Issue185 [Smile小组]第四次作业--请不吝赐教

zhy5186612UID: 2167373

Issue185
限时不成功
"Scandals—whether in politics, academia, or other areas—can be useful. They focus our attention on problems in ways that no speaker or reformer ever could."

Outline
1 All kinds of media are very interested to excavate, spread and keep track of various scandals.
2 Common populaces are enthusiastic to know scandals in details of celebrities
3 The scandal involved person would also give the public more useful information in his or her field through his or her argument

For modern democratic society, people can often get more useful and somewhat eccentric information in scandals through a special perspective, no matter it is in sport, political or academic field. The relevant information about specific problems would never be acquired otherwise by the public, even the problems have been advocated frequently by eloquent speakers and reformers.

In the first place, all kinds of media, the newspaper, the television station, the magazine and the internet, are very interested to excavate, spread and keep track of various scandals. Often, with circulation and hence profit consideration on some degree, it is a labor of love for media to take an initiative to report scandals to the public, although, it is also their responsibility to do that. Sport scandals, for instance, are the most popular ones which are always captured and blurted out to common people by media. Through media, you will indulge in a sex scandal of a football player today, when have not drop out from the exhilarant scandal about a basketball player yesterday, and with the expectation of life scandal about other athlete tomorrow. By doing so, the public would know much useful information about relevant sport.

Secondly, it is common populaces, just like you and me, who are enthusiastic to know scandals in details of celebrities who are difficultly to be accessed in daily life. It is up to our human nature, curiosity, to learn about what and how the celebrity’s life would be. Just think about that, when the sex scandals of Bill Clinton and Leivensky was spread to the public, how many people, either young or old, American or foreigners all over the world talked about that news crazily everyday. You will understand how enthusiastic we are in scandals famous giant. In this case, common people may know the impeaching policy for the first time.

Last but not least, the celebrity who is engaged in scandal would also give the public more useful information in his or her field through his or her argument. Especially in academic field, if an celebrity like an expert or scientist is involved in a scandal say forgery, the expert or professor would argue with relevant personnel for him or herself as best as he or she can do. In this way, more new or even eccentric information about relevant problem will be acquired by the public.

In conclusion, through the interest of the media combined with not only people’s enthusiasm but also the argument of scandal involved person, all kinds of scandals can draw our attention and help us to get more useful information of society, which is often difficult for people to access by other means.

[ 本帖最后由 zhy5186612 于 2006-7-29 19:04 编辑 ]

vitaminxixiUID: 2159890

For modern democratic society,民主这点提得很好，我就没想到 people can often get more useful and somewhat eccentric information in scandals through a special perspective, no matter it is in sport, political or academic field. The relevant information about specific problems would never be acquired otherwise by the public, even the problems have been advocated frequently by eloquent speakers and reformers.

In the first place, all kinds of media, the newspaper, the television station, the magazine and the internet, are very interested to excavate, spread and keep track of various scandals. Often, with circulation and hence profit consideration on some degree, it is a labor of love for media to take an initiative to report scandals to the public, although, it is also their responsibility to do that. Sport scandals, for instance, are the most popular ones which are always captured and blurted out to common people by media. Through media, you will indulge in a sexsexual scandal of a football player today, when have not drop out from the exhilarant scandal about a basketball player yesterday, and with the expectation of life scandal about other athlete tomorrow.haha这句挺有意思 By doing so, the public would know much useful information about relevant sport.
最后一句点名丑闻作用所在
Secondly, it is common populaces, just like you and me, who are enthusiastic to know scandals in details of celebrities who are difficultly形容词 to be accessed in daily life. It is up to our human nature, curiosity, to learn about what and how the celebrity’s life would be. Just think about that, when the sex scandals of Bill Clinton and Leivensky was spread to the public, how many people, either young or old, American or foreigners all over the world talked about that news crazily everyday疯狂用得很形象. You will understand how enthusiastic we are in scandals famous giant. In this case, common people may know the impeaching policy for the first time. 最后一句写丑闻作用？于此段中心有何关系？

Last but not least, the celebrity who is engaged in scandal would also give the public more useful information in his or her field through his or her argument. Especially in academic field, if an celebrity like an expert or scientist is involved in a scandal say forgery, the expert or professor would argue with relevant personnel for him or herself as best as he or she can do. In this way, more new or even eccentric information about relevant problem will be acquired by the public.

