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michel_shaoUID: 204704

ＴＯＰＩＣ：
Would you prefer to live in a traditional house or in a modern apartment building?Use specific reasons and details to support your choice.


Whether one would choose to live in a traditional house, or in a modern department,each would have its benefits and drawbacks.I concede that a traditional house would be suitable for some people. For my part,however, I perfer to live in a modern department.

Admittedly, a traditional house has its own advantage that a modern department hasn’t.A traditional house which locates in the country side brings us pease and harmony. Moreover, it not only just a house for living ,but also a part of our memories. For example.every time when I go back to my dawntown,especilly when walking in the yard, the old house reminds me the old time of the past: all the relatives sat together and spent the whole night waiting for the new year’s coming.We had joy and fan there,and such memories brcome so precious for me.

Asid such advantages of a traditional house, however, I perfer to live in a modern department to spent my daily life.Examples from many respects serve to illustrate my point.

A modern department has more superiorities in daily life is the main reason that I consider it would be a better choice .For example, most departments are located in a city, thus there are many different vehicles for choosing,such as cars,buses, taixes and subways.Campared to a traditional house in a small town,it saves more time.Moreover, there are also many public services in a city,such as the 24 hour shops, banks and restaurants around the departments.I can go to my favorite one for a dinner or just stay home and call the food delivery company when I am hungry. In a word,living in a modern department I can enjoy a more comfortable life.

Another reason why I prefer to a modern department is that it also provides more opportunities for the education.For instance, I can go to the library or book stores for studying,or attend an extra class to update my knowledge near the community.What’s more, by the Internet which communicates the whole world, I can search anything useful and valuable in my department.In conclusion, living in a modern department is heipful for us in catching up with the pace of the modern city.

In sum, in spite of the fact that there may be a couple of advantages to live in a traditional house, I feel that the benefits of a modern department are more obvious.A modern department provides us more convenient traffic systems, more chances for relaxing and education. Taking into account of all these factors, I prefer to live in a moder department.

gallianiUID: 2142648

ＴＯＰＩＣ：
Would you prefer to live in a traditional house or in a modern apartment building?Use specific reasons and details to support your choice.

(Whether one would choose to live in a traditional house, or in a modern department,each would have its benefits and drawbacks)改成both living in traditional house and living in a modern apartment building have its own benefits and drawbacks顺一点.I concede that a traditional house would be suitable for some people. For my part,however, I (perfer) to live in a modern department.

Admittedly, a traditional house has its own advantage that a modern department (hasn’t)does not have.A traditional house which locates in the country side brings us pease and harmony. Moreover, it is not only just a house for living ,but also a part of our memories. For example.every time when I go back to my dawntown,especilly when walking in the yard, the old house reminds me of the old time of the past: all the relatives sat together and spent the whole night waiting for the new year’s coming.We had joy and fan there,and such memories (brcome) so precious for me.
还可以从邻里关系好入手说说，和modern building对比

(Asid)? such advantages of a traditional house, however, I perfer to live in a modern department to spent my daily life.Examples from many respects serve to illustrate my point.

A modern department has more superiorities in daily life is the main reason that I consider it would be a better choice .For example, most departments are located in a city, thus there are many different vehicles for choosing,such as cars,buses, (taixes)taxies and subways.Campared to a traditional house in a small town要点明在出行方面,it saves more time.Moreover, there are also many public services in a city,such as the 24 hour shops, banks and restaurants around the departments.I can go to my favorite one for a dinner or just stay home and call the food delivery company when I am hungry. In a word,living in a modern department I can enjoy a more comfortable life.
还有一点：modern building有很多facilities，如天然气 电缆 暖气 网线，以及防火 防盗设施等等

Another reason why I prefer to a modern department is that it also provides more opportunities for the education.For instance, I can go to the library or book stores for studying,or attend an extra class to update my knowledge near the community.What’s more, by the Internet which communicates the whole world, I can search anything useful and valuable in my department.In conclusion, living in a modern department is heipful for us in catching up with the pace of the modern city.

In sum, in spite of the fact that there may be a couple of advantages to live in a traditional house, I feel that the benefits of a modern department are more obvious.A modern department provides us more convenient traffic systems, more chances for relaxing and education. Taking into account of all these factors, I prefer to live in a moder department.

写的很赞，思路和结构都不错，语言读起来很顺，如果用词和句式能够多变一些就更好了

michel_shaoUID: 204704

谢谢,词句方面是要改进
还有 大家觉得作文一般写多少字比较合适?

