issue11 请大家拍砖!!!

1606UID: 2268450

Issue11
All nations should help support the development of a global university
designed to engage students in the process of solving the world's most persistent social problems.

    It is said in this issue that to solve the persistent social problems all nations should support to establish a global university. Unfortunately however, I take leave to doubt this perspective. And I maintain that the country which has advantage and spare time should do it.

    Admittedly, as the development of modern society, every part of the earth has made tighter links with another. And while this situation brings us masses of benefits, there remain some conflicts and problems which need to be solved in emergency. For instance, the disease AIDS, which spawns deep influence both in  piratical lives of individuals, developments of mainly concerned nations (take countries in Africa for example) and also in morality. And war affairs which now concerning countries even races and religions.

    But the idea of all the nations helping to set up a international university is not that reasonable as it appears. Firstly, common sense tells us that the developments of science and technology are varying from nations to nations, and the prosperous of art is not happened in all countries. In addition some countries now is suffering from wars, nature catastrophe or is engaged in building up itself to benefit its citizens. As the intention of this issue is to make individuals in every nation live better, how can we impose the nations having dilemmas mentioned above to spare their energies and attentions to establishing a global university? Moreover, if we indeed impose these countries to do so, it is quite possible that their own rubs will be worse while these also need to be solved in emergency.

    On the other hand, the necessity of supporting of detailed process, is open to doubt. For one thing, at present there already are numerous universities owning advanced researches over various social problems. Why should we do exert scores of energies and time to establish something we already have? Furthermore, if we really develop a global university, it is hard to exceed or even reach some high qualified universities now exist. And for another thing, developing a global university which can solve word's most persistent social problems is not a easy thing. And maybe it will need a comparatively long time to do the whole thing and get some benefits. Thus using it to solve problems in emergency is ridiculous.

     Also, let's suppose all nations can do something to establish a solving world's social problems' university, the outcome that world will get more graduates who have learned how to handle world's social does not amount to the exact nations and powerful persons concerning to the world's social problem will solve it in accordance with the proper way these graduates have learned.

     Based on above-mentioned factors and causes, the original idea to solve world's social rubs can not come true merely by all nations support to develop a global university.

[ 本帖最后由 1606 于 2006-11-11 23:42 编辑 ]

xbullfrogUID: 2180016

我是带着讨论的态度改的，作者觉得不对的地方请给我指出

我觉得
    在大方向上，作者先陈述全球问题带来的影响，再分别说明这种建校方式合作不可行，没有必要，没有能力。但是在各个段落里面，作者还是没有很好的展开，以及提供具体，有力地例子或论述来证明自己的观点。还有在第一段，是不是做个小让步，说明合作的确有些必要性，而不要重点指出全球问题带来的影响？
    在一些小的细节上，好句子我就不指出了，我觉得能表达意思的，通顺的句子都是好句子。查出错误更是我对你的负责。我觉得作者对长句的掌握还是要练一下，这片文章中有几处长句子出现了明显的语法错误。还有词也多替换一下。
        要讨论的地方请给我E-mail       
        谢谢


Issue11
All nations should help support the development of a global university
designed to engage students in the process of solving the world's most persistent social problems.

    It is said in this issue that to solve the persistent social problems all nations should support to establish a global university. Unfortunately however, I take leave to doubt this perspective. And I maintain that the country which has advantage and spare time should do it.

    Admittedly, as the development of modern society, every part of the earth has made tighter links with another [改为each other？]. And while this situation [trend 似乎更能表现这样一种动态过程] brings us masses of [我所见的更多的是用numerous, masses of 我多见于用于固体,可数之类的，比如masses of stars, species等]benefits, there remain some conflicts and problems which need to be solved in emergency [我没查到有用in emergency表示急需的意思，我觉得用urgently或者which is in urgent need of solution]. For instance, the disease AIDS, which spawns deep influence [也没查不到有spawn deep influence的用法，的确有的话告诉我，我收藏] both  [both省掉吧，你后面好像接有三个对象吧] in  piratical lives of individuals [piratical lives of individuals不懂这个，有时间给我解释下吧], developments of mainly concerned nations (take countries in Africa for example) and also in morality. And war affairs which now concerning countries even races and religions [这句话没有谓语？].

    But the idea of all the nations helping to set up a[an] international university is not that reasonable as it appears. Firstly, common sense tells us that the developments of science and technology are varying [vary?] from nations to nations, and the prosperous of art is not happened in all countries. In addition some countries now is suffering from [for?] wars, nature catastrophe or is engaged in building up itself to benefit its citizens. As the intention of this issue is to make individuals in every nation live better, how can we impose the nations having dilemmas mentioned above to spare their energies and attentions to establishing [establish] a global university? Moreover, if we indeed impose [上面已经用了，换成force,或compel，或require？] these countries to do so, it is quite possible that their own rubs [problem?因为你后面用的是worse, 而且社会摩擦多用social friction] will be worse while these also need to be solved in emergency [urgently].

    On the other hand, the necessity of supporting of[改为this? ] detailed process,[去掉逗号] is open to doubt. For one thing, at present there already are numerous universities owning advanced researches over various social problems. Why should we do exert scores of energies and time to establish something we already have? Furthermore, if we really develop a global university, it is hard to exceed or even reach some high qualified universities now exist. And for another thing, developing a global university which can solve word's most persistent social problems is not a[an] easy thing. And maybe it will need a comparatively long time to do the whole thing and get some benefits. Thus using it to solve problems in emergency[同上] is ridiculous.

     Also[用moreover?], let's suppose all nations can do something to establish a solving world's social problems' university[改为establish a university aimed at solving the world’s social problems], [用逗号？，前面已经是完整的一句话了啊，除非你把前面的let’s suppose改为supposing]the outcome that world will get more graduates who have learned how to handle world's social does not amount to the exact nations and powerful persons concerning to the world's social problem will[will这句的主语是谁？] solve it in accordance with the proper way these graduates have learned.[这句有问题，你把这一段作为一句来写，但是我感觉语法上错得比较混乱，要改的话，估计还要结合你想表达的意思来该]

     Based on above-mentioned factors and causes, the original idea to solve world's social rubs [social friction 比较好]can not come true merely by all nations support to develop a global university.

[ 本帖最后由 xbullfrog 于 2006-11-12 11:53 编辑 ]

xbullfrogUID: 2180016

1606
以后作业帖子的题目能不能把组名还有你的名字加上啊，
就像其他组员的标题那样：  Issue11 [中华龙作文小组，1606第二次作业]，之类的
这样我们找起来快一些啊
谢谢