In conclusion, through the interest of the media combined with not only people’s enthusiasm but also the argument of scandal involved person, all kinds of scandals can draw our attention and help us to get more useful information of society, which is often difficult for people to access by other means.
刚看到提纲时，感觉中心不明确
文章好像也有这个问题
而且谈得不深入，有些地方可以想想现象后的原因是什么，这样字数也多了，思想也深刻了，可能是想着限时，这点有点难做吧。我那篇就写了好久好久。。。
还有一点就是第一段作用很重要，要把自己的观点明确地提出来

zhy5186612UID: 2167373

谢谢vitaminxixi 我仔细核查后修改

xinxinwUID: 2144273

For modern democratic society, people can often get more useful and somewhat eccentric information in scandals through a special perspective, no matter it is in sport, political or academic field. The relevant information about specific problems would never be acquired otherwise by the public, even the problems have been advocated frequently by eloquent speakers and reformers.

In the first place, all kinds of media, the newspaper, the television station, the magazine and the internet, are very interested to excavate, spread and keep track of various scandals. Often, with circulation and hence profit consideration on some degree, it is a labor of love for media to take an initiative to report scandals to the public, although, it is also their responsibility to do that. Sport scandals, for instance, are the most popular ones which are always captured and blurted out to common people by media. Through media, you will indulge in a sex scandal of a football player today, when have not drop out from the exhilarant scandal about a basketball player yesterday, and with the expectation of life scandal about other athlete tomorrow. By doing so, the public would know much useful information about relevant sport.

Secondly, it is common populaces, just like you and me, who are enthusiastic to know scandals in details of celebrities who are difficultly to be accessed in daily life. It is up to our human nature, curiosity, to learn about what and how the celebrity’s life would be. Just think about that, when the sex scandals of Bill Clinton and Leivensky was spread to the public, how many people, either young or old, American or foreigners all over the world talked about that news crazily everyday. You will understand how enthusiastic we are in scandals famous giant. In this case, common people may know the impeaching policy for the first time.

Last but not least, the celebrity who is engaged in scandal would also give the public more useful information in his or her field through his or her argument. Especially in academic field, if an celebrity like an expert or scientist is involved in a scandal say forgery, the expert or professor would argue with relevant personnel for him or herself as best as he or she can do. In this way, more new or even eccentric information about relevant problem will be acquired by the public.

In conclusion, through the interest of the media combined with not only people’s enthusiasm but also the argument of scandal involved person, all kinds of scandals can draw our attention and help us to get more useful information of society, which is often difficult for people to access by other means.

好像只论述了题目的后半部分，到底有什么useful的地方呢？

smiles11UID: 2232631

对对，楼上这个问题我本来也要提的：论述了他是否有吸引力，但是题目说他是有用的，因为他很能引人关注，比改革家和演讲者。

zhy5186612UID: 2167373

谢谢xinxinw 我意见在你帖子里说了，可能我审题有问题吧，我再仔细想想

applehattieUID: 2195344

zhy5186612 (小太阳)  的帖子好多人改啊
我迟来了一步，
谢谢改我的文章啊，

猫猫寿司UID: 2219543

For modern democratic society, people can often get more useful and somewhat eccentric information in scandals through a special perspective, no matter it is in sport, political or academic field. The relevant information about specific problems would never be acquired otherwise by the public, even the problems have been advocated frequently by eloquent speakers and reformers.开头蛮好的拉

