argument 56 请拍

xxxxzoeUID: 2200473

这篇ARG确实变态,严重超时

TOPIC: ARGUMENT 56 - Collectors prize the ancient life-size clay statues of human figures made on Kali Island but have long wondered how the Kalinese artists were able to depict bodies with such realistic precision. Since archeologists have recently discovered molds of human heads and hands on Kali, we can now conclude that the ancient Kalinese artists used molds of actual bodies, not sculpting tools and techniques, to create these statues. This discovery explains why Kalinese
miniature statues were abstract and entirely different in style: molds could only be used for life-size sculptures. It also explains why few ancient Kalinese sculpting tools have been found. In light of this development, collectors should expect the life-size sculptures to decrease in value and the miniatures to increase in value.
WORDS: 501         TIME: 0:50:00          DATE: 2006-8-4

In this argument, author claims that collectors should expect the life-size sculptures to decrease in value and the miniatures to increase in value only because the former is made by molds while the latter is not. This argument is well-presented, but not thoroughly well-reasoned.

It seems that the discovery of human heads and hands molds on Kali denote that ancient Kalinese artists used molds of actual bodies instead of sculpting tools and techniques. However, this is not the case. Despite archeologists found that molds of human heads and hands, there is no evidence indicating that these heads and hands are for sculpture-using, hence, we have no idea whether these molds are used in the other way. Even if these molds are used in sculptures, where are the other parts of human bodies? Sculptures cannot only be formed by head and hands, however, there is nothing mentioned here. To entirely finish a sculpture, it is most likely that the sculpture are made by molds of human heads and hands and sculpting tools as well .

As to the different styles of life-size sculptures and miniatures, because of the different size there must be something different, style is only a slim aspect. Furthermore, it is possible that the artists who create the miniatures are deliberate to form that different style in order to distinguish from the life-size one. Therefore, author cannot so harsh to conclude that these differential was caused by the molds which can only be used for life-size sculptures.

In addition, author failed to convince us that the discovery of head and hands molds equals to the situation that there was no sculpting tools in Kali and then further explain why few ancient Kalinese sculpting tools have been found. Archeologists did not find sculpting tools do not mean that there is no sculpting tools in Kali, it is may be they did not find  the right place and it is possible that these sculpting tools were taken by migration of  Kali of that time or were ruined by the some natural disasters and so forth. Without ruling out these and other possibilities, the author cannot convince us to believe that there was no sculpting tools in Kali.

Finally, author should not draw the conclusion that collectors should expect the life-size sculptures to decrease in value while the miniatures' will increase. Despite facture is one aspect to judge the art work, however, it does mean everything. It is partial to evaluate by only one factor, to appreciate art works must understand its aesthetic value and its innner meanings, that is the real way to evaluate the value of art work. Therefore, author should not draw that conclusion above.

In conclusion, this argument, while it seems logical at first glance, has several flaws as discussed above. To convince us, author should support more concrete evidence to show that sculpting tools are inexistent. Furthermore, to improve this argument, author should make clear about ways to evaluate art work and should not make harsh conclusion.

[ 本帖最后由 xxxxzoe 于 2006-8-4 14:51 编辑 ]

ljknirvanaUID: 2231819

说实话，本来很想改你的文章的，可是发现很多简单的单复数和第三人称单数的错误，建议你先自己把这些错误和拼写错误都改过来再传上来给其他人改
最好在b1前面加个first,in the first place,to begin with之类的连接词
b2的批驳对与批驳作者的观点有帮助吗？
即：你证明了作者的观点“these differential was caused by the molds which can only be used for life-size sculptures.” is too hasty 对你最后证明你的主要观点“collectors should expect the life-size sculptures to decrease in value and the miniatures to increase in value” is not well-reasoned有任何帮助吗？
还有“differential”好像是“微分的”意思～～～

xxxxzoeUID: 2200473

不好意思,一写完就发上来
水平比较次,改好再发上来
谢谢

ljknirvanaUID: 2231819

加油！我也22号考！虽然不在南京了，但永远爱着南大！！
建议你多看看argu一些常用的句型以及词汇
有空拍拍我的文章啊～～～
我已经改过拼写以及简单的语法错误了：）
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... type%26typeid%3D102

