ARGUMENT117 [越洋农场站队]Pewcg8

pewcg8UID: 2143213

ARGUMENT117:The following is a memo from the business manager of Valu-Mart stores.

"Over 70 percent of the respondents to a recent survey reported that they are required to take more work home with them from the workplace than they were in the past. Since Valu-Mart has not seen impressive sales in its office-supply departments in the past, we should take advantage of this work-at-home trend by increasing at all Valu-Mart stores the stock of home office machines such as printers, small copy machines, paper shredders, and fax machines. We will also increase stock of office supplies such as paper, pens, and staplers. With these changes, our office-supply departments will become the most profitable component of our stores."

最近一次调查超过70％的回应者报告说他们被要求回家完成的工作量比以前多。由于Valu-Mart在过去并没有发现办公用品部销量的显著上升，我们应该利用这种在家办公的趋势，在所有Valu-Mart商店增加家庭办公机器比如打印机、小型复印机、碎纸机和传真机的存货。我们也将增加办公用品比如纸笔和钉书机的存货。通过这些变革，我们办公用品部将会成为我们商店中盈利最多的部门。

题目分析：
论据１：a recent survey reported that they are required to take more work home with them from the workplace than they were in the past（由调查引出，被要求回家完成的工作量比以前多）
论据２：Valu-Mart has not seen impressive sales in its office-supply departments in the past
论据３：we should take advantage of this work-at-home trend by increasing at all Valu-Mart stores the stock of home office machines such as printers, small copy machines, paper shredders, and fax machines
结论：our office-supply departments will become the most profitable component of our stores
分析：
１．        驳斥论据１，３之间的关系．工作是什么样的类型？是否需要这些office-supply？或者说在家进行的工作是否需要这些office-supply？这其实就是两小点质疑，其一质疑是否被调查者所进行的是需要office-supply的工作？其二质疑他们带回家进行的工作是否需要office-supply？
２．        由一个不明确的调查就盲目的得到我们需要扩大规模的结论有点仓促，我们是否考虑到了成本，风险等其他因素？同时，作者不能盲目的得到我们的办公用品部将会成为我们商店中盈利最多的部门，因为没有考虑别的部门啊．
３．        all Valu-Mart stores并不明智，可能调查的地区和别的地区不同，那么完全没必要都增加啊！

正文：
TOPIC: ARGUMENT117 - The following is a memo from the business manager of Valu-Mart stores.

"Over 70 percent of the respondents to a recent survey reported that they are required to take more work home with them from the workplace than they were in the past. Since Valu-Mart has not seen impressive sales in its office-supply departments in the past, we should take advantage of this work-at-home trend by increasing at all Valu-Mart stores the stock of home office machines such as printers, small copy machines, paper shredders, and fax machines. We will also increase stock of office supplies such as paper, pens, and staplers. With these changes, our office-supply departments will become the most profitable component of our stores."
WORDS: 481          TIME: 0:34:09          DATE: 2006-7-26

The author of this argument makes a somewhat plausible claim that the office-supply departments of Valu-Mart can increase their income by enlarging the dimensions of home office machines' stock in all stores. Supported by a problematic survey without accurate statistics, the author’s logic is confused and his recommendations are unwise.

In the first place, one needs to go no further but to evaluate the survey quoted by the author. Lacking enough detailed information concerning the places and kinds of jobs among which this survey is done, one has to doubt that whether these respondents' works need machines such as printers, paper shredders and fax machines. When most of these people who took part in the survey are IT engineers or salesmen, those kinds of machines mentioned above means nothing to them during their home-working time, maybe a computer or a small car will make sense to them. Even we imagine that these respondents are secretaries who deal with paper work all day long, we have to examine whether the very works they are allowed to take home are paper-works. It would be wiser for the boss of a company to let them do all paper works at their workplace and take other works such as typing or editing home. These counterexamples show that it is arbitrary to imagine all the works they take home need home office machines.

