Argument 38：[飞扬之夏]小组7月15日作业

squallteoUID: 173687

Argument 38：
The following memo appeared in the newsletter of the West Meria Public Health Council.

"An innovative treatment has come to our attention that promises to significantly reduce absenteeism in our schools and workplaces. A study reports that in nearby East Meria, where fish consumption is very high, people visit the doctor only once or twice per year for the treatment of colds. Clearly, eating a substantial amount of fish can prevent colds. Since colds are the reason most frequently given for absences from school and work, we recommend the daily use of Ichthaid, a nutritional supplement derived from fish oil, as a good way to prevent colds and lower absenteeism."




In this newsletter excerpt of the West Meria Public Health Council (WMPHC), the speaker concludes that the mass of West Meria should take a nutritional supplement derived from fish oil, namely Ichthaid, to prevent cold, which can be the most significant cause of absenteeism in schools and workplaces. To support this conclusion, the speaker cites three facts: (1) in East Meria, where fish consumption is high, people rarely visit the doctor for the treatment of colds; (2) cold is the most frequent excuse given for the absences from school and work, thus it's the main cause of absenteeism; (3) derived from fish oil, Ichthaid will certainly prevent cold. However, a close scrutiny reveals that none of them lend credible support to the recommendation.

First, the major problem with this argument is the hasty generation that eating a substantial amount of fish can prevent colds. To support this conclusion, the speaker cites that in East Meria, whose fish consumption is high, people seldom see a doctor for treatment of colds. Letting alone a potential improper analogy between East and West Meria, the cause-and-effect relationship itself seems unconvincing and questionable. The high fish consumption in East Meria may simply coincide with the infrequency of visiting a doctor for colds. Some factors other than high fish consumption can also lead to this situation. For example, the climate in East Meria may be not as changeable as it in West Meria and the people in East Meria may be gifted with a solid constitution. Besides, the infrequency of visiting a doctor for colds is by no means equal to the low possibility of catching a cold in East Meria residents. Either a neglect of the seriousness of colds or a distrust of public sanitation system can result in residents' reluctance to visit a doctor.

Secondly, the authenticity that the main cause of absenteeism in West Meria is cold remains unproven. Admittedly, catching a cold is the most frequently given excuse. Nevertheless, the statistic result can not guarantee all the absentees are telling the truth. A slothful employee or one who has overslept may also allege he or she has caught a cold and would like a day off, because this excuse is considerably common and not risky. If such situation exists (actually, it's inevitable), the credibility of this recommendation will be challenged.

Last but not the least, even granted that eating fish can prevent colds, we cannot ensure that daily use of Ichthaid would serve the same purpose. As the extract of fish oil, Ichthaid is unnecessarily capable of prevent people from catching cold. The process of extraction may have altered the chemical composition and structure of the material which has positive effects. And it's possible that the material mentioned above is generated during the cooking of fish. Anyway, unless the speaker can provide more information about clinical drug trial of Ichthaid, we cannot stop suspecting that the recommendation is simply driven by commercial interests.

In sum, the argument is not persuasive as it stands. To make a sound recommedation, the speaker in WMPHC still need to ascribe the low possibily of catching cold in East Meria to a more intrinsic reason rather than a superficial one; to make a more reliable survey of the cause of absenteeism in West Meria, on which the recommendation bases; and to provide some more detailed information to prove that Ichthaid do prevent people from catching cold, such as authorized clinical drug trial reports from a hospital.

[ 本帖最后由 squallteo 于 2006-7-16 12:08 编辑 ]

squallteoUID: 173687

第一次写argument，欢迎大家都来拍啊，我也会回拍的:handshake

rosy0928UID: 2191748

In this newsletter excerpt of the West Meria Public Health Council (WMPHC), the speaker concludes that the mass of West Meria should take a nutritional supplement derived from fish oil, namely Ichthaid, to prevent cold, which can be the most significant cause of absenteeism in schools and workplaces. To support this conclusion, the speaker cites three facts: (1) in East Meria, where fish consumption is high, people rarely visit the doctor for the treatment of colds; (2) cold is the most frequent excuse given for the absences from school and work, thus it's the main cause of absenteeism; (3) derived from fish oil, Ichthaid will certainly prevent cold. However, a close scrutiny reveals that none of them lend credible support to the recommendation. (有听说开头不要太允长的好，不过我觉得你的开头条理清楚，一目了然~~)
First, the major problem with this argument is the hasty generation that eating a substantial amount of fish can prevent colds. To support this conclusion, the speaker cites that in East Meria, whose fish consumption is high, people seldom see a doctor for treatment of colds. Letting alone a potential improper analogy between East and West Meria, the cause-and-effect relationship itself seems unconvincing and questionable. The high fish consumption in East Meria may simply coincide with the infrequency of visiting a doctor for colds. Some factors other than high fish consumption can also lead to this situation. For example, the climate in East Meria may be not as changeable as it in West Meria and the people in East Meria may be gifted with a solid constitution. Besides, the infrequency of visiting a doctor for colds is by no means equal to the low possibility of catching a cold in East Meria residents. Either a neglect of the seriousness of colds or a distrust of public sanitation system can result in residents' reluctance to visit a doctor. （是不是最好有小结句啊？）

