Issue48 <米国有米小组aefiter第三次作业> 欢迎拍砖

aefiterUID: 2134740

48 "The study of history places too much emphasis on individuals. The most significant events and trends in history were made possible not by the famous few, but by groups of people whose identities have long been forgotten."

1 集体对历史的贡献
2 个人对历史的贡献
3 为什么历史学描述集体的历史事件侧重于个人。
When it comes to the study of history, people may quickly remember several individuals who are highlighted as the heroes or enemies of humanity. Apparently, historical study favor very much the research of several famous individuals to proceed their research. To the multitudes who receive the historical knowledge through textbooks and pedagogue, we also spend a large amount of time remembering their names, achievements, or commitments arduously. However, historical study should and have to feature on these individuals for several reasons. Moreover, historical study equally apply their energy to the illustrious collective deeds in history, which contradicts the idea of the speaker.

From the perspective of the significance of activities of individuals and groups of people, both of these two roles contribute particularly in their own areas equally. Historical study cannot discard either of them for the completeness of the portrayal of the society.

Admittedly, groups of people often play the leading role in the watershed events that reshape the situation of the world. This characteristic, determined by the group effect, are always identified in the trajectory of history. From western society to oriental ones, remarkable changes of the political power or even the revolutionary reconstruction of social architecture, although lead by some famous few, relied completely on great number of people who made concerted effort to overturn the previous social structure which fell behind the development of the economic advancement. The fall of Bastille, which emblems a critical success in French Revolution, was realized by innumerable people who fought and sacrificed their lives just for their ideal for freedom. So to speak, group efforts are essential to the advancement of our society.

Turning to the devotions of individuals, we unavoidably pay our attention to painters, music composers, sculptors, and literature figures. Compared to the overwhelming power created by group of people, these famous individuals sometimes functioned as the spiritual beacons for people's lives. The famous English dramatist Shakespeare led almost the literature trend of that time; so did the outstanding sculptor Michelangelo who created those artifacts that keeps inspiring profound thought of contemporary art society. For these figures, historicist cannot but place effort to describe their feats and contributions to the world. Aside from the specific details related to these figures, the historical recording also sheds light on the comprehension of the social surroundings in that time. To this extent, the energy spent in this respect is completely worthwhile.

Maybe the speaker have reason to question why historical study place much emphasis on individuals in the political and social realm, given group of people are the major role in creating the history. Some people cannot make sense why historical study neglect the multitude of people who has ever created a new age in history. To answer this question, we have to examine the practicality for historical study to apply uniform, unbiased attitude to all people involved in one certain events in history. Maybe historical study takes pains to omit the contributions of group of people, but this is inevitable. By recording leaders of one historical event, history study maximizes the possibility for descendents to grasp the general, if coarse, truth of that time and informs us how to learn something from the correct and incorrect deeds of our ancestors.

To the learners of history, it may appear unacceptable to be informed only with those achievements of those influential people in history, but as is illustrated above, history study can make their best effort to portray us the most possibly clear view of our past. In the artistic realm, it serve better for us to learn very detailed information in history; in political and social realm, however, we have to try our best to learn the major spirit conveyed through history, although some details of the multitudes cannot be retrieved anymore.

bailamo27UID: 2191717

When it comes to the study of history, people may quickly remember several individuals who are highlighted as the heroes or enemies of humanity. Apparently, historical study favor very much the research of several famous individuals to proceed their research. To the multitudes who receive(较中国化，用acquire or get好） the historical knowledge through textbooks and pedagogue, we also spend a large amount of time remembering their names, achievements, or commitments arduously. However, historical study should and have to feature on these individuals for several reasons. Moreover, historical study equally apply their energy to the illustrious collective deeds in history, which contradicts the idea of the speaker.

From the perspective of the significance of activities of individuals and groups of people, both of these two roles contribute particularly in their own areas equally（前句只说了两者的重要性，但并没具体阐明，后面用these two roles不如用both of them简洁和指代清晰）. Historical study cannot discard either of them for the completeness of the portrayal of the society.　（本段体现了词汇的重要性，有几个单词亮点）

Admittedly, groups of people often play the leading role in the watershed events that reshape the situation of the world.(good) This characteristic, determined by the group effect, are always identified in the trajectory of history. From western society to oriental ones, remarkable changes of the political power or even the revolutionary reconstruction of social architecture, although lead by some famous few, relied completely on great number of people who made concerted effort to overturn the previous social structure which fell behind the development of the economic advancement（develpment 和advancement在一起离得这么近，感觉很复杂而且意思不清，建议用the development of the economy OR fell behind of the economic advancement.). The fall of Bastille, which emblems a critical success in French Revolution, was realized by innumerable people who fought and sacrificed their lives just for their ideal for freedom. So to speak, group efforts are essential to the advancement of our society. (整段说明群众的重要作用，观点明确，语言流畅，长句写得不错，值得借鉴和学习）

Turning to the devotions of individuals, we unavoidably pay our(英语里可以直接说pay attention to来表达意思，不需再用our,不错，但是没必要） attention to painters, music composers, sculptors, and literature figures. Compared to the overwhelming power created by group of people, these famous individuals sometimes functioned as the spiritual beacons for people's lives. The famous English dramatist Shakespeare led almost the literature trend of that time; so did the outstanding sculptor Michelangelo who created those artifacts that keeps inspiring profound thought of contemporary art society. For these figures, historicist cannot but place effort to describe their feats and contributions to the world. Aside from the specific details related to these figures, the historical recording also sheds light on the comprehension of the social surroundings in that time. To this extent, the energy spent in this respect is completely worthwhile.(恩，本段语言写得很好，词汇多变，词组用得也好！）

Maybe the speaker have reason to question why historical study place much emphasis on individuals in the political and social realm, given group of people are the major role in creating the history. Some people cannot make sense why historical study neglect the multitude of people who has ever created a new age in history. To answer this question, we have to examine the practicality for historical study to apply uniform, unbiased attitude to all people involved in one certain events in history. Maybe historical study takes pains to omit the contributions of group of people, but this is inevitable. By recording leaders of one historical event, history study maximizes the possibility for descendents to grasp the general, if coarse（问一下这是什么意思啊？）, truth of that time and informs us how to learn something from the correct and incorrect deeds of our ancestors.

To the learners of history, it may appear unacceptable to be informed only with those achievements of those influential people in history, but as is illustrated above, history study can make their best effort to portray us the most possibly clear view of our past. In the artistic realm, it serve better for us to learn very detailed information in history; in political and social realm, however, we have to try our best to learn the major spirit conveyed through history, although some details of the multitudes cannot be retrieved anymore


恩，整篇文章观点明确；语言运用得很好，反映了作者的词汇量，句式的变化也较多，尤其体现在第三＼四段．我个人认为是篇写得很好的文章，很值得学习．
（另：声明一下哦，我没有冒犯作者和其互改对象的意思，看到作者先把文章贴出来了，我是抱着学习的态度来看看，发表一下个人意见．）

[ 本帖最后由 bailamo27 于 2006-11-30 16:51 编辑 ]

aefiterUID: 2134740

感谢bailamo27提出的意见，我也会批改你的文章的。

你提出的意见我都很受启发，在此表示感谢。

ernest81888UID: 2247639

:rolleyes: 你们两个的速度真的都好快啊