issue11 70分钟 500字 第一篇 希望大家拍拍！

olivemmUID: 2150449

提纲：
1. 让步：建立这种大学符合人类美好愿望，可能会对解决问题提出一些新看法。
2. 以大学的水平和学生的能力难以解决复杂的社会问题。
3. 根据投入的多少，某些国家可能会占主导地位，控制大学的意识形态，从而违背建立此大学的初衷。

The position that all nations should help the development of a global university, which is supposed to prepare the students in the process of solving the most persistent social problems all over the world is positive, but it seems a little too difficult to realize.

We cannot deny that to establish such a global university for dealing with the world's most persistent social problems is a reflection of the human beings' good will. As the trend of globalization is more and more obvious, many problems which are faced by the people from different countries need cooperation among them, just like the environment pollution, terrorism and racial problems. Through the high quality education in a global university, a large number of students with special education backgrounds and relevant training may devote themselves to the careers which need them most. They may research on the problems which have been puzzling the humans for a long time and get some innovative solutions and improve the conditions of the world.

However, the world's environment is too complex that it is hard to say the problems can be solved by a global university based on the level of its education and the ability of its research. The students which come from different countries could raise varieties of solutions with their backgrounds of education, religions, and cultures. This may broaden our thought way and improve their communication, but whether it will work is open to doubt. Because they have their own thinking methods and stands. The main purpose of the students is to study. They are lack of social experience, and are always in the ivory tower, the complexity of the world is difficult to imagine for them. In addition, the theory usually has a distance from the real-life. Many problems need the cooperation among the countries and even the parties with different ideology. The students have no such abilities to a great extent.

Taking a deeper account into this suggestion, we could foresee that some unfair results may emerge due to the different degrees which were devoted by the countries. To support such a global university, a large amount of funds is inevitable. The developing countries could not afford as much as the developed countries could, while majorities of the problems are related to the poor countries. Therefore, it is possible that the developed countries may control the ideology of the university and lead the aberration from the original intention of the founding of the university.

To sum up, to develop such a university to solve the world's persistent problems has some sense but is not feasible. Not only because of the complexity of the world's problems, but also the possibility that a few countries may dominate the university. In order to deal with these problems, people could make better use of the organizations relevant which has already existed, and at the same time enhance the communication and cooperation all over the world, for the common will of the humans--to make a better world.

hokuto8UID: 2188958

多亏了你的文章，让我写出了自己的第一篇issue。边帮你改，自己写文章的思路就出来了~~~~~:D
虽然感觉比我的argu水平差多了，但是，写出来了就是胜利:victory:~~~~~~~


The position that all nations should help the development of a global university, which is supposed to prepare the students in the process of solving the most persistent social problems all over the world is positive, but it seems a little too difficult to realize.
//realize,及物动词，请加上宾语，而且，吓我一跳，很积极的想法很难理解？？建议这里用普通的词就可以了。//

//请不要再自己的主题句中用we，we是两个以上的人，这是你自己的观点，不是普通大众的。如果用we的话，最好只用在一些常识方面的--------其实我看完你这句之后，第一个念头是：嗯，我不是跟你一样的想法的。你是要向别人说明自己的想法，不要一开始就假定看的人和自己一样，尤其是接下来的句子让我着实一愣//
We cannot deny that to establish such a global university for dealing with the world's most persistent social problems is a reflection of the human beings' good will. // human beings’ good will，典型的中国英语，而且，你的这种想法我觉得很奇怪呀，为什么这是人类的美好愿望呢？？？这种高规格的话很吓人的，而且，你在后文中对此也没有说明，感觉从这开始，逻辑链就断掉了。其实，后面的详述还是不错的，但不能支持TS，根据你的后文，可以改为：It is seems to me that establishment of such a global university reflect someone’s desire to deal with the world's most persistent social problems.// As the trend of globalization is more and more obvious, many problems which are faced by the people from different countries need cooperation among them, just like the environment pollution, terrorism and racial problems. Through the high quality education in a global university, a large number of students with special education backgrounds and relevant training may devote themselves to the careers which need them most. They may research on the problems which have been puzzling the humans for a long time and get some innovative solutions and improve the conditions of the world.

