Argument48 欢迎拍砖

yuexuanUID: 155186

今天准备哭死，才写了360字居然超时10分钟，这日子没法过了

48The following appeared in a newspaper article published in the country of Corpora.

"Twenty years ago, one half of all citizens in Corpora met the standards for adequate physical fitness as then defined by the national advisory board on physical fitness. Today, the board says that only one quarter of all citizens are adequately fit and suggests that spending too much time using computers may be the reason. But since overall fitness levels are highest in regions of Corpora where levels of computer ownership are also highest, it is clear that using computers has not made citizens less physically fit. Instead, as shown by this year's unusually low expenditures on fitness-related products and services, the recent decline in the economy is most likely the cause, and fitness levels will improve when the economy does."

In the argument, the author reaches the conclusion that the economy is possible the reason which leaded to the decreasing of healthy levels in Corpora and the progress of economy will improve their fitness levels. The bases cited by the author for the conclusion are followed: people being of highest healthy levels have the most number of computers; the cost for fitness-related products and services was declined. The evidence in the argument lacks credibility and does not lend strong support to the conclusion.

Firstly, we have good reason to doubt that the standards for evaluating people’s fitness level have changed during the twenty years. The time is so long that the governor and political officials are possible not same. And with the development of economy and society, the standards may be substituted by more scientific standards due to the change in people’s life condition and social notion.

Secondly, the fact that in Corpora people being of most computer have the highest fitness levels does not imply that using computer has not bad influence to their health. In all likelihood the government and scholars in Corpora offer a host of effective ways to them which can compensate the bad influence from using computer. For example, the people were instructed to eat more healthy food and to take more exercise in the morning and evening, all of which can bring about compensating effect to the bad influence.

Finally, the fact that decreasing of cost for fitness-related products and services does not indicate the economy is possible reason for healthy levels decline. There is no evidence available to offer sufficient support to this point. The decline of this expenditure may be account for the fact that people prefer to do exercise in park or health club, and perhaps such fact that now the popular exercise such as boxing does not need other equipment.

All in all, the evidence quoted in the argument is vague and uninformative thus does not provide convincing support to the conclusion. To better assess the argument, we need more information concerning which reason lend to the decreasing of healthy levels and which ways is the most effective to improve the levels.

WWWXXX2UID: 2143598

In the argument, the author reaches the conclusion that the economy is possible the reason which leaded to the decreasing of healthy levels in Corpora and the progress of economy will improve their (whose?) fitness levels. The bases (cases) cited by the author for the conclusion are followed: people being of highest healthy levels have the most number of computers (the phenomenon that the highest fitness level is coincident with highest ownership level of computer); the cost for fitness-related products and services was declined (adj的话 decline). The evidence in the argument lacks credibility and does not lend strong support to the conclusion.

Firstly, we have good reason to doubt that the standards for evaluating people’s fitness level have changed during the twenty years. The time is so long that the governor and political officials (干吗的governor….) are possible (possibly) not same. And with the development of economy and society, the standards may be substituted by more scientific standards due to the change in people’s life condition and social notion. (69个字……这个点可以多写几个可能的原因啊)
Secondly, the fact that in Corpora people being of most computer have the highest fitness levels does not imply that using computer has not bad influence to their health.  (…..这个句子可以改一下吧^_^) In all likelihood the government and scholars in Corpora could offer a host of effective ways to them (who) which can compensate the bad influence from using computer. For example, the people were instructed to eat more healthy food and to take more exercises in the morning and evening, all of which can bring about compensating effect to the bad influence.

Finally, the fact that decreasing of cost for fitness-related products and services does not indicate (that) the economy is (a) possible reason for healthy levels decline. There is no evidence available (去掉) to offer sufficient support to this point. The decline of this expenditure may be account (被动？) for the fact that people prefer to do exercise in park or health club （单复数……）, and perhaps such fact that now the popular exercise such as boxing does not need other equipment. （念着不通，例子不对）

All in all, the evidence quoted in the argument is vague and uninformative thus does not provide convincing support to the conclusion. To better assess the argument, we need more information concerning which reason lend to the decreasing of healthy levels and which ways is the most effective to improve the levels.

从结构上看：楼主的攻击缺乏深度和广度，好几个点都只提出了一个方面
                  字数也严重不足，这样的话及格都很困难，不知道楼主什么时候考
                  望加油^_^
从文字上看：没有较长的句子，语法错误也比较严重
                  用词重复比较多……
个人意见，共勉之

[ 本帖最后由 WWWXXX2 于 2006-7-31 09:51 编辑 ]

pewcg8UID: 2143213

yuexuan要加把劲了,大大大大哥