issue147 [Synergy小组]ostrich第8次作业

ostrich1986UID: 2238177

147 "Tradition and modernization are incompatible. One must choose between them."
传统和现代化是水火不容的。人们必须二者选一。


Whether tradition and modernization are incompatible or not is an intense debate. The speaker claims that tradition and modernization are not compatible. On certain cases, I concede that it is true as the speaker asserts, however, under some circumstances, we should associate them closely.

Admittedly, tradition is cultural inheritance of human beings which cannot be distorted and altered. The original conservation of tradition makes an important sense of being acquainted with the history for our posterity. This is especially true in festivals. Thanksgiving Day, legal holiday observed annually in United States on the fourth Thursday of November, are derived from much older traditions of celebrating harvest in America.Although possessing innumerous delicious food, Americans still keep the tradition of only baking turkeys for the meals, accompanying without any other food. After complex preparation and operation, Americans will realize the hardship of their ancestors to gain food, in which way they will memorize the history deeply. Traditional festival does not only require people to eat something special or finishsome certain ceremonial procedure, but, as one significant sense, enable people to remember the history through the traditional customs. When comes to religion, tradition should not be altered absolutely. Some religions require religious to wear certain clothes. For example, in some Arabian counties, the male are required to wear in white and the female should wear in black. Although there are a lot of colorful and fashionable clothes in this modern time, they are only in black or white. Religious traditions affirmatively keep its custom beyond the influence of modern society. In this two aspects discussed above, tradition excludes modernization in certain extend.

However, it is because of the benefit provided by modern science and technology that we should intertwine tradition and modernization together. The manifestation of my opinion is that, by using computer technology, we can protect our tradition effectively. In Louvre museum, every art is preserved under the most appropriate circumstance controlled by computer system in 24 hours a day. The computers can control temperature, humidity, and lighting accurately even in minute sphere. In this way, arts can be saved long. Again, there are parallels with protecting old buildings. It is possible that, after a few of years, the Pizza Tower will collapse for slanting down every second. If it collapses one day, our posterity could only image the appearance of the tower through some pictures. What is fortunate is that some scientists have begun to use new and advanced technology to impede the durative slating. Some modern devices will be fixed on the tower in order to protect the Pizza Tower. In a word, modern technology and devices will help us to protect tradition in great extent.

Besides, it will yield special and valuable effect when we band tradition and modernization together. Tradition and modernization both have their advantages and disadvantages. Take the watch as an example, electronic watches are more precise but create wasted batteries which are harmful for environment. In the contrary, traditional mechanical watches will do little harm to environment but make a few errors. A few years ago, a new technology is used on the Citizen traditional mechanical watches which called Eco-Drive. These Eco-Drive watches are as precise as electronic watches are and will never need to have the battery replaced. The battery cannot be decompounded in nature. Hence, the battery, in which various kinds of metal ions are, will pollute soil so that plants could not grow on the polluted area. Eco-Drive watches indeed make some contributions to environment which is deteriorated increasingly. In short, on certain cases, we should unite tradition and modernization.

To sum up, when comes to festivals and religious traditions, tradition and modernization are certainly incompatible. But through the discussing above, we can conclude that we should intertwine them together to serve our lives better.

[ 本帖最后由 ostrich1986 于 2006-12-20 08:00 编辑 ]

hyt0303UID: 2254178

Whether tradition and modernization are incompatible or not is an intense debate. The speaker claims that tradition and modernization are not compatible. On certain cases, I concede that it is true as the speaker asserts, however, under some circumstances, we should associate them closely.