楼上的留下链接帮你看

yogurt4UID: 198389

Would you prefer to live in a traditional house or in a modern apartment building? Use specific reasons and details to support your choice.

Whether one would choose to live in a traditional house, or in a modern department,each would have its benefits and drawbacks. I concede that a traditional house would be suitable for some people. For my part,however, I perfer to live in a modern department.
开头给出了自己的立场，但是这个开头写的不够实。each has its benefits and drawbacks已经是套话，那么后面写traditional house适合某些人的时候，最后举出一些具体的原因。

Admittedly, a traditional house has its own advantage that a modern department hasn’t. A traditional house which locates in the country side brings us pease and harmony. Moreover, it not only just a house for living ,but also a part of our memories. For example.every time when I go back to my dawntown,especilly when walking in the yard, the old house reminds me the old time of the past: all the relatives sat together and spent the whole night waiting for the new year’s coming.We had joy and fan there,and such memories brcome so precious for me.

理解题目和你有点差异。Traditional house一定是在乡下么？在北京，你是更愿意住公寓还是住四合院？
另外，bring us peace and harmony的原因是什么？最好再后面跟一两句话解释一下，如果房子在农村，那么跟着住房的人往往会享受一种较城市现代住宅较缓慢的生活节奏，远离城市的污染与喧嚣，等等。。。peace and harmony也是外界条件创造出来的。

后面又是和你理解差异问题。Traditional house reminds you something of the past,这才是modern department不能带来的好处。比如，traditional house help orient your culture in the modern society, 不同国家的人都住在一模一样的水泥钢筋大楼里，不是让人没有文化存在感么？你写的让你想起和亲戚一起渡过的happy hour,实际上么有突出traditional house的特别之处，感觉是在写一栋old house.

Asid such advantages of a traditional house, however, I perfer to live in a modern department to spent my daily life.Examples from many respects serve to illustrate my point.
建议不要这样单独抠出来一段，有点突兀，换一下表达
While there exist such advantages of living in a traditional house, no one should lose sight of the benefits of living in a modern apartment. After all, most departments locate in the city, which enables………….在每段的ts里做出转折就可以

A modern department has more superiorities in daily life is the main reason that I consider it would be a better choice .For example, most departments are located in a city, thus there are many different vehicles for choosing,such as cars,buses, taixes and subways.Campared to a traditional house in a small town,it saves more time.Moreover, there are also many public services in a city,such as the 24 hour shops, banks and restaurants around the departments.I can go to my favorite one for a dinner or just stay home and call the food delivery company when I am hungry. In a word,living in a modern department I can enjoy a more comfortable life.        

Another reason why I prefer to a modern department is that it 尽量使用简洁的表达 What is more, a modern department also provides more opportunities for the education. For instance, I can go to the library or book stores for studying,or attend an extra class to update my knowledge near the community. What’s more, by the Internet which communicates the whole world, I can search anything useful and valuable in my department. In conclusion, living in a modern department is heipful for us in catching up with the pace of the modern city.开头写更好的受教育，这里怎么又到catch up the pace of modern city上了？前后保持一致。

一，你所说的享受的条件都是就建立在traditional house附近没有这些设施的前提上。最好明确点明一下。
Internet的理由不要用，在美国互联网普及率那么高的地方，即使在农村也能上网。

In sum, in spite of the fact that there may be a couple of advantages to live in a traditional house, I feel that the benefits of a modern department are more obvious. A modern department provides us more convenient traffic systems, more chances for relaxing and education. Taking into account of all these factors, I prefer to live in a moder department.
结尾还可以

主要从内容和结构上看了一下，我拍得有点重了，lz参考下就好。继续加油！！

[ 本帖最后由 yogurt4 于 2006-4-27 00:26 编辑 ]

yogurt4UID: 198389

呵呵,这个是我们三组的弟弟写的,楼主帮忙看看
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... e%3D1#pid1768492410

michel_shaoUID: 204704

恩,谢谢楼上的帮我看作文!
一个一个的想清楚:的确a traditional house 不一定在乡下,Internet的那个也觉得不是很有力量.写的时候也觉得有点问题,但是没想更多了.
教育那段想到catch up with the pace of a modern city的原因是:不断的学习和充实,才可以更好的适应当代社会的发展.可能没有写开,论述就不清楚.

