写了五个错误。但你归纳得挺好的。

To begin with , the author suggests that jazz is extremely popular in Monroe , however ,this is not the case . It is possible that most of the 100000 people who attended Monroe's jazz festival last summer are out-town-visitors . It is entirely  possible that there are few listener although the radio always broadcasts jazz programs . As it comes to those famous jazz musicians, perhaps they just choose live in Monroe for its beautiful , clean environment or convenient communication or some other reason rather than the popularity of jazz .

Even we conceded that jazz is popular in Monroe，local residents can choose other forms to enjoy jazz instead of taking part in a jazz club . As common sense tell us that a jazz club always charges a large amount of money , It is quite possible that our residents prefer buying CDs or as the author mentioned that attending a jazz festival or listening over a radio other than be a member of a jazz club.

Moreover ,the mere fact that the nearest jazz club is 65 miles away can not get the conclusion that the local people will prefer C Note to the old one . As there are many possible factors that will influence the choice of jazz fans other than distance , for example , the ticket price , the quality of services , the environment and other members in club , etc. Perhaps C Note is not so attractive in other respects and the members will still choose the old jazz club as usual , Or perhaps 65 miles is not a long distance for jazz fans at all , especially for those who have cars because that it only take them a short time to get there. Unless the author can guarantee us that our proposed club will attract more customers than the former one , we can not simply concluded that the C Note will have members , not to mention that have the local market all itself. ----感觉这一段可以和上面一段放在一起，因为都是对club的选择问题

Finally , Given that all the assumptions are correct, whether C Note will turn out to be a tremendous profitable enterprise remains question . The profit depends on not only the income brought by all consumers but also the total fee to run the jazz club , which included that payment of its employer , Taxations , rent of the room , etc . Unless Without a detailed buget that  proves the  income will outweigh expend  , we can not convince that C Note will profit . ----我感觉这不用作为单独的一段来写，可以和下面一段一起写，这样你就有时间写结尾了。

In addition ,  the nationwide study showing that the typical jazz fan spends close to $1000 per year would lend support to the claim that local residents of Monroe will spend as much on Jazz entertainment only if jazz fans live in Monroe typifies all the jazz fans around the country . However , it is possible that Monroe is a small  town where most of people are not so rich as people live elsewhere , including those who love jazz . In that case , the result of the nationwide study can not prove our local jazz fans spend that much at all.


限时写，能写这么好，挺佩服的。我都是改了又改，才发上来的，而且你基本都没有什么拼写和语法错误。另外我提的意见仅供参考。

amanda_chen_118UID: 2123327

不是一个错误一段么？？？
我也是改过的啦，拼写错误一堆。
就考了
开头结尾一点想法都没

11yaoyaoUID: 177037

最近忙着学日语，也木太多时间

匆匆看了一下，一段不一定只批判一个错误，也可以把一类错误都放进来

方法有很多
可以按照问题的严重性来批判，可以按照错误类型来批判，如果实在找不到很多才错误，那么一段一个是可以的

我有个方法你可以参考一下，就是怎么批判错误的步骤
1、根据论据指出错误
2、表达你的观点：作者有错
3、举反例
4、如何补救
5、再肯定一下自己的观点，用逆否句型：如果作者这样说，那么是不成立的（诸如此类的话）

还有就是开头段可不能那样写，列出1234这样的话可不大好，开头简单一点，直接上手就说问题，不要大篇幅的进行归纳，上来直接把作者的conclusion指出，然后说有fallacy，就可以了，可以参考一下imong斑斑的关于argument的那个帖子。

加油！！！

amanda_chen_118UID: 2123327

"A jazz music club in Monroe would be a tremendously profitable enterprise. Currently, the nearest jazz club is 65 miles away; thus, our proposed club, the C Note, would have the local market all to itself. Plus, jazz is extremely popular in Monroe: over 100,000 people attended Monroe's jazz festival last summer, several well-known jazz musicians live in Monroe, and the highest-rated radio program in Monroe is 'Jazz Nightly,' which airs every weeknight. Finally, a nationwide study indicates that the typical jazz fan spends close to $1,000 per year on jazz entertainment. It is clear that the C Note cannot help but make money."
WORDS:  578       2006-3-18

The author’s suggestion that we should open a new jazz club in Monroe is well-presented, but not thoroughly well-reasoned .

To begin with , the author suggests that jazz is extremely popular in Monroe , however ,this is not necessarily the case . As it comes to the jazz festival last summer , the number of 100000 is such a scant support as we are informed neither the local popularity nor how they consist of , perhaps quite a number of them  are out-town-visitors . It is entirely  possible that there are few listener although the radio always broadcasts jazz programs and those famous jazz musicians  just choose live in Monroe for its beautiful , clean environment or convenient communication or some other reason rather than the popularity of jazz .

Even we conceded that jazz is popular in Monroe，local residents can choose other forms to enjoy jazz instead of taking part in a jazz club, for example , buying Cds and enjoy it at home or just as the author mentioned that attending a jazz festival or listening over a radio . Even the local people like a jazz club , the mere fact that the nearest jazz club is 65 miles away can not get conclusion that they will prefer C Note to the old one . As there are many possible factors that will influence the choice of jazz fans other than distance , for example , the ticket price , the quality of services , the environment and other members in club , etc. Perhaps C Note is not so attractive in other respects and the members will still choose the old jazz club as usual , not to mention that 65 miles is not a long distance for those who have own cars. Unless the author can guarantee us that our proposed club will attract more customers than the former one , we can not simply concluded that the C Note will have members , not to mention that have the local market all itself.

Finally , Given that all the assumptions are correct, whether C Note will turn out to be a tremendous profitable enterprise remains question. Without a detailed budget that proves the income will outweigh expenditure , which included that payment of its employer , Taxations , rent of the room , etc , that we can not be convinced  that C Note will profit .Also , the nationwide study showing that the typical jazz fan spends close to $1000 per year would lend support to the claim that local residents of Monroe will spend as much on Jazz entertainment only if jazz fans live in Monroe typifies all the jazz fans around the country . However , it is possible that Monroe is a small  town where most of people are not so rich as people live elsewhere , including those who love jazz . In that case , the result of the nationwide study can not prove our local jazz fans spend that much at all.

In sum  , this argument is not persuasive as it stands .The author claims that jazz is popular in Monroe thus people will like join the proposed jazz club C Note but give no sufficient evidence to support it . Moreover , the author should evaluate all possibilities to run a jazz club then make the conclusion that to open a new jazz club in Monroe can bring us profit.