What is more, the author suggests all stores of Valu-Mart increase their storage, which is absolutely a unwise plan. With no respect to the places the survey was done, we can not rule out the possibility that only the store which is located in the place where the investigations is done can enlarge their sale. One can easily come up with the point that if the survey was done in a place with a high density of paper-work companies, there would be more people who take more work home or who use these machines at home a lot. But what if we have only a few clients in other places? Then, would it be wise enough to magnify the storage in our stores there? The answer is negative.

In the end of the argument, the author makes a dubious conclusion that office-supply department will be most profitable. Only business opportunities themselves can not create profits. We need to consider our cost, risk in business as well as potential opponents now and in the future. It is entirely possible that we will lose our money because of an increase in the price of paper and therefore a decline in the sale of these machines in the future. Also, other department such as sports or cosmetic branches might be more profitable.

To conclude, the author lacks neither enough information about the market nor accurate statistics concerning the cost to make a sound argument. He needs to plus extra information about the survey and local market.

alfred0516UID: 2214165

The author of this argument makes a somewhat plausible claim that the office-supply departments of Valu-Mart can increase their income by enlarging the dimensions of home office machines' stock in all stores. Supported by a problematic survey without accurate statistics, the author’s logic is confused and his recommendations are unwise.

In the first place, one needs to go no further but to evaluate the survey quoted by the author. Lacking enough detailed information concerning the places and kinds of jobs among which this survey is done, one has to doubt that whether these respondents' works need machines such as printers, paper shredders and fax machines. When most of these people who took part in the survey are IT engineers or salesmen, those kinds of machines mentioned above means nothing to them during their home-working time, maybe a computer or a small car will make sense to them. Even we imagine that these respondents are secretaries who deal with paper work all day long, we have to examine whether the very works they are allowed to take home are paper-works. It would be wiser for the boss of a company to let them do all paper works at their workplace and take other works such as typing or editing home. These counterexamples show that it is arbitrary to imagine all the works they take home need home office machines.

What is more, the author suggests all stores of Valu-Mart increase their storage, which is absolutely a （改为an）unwise plan. With no respect to the places the survey was done, we can not rule out the possibility that only the store which is located in the place where the investigations is done can enlarge their sale(感觉这句话从句套多了，是不是可以改一下？比如，which is是不是可以删掉，或者整句话干脆改成the store in the investigated area can enlarge their sale.). One can easily come up with the point that if the survey was done in a place with a high density of paper-work companies, there would be more people who take more work home or who use these machines at home a lot. But what if we have only a few clients in other places? Then, would it be wise enough to magnify the storage in our stores there? The answer is negative [/color](反问句，一般不要自己作答；否则说服力就没有原来那么强了。让反对这种意见的人，让读者自己去回答就行了。)

In the end of the argument, the author makes a dubious conclusion that office-supply department will be most profitable. Only business opportunities themselves can not create profits. We need to consider our cost, risk in business as well as potential opponents now and in the future. It is entirely possible that we will lose our money because of an increase in the price of paper and therefore a decline in the sale of these machines in the future. Also, other department such as sports or cosmetic branches might be more profitable.

To conclude, the author lacks neither enough information about the market nor （用neither… nor 意思是不是反了啊。我觉得可以用both… and）accurate statistics concerning the cost to make a sound argument. He needs to plus extra information about the survey and local market.



关于idea和结构：
1．        在逻辑和结构安排上都比较好。
2．        推理和举例使整个文章读起来比较饱满；多处使用了让步句式，值得学习 ;
关于语言：
1．        在句式安排上还需注意一点。特别是不宜从句套从句。。。
2．        Typo虽然是小问题，但也值得注意。

                                                       -----------BY Alfred

[ 本帖最后由 alfred0516 于 2006-7-28 23:38 编辑 ]

alfred0516UID: 2214165

写的不错，还真要跟你多学习学习呢，嘿嘿嘿：）