Issue48 米国有米小组第二次作业 请猛批吧~~~~~

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48．The study of history places too much emphasis on individuals. The most significant events and trends in history were made possible not by the famous few, but by group of people whose identities have long been forgotten.
（双层次，双角度）

提纲—

开头： 让步式开头，基本不同意作者的观点

层次一：虽然个人不能产生历史，但集体对历史研究的贡献某些情况作用并不大。

理由1：只通过研究集体，这样的历史研究是不全面的。

论据1：对共产党历史的研究，如果缺少了对马克思，恩格斯的研究。就不能了解共产党产生的原因，共产主义的最初理念
论据2：古代埃及金字塔，如果只研究当时建造金字塔的奴隶们，就无法了解当时古代埃及为何要修建它。

理由2：集体也有不对历史研究起作用的时候
论据1：比如研究古代北美洲历史，可以发现此时研究古代北美洲部落集体，无法得到很有价值的历史研究

层次二：并不能因为集体在历史上起了作用，而我们就应该把研究历史的重点放在集体上

理由1： 个人影响对历史的贡献巨大，是推动历史发展的重要因素
论据1：哥伦布发现了新大陆，才有了后来的欧洲移民，美国独立战争。乃至美国建国
论据2：正是在林肯的领导下，才有了美国的废除奴隶。

理由2： 研究历史重点放在个人是应该的，历史无法记载所有普通大众。
论据1： 对于一些很早的历史，人们已经根本无法全面了解，只能通过某个人来了解当时大概的历史。
论据2： 如果记载所有的普通大众，那么这样的历史研究太过于复杂，让后人学习历史的话，则过于麻烦了。

层次三： 全面的研究历史应该结合关注于个人和集体。

结尾： 首尾呼应。

The statement actually consists of two claims: 1) that group of people’s affect on history is vital in the study of history, and 2) that it seems we have put too much time on individual history studying. I concede that the famous few might be impossible in making the significant events or trends without others in history. However, in my view, the potential advantage they can provide us far outweighs their disadvantage when it comes to history studying.

Admittedly, famous few can not made history, but to say it fairly if we turn to contribution that the study of group of people gives, we might found it is useless for us in history studying in some condition. Firstly, my opinion here is that people would face to a sidedness view for history if they just take a look on group of people. For example, the history studies of Communist Party, as is known to all, Marx, Engels were the originator of communism. It is by the study of them do people know the reason why communism born and what the initial main idea of it, whereas lacking of the study of two would not render us these important information. Example also cited, to learn the history of Old Egypt, especially when it comes to Egypt Pyramid if we only put our eyes on the slaves who help to construct the Pyramid. We can not get the answer-Why Egypt need to build the Huge Project? Thus, the study is possible be proved un-fully.

Furthermore, sometimes the study of group is not necessary for us, because it might be unimportant or even could be eliminated for human beings. As a matter of fact, the Indians has been living and developing in America for a great time, but for such a long time, there are nothing really vital happened in the land, therefore we are not recommended to record the group of Indians’ history until the first emigrant came to the New Land.

Although the group affected the history largely, we still should not place the study of history emphasis on group. As is widely known, to make the significant and trend evens work will need the famous few be a propeller or fuse in history thus must be a very important element in history.  Instance here is, because of the discover of New Land by Columbus does lead to the later Europe emigrant colonized in American, therefore comes to the result of the independence of United Stated. Example also cited, it is President Abraham Lincoln advocated and at last successful abrogated the slavery for America. All these happened significant in history should one like Columbus to propel the boat of history that makes it continue going head.

Another reason why I think we should mainly focus on the individuals in history studying is that it is impossible for people to record all the people not only can not be achieved before, but also till now. Even if people can provide their offspring the history studying of group, it might look too complicate or troublesome to learn it. Moreover, in some ancient history because of lacking detailed record, people chose the only way that could let them remember the history—emphasis on individual.

To make a full view of history, it is recommended to have a combined method, my opinion is , if we need to have a better inspection of the history we need to not only emphasized some great power individual affected on events or trends , but also to learn about the group of people who help to make history possible.