However, the world's environment is too complex that it is hard to say the problems can be solved by a global university based on the level of its education and the ability of its research. //其实不用把句子写这么长，有一点要记住，句子是为表达你的想法才写出来的。可能是因为我的思维习惯跟你不一样吧，我觉得应该写为：However, the current world is so complicated that a global university might be unable to solve the most persistent social problems all over the world。后面的句子，几乎每一句我都有意见，没法改。干脆我用跟你相同的想法重写这段给你看吧： As a global university, its students come form different countries, and then they are raised within various backgrounds. Someone may be Christian, someone may believe in Islam, and someone may be atheists. Communicating with people having diverse thoughts does broaden one’s insight, but I wonder whether or not such people can make an agreement on the same problem at most time. Taking the feminism as an example, students form Europe and America may highly praise it, but how about the students from Moslem? Absolutely they will oppose it. In addition, even students can agree with each other on some most persistent social problem around the world, will their solutions work? They are not only lacking of enough practical social experience to bring such a solution, but also devoid of the economic and political power to achieve it. Furthermore, considering that some problems concern the advantages and disadvantages of manifold countries, it is just seems to impossible for student to succeed.//The students which come from different countries could raise varieties of solutions with their backgrounds of education, religions, and cultures. This may broaden our thought way and improve their communication, but whether it will work is open to doubt. Because they have their own thinking methods and stands. The main purpose of the students is to study. They are lack of social experience, and are always in the ivory tower, the complexity of the world is difficult to imagine for them. In addition, the theory usually has a distance from the real-life. Many problems need the cooperation among the countries and even the parties with different ideology. The students have no such abilities to a great extent.

Taking a deeper account into this suggestion, we could foresee that some unfair results may emerge due to the different degrees which were devoted by the countries. To support such a global university, a large amount of funds is inevitable.//中国式英语？也不对呀，中文也不会说‘资金是不可避免的’。// The developing countries could not afford //再一次，及物动词请加宾语// as much as the developed countries could, while majorities of the problems are related to the poor countries.//不明白，究竟是什么问题呀？不要认为你知道的大家都知道，用例子说明，虽然我也不会详细的例子，那就虚构一种可能性好了，it might possible 一出，就是看的人知识面窄，不是你的错，虽然这样我有点心虚，但既然存在这种可能性，我就要利用。要是能举有人名地名的例子就好了，可是我也不会。// Therefore, it is possible that the developed countries may control the ideology of the university and lead the aberration from the original intention of the founding of the university.

To sum up, to develop such a university to solve the world's persistent problems has some sense but is not feasible. Not only because of the complexity of the world's problems, but also the possibility that a few countries may dominate the university. In order to deal with these problems, people could make better use of the organizations relevant which has already existed, and at the same time enhance the communication and cooperation all over the world, for the common will of the humans--to make a better world.//感觉好像argu的结尾，不知道怎么改，但我不会这么写。//


总的来说，感觉你的文章逻辑链不够清楚，TS和段落内容不配，要注意守住自己的思路在TS上，不要发散太远。还有就是英文的表达，不要用中文意思直接翻，多看些以英语为母语的作者的文章。
还有，记住：句子是为了表达你的意思才写的，不要追求长句；不要把所有的东西都往句子后面放，应该是修饰词紧跟被修饰词，谓语要跟紧主语，代词紧跟被指代的词，切勿偷工减料,不该省的词不要省。


这个是我的同主题issue，看一下吧~~~~:lol
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... &extra=page%3D1

[ 本帖最后由 hokuto8 于 2006-4-8 05:56 编辑 ]

buaaralUID: 2158055

多谢你的用心修改！你提的意见十分中肯，这些问题我一定会在练习中多多注意。
1。自己写东西思维比较发散，往往想到那写到那，很容易偏离主题句。
2。是有些过于注重使用长句，但由于不熟练不地道，可能会把意思表达不清楚。
3。缺乏具体例证的支持，这样说理就显得空洞抽象了。
4。有的及物动词后面的宾语不是省略了，是自己完全没有意识到少了宾语。

也发现了你的一个小小的语法错误，出现了2次：it is just seems  2个动词，习惯性错误吧？不客气指出来，不要生气哦！共同进步！

周末在上xdf。有空一定反拍你的文章，从中自己也能学到不少东西呢！

hokuto8UID: 2188958

嘻嘻:D，打字时打出了it 就习惯性手指跑到is 去了，都没发现~~~~~~~
谢谢，这种错误本人自己是几乎不可能看出来的，还是别人帮忙看好~~~:lol

你有两个ID呀，不好认呢~~

对了，我还帮其他两个人改了两篇argu147，挺典型的，你也去看一眼:)。


https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... &extra=page%3D1
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... &extra=page%3D9

olivemmUID: 2150449

不好意思，我用的同学的机器，忘了登陆了。我只有一个id哈！