In the first place, all kinds of media, the newspaper, the television station, the magazine and the internet, are very interested to excavate, spread and keep track of various scandals. Often, with circulation and hence profit consideration on some degree, it is a labor of love for media to take an initiative to report scandals to the public, although, it is also their responsibility to do that. Sport scandals, for instance, are the most popular ones which are always captured and blurted out to common people by media. Through media, you will indulge in a sex scandal of a football player today, when have not drop out from the exhilarant scandal about a basketball player yesterday, and with the expectation of life scandal about other athlete tomorrow. By doing so, the public would know much useful information about relevant sport.整段有点不到位哦，论点可以归结为因为媒体的无限追逐所以把scandal放在了人们的视线中，使它得以比演讲人发言人有更大号召力~~如果深入论述下去就能说清楚了。比如媒体是利益驱使之类的。这个球员的例子有点像说绕口令一样好可爱呵呵~
Secondly, it is common populaces, just like you and me, who are enthusiastic to know scandals in details of celebrities who are difficultly to be accessed in daily life. It is up to our human nature, curiosity, to learn about what and how the celebrity’s life would be. Just think about that, when the sex scandals of Bill Clinton and Leivensky was spread to the public, how many people, either young or old, American or foreigners all over the world talked about that news crazily everyday. You will understand how enthusiastic we are in scandals famous giant. In this case, common people may know the impeaching policy for the first time.这个跟我想的一样，最好顺便能把scandal在引起人们好奇的同时挖掘人们内心启发什么思考的作用顺便带出来

Last but not least, the celebrity who is engaged in scandal would also give the public more useful information in his or her field through his or her argument. Especially in academic field, if an celebrity like an expert or scientist is involved in a scandal say forgery, the expert or professor would argue with relevant personnel for him or herself as best as he or she can do. In this way, more new or even eccentric information about relevant problem will be acquired by the public.这个论点不是太明白

In conclusion, through the interest of the media combined with not only people’s enthusiasm but also the argument of scandal involved person, all kinds of scandals can draw our attention and help us to get more useful information of society, which is often difficult for people to access by other means.
呵呵，和xinxinw感觉差不多哦~就差一点论述scandal作用的，感觉全文有一些在嘴边的话没有说出来，深入下去就很好啦：）:D加油拉

zhy5186612UID: 2167373

谢谢，猫猫寿司，这个题目可能我审题有问题，我综合大家意见，到时候修改吧

zhy5186612UID: 2167373

Issue185 Revision (advised by vitaminxixi, xinxinw, smiles11, and猫猫寿司)

"Scandals—whether in politics, academia, or other areas—can be useful. They focus our attention on problems in ways that no speaker or reformer ever could."

Outline
1 All kinds of media are very interested to excavate, spread and keep track of various scandals. ----information.
2 Common populaces are enthusiastic to know scandals in details of celebrities. ---- information.
3 Improvement of some concerning policies can be made as result of enough information acquired through scandals. -----improvement.

For modern democratic society, people can often get more useful and somewhat eccentric information in scandals through a special perspective, and therefore improve concerning policies and social justness, no matter it is in sport, political or other field. The relevant information about specific problems would never be acquired, not alone solved otherwise by the public, even the problems have been advocated frequently by eloquent speakers and reformers.

In the first place, all kinds of media, the newspaper, the television station, the magazine and the internet, are very interested to excavate, spread and keep track of various scandals. Often, with circulation and hence profit consideration on some degree, it is a labor of love for media to take an initiative to report scandals to the public, although, it is also their responsibility to do that. Sport scandals, for instance, are the most popular ones which are always captured and blurted out to common people by media. Through media, you will indulge in a scandal of finding prostitute of a football player today, when have not drop out from the exhilarant scandal about a basketball player yesterday, and with the expectation of life scandal about other athlete tomorrow. By doing so, the public would know much useful information about relevant sport.

Secondly, it is common populaces, just like you and me, who are enthusiastic to know scandals in details of celebrities who are difficult to be accessed in daily life. It is up to our human nature, curiosity, to learn about what and how the celebrity’s life would be. Just think about that, when the sexual scandals of Bill Clinton and Monica Lewinsky was spread to the public, how many people, either young or old, American or foreigners all over the world talked about that news crazily everyday. You will understand how enthusiastic we are in scandals of famous giant. In this sexual scandal, common people may know the impeaching policy for the first time.