In sum, individual might not produce significant events or trends for history whereas group can at most time. However, we should still put our main power on individual history studying. In final analysis, the optimal approach is that emphasis on individual, and use a group of people as an assistant view in order to successful complete the studying.

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The statement actually consists of two claims: 1) that group of people’s affect on history is vital in the study of history, and 2) that it seems we have put too much time on individual history studying. I concede that the famous few might be impossible in making the significant events or trends without others in history. However, in my view, the potential advantage they can provide us far outweighs their disadvantage when it comes to history studying.

Admittedly, famous few can not made history, but to say it fairly if we turn to [the?] contribution that the study of group [-s] of people gives [这样表述“研究集体所带来的贡献”好像有点不够地道], we might found it is useless for us [for us 可以不要，更简洁] in history studying in some condition. Firstly, my opinion here is that people would face to a sidedness view for history if they just take a look on group of people. For example, the history studies of Communist Party, as is known to all, Marx, Engels were [are] the originator [-s] of communism. It is by the study of them do people know the reason why communism born and what the initial main idea of it, whereas lacking of the study of [the] two would not render us these important information. Example also cited, to learn the history of Old Egypt, especially when it comes to Egypt Pyramid if we only put our eyes on the slaves who help to construct the Pyramid. We can not get the answer-Why Egypt need to build the Huge Project? [这里直接点出：只研究奴隶得不到答案。如果我们研究一下法老，也就是the famous few， 才会得到一个更全面的理解。论证可能会显得有力点吧。虽然看你的提纲，这一段意在说集体的作用不够，但在这里联系一下个体，也不错] Thus, the study is possible be proved un-fully.

Furthermore, sometimes the study of group is not necessary for us, because it might be unimportant or even could be eliminated for [by?] human beings. As a matter of fact, the Indians has been living and developing in America for a great time, but for such a long time, there are nothing really vital happened in the land, therefore we are not recommended to record the group of Indians’ history until the first emigrant came to the New Land. [这个事例我觉得有点单薄]

Although the group affected the history largely, we still should not place the  [study of history emphasis？中式吧] on group. As is widely known, to make the significant and trend evens [？ 是不是打错了 event?] work will need the famous few be a propeller or [a] fuse in history thus must be a very important element in history. [又有两个in history，重复阿]  Instance here is, because of the discover [discovery] of [the] New Land by Columbus does lead to the later Europe emigrant colonized in American, therefore comes to the result of the independence of United Stated. [楼主该自己好好检查这一句，这个语法错误犯得严重了。排开语法错误，逻辑上也站不住，哥伦布发现新大陆，引起移民潮，再引起美国独立的么？如果真是这样认为，也得把内在的原因说清楚] Example also cited, it is President Abraham Lincoln advocated and at last successful abrogated the slavery for America [in America / for Afirican-American ]. All these happened significant in history should [need? 少了一个谓语？] one like Columbus to propel the boat of history that makes it continue going head.

Another reason why I think we should mainly focus on the individuals in history studying is that it is impossible for people to record all the people not only can not be achieved before, but also till now. Even if people can provide their offspring the history studying of group, it might look too complicate or troublesome to learn it. [it might be too complicated or troublesome to learn] Moreover, in some ancient history because of lacking detailed record, people chose the only way that could let them remember the history—emphasis on individual.

To make a full view of history, it is recommended to have a combined method, my opinion is , if we need to have a better inspection of the history we need to not only emphasized some great power [powerful] individual affected on events or trends , but also to learn about the group of people who help to make history possible.

In sum, individual might not produce significant events or trends for history whereas group can at most time. However, we should still put our main power on individual history studying [individual history studying?这样表达意思改变了，应该不是你要说的那一个了]. In final analysis, the optimal approach is that emphasis on individual [-s], and use a group of people as an assistant view in order to successful [-ly] complete the studying.



楼主的思路很清晰，大概因为提纲列得详细，但是实际上小论点之间的逻辑性不是很强
语言上有很多问题，当然我也是啦，因为我们都不习惯写英语文章，中文思维又很根深蒂固，所以只有多检查检查了。词性很是要注意注意。北美上面的那些很漂亮的句子，如果没搞清楚它的真正结构，还是先不要用。用自己的语言也行吧，我们的英文应该都不至于太差。