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In this argument, the speaker recommends Clearview as a top choice for retirement. To support this recommendation, the speaker points out that the place has spectacular natural beauty and consistent climate. He(你凭什么说她/他就是个男的) also cites a fact that the housing costs in this place have fallen significantly during the past year and real estate taxes remain lower than those in neighboring town. Meanwhile, he also points out that the mayor of this city will initiate many new programs to improve schools, streets and public service and maintains that people can expect a excellent health care because the number of physicians in the area is far greater than the national average. However, close security of the evidence reveals that the argument is unconvincing for several reasons. First of all, the speaker fails to rule out the possibility that the spectacular natural beauty and the consistent climate are not the sole or primary factors for people seeking a place to retire. It is possible that most retiring people are more concerned with the security and stability level of the place or they are more prone to live near to their children or old friends to avoid loneliness. Therefore, without excluding other factors that will affect people's choice of retiring place, it is presumptuous to assert that Clearview is the top choice for retirement.(个人认为这一点不好攻击,因为有好的风景和宜人的气候总比没有好吧,你也不能说它的安全性不好啊) Secondly, there is no guarantee that the housing costs in Clearview are necessarily lower than those in other cities. Although the housing costs in this city have fallen significantly last year, it is possibly that the housing costs have always much higher than those of other cities. So, even if the costs of this city have declined that year its cost may also much higher compared with others. The fact that the real estate taxes remain lower than those in neighboring towns also lend no strong support to the assumption and it is highly probable that just because the housing cost is too high in this city, the officers try to low down the taxes as compensation. While probably, the money saved reductions on the taxes is far less than the part of costs higher than other cities. As(a) result of that, the speaker can not convince us that the housing costs in the city are lower than those of others unless he provide concrete statistics to support this claim.
Thirdly, the promises made by Clearview's mayor cited by the speak do not prove that the residents in this city are not suffering or will not suffering the problems with street, schools and public service. On the one hand, whether the promises of the mayor will be carried out is open to doubt. It is highly possible that the mayor just want to placate the anger of its residents caused by the bad conditions of this city's substructures temporarily but really intend to change the current situation. On the other hand, given the mayor indeed plan to improve street, school and public service, it is unfairly to maintain that problems with these issues will be solved immediately or smoothly because that the conditions of these things in the city is too bad to take a very long time and thus a huge effort to remedy them and the residents in this city will still suffering the problems caused by these issues .Consequently, just providing the promises of the mayor, the spear(speaker) can not persuade us to accept his assumption.
Finally, in order to substantiate his assumption that Clearview can serve excellent health care , the speaker unfairly equates the number of physicians with the level of health care. It is a common sense that the level of health care is related(to) the professional skills and faculties of hospitals and health institution but has no general causal relationships with numbers. Therefore, even if the numbers of physicians are far greater than national average, the speaker's assumption that retirees in Clearview can enjoy excellent health care lacks credibility. To convince us, the speaker should demonstrate more reliable evidences which contain relevant information about the professional skills of local physicians and the conditions of local hospital and heath center.
In sum, the argument is unconvincing as it stands. To strengthen it the speaker must provide factors that will affect people's choice of retiring place, concrete statistics about hosing costs in the city, the practicability of the mayor's promise and relevant information about the professional skills of local physicians and the conditions of local hospital and heath center 楼主这个字数很吓人啊。总的来说写得很不错,结构语言都很好,没有什么可指摘的地方。 |