Finally, by the interest of the media combined with people’s enthusiasm, we can hope that, relevant improvement or even social justness of some concerning policies can be made as result of enough information acquired through scandals. As for the stimulant scandal in sports mentioned above, more severe and scientific inspecting policies could be established to exert a strict examination on players both before and after game. If so, a more fair and credible competition in sports would come on its way. Also for the sexual scandal of President Clinton, a harsh censoring system could be instituted and emphasized to confine misbehavior of the President. I believe the successor say Gorge Bush would not be stumbled by the same stone or at least not be easily caught by the public.

In conclusion, through the interest of the media combined with people’s enthusiasm, all kinds of scandals can draw our attention and help us to get more useful information of society, which is often difficult for people to access by other means. And therefore to make a better future for everybody through improvement of relevant policies connected with scandals.

回复及致谢
谢谢各位同仁对我文章的修改，这片I我审题出问题了

[ 本帖最后由 zhy5186612 于 2006-8-1 22:04 编辑 ]

yxjessieUID: 194526

以下是我原来改的，因为第四次轮到我改你的文章了。因为有事现在才补上。发现你已经作了修正，比原来好多了。不过我最后的建议还是生效的。For modern democratic society, people can often get more useful and somewhat eccentric information in scandals through a special perspective, no matter it is in sport, political or academic field. The relevant information about specific problems would never be acquired otherwise by the public, even the problems have been advocated frequently by eloquent speakers and reformers.

In the first place, all kinds of media, the newspaper, the television station, the magazine and the internet, are very interested to excavate, spread and keep track of various scandals. Often, with circulation and hence profit consideration on some degree, it is a labor of love for media to take an initiative to report scandals to the public, although, it is also their responsibility to do that. Sport scandals, for instance, are the most popular ones which are always captured and blurted out to common people by media. Through media, you will indulge in a sex scandal of a football player today, when have not drop out from the exhilarant scandal about a basketball player yesterday, and with the expectation of life scandal（what’s life scandal?） about other athlete tomorrow. By doing so, the public would know much useful information about relevant sport. 这段我觉得写得不太好，没有符合题意。你只是说会关注，但没有说明会关注一些演说家和改革家不能说明的事实。
Secondly, it is common populaces, just like you and me, who are enthusiastic to know scandals in details of celebrities who are difficultly to be accessed in daily life. It is up to our human nature, curiosity, to learn about what and how the celebrity’s life would be. Just think about that, when the sex scandals of Bill Clinton and Leivensky was spread to the public, how many people, either young or old, American or foreigners all over the world talked about that news crazily everyday. You will understand how enthusiastic we are in scandals famous giant. In this case, common people may know the impeaching policy for the first time. 开头写的不错，但给人虎头蛇尾的感觉。例子应该再深入，题目说的是关注problem，而你说关注impeaching policy，impeaching policy虽然事实是有问题的，可似乎在你的陈述中它不是一个problem。
Last but not least, the celebrity who is engaged in scandal would also give the public more useful information in his or her field through his or her argument. Especially in academic field, if an celebrity like an expert or scientist is involved in a scandal say forgery（plagiarism）, the expert or professor would argue with relevant personnel for him or herself as best as he or she can do. In this way, more new or even eccentric（这个形容词在这里代表什么意思？） information about relevant problem will be acquired by the public.

In conclusion, through the interest of the media combined with not only people’s enthusiasm but also the argument of scandal involved person, all kinds of scandals can draw our attention and help us to get more useful information of society, which is often difficult for people to access by other means.

我感觉每段陈述都不够有力，还应该再深入一些，也许是你想限时的缘故。我觉得刚开始先把思路整理清楚，最好题库都过一遍，然后再开始限时，这样写起来才比较有条理和清楚。

[ 本帖最后由 yxjessie 于 2006-8-2 22:37 编辑 ]

zhy5186612UID: 2167373

谢谢，yxjessie 我会再考虑你的意见的