Admittedly, tradition is cultural inheritance of human beings which cannot be distorted and altered. The original conservation of tradition makes an important sense of being acquainted with the history for our posterity. This is especially true in festivals. Thanksgiving Day, legal holiday observed annually in United States on the fourth Thursday of November, are derived from much older traditions of celebrating harvest in America. Although our modern society has new advanced technology, Americans still and only bake turkeys for the meals, not cooking in other ways (Although possessing inumerous delicious food, americans still keep the tradition of only baking turkeys for the meals, accompanying without any other food.这样改动不知道逻辑会不会更清晰一些。因为我觉得原句上下文不紧密阿，高技术和只吃火鸡有什么必然联系呢？） After complex preparation and operation, Americans will realize the hardship of their ancestors to gain food, in which way they will memorize the history deeply. Traditional festival does not only require people to eat something (special) or finish the ceremony (some certain ceremonial porcedure), but, as one significant sense, enable people (to) remember the history through the traditional customs. When comes to religion, tradition should not be altered absolutely. Some religions require religious to wear certain clothes. For example, in some Arabian counties, the male are required to wear in white and the female should wear in black. Although there are a lot of colorful and fashionable clothes in this modern time, they are only in black (or white). Religious traditions affirmatively keep its custom without (beyond) the influence of modern society. In this two aspects discussed above, tradition excludes modernization in certain extend.

However, it is because of the benefit provided by modern science and technology that we should bond tradition and modernization together. The manifestation of my opinion is that, by using computer technology, we can protect our tradition effectively. In Louvre museum, every art work is preserved under the most appropriate circumstance controlled by computer system in 24 hours a day. The computers can control temperature, humidity, and lighting accurately even in minute sphere. In this way, arts can be saved long. Again, there are parallels with protecting old buildings (这句话什么意思？）. It is possible that, after a few of years, the Pizza Tower, on which Galileo made a famous experiment(这句话关系不紧密吧？）, will collapse (for)which is slanting down every second. If it collapses one day, our posterity could only image the appearance of the tower through some pictures. What is fortunate is that some scientists have begun to use new and advanced technology to impede the durative slating. Some modern devices will be fixed on the tower in order to protect the Pizza Tower. In a word, modern technology and devices will help us to protect tradition in great extent.(这个例子不错！）

Besides, it will yield special and valuable effect when we band tradition and modernization together. Tradition and modernization both have their advantages and disadvantages. Take the watch as an example, electronic watches are more precise but create wasted batteries which are harmful for environment. In the contrary, traditional mechanical watches will do little harm to environment but make a few errors. A few years ago, a new technology is used on the Citizen traditional mechanical watches which called Eco-Drive. These Eco-Drive watches are as precise as electronic watches are and will never need to have the battery replaced. The battery cannot be decompounded in nature. Hence, the battery, in which various kinds of metal ions are, will pollute soil so that plants could not grow on the polluted area. Eco-Drive watches indeed make some contributions to environment which is deteriorated increasingly. In short, on certain cases, we should unite tradition and modernization.（这一段例子出发点不错，但是在后面论证的过程中感觉有点偏离。你想说就手表不准，新手表有污染，最新款的手表解决了这个问题。但是你论证到最后我看过去感觉像是在说新技术对环境保护的贡献，而不是传统的保留，例子是不错的，但是到后面应该强调的是我们既可以使用旧式手表，保留传统又可以享受到高科技带来的精确和无污染。）

To sum up, in some special aspects, tradition and modernization are certainly incompatible. But through the discussing above, we can conclude that on certain cases （这两处是不是太模糊了一些，是否具体一点讲更好？）, we should bond them together to serve our lives better.

ostrich1986UID: 2238177

火鸡那个 其实我的意思是尽管我们的社会十分现代化 可是美国人仍然是烤(我想强调方法)火鸡吃 怎么改才更明白一点呢?

there are parallels with……….  同在适用于……

谢谢帮我改 最后一段确实含糊了

westlife007_huUID: 2270665

Whether tradition and modernization are incompatible or not is an intense debate. The speaker claims that tradition and modernization are not compatible. On certain cases, I concede that it is true as the speaker asserts, however, under some circumstances, we should associate them closely.

