Argument147 [大杀四方guangminli作业贴] [第一回]

guangminliUID: 2279999

Argument147

The argument is well-presented, but not thoroughly well-reasoned. The Argument that Whirlwind decides to attach importance on the youth aged from 10 to 25 by conducting extensive advertisemet and the salse of its production are likely to boom seems logical. It is possible, I think,  there exits other factors that leads to the changes of sales of Whirlwind video games.

The First and foremost factor, for example, may involves the design and inner quality concerning with the game itself. It is well known that this era of rapid change leading to increasing complexity has been witnessing the outstanding development of   technological, especially computers and internet. That is to say , you had to keep close pace with it.  Two years is highly enough for one internet company to become prosperous, while it may also lead to be bankrupt for another. It may be possible that the Whirlwind company does not take any further improvement on its design and inner quality during two years, which may undoubtedly result in the decline of the sales. not only do the company pay attention to its advertisement, it should also spare no efforts to improve its quality and moderate its structure. It is as clear as the writing on the wall that the advertisement may bring wealth to a company, however, it is short-termed. Any famous and long-termed band such as Sony, Microsoft, Nokia ,without exception, extensively emphasized their product quality and  take it as the soul of the company. So , the main factor concerning with the saling decline of the video game product may probably be due to the little improvement of its products and extensive advertisements will not completely increase the sales.

Besides, from the passage we may find players require the most up-to-date
computers. This indicates that can the computers influence the sales of products. We still remember several yeas ago, computers, appearing as an incredible benefits, did contribute to the simplicity of enery-day life. As time goes by, They are utilized in every specific aspect, whether you believe it or not. Hungry? You orders your groceries from an online delivery service. Bored? Download a new game. And yet. not until recently have computers been becoming the means of relaxation. It is surprising we can play interesting games on computers rather than in real world. Presently, “players prefer games that provide lifelike graphics”.however, computers may far behind their demands for video games. As a result, such video game cooperation as whielwll will have a down trend on its sales of products even if it introduced extensive advertising campaign on its products.

What is more, the oriented market , without exception, will have a vital influence on the sales of products. A good illustration may be displayed here. the pepple may sells well in some moist place rather than in dry one. This is because the people living in damp need the pepple to get rid of their moister.. it is the same reason for any merchandise including the video game products. In some countries, where citizens live a happy and prosperous life and care for their relaxation and enjoyment, the video game products may have a good market. On the other hand, also in other countries, where turmoil occurred everywhere , few like video games. Why? Simple but obvious, they donot care. What they care is life itself. Imagine, if the whilfdf company directed its products to aboved market and advertised there, of course, the 10 to 25 years old age-group most likely to play video games ,what will happen?

The above mentioned are several factors that may also leads to the changes of video game products of Whirlwind. Only after considering overall factors such as improving the design and inner quality, moderating its product structure and oriented market can the sales have a dramatic increase in the next few months."




[ 本帖最后由 guangminli 于 2006-12-31 15:14 编辑 ]

approachUID: 2101189

http://bbs.gter.ce.cn/bbs/thread-208286-1-1.html
请修改您的发贴格式,改好后回复此短消息,再将主题打开.
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guangminliUID: 2279999

已经改完了，还需要重新链接吗？

yibin.heUID: 2172795

Argument147修改意见

The argument is well-presented, but not thoroughly well-reasoned. The Argument that Whirlwind decides to attach importance on the youth aged from 10 to 25 by conducting extensive advertisemetadvertisement and我认为这里最好用so that表因果 the salsesales of its production are likely to boom seems logical. It is possible, I think,  there exits other factors that leadslead to the changes of sales of Whirlwind video games.开头三句，1，指出文章有问题2，说明文章所持观点3，表明自己的观点。比较清晰

The First and foremost factor, for example, may involvesinvolve the design and inner quality concerning with the game itself. 开门见山，不错It is well known that this era of rapid change leading to increasing complexity has been witnessing the outstanding development of   technologicaltechnology, especially computers and internet. That is to say , you had to keep close pace with it.  Two years is highly enough for one internet company to become prosperous, while it may also lead to be bankrupt for another. It may be possible that the Whirlwind company does not take any further improvement on its design and inner quality during two years, which may undoubtedly result in the decline of the sales. not only do the company pay attention to its advertisement, it should also spare no?干吗要用no efforts to improve its quality and moderate its structure. It is as clear as the writing on the wall本人认为这个比喻用的不是很贴切 that the advertisement may bring wealth to a company, however, it is short-termed. Any famous and long-termed band such as Sony, Microsoft, Nokia ,without exception, extensively emphasized their product quality and  take it as the soul of the company. 例子用的不错So , the main factor concerning withconcern with：关心；concern:关系到；这里with不要 the saling decline of the video game product may probably be due to the little improvement of its products and extensive advertisements will not completely increase the sales.

Besides, from the passage we may find players require the most up-to-date computers. This indicates that can the computers是the computers can吧 influence the sales of products. We still remember several yeas ago, computers, appearing as an incredible benefitsbenefit, did contribute to the simplicity of enery-dayevery-day life. As time goes by, They are utilized in every specific aspect, whether you believe it or not. Hungry? You ordersorder your groceries from an online delivery service. Bored? Download a new game. And yet. not until recently have computers been becoming the means of relaxation. It is surprising 加thatwe can play interesting games on computers rather than in real world. Presently, “players prefer games that provide lifelike graphics”.however, computers may 加befar behind their demands for video games. As a result, such video game cooperation as whielwll will have a down trend on its sales of products even if it introduced extensive advertising campaign on its products.

What is more, the oriented market , without exception, will have a vital influence on the sales of products. A good illustration may be displayed here. the pepple这是什么东东？pepper? may sells well in some moist place rather than in dry one. This is because 后跟从句，加thatthe people living in damp need the pepple to get rid of their moister.. it is the same reason for any merchandise including the video game products. In some countries, where citizens live a happy and prosperous life and care for their relaxation and enjoyment, the video game products may have a good market. On the other hand, also in other countries, where turmoil occurred everywhere , few like video games. Why? Simple but obvious, 短语用的好they donot care. What they care is life itself. Imagine, if the whilfdf company directed its products to aboved market and advertised there, of course, the 10 to 25 years old age-group本人认为用the 10－25 age bracket更简洁些 most likely to play most likely play或are most likely to play video games ,what will happen?

The above mentioned are several factors that may also leadslead，晕死，你怎么老是在情态动词后加第三人称单数啊 to the changes of video game products of Whirlwind. Only after considering overall factors such as improving the design and inner quality, moderating its product structure and oriented market can the sales have a dramatic increase in the next few months."看完了，每一段都有明确的主题并能展较大篇幅论述很不错，但从整篇文章来说，只是集中于攻击一类逻辑错误：因果关系简单化，要是能分析一下该文其他方面的逻辑谬误也许会更好。另外有不少笔误啊，你不会是限时的吧

guangminliUID: 2279999

多谢了，很有收获
我回去好好的研读
嘿嘿

reistarUID: 2249752

我感觉楼主第1段好象已经承认了,他survey的正确性,因为1段已经说ww的技术不好,但是有很多游戏不是以他的技术取胜的哦是可能是substantial games instead of specious games,这样和你后面不是有点重复了吗?感觉survey不对直接否定了结论.好象第1段写survey比交好.毕竟楼主的第1段是假设,说服力没survey的错强.(只是拙见哦)