Secondly, the authenticity that the main cause of absenteeism in West Meria is cold remains unproven. Admittedly, catching a cold is the most frequently given excuse. Nevertheless, the statistic result can not guarantee all the absentees are telling the truth. A slothful employee or one who has overslept may also allege he or she has caught a cold and would like a day off, because this excuse is considerably common and not risky. If such situation exists (actually, it's inevitable), the credibility of this recommendation will be challenged.

Last but not the least, even granted that eating fish can prevent colds, we cannot ensure that daily use of Ichthaid would serve the same purpose. As the extract of fish oil, Ichthaid is unnecessarily capable of prevent people from catching cold. The process of extraction may have altered the chemical composition and structure of the material which has positive effects. And it's possible that the material mentioned above is generated during the cooking of fish. Anyway, unless the speaker can provide more information about clinical drug trial of Ichthaid, we cannot stop suspecting that the recommendation is simply driven by commercial interests.

In sum, the argument is not persuasive as it stands. To make a sound recommendation, the speaker in WMPHC still need to ascribe the low possibility of catching cold in East Meria to a more intrinsic reason rather than a superficial one; to make a more reliable survey of the cause of absenteeism in West Meria, on which the recommendation bases; and to provide some more detailed information to prove that Ichthaid does prevent people from catching cold, such as authorized clinical drug trial reports from a hospital.

第一次帮别人改作文，真的不好意思，肯定很菜的了。:L
说我的感受，惭愧不已，我和你找的错误都一样，而且想到的其他可能性也差不多，可我的表达和你一比就差老远了~~5555555，备受打击，明白自己又多菜了！
你的文章真的写得很棒，很有自己的风格，而且不紧不慢娓娓道来~~
好好向你学习！
Ps:都不太好意思把自己烂作贴上来了~~55555，请多指教！！:$

rosy0928UID: 2191748

:LArgument 38：
The following memo appeared in the newsletter of the West Meria Public Health Council.

"An innovative treatment has come to our attention that promises to significantly reduce absenteeism in our schools and workplaces. A study reports that in nearby East Meria, where fish consumption is very high, people visit the doctor only once or twice per year for the treatment of colds. Clearly, eating a substantial amount of fish can prevent colds. Since colds are the reason most frequently given for absences from school and work, we recommend the daily use of Ichthaid, a nutritional supplement derived from fish oil, as a good way to prevent colds and lower absenteeism."

16:01

In this memo, the author concludes that it is necessary to use Ichthaid, a nutritional supplement derived from fish oil every day to prevent colds and lower absenteeism. To substantiate the recommendation, the author provides a evidence that the people living where is rich in fish seldom visit the doctor. Another evidence that colds are the chief reason for the absences is also cited to support the conclusion. Close scrutiny of the facts, however, reveals that the claim is unconvincing for several flaws.

To begin with, the author fails to substantiate the causal relationship between eating more fish and keeping away from the colds. The mere fact that the people who consume fish highly visit the doctor not often is insufficient to support the causal relationship. It is quite possible that the weather there is good for people's health. Another possibility is that the people there have another good custom in living a healthy life which keeps they away from colds. In sum, without ruling out other likelihood that may lead to the result, it is hard to make the conclusion acceptable.

In addition, even assuming that having more fish is responsible for decreasing the possibility to having a cold, the author provides no evidence to conclude that using the Ichthaid, a nutritional supplement derived from fish oil would function as well as eating fish. It is entirely likely that the real useful component for people's health does not exist in the oil of the fish but in other parts. If it is true, the effect of the Ichthaid would be suspect.

Last but not least, the author's statement that colds are the chief reason for the absences bases on no valid evidence. The author provides no information about where the claim is drawn from. Perhaps the claim just relies on a survey which is not all-sided, or perhaps the author just infer from his or her own opinion. Only if the author provides established facts to support the claim, can we assess the conclusion in the memo.

To sum up, the recommendation is not persuasive as it stands. To bolster it, the author should provide more information about how eating fish functions in preventing colds and whether the Ichthaid will have the same effect. To better evaluate the conclusion, we need more reliable information about the main reason for absence.
16:41

rosy0928UID: 2191748

:LArgument 38：
The following memo appeared in the newsletter of the West Meria Public Health Council.

