[求助] 同期写作第三期，我的第二篇，欢迎互拍 [复制链接]

bert2006
UID: 2194175

寄托新兵

Rank: 2

声望: 0
寄托币: 343
注册时间: 2006-3-6
精华: 0
帖子: 2

发表于 2006-4-20 13:48:42 |显示全部楼层

根据建议作了一些修改:o

7. How do movies or television influence people's behavior? Use reasons and specific examples to support your answer.

Some people think movies and television have negative influences on people’s behavior, while others think movies and television influence people’s behavior positively. Although there are some shorts of movies and television, I feel that the positive influences far outweigh the negative influences.

No doubt, movies and television have some bad influences. One problem that people often concern about is watching television makes people inactive. People usually passively receive what is on television when they watch television, and hardly move around. However, I think we should not ascribe all the wrong to television, because we are partly responsible for the problem. If we get rid of bad habit, like watching television aimlessly, we can overcome this disadvantage of television.

However, compared to few disadvantages of television and movies, television and movies surely give us much useful information. We can know the weather from weather report on television before we go to work and gain latest news from television about what are happening all over the world. In addition, movies offer us a good way to learn different customs and cultures of others nations that we might not have chance to go. Obviously, television and movies make the way we obtain information convenient and immediate.

Furthermore, movies and television movies and television can help people reduce stress. Watching movies and television programs, we can tear ourselves apart from hard work, endless complains and unbearable stress. Also, there are programs on television that are specially prepared to help people deal with stress that they confront in their lives. Although television and movies should not be a way to hide from life, sometimes they can help us cope.

In a word, being two of the most important invents that change our life styles dramatically, movies and television become more and more important in our daily lives today. For the reasons given above, I believe that movies and television have more positive influences on people’s behavior than negative influences.

[ 本帖最后由 bert2006 于 2006-4-20 19:56 编辑 ]

使用道具举报

allison
UID: 192807

初级会员

Rank: 3 Rank: 3

声望: 0
寄托币: 921
注册时间: 2005-1-20
精华: 2
帖子: 2

发表于 2006-4-20 17:30:39 |显示全部楼层

Some people think movies and television have negative influences on people’s behavior, while others think movies and television influence people’s behavior positively. In my opinion, although there are some shorts sorts of movies and television, there are far more positive influences.两个都用there are ,有点重复
试用 outweigh 来将它们连起来 x ? y

The problem that people often concern about is watching television makes people inactive. People usually passively receive what is on television when they watch television, and hardly move around. However, I think we should not ascribe all the wrong to television, because we are actually responsible for the problem too去掉. If we get rid of bad habit, like watching television aimlessly, we can overcome this disadvantage of television.

Compared to few disadvantages of television and movies, they 指代不明，让人误觉是指代disadvantage应用television and movies surely give us so 去掉much useful information. We can know the weather from weather report on television before we go to work and gain latest news from television about what are happening all over the world. Movies offer us a good way to learn different customs and cultures of others nations. Television and movies make the way we obtain information convenient and immediateconveniently and immediately 后两句能用连词串起来会更好，两个简单句放在一起单调。

The best benefit that movies and television gave us is that movies and television( they)reduce stress. (by)Watching movies and television programs, we can tear ourselves apart from hard work, endless complains and unbearable stress. Also, there are programs on television that are specially prepared to help people deal with stress that they confront in their lives. Although television and movies should not be a way to hide from life, sometimes they can help us cope (with its difficulty [/color])最大益处我觉得放在最前面的段落为好

In a word, being two of the most important invents(inventions) that change our life styles dramatically, movies and television become more and more important in our daily lives. From my point of view, movies and television have more positive influences on people’s behavior.(此句话未完整，应加than its negative effects)

文章结构比较混乱，楼主要注意，建议把第三段和第一段互换，思维和内容还是比较开阔的。注意一下用流畅和简练的语言表达就perfect 了。

帮我看看，给点建议我
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... e%3D1#pid1768464971

坚持，追我所求

赐我长袖，我必善舞

双非DIY美硕申请总结

使用道具举报