Admittedly, tradition is cultural inheritance of human beings which cannot be distorted and altered. The original conservation of tradition makes an important sense of being acquainted with the history for our posterity. This is especially true in festivals. Thanksgiving Day,（a） legal holiday observed annually in United States on the fourth Thursday of November, are derived from much older traditions of celebrating harvest in America. Although our modern society has new advanced technology, Americans still and only bake turkeys for the meals, not cooking in other ways (Although possessing inumerous delicious food, americans still keep the tradition of only baking turkeys for the meals, accompanying without any other food.这样改动不知道逻辑会不会更清晰一些。因为我觉得原句上下文不紧密阿，高技术和只吃火鸡有什么必然联系呢？）改得好 After complex preparation and operation, Americans will realize the hardship of their ancestors to gain food, in which way they will memorize the history deeply. Traditional festival does not only require people to eat something (special) or finish the ceremony (some certain ceremonial porcedure), but, as one significant sense, enable people (to) remember the history through the traditional customs(觉得这里有点罗嗦了，因为前面已经讲过节日有助于我们记住历史）. When （it)comes to religion, tradition should not be altered absolutely. Some religions require religious to wear certain clothes. For example, in some Arabian counties, the male are required to wear in white and the female should wear in black. Although there are a lot of colorful and fashionable clothes in this modern time, they are only in black (or white). Religious traditions affirmatively keep its custom without (beyond) the influence of modern society. In this two aspects discussed above, tradition excludes modernization in certain extend（个人感觉这句话应该作为本段的TS放到句首，因为你本段的第一句tradition is cultural inheritance of human beings which cannot be distorted and altered.与你本文首段里提出的主题modernization are not compatible貌似没有关系）.

However, it is because of the benefit provided by modern science and technology that we should bond tradition and modernization together. The manifestation of my opinion is that, by using computer technology, (for example)we can protect our tradition effectively. In Louvre museum, every art work is preserved under the most appropriate circumstance controlled by computer system in 24 hours a day. The computers can control temperature, humidity, and lighting accurately even in minute sphere. In this way, arts can be saved long. Again, there are parallels with protecting old buildings (这句话什么意思？）. It is possible that, after a few of years, the Pizza Tower, on which Galileo made a famous experiment(这句话关系不紧密吧？）, will collapse (for)which is slanting down every second. If it collapses one day, our posterity could only image the appearance of the tower through some pictures. What is fortunate is that some scientists have begun to use new and advanced technology to impede the durative slanting. Some modern devices will be fixed on the tower in order to protect the Pizza Tower. In a word, modern technology and devices will help us to protect tradition in great extent.(这个例子不错！）

Besides, it will yield special and valuable effect when we band tradition and modernization together.（感觉这句话与上段TS重复,没有看出两段的逻辑关系，看能不能这样改tradition and modernization can be complemented by each other that combine them together will yield special and valuable effect） Tradition and modernization both have their advantages and disadvantages. Take the watch as an example, electronic watches are more precise but create wasted batteries which are harmful for environment. In (on)the contrary, traditional mechanical watches will do little harm to environment but make a few errors. A few years ago, a new technology is used on the Citizen traditional mechanical watches which (is)called Eco-Drive. These Eco-Drive watches are as precise as electronic watches are and will never need to have the battery replaced. The battery cannot be decompounded in nature. Hence, the battery, in which various kinds of metal ions are, will pollute soil so that plants could not grow on the polluted area. Eco-Drive watches indeed make some contributions to environment which is deteriorated increasingly. In short, on certain cases, we should unite tradition and modernization.（这一段例子出发点不错，但是在后面论证的过程中感觉有点偏离。你想说就手表不准，新手表有污染，最新款的手表解决了这个问题。但是你论证到最后我看过去感觉像是在说新技术对环境保护的贡献，而不是传统的保留，例子是不错的，但是到后面应该强调的是我们既可以使用旧式手表，保留传统又可以享受到高科技带来的精确和无污染。同意楼上的,可以把保护环境那一部分说简单点，就说它可以保护环境就完了，最后回到保留传统又可以享受到高科技带来的精确和无污染）

To sum up, in some special aspects, tradition and modernization are certainly incompatible. But through the discussing above, we can conclude that on certain cases （这两处是不是太模糊了一些，是否具体一点讲更好？）, we should bond them together to serve our lives better.

另外,还补充一点,你全文用了五个例子,而且大部分文字都用在叙述例子,而论述的部分较少,是不是应该平衡一下,对例子多做点分析
总体来说不错了,很充实!
ps:兰色是我改的,红色是楼上改的

[ 本帖最后由 westlife007_hu 于 2006-12-17 16:36 编辑 ]