"An innovative treatment has come to our attention that promises to significantly reduce absenteeism in our schools and workplaces. A study reports that in nearby East Meria, where fish consumption is very high, people visit the doctor only once or twice per year for the treatment of colds. Clearly, eating a substantial amount of fish can prevent colds. Since colds are the reason most frequently given for absences from school and work, we recommend the daily use of Ichthaid, a nutritional supplement derived from fish oil, as a good way to prevent colds and lower absenteeism."

16:01

In this memo, the author concludes that it is necessary to use Ichthaid, a nutritional supplement derived from fish oil every day to prevent colds and lower absenteeism. To substantiate the recommendation, the author provides a evidence that the people living where is rich in fish seldom visit the doctor. Another evidence that colds are the chief reason for the absences is also cited to support the conclusion. Close scrutiny of the facts, however, reveals that the claim is unconvincing for several flaws.

To begin with, the author fails to substantiate the causal relationship between eating more fish and keeping away from the colds. The mere fact that the people who consume fish highly visit the doctor not often is insufficient to support the causal relationship. It is quite possible that the weather there is good for people's health. Another possibility is that the people there have another good custom in living a healthy life which keeps they away from colds. In sum, without ruling out other likelihood that may lead to the result, it is hard to make the conclusion acceptable.

In addition, even assuming that having more fish is responsible for decreasing the possibility to having a cold, the author provides no evidence to conclude that using the Ichthaid, a nutritional supplement derived from fish oil would function as well as eating fish. It is entirely likely that the real useful component for people's health does not exist in the oil of the fish but in other parts. If it is true, the effect of the Ichthaid would be suspect.

Last but not least, the author's statement that colds are the chief reason for the absences bases on no valid evidence. The author provides no information about where the claim is drawn from. Perhaps the claim just relies on a survey which is not all-sided, or perhaps the author just infer from his or her own opinion. Only if the author provides established facts to support the claim, can we assess the conclusion in the memo.

To sum up, the recommendation is not persuasive as it stands. To bolster it, the author should provide more information about how eating fish functions in preventing colds and whether the Ichthaid will have the same effect. To better evaluate the conclusion, we need more reliable information about the main reason for absence.
16:41

squallteoUID: 173687

四十分钟完成的话，还是不错的，因为我是第一次写，所以没限时，要是限时估计也不会比你好多少～

开头的是否繁冗的问题我还真不知道，等待高手进来解答吧:D

时间还是有的，每天都在进步

[ 本帖最后由 squallteo 于 2006-7-16 23:14 编辑 ]

squallteoUID: 173687

In this memo, the author concludes that it is necessary to use Ichthaid, a nutritional supplement derived from fish oil every day to prevent colds and lower absenteeism. (避免低缺勤率！？而且用absenteeism rate更好一些) To substantiate (好词，收下了) the recommendation, the author provides a(an) evidence that the people living (in) where is rich in fish seldom visit the doctor. (此句不通) Another evidence that colds are the chief reason for the absences is also cited to support the conclusion. Close scrutiny of the facts, however, reveals that the claim is unconvincing for several flaws.

To begin with, the author fails to substantiate the causal relationship (又学到一个因果关系的表达法) between eating more fish and keeping away from the colds. The mere fact that the people who consume fish highly visit the doctor not (not改成less) often is insufficient to support the causal relationship. It is quite possible that the weather there is good for people's health. Another possibility is that the people there have another good custom in living a healthy life which keeps they (them) away from colds. In sum, without ruling out other likelihood that may lead to the result, it is hard to make the conclusion acceptable.

In addition, even assuming that having more fish is responsible for decreasing the possibility to having (have) a cold, the author provides no evidence to conclude that using the Ichthaid, a nutritional supplement derived from fish oil would function as well as eating fish. It is entirely likely that the real useful component for people's health does not exist in the oil of the fish but in other parts. If it is true, the effect of the Ichthaid would be suspect.

Last but not least, the author's statement that colds are the chief reason for the absences bases on no valid (invalid) evidence. The author provides no information about where the claim is drawn from. Perhaps the claim just relies on a survey which is not all-sided, or perhaps the author just infer from his or her own opinion. Only if the author provides established facts to support the claim, can we assess the conclusion in the memo.

To sum up, the recommendation is not persuasive as it stands. To bolster it, the author should provide more information about how eating fish functions in preventing colds and whether the Ichthaid will have the same effect. To better evaluate the conclusion, we need more reliable information about the main reason for absence.

squallteoUID: 173687

原帖由 irislab 于 2006-7-16 23:16 发表
solid constition 强壮的体格?是不是有点中式英语的味道?

其他总体来说,确实写的不错!

+油!

我大概是以前玩游戏的时候见过这么个用法:victory:

rosy0928UID: 2191748

谢谢修改！:)
发现自己的确有很多很白痴的错误，唉~~基础不好多多加油！！
向你学习哦！:handshake