issue147 (gogogo)

shashafeng33UID: 174358

好不容易挤出一篇,帮我看看吧
------题目------
Tradition and modernization are incompatible. One must choose between them.
------正文------
Are tradition and modernization incompatible as mentioned nowadays? The answer is not.  With sensible eyes, we can find that the tradition and modernization are coexistent in everywhere of our life, such as the aspect of arts, our daily life, thinking, and so forth.

To begin with, the best field in which to substantiate that tradition and modernization are related with each other is art. No one can deny that the elements of tradition and modernization are mingled as a whole in the design of dress, buildings, movies, and the like. For example, the most popular style recently in fashionable dressing field is called "bohemian wind", which contained the elements of ancient Czechic traditional style. Similarly, the visiting to some European cities such as Milan, Pairs, and London, was more and more popular, because there are many ancient buildings there. These phenomena illustrated not only that people in modern society cherish to enjoy the traditional culture and envisage the life long before, but also the tradition and modernization are not incompatible, they are harmonious.

Furthermore, modernization is obviously important in the field of our daily life, however, the tradition is also. We cannot image that what the life will be like when the tradition and the modernization be departed in our daily life. If we choose the modernization and reject the tradition, we cannot enjoy the fragrant coffee made by hand, though the one made by machine is more quickly and at large quantity. Paralleled, we cannot listen to the euphonious classical-music, even though we have the rock and roll music. Numerous of these examples tell us that tradition and modernization both play a vital role in our life.

When it comes to the realm of thinking, it is the same. The traditional thought is still beneficial in large field of our society such as commerce. As far as I know, lot of people in China and some other East Asia countries, such as Korea and Japan, are learning the thought in a book called Strategy of Suzi, which written by Su Wu, an ancient Chinese man. People use it to raise the inspiration in solving the problems in their working in the modern society. This example illustrate that the traditional wisdoms are not only the topic on the desk, but also the fortune in our daily life.

In a sum, we can make a conclusion that tradition and modernization are not mutually exclusive, but co-existent. It is a modern challenge to preserve the tradition in course of the modernization. By a combination of the both, people can enjoy more meaningful lives and are more justified in living in the beginning of the newest century, looking back to the past history in the back and looking forward to a brand-new century in the front.

[ 本帖最后由 shashafeng33 于 2006-3-22 19:45 编辑 ]

neverstopcowUID: 2149686

------题目------
Tradition and modernization are incompatible. One must choose between them.
------正文------
Are tradition and modernization incompatible as mentioned nowadays? (nowadays调到as mention的前面把，这样看起来就好像nowadays修饰的是as mentioned一样) The answer is not.  With sensible eyes,（这个，确定eyes可以用sensible来修饰吗？我怎么觉得有点怪？） we can find that the tradition and modernization are coexistent in everywhere of our life （换成society,不然和后面的daily life有点重复了）, such as the aspect of arts, our daily life, thinking, and so forth.

To begin with, the best field in which to （the field which best substantiate...） substantiate that tradition and modernization are related with each other is art. No one can deny that the elements of tradition and modernization are mingled as a whole in the design of dress, buildings, movies, and the like. For example, the most popular style recently in fashionable dressing field is called "bohemian wind", which contained the elements of ancient Czechic traditional style. (这个例子不错，可是感觉没有展开分析，如何得知是共存的那？你可以说虽然现在的modernization是职业装，比方office lady，可是传统的服装同样受到人们的青睐，比方bohemian wind是最近最流行的款式，也可以这样分析，设计师们在原有的bohemian风格上加了一些现代的元素就似的这种传统的额风格又流行了起来，总之，例子要分析)Similarly, the visiting to some European cities such as Milan, Pairs, and London, was more and more popular, because there are many ancient buildings there.（这个例子同样是这样，你只说了传统，要强调共存，可以说虽然这些城市都是高度工业化，modernization的典范，可是这些城市的魅力不止是modernization,还有tradition,比如每年成千上万的人到这里参观都是为了tradition的遗迹等等） These phenomena illustrated not only that people in modern society cherish to enjoy the traditional culture and envisage the life long before, but also the tradition and modernization are not incompatible, they are harmonious.

Furthermore, modernization is obviously important in the field of our daily life, however, the tradition is also. We cannot image that what the life will be like when the tradition and the modernization be departed in our daily life. If we choose the modernization and reject the tradition, we cannot enjoy the fragrant coffee made by hand, though the one made by machine is more quickly and at large quantity. Paralleled, we cannot listen to the euphonious classical-music, even though we have the rock and roll music.（感觉这个例子有点更适合上一段） Numerous of these examples tell us that tradition and modernization both play a vital role in our life. (这一段整个感觉都比较勉强，其实可以换个角度，daily life包括物质和精神，modernization 可以丰富物质生活，让人们生活更方便，可是如果没了tradition教会人们礼仪廉耻，那社会会变成什么样子？)

When it comes to the realm of thinking, it is the same. The traditional thought is still beneficial in large field of our society such as commerce. As far as I know, lot of people in China and some other East Asia countries, such as Korea and Japan, are learning the thought in a book called Strategy of Suzi,（孙子兵法好像用英语是the art of war，好像是，问问yunzi,他应该知道） which written by Su Wu, an ancient Chinese man （说是军事家有分量点吧，不过我忘了军事家怎么说了，哎，已经一个星期没碰过作文了，sigh..）. People use it to raise the inspiration in solving the problems in their working in the modern society. This example illustrate that the traditional wisdoms are not only the topic on the desk, but also the fortune in our daily life.

In a sum, we can make a conclusion that tradition and modernization are not mutually exclusive, but co-existent. It is a modern challenge to preserve the tradition in course of the modernization. By a combination of the both, people can enjoy more meaningful lives and are more justified in living in the beginning of the newest century, looking back to the past history in the back and looking forward to a brand-new century in the front.

总的说来没有argument感觉好，是限时的吗？那就可以理解了，这一题相你这样写成方方面面性是没什么问题，可是我感决容易不深刻，我当时写这一篇也是写成方方面面性，不过比你的差多了，后来复习的时候简直想哭，当时怎么写成那样了？后来又响了想提纲，可能还是有毛病，仅供shasha参考
1.传统有时确实不能和现代化共存，（这一点是肯定的，因为社会在进步，肯定是要否定一些过去不对的，然后在创新，可是例子我响了很久都没有想到，最后勉强想到tradition 是封建制度，是不民主的，可是modernization 却是需要民主的）
2.但是在生活的很多方面，两者都是共存的很好的，比方书信和email.走路和汽车，（你的例子也都可以用上）人们可以任意选择tradition or modernization
3.moreover,传统和现代化更是互相促进的，比方孙子兵法，比方城市中的名胜古迹可以为政府创收，进而促进现代化的发展
这两天都没有帮你改作文，真实不好意思，希望以上的建议有帮助:D

lesmineUID: 2234370

总体感觉，语言可以！尤其最后一段，发挥较好！
就是例子少了些，主要是不典型！