argument147 <浪迹北美>wiregrass 第一周作业argument2欢迎回拍

wiregrassUID: 2275096

147The following appeared in an editorial in a business magazine.

"Although the sales of Whirlwind video games have declined over the past two years, a recent survey of video-game players suggests that this sales trend is about to be reversed. The survey asked video-game players what features they thought were most important in a video game. According to the survey, players prefer games that provide lifelike graphics, which require the most up-to-date computers. Whirlwind has just introduced several such games with an extensive advertising campaign directed at people 10 to 25 years old, the age-group most likely to play video games. It follows, then, that the sales of Whirlwind video games are likely to increase dramatically in the next few months."

提纲：
1)flaws of the survey: the survey asked player which is the most important feature of video games, players prefer that could provide lifelike graphic, there is a trap that this featear in fact is not favoured by large quantity of players. there are many features that may be favoured by players such as the background music, the content whether is attracting, so each feature doesn't get many votes from playes, including the feature that... so it may can't attract many players
2)the flaw of campaign: directed to 10-25 years old. because the survey is directed to all players, so the players favour this kind of video. although they... they may couldn't play these games because they require... computers. consideing the players aged between   usullay don't have a solid economic foundation, they may couldn't accessible to this kind of video games
3) the competence with other companys, do ...could successful attract players by defeat other corperation.



In this argument, the author claims that the trend of the video game company-Whirlwind's declined sales will be reversed, with a probability of dramatically increased one. The author based his/her assertion on a recent survey that the video-game player place the life-like graphics as the most important feature of video games, and the company has just introduced several these games and taken measure to attract 10-25 years old players. However, just based on these unfounded reasons, the author couldn't draw his/her conclusion.
     First, we don't know whether the survey is reliable for no background information of it is provided, just let we assume it to be reliable, the survey couldn't persuade us that players are willing to play the video games Whirlwind introduced. These are many features that affect the fond of players to a video game, such as background music, speed the game running, story the game based on and so on. May be many features are emphasized by players, but no feature have dominant advantage to others, including life-like graphics. Therefore, although the survey put this feature as the most important one, in fact it doesn't get many players supports. Since we don't know how about the other features of the introduced games, whether the games will gain popularity from players is questionable.
    Now let us granted that the games do have the features gaining popularity of players, we still have to know whether the advertisement campaign will be successful because this campaign seems have some flows we have to pay attention to. The survey that shows life-like graphic is the most important feature of video games is directed to all players while the advertisement campaign is to 10-25 years old. It is possible that not many players of this population pay much attention to graphics, although they are most likely to play video games. Even we assume that they really put much emphasis on graphic quality, they may not likely to buy the introduced video games, considering the people of these ages usually don't have a solid economic foundation but the video games required up-to-date computers that they probably can't afford to.
    Even though we admit that the advertisement campaign doesn't have any flaws, the sales may be not increase dramatically because the company may have to confront strong challenges come from other companies. Because we don't know what's the situation of video game market, we may suspect other companies also have introduced this kind of video games and taken extensively advertisement compaign for their games which may attract many players, so if the author want to persuade us that the sales of whirlwind company surely will increase dramatically, he/she should present the evidence that the company will not have many challengers. Besides, the author have to tell us the video game market is a big and potential one that a large quantity of players willing to buy video games.
In summary, to ensure that the claim of Whirlwind will having a great increase, the author have to provide the data of the survey showing that the introduced video games have the features that will attract many 10-25 year olds, and these kind of players could access to the suitable computers so they are willing to buy them. The market information of video games also should be provided.     

用时45 min，字数551，加修改1h
个人点评：终于把字数能控制得适当一些了，时间需要自然也少了，但是错误还是很多

一个弱弱的问题
我看人家写提纲，有一个攻击点是由于这些VIDEO games require up-to-date computers, 公司需要花额外的钱去装备电脑，不划算。我很奇怪，卖video games的公司是如何运作的呢？他们需要为players提供电脑吗？或者他们只是卖
光盘？由于我对电子游戏市场并不是很熟悉，觉得挺纳闷的。如果像中国的网吧那样，那还叫不叫sales呢？总感觉sales是出售某种实物。