单独写出来一段的原因是,看issue的作文时候看到这样的表达方式.
还有我想知道,文章的开头一般写多少个句子比较好?我总是怕写多了不够简洁.
第3组的作文.去看了

[ 本帖最后由 michel_shao 于 2006-4-27 01:46 编辑 ]

seven10elevenUID: 2209147

这篇写的好象是说喜欢住大城市还是小城镇
traditional house对应小城镇 modern apartment 对应大城市
这样会不会有些跑题？

yogurt4UID: 198389

原帖由 seven10eleven 于 2006-4-27 01:40 发表
这篇写的好象是说喜欢住大城市还是小城镇
traditional house对应小城镇 modern apartment 对应大城市
这样会不会有些跑题？

我说下我的看法
房子和地理位置其实没有必然的关系
即使在国外,也可以想象那种多半是独门独户的传统房屋(建筑风格,结构功能方面)有自己的文化特色
而象大城市里几十层的高楼住宅,到哪里其实都差不多

我是往文化方面想的,但是
实际上仔细看2楼筒子的批改
会发现neighborhood也是一个可以写的点,modern department的交流性总是要差一些

至于你说的把房子和地理联系起来
我觉得最好在开头的地方自己作个对应工作
毕竟在城市里,traditional house是越来越少了,这也是个不争的事实
但是一定要明确对应一下,否则欠缺说服力

michel_shaoUID: 204704

这样,想明确一下a traditional house是什么?
什么才称的上是传统的房子?

michel_shaoUID: 204704

写的时候也想到了邻居的问题,我开始想的是,住公寓的大多数应该是年轻人,所以有共同话题,交流的范围更多,但是好象现在住公寓的人都不怎么交流,因为公寓流动性比较大点,而住在tranditional house的人也不一定有很多交流.因为邻居很少，所以放弃了写这个方面.

seven10elevenUID: 2209147

我想包含了一种传统的设计风格，还有就是年代
比如英国的那种上百年的house ，也可以说是居民的住房习惯
不过不知TWE举英国的例子好不好，其实好象英国偏传统，美国还有好多其他地方都偏简洁的现代住房

expire7UID: 2160574

原帖由 michel_shao 于 2006-4-27 01:10 发表
恩,谢谢楼上的帮我看作文!
一个一个的想清楚:的确a traditional house 不一定在乡下,Internet的那个也觉得不是很有力量.写的时候也觉得有点问题,但是没想更多了.
教育那段想到catch up with the pace of a mode ...

如果你主体写道400字的样子。开头5行左右也比较合适。不过如果后面展开不够，前面首段那样写。反而头重脚轻的感觉。

我个人觉得你直接写传统房子与题目切合不够好。

shendanlinUID: 2142838

Whether one would choose to live in a traditional house, or in a modern department,each would have its benefits and drawbacks.I concede that a traditional house would be suitable for some people. For my part,however, I perfer to live in a modern department.
Admittedly, a traditional house has its own advantages that a modern department does not have.A traditional house which locates in  countrysides brings us peace and harmony. Moreover, it not only just a house for living ,but also a place for memories . For example,every time when I go back to my downtown,especilly when walking in the yard, the old house reminds me the past(好像跟old有点重复) time （of the past删除）: all the relatives sat together and spent the whole night waiting for the new year’s coming.We had joy and fun there,and those memories become quite precious for me.

Asid such advantages of a traditional house, however, I perfer to live in a modern department to spent my daily life.Examples from many respects serve to illustrate my points.

A modern department has more superiorities in daily life is the main reason that I consider it would be a better choice .For example, most departments are located in a city, thus there are many different transportation ways for choosing,such as cars,public buses, taixes and subways.Campared to a traditional house in a small town,it saves more time.Moreover, there are also many public services in a city,such as the 24 hour shops, banks and restaurants around the departments.I can go to my favorite one for a dinner or just stay home and call the food delivery company when I am hungry. In a word,living in a modern department I can enjoy a more comfortable life.

Another reason why I prefer to a modern department is that it also provides more opportunities for the education.For instance, I can go to the library or book stores for studying,or attend an extra class to update my knowledge near the community.What’s more, by the Internet which communicates the whole world, I can search anything useful and valuable in my department.In conclusion, living in a modern department is heipful for us in catching up with the pace of the modern city
In sum, in spite of the fact that there may be a couple of advantages to live in a traditional house, I feel that the benefits of a modern department are more obvious.A modern department provides us more convenient traffic systems, more chances for relaxing and education. Taking into account of all these factors, I prefer to live in a moder department.
后面两段来不及了，觉得楼主的思路不错，结构也不错哈！
不过小错误也不少。。呵呵！
不过比我的少。。
词汇上面可以加点。。还有句式上面哦！

[ 本帖最后由 shendanlin 于 2006-4-30 20:31 编辑 ]