Argument71 【黄金十二宫】 0610G同主题写作第二期

渡渡鸟UID: 145880

71. Copper occurs in nature mixed with other minerals and valuable metals in ore, and the proportion of copper in the ore can vary considerably. Until fairly recently, the only way to extract pure copper from ore was by using a process that requires large amounts of electric energy, especially if the proportion of copper in the ore is low. New copper-extracting technologies can use up to 40 percent less electricity than the older method to process the same amount of raw ore, especially when the proportion of copper in the ore is high. Therefore, we can expect the amount of electricity used by the copper-extraction industry to decline significantly.
398Words  30M
Outlines:
1可能新技术对于低含量的不一定省电
2可能成本高，不被采用；有可能污染环境被政府禁止
3可能大多数矿是低含量的，高含量的矿只占很少部分

While the arguer’s expectation seems convincing and rational based on the fact that the new extracting method can save electricity dramatically when the proportion of copper in the ore is high; nonetheless, one should also need to consider other latent factors, such as the actual effectiveness and the validity of the new method, before making the farther conclusion that whether the process can decline electricity use significantly.

To begin with, it is noticed in the analysis that the natal method is effective when the copper in the ore is high. But there is no evidence whatsoever to demonstrate that it will have the equally effectiveness when dealing with the ore whose proportion of copper is low. Hence, it is highly possible that the nascent method will use more electricity when processing with low-copper-ore.

Another point worth considering is that the validity of the new extracting method. The arguer fails
to provide additional materials to demonstrate that the new method would have a great appeal among the customers, which means that it is entirely possible that the whole dealing method would cost more because it have to use special chemical ingredient and consequently increase the cost as a whole. If that is the case, most customers would reluctantly adopt the new method. What is more, if the new method has potential threaten to the environment, maybe the government would publish mandatory norms to prohibit the introduction of new method and therefore the decreasing electricity plan will not be practical.

Finally, even if we assume the new method is less-costing and little pollution, we still cannot easily draw a conclusion that it will save large amounts of electricity, since we have no idea about the situation of the core mine around the local areas. If the local market is composed of low-copper mines, for example, more than 90 percents of the ore mines are low copper mine but high-copper mines are trifling, the advocation in reference to decreasing electricity is by no means persuasive.

On all account, unless the arguer can provide more concrete evidence, perhaps by way of a long-range comprehensive study, to substantiate that the nascent method is much better than the old way in most aspects; otherwise the arguer’s expectation concerning on decreasing electricity is totally unwarranted and vulnerable as it stands. At any rate, farther investigation and analysis is needed before further conclusion and ultimate action.

undoerlcUID: 194641

我觉得3归入1会比较完整一些的,其他都不错,语言很流畅明显已经脱离模版了,加油! 还有你的头像很可爱~

[ 本帖最后由 undoerlc 于 2006-7-13 10:44 编辑 ]

winnie_nnUID: 2208004

While the arguer’s expectation seems convincing and rational based on the fact that the new extracting method can save electricity dramatically when the proportion of copper in the ore is high; nonetheless, one should also need to consider other latent factors, such as the actual effectiveness and the validity of the new method, before making the farther conclusion that whether the process can decline electricity use significantly.

To begin with, it is noticed in the analysis that the natal method is effective when the copper in the ore is high. But there is no evidence whatsoever to demonstrate that it will have the equally effectiveness when dealing with the ore whose proportion of copper is low. Hence, it is highly possible that the nascent method will use more electricity when processing with low-copper-ore.

Another point worth considering [语法上好像没错，但是我Google了一下，这么用的好像挺少的] is that the validity of the new extracting method. The arguer fails to provide additional materials to demonstrate that the new method would have a great appeal among the customers, which means that it is entirely possible that the whole dealing method would cost more because it have to use special chemical ingredient and consequently increase the cost as a whole. If that is the case, most customers would reluctantly adopt the new method. What is more, if the new method has potential threaten to the environment, maybe the government would publish mandatory norms to prohibit the introduction of new method and therefore the decreasing electricity plan will not be practical.