janet89757UID: 2278716

In this argument, the author claims that the trend of the video game company-Whirlwind's declined sales will be reversed, with a probability of dramatically increased one(这句话觉得有些别扭，是…increased probability呢还是…increased sales呢？). The author based（时态是不是统一一下比较好？） his/her assertion on a recent survey （result） that the video-game player place the life-like graphics as the most important feature of video games, and the company has just introduced several these games and taken measure（measures）to attract 10-25 years old players. However, just based on these unfounded reasons, the author couldn't draw his/her conclusion.（这句话这样写是不是更好一些：However, these unfounded reasons could not suffice to substantiate his/her conclusion.）
     First (Firstly), we don't know whether the survey is reliable for no background information of it is provided, just let we assume it to be reliable, the survey couldn't persuade us that players are willing to play the video games Whirlwind introduced(这句话这样表达是不是好一些：without more detailed information about the survey the author could not persuade us … ). These are many features that affect the fond of players to a video game, such as background music, speed the game running, story the game based on and so on. May be many features are emphasized by players, but no feature have dominant advantage to others, including life-like graphics. Therefore, although the survey put this feature as the most important one, in fact it doesn't get many players supports. Since we don't know how about the other features of the introduced games, whether the games will gain popularity from players is questionable. (既然题设条件是调查结果得出结论是lifelike graphics是被采访人最重视的游戏特征，我个人认为LZ没有必要在这方面与题设条件纠缠，就说没有更多背景资料，调查的可信度值得怀疑就差不多行了。)
    Now let us granted that the games do have the features gaining popularity of players, we still have to know whether the advertisement campaign will be successful because this campaign seems have some flows（是flaws吧？） we have to pay attention to. The survey that shows life-like graphic is the most important feature of video games is directed to all players while the advertisement campaign is to 10-25 years old. It is possible that not many players of this population pay much attention to graphics, although they are most likely to play video games. Even we assume （assuming） that they really put much emphasis on graphic quality, they may not likely to buy the introduced video games, considering the people of these ages usually don't have a solid economic foundation but the video games required up-to-date computers that they probably can't afford to（to就不要了吧）.
    Even though we admit that the advertisement campaign doesn't have any flaws, the sales may be （maybe）not increase dramatically because the company may have to confront strong challenges come from other companies. Because we don't know what's the situation of video game market, we may suspect other companies also have introduced this kind of video games and taken extensively (extensive) advertisement campaign for their games which may attract many players, so if the author want to persuade us that the sales of whirlwind company will surely increase dramatically, he/she should present the evidence that the company will not have many challengers. Besides, the author have to tell us the video game market is a big and potential one that a large quantity of players willing to buy video games. (这一段的见解不错，前两天我也写过这个题目，这个论点只是一带而过，现在看到LZ把它展开来写觉得这个方面是有的写)
In summary, to ensure that the claim of Whirlwind will having a great increase, the author have to provide the data of the survey showing that the introduced video games have the features that will attract many 10-25 year olds, and these kind of players could access to the suitable computers so they are willing to buy them. （At the meantime,）The market information of video games also should be provided.     (结论段简洁而精辟，很好呀)
楼主的这篇argument还有可以改进的地方，让我佩服的是楼主竟然只用了45分钟的时间就能写出这种长度和深度的文章。真牛！

wiregrassUID: 2275096

多谢多谢你的指教和夸奖

关于第一个攻击，我是这样认为的：
首先，由于没有提供调查德背景资料，你可以认为由于背景资料不足而怀疑结果不可靠
这点确实是一个值得攻击的地方，但如果你去看argu的题库，你就会发现非常多题目有没点清背景的调查，我觉得如果一味的攻击调查的背景的话，会落入俗套，所以只是一掠而过，并不作进一步的纠缠
如果逻辑清楚地话，下一步应该是姑且承认调查方法是可靠的，假设结果没问题，但是仍然不可以说明问题

我个人的一点意见是如果完全没有点明调查方法的话，简单地提一下做调查的方法值得怀疑，然后做一个让步，转入对 结果是否能说明问题的攻击
如果给出了调查方法，并且这种方法有明显的错误，那么再把它作为一个主要的攻击点

janet89757UID: 2278716

讲得很有道理呀！！！另外我得文章好像楼主也有改过，我得问题似乎就是在这个方面，下次换种方式吧。

janet89757UID: 2278716

讲得很有道理呀！！！另外我得文章好像楼主也有改过，我得问题似乎就是在这个方面，下次换种方式吧。

wiregrassUID: 2275096

对，你的作业就是我改的
一些个人的见解吧