argument147 MYTH第三次作业 Phevos

phevos_xxUID: 2258006

"Although the sales of Whirlwind video games have declined over the past two years, a recent survey of video-game players suggests that this sales trend is about to be reversed. The survey asked video-game players what features they thought were most important in a video game. According to the survey, players prefer games that provide lifelike graphics, which require the most up-to-date computers. Whirlwind has just introduced several such games with an extensive advertising campaign directed at people 10 to 25 years old, the age-group most likely to play video games. It follows, then, that the sales of Whirlwind video games are likely to increase dramatically in the next few months."

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In this editorial, the author concludes that the sales of Whirlwind video games are likely to increase dramatically in the next few months. The author's conclusion is based on a recent survey of video-game players, which indicates the most significant feature of a video-game is lifelike graphics. And Whirlwind company has just introduced several such games with an extensive advertising campaign. However, there are several fallacies in the editorial.

First of all, the recent survey only concerns about the most important feature in a video game. The survey ignores other features which also play an important role in a video game. According to the survey, players prefer games that provide lifelike graphics, which require the most up-to-date computers. As we know, the features of a game include several factors, such as the graphics, music, scenarios, etc. They all have great influence on player’s decision whether buy the game to play or not. Only concerning about the graphics is unconvincing and incomplete.

Moreover, the author does not provide sufficient evidence to prove that the sales of Whirlwind video games are likely to increase dramatically in the next few months. Assuming that the videogame with lifelike graphics will be the most popular game of all kinds, only several games will success in the market. It is unknown that whether Whirlwind's video games are competent enough among all of the video game companies. To better evaluate the author's conclusion, the author should provide an analysis between Whirlwind's video games and other companies. And we also should know the reason why the sales of Whirlwind video games have declined over the past two years. Considering those factors,

Finally, there are several problems in the survey. The lifelike graphics need up-to-date computers. However, not all the players have an up-to-date computer. Actually, the most players do not have an up-to-date computer. Unfortunately, these people can not play such games, unless they update their old computers. I think the cost of playing such a game is too expensive to worth to do. And the people 10 to 25 years old who would most likely to play these games are also the group of people who are studying without enough money.

In conclusion, the author ignores several important factors while he draws the conclusion that the sales of Whirlwind video games will increase dramatically in the next few months. It is strongly suggested that the author should find the reason why the sales of Whirlwind video games have declined over the past two years. And the author also should provide an analysis report on the competition of Whirlwind among all the video game companies.

最後の使徒UID: 2257608

In this editorial, the author concludes that the sales of Whirlwind video games are likely to increase dramatically in the next few months. The author's conclusion 这个跟前面那句的开头有点重复,不如改成从句is based on a recent survey of video-game players, which indicates the most significant feature of a video-game is lifelike graphics. And Whirlwind company has just introduced several such games with an extensive advertising campaign这一句和前面的关系不太明确, 最好也用从句并列到那个调查中. However, there are several fallacies in the editorial.

First of all, the recent survey only concerns about the most important feature in a video game. The survey ignores other features which also play an important role in a video game. According to the survey, players prefer games that provide lifelike graphics, which require the most up-to-date computers. As we know, the features of a game include several factors, such as the graphics, music, scenarios, etc. They all have great influence on player’s decision whether buy the game to play or not. Only concerning about the graphics is unconvincing and incomplete.这一段缺乏展开,其它的因素怎么影响游戏的销量? 为什么这些因素也会影响游戏销量? 用户会对这些因素怎么考虑?


Moreover, the author does not provide sufficient evidence to prove that the sales of Whirlwind video games are likely to increase dramatically in the next few months.这一句攻击的不明显,事实上开头都说了调查和W的策略都是其游戏销量会上升这个假设的证据,那么其实全文都应该是在攻击这个总的错误论断, 那么把这句放到中间当一段的主题句就很明显不合适了. Assuming that the videogame with lifelike graphics will be the most popular game of all kinds这句让步假设才是这段的主题句, 前面那句多余了, only several games will success in the market同样缺乏展开,为什么只有少数会成功? 至少把玩家时间有限,精力有限, 这些限制条件写上吧. It is unknown that whether Whirlwind's video games are competent enough among all of the video game companies拿游戏跟游戏公司比了,表达错误. To better evaluate the author's conclusion, the author should provide an analysis between Whirlwind's video games and other companies. And we also should know the reason why the sales of Whirlwind video games have declined over the past two years. 这句逻辑上跟本段不是一个层次的,如果没时间写的话就另起列一段好了Considering those factors, 没写完?

Finally, there are several problems in the survey. 这一段的安排很成问题, SURVEY作为前提, 在一开始就批判了它没考虑其它因素,那么那会等于假设这个SURVEY是没有问题的,现在又回过头去批判它,显然连贯性,没有理由把这个批判点放到跟它毫无关系的上一段后面The lifelike graphics need up-to-date computers. However, not all the players have an up-to-date computer. Actually, the most players do not have an up-to-date computer. Unfortunately, these people can not play such games, unless they update their old computers. I think the cost of playing such a game is too expensive to worth to do. And the people 10 to 25 years old who would most likely to play these games are also the group of people who are studying without enough money.这段怎么看都不象是在批判SURVEY本身,而是它对于销售情况到底有没有参考性的问题, 如果说这段目的如此的话,不如放到第二段,这样就形成了 1 SURVEY没有考虑其它因素 2 就算其它因素没有图象的影响大, 图象好的游戏也未必什么人都能玩 3 就算图象好的游戏大家都能玩, W的游戏也未必有竞争力 4 就算W的游戏有竞争力,他们近几年的销售问题也未必出在游戏产品本身上

In conclusion, the author ignores 用neglect比较好,虽然张雷东说ARGUE里这么写没关系,不过这个词还是不太妥当several important factors while he draws the conclusion that the sales of Whirlwind video games will increase dramatically in the next few months之前题目已经被复述过一遍了,这里建议把表达的方法换一换. It is strongly suggested that the author should find the reason why the sales of Whirlwind video games have declined over the past two years. 结尾段新立批驳点却没有攻击过程,显得很不妥当And the author also should provide an analysis report on the competition of Whirlwind among all the video game companies.缺了另外两个攻击点

总结: 这篇文章比起以往的有一定进步,不过PHEVOS同学最大的问题还是文章的结构关系, 第一和第三个攻击点的关系混乱,也没有很好的理清题目里各个错误的关系, 结果使文章显得很松散, 强烈建议每次写前先列个提纲, 在做提纲作业的时候也想想自己的文章该怎么从这个提纲来展开, 这样才能让文章更有组织性. 另外论证过程也不够充分, 他因, 反证很多都没用上, 所以说服力也显得不够.