Finally, even if we assume the new method is less-costing and little pollution, we still cannot easily draw a conclusion that it will save large amounts of electricity, since we have no idea about the situation of the core mine around the local areas. If the local market is composed of low-copper mines, for example, more than 90 percents of the ore mines are low copper mine but high-copper mines are trifling, the advocation in reference to decreasing electricity is by no means persuasive [persuadable更合适].

On all account, unless the arguer can provide more concrete evidence, perhaps by way of a long-range comprehensive study, to substantiate that the nascent method is much better than the old way in most aspects; otherwise the arguer’s expectation concerning on decreasing electricity is totally unwarranted and vulnerable as it stands. At any rate, farther investigation and analysis is needed before further conclusion and ultimate action.

没啥错啦，第三个错论述的好像没前两个那么好，时间问题吧我想：）

https://bbs.gter.net/viewthread.php?tid=494226&highlight=

ddloveyyUID: 2225606

While the arguer’s expectation seems convincing and rational based on the fact that the new extracting method can save electricity dramatically when the proportion of copper in the ore is high; nonetheless, one （？谁）should also need to consider other latent factors, such as the actual effectiveness and the validity of the new method　（总觉得有点问题，不知道怎么说．the arguer当然认为新方法有 actual effectiveness and the validity，还没有批，别人怎么相信新方法没有 actual effectiveness and the validity？而且也不是other latent factors啊．～～不知道有木有讲清楚）, before making the farther conclusion that whether the process can decline electricity use significantly.

To begin with, it is noticed in the analysis that the natal method is effective when the copper in the ore is high. But there is no evidence whatsoever to demonstrate that it will have the equally effectiveness when dealing with the ore whose proportion of copper is low. Hence, it is highly possible that the nascent method will use more electricity when processing with low-copper-ore. （木有说完的感觉，加一句结论性的话的说）

Another point worth　considering is that the validity of the new extracting method. The arguer fails to provide additional materials to demonstrate that the new method would have a great appeal among the customers, which means that it is entirely possible that the whole dealing method would cost more because it have to use special chemical ingredient and consequently increase the cost as a whole. If that is the case, most customers would reluctantly adopt the new method（勉强接受也是接受）.What is more, if the new method has potential threaten to the environment, maybe the government would publish mandatory norms to prohibit the introduction of new method and therefore the decreasing electricity plan will not be practical（呵呵汉语习惯，建议改成let alone...）.　（这段想法很好，偶就木有想到，但是TS对整段的概括不是很到位，偶看过根本想不到下面要批什么，毕竟偶们的阿狗TS不是用来吸引ETS读下文的兴趣的，validity有问题，太概括的说）

Finally, even if we assume the new method is less-costing and little pollution（这个不能搭配is了吧）, we still cannot easily draw a（the） conclusion that it will save large amounts of electricity, since we have no idea about the situation of the core mine around the local areas. If the local market is composed of low-copper mines, for example, more than 90 percents of the ore mines are low copper mine but high-copper mines are trifling, the advocation in reference to decreasing electricity is by no means persuasive. （low就怎么了？实验不可靠吗？应该展开说下）

On all accounts, unless the arguer can provide more concrete evidence, perhaps by way of a long-range comprehensive study（木有用白说）,to substantiate that the nascent method is much better than the old way in most aspects; otherwise the arguer’s expectation concerning on decreasing electricity is totally unwarranted and vulnerable as it stands. At any rate, farther investigation and analysis is needed before further conclusion and ultimate action.

总体感觉错误都找出来了，只是每一段的论证少严密性逻辑感（偶也有这样的毛病）．
还有一点讨论下，偶觉得第２，３个错误顺序有待斟酌，even if 的关系好象整反了，偶觉得１段批实验的准确性，２段批方法的可推广性，３段又再批实验的准确性了．～个人感觉～
这是偶的文，来拍哈，表客气．
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthread.php?tid=494096&extra=page%3D1
P.S. 饿饿的感觉～终于又拍一块砖．深深明白，只有先拍人，才能盼被拍．继续努力了．

[ 本帖最后由 ddloveyy 于 2006-7-13 22:57 编辑 ]

渡渡鸟UID: 145880

谢谢2位的砖头~~：）受益~~

simplehopeUID: 2132363

大概看了一下，很不错

不过第四段的percents应该用单数吧？我查了一下字典，没有用复数的