xxxxzoeUID: 2200473

这是我重写后的ARG 56, 已做修改,可能还有一些错误
请拍,不要客气
TOPIC: ARGUMENT 56 - Collectors prize the ancient life-size clay statues of human figures made on  
Kali Island but have long wondered how the Kalinese artists were able to depict bodies with such  
realistic precision. Since archeologists have recently discovered molds of human heads and hands on  
Kali, we can now conclude that the ancient Kalinese artists used molds of actual bodies, not  
sculpting tools and techniques, to create these statues. This discovery explains why Kalinese  
miniature statues were abstract and entirely different in style: molds could only be used for life
-size sculptures. It also explains why few ancient Kalinese sculpting tools have been found. In  
light of this development, collectors should expect the life-size sculptures to decrease in value  
and the miniatures to increase in value.
WORDS: 517          TIME: unlimited          DATE: 2006-8-4

Outline:
1.molds不一定是用来做等身雕像的,即使用来做也很可能是和工具一起用的,同时论证没有发现工具不代表没有工具
2. molds和微雕的抽象没什么关系,抽象是有意为之
3. molds和价值没有关系

In this argument, the author claims that collectors should expect the life-size sculpture to  
decrease in value and the miniatures to increase in value. To support this claim the author pointed  
out a series of unsubstantiated reason, and is therefore unpersuasive as it stands.

In the first place, there is no evidence to indicate that molds of human heads and hands were used  
to create life-size sculpture. Perhaps molds and life-size sculptures belong to different time.  
Therefore it is a impossible mission to use these to create life-size sculptures. Even if they were  
in the same time and these molds were for sculpting use, the author cannot convince us that artists  
of that time did not use sculpting tools. Common sense informs me a status cannot be only made up  
of head and hands, there must be other parts of human body included.  However, archeologist only  
found heads and hands. Therefore author's assertion that ancient Kalinese artists used molds of  
actual bodies is unpersuasive. In addition, the existence of human heads and hands does not mean  
that sculpting tools are inexistent, let alone the assertion that artists did not use that tools.  
Perhaps these tools were taken by the people's migration or else were hide in one place that  
archeologists have not reached yet. Consider how to finish a whole status, it is most likely that  
the statue are created by the cooperation of sculpting tools and molds of heads and hands.

Secondly, even assuming that molds were for life-size sculptures using, author should not be so  
hasty to believe that Kalinese miniature statues' abstract feature and different style from life-
size sculptures could contribute to molds. We must take many other factors into account. It is  
possible that artists wanted to form a totally different style from life-size sculptures especially  
for the aesthetic reasons. Even artists were following King's order to create that miniature  
statues which is abstract and entirely different in style. According to the above, the situation  
that molds could only be used for life-size sculpture has noting to do with miniature statues'  
abstract feature and different style .

Finally, even the above assumption are reliable, the anticipation of value changes in life-size  
sculptures and miniature statues is unwarranted. Despite the life-size sculptures were made by  
molds while miniature statues were not, there is no concrete evidence that collector will prefer  
miniature statues. To appreciate art work, we should pay attention to many factors, facture is only  
a fraction. There is great chance that collector would be more interested in life-size sculptures  
after they have learned the facture of that sculptures. Even if the collector did not prize the  
life-size sculptures, there are many other marvelous sculptures will attract collector's attention.  
The value of miniature statues, therefore, will not increase at the same time. Overall, to predict  
the value change should take many factors into account, it is not a one-side problem.

In conclusion, this argument has several flaws as discussed above. To convince us, author should  
support more detail information about the discovery. Furthermore, author should be cautious to  
evaluate the art work.

ljknirvanaUID: 2231819

总体来说比上一次进步很大，你肯定看了不少北美的模板，第一段模板气息太重，建议综合一下别人的模板，自己总结一个模板出来，以后就固定用那个，另外第一段最好不要出现任何语法和拼写错误，比如a series of unsubstantiated reason（应该是reasons），这会降低你的印象分的
b1个人觉得可以拆开来，分两个body写：
a、molds不一定是用来做等身雕像的
b、即使用来做也很可能是和工具一起用的（毕竟没有发现身体其他部分的模子，可能那些都是用工具做的）,同时论证没有发现工具不代表没有工具
如果你真的是8月22号考，那可真要加油了啊！语言上要下功夫！
b2始终感觉怪怪的：）
字数没必要写那么多，个人觉得450左右，430～470最好，多了很容易超时，也是浪费：）