Issue17 自由女神小组 第2次作业

hemaUID: 2190745

Issue17 自由女神小组 第2次作业

Laws and regulations are set up along with entrenchment of a government serving as a means to control the country.
Laws are the rule around our lives that everybody has to follow. Laws formulate that which behaviors are right, and which are wrong and need to be forbidden. Laws protect the civil rights, and save human far away from the danger. Laws also encourage the citizens who do well to our society.  Laws punish crime. Laws beat all kinds behaviors which break the laws and hurt our society. In a word, the laws are made to help to maintain a peaceful, orderly, relatively stable society.
As a citizen, the most normal way to do with it is obey it, and follow it, and judge our action through it. Because in most people’s opinion, laws means right, everyone should follow it but not disobey it. Of course, the most laws are just, and they are equal to every individual. The laws preserve morality, and guide for ones behavior. But anyway, there are some laws unjust, even it is only a little.
Since laws are built up under the power of government, which represents the public interest whereas run by a few individuals, it is quite possible that laws are constituted in the name of representing the majority while on the contrary in a few individual favor. Always they do not judge everyone equally. They are set to protect a few individual benefits. Of course it harms others’ right. For an instant, several years ago, some laws are set for the national education. However, girls were not allows to go to study. What they can do is do the housework. Obviously it is harm to the women’s right, because the god creates the human in equal, no matter men or women. So what can we do when we face the unjust laws?
When we face the unjust laws, we could not be mercy. We can not let them continue deprive our right, especially by the so-called laws. What we need to do is to get the rights which we should have. Face the unjust laws everyone has the very responsibility to resist them, protect our own right. So what can we do with it? How to against them? I do not think the violent resistance is good. We should destroy by law, by just law. We can collect the case that can justify the unjust laws are unfair to everyone.
So in sum, every individual should put out ones opinions to the unjust laws, even every citizen could not reach an agreement on just or unjust.


第一次写issue，完全不知怎么写，好不容易吐了这么多出来，希望大家多提意见，郁闷，得猛研究才行



提纲
I:
174 "Laws should not be rigid or fixed. Instead, they should be flexible enough to take account of various circumstances, times, and places."
法律不应该太僵化、太固定。他们应该是灵活的，考虑到各种实际情况、时间和地点。
Laws which are set by the government, serving as a means to control the country.
They give up a standard to follow. As a rule, laws could not be changed frequently but be fixed and rigid. We can not follow a law which is changed everyday. Rule must be long-term.
However, laws need to be flexible but not Eternally unchanging. While the society developing all the times, it is impossible to set a rule for everything in the laws. So we should make the laws flexible  enough to take account of various circumstances, times, and places.

178 "It is possible to pass laws that control or place limits on people's behavior, but legislation cannot reform human nature. Laws cannot change what is in people's hearts and minds."
控制、限制人们行为的法律可能建立，但是立法不能改变人们的本性，法律无法改变人们的所思所想。
Serving as a means to control the country, the laws limit people’s behavior and set an norm which we have to follow. Whoever disobey the laws would be punish.
Some people said that people as the citizens in the society, have their own ideas to the world and would not be changed. I do not think so. Ideas is changing during the anything you are doing. As you live in the world, laws change people’s hearts and minds.

180 "Many problems of modern society cannot be solved by laws and the legal system because moral behavior cannot be legislated."
现代社会的许多问题是法律和司法系统不能解决的，因为道德行为无法立法。
Laws are set to solves problems. Most things in our lives can be disposed of by the laws.
But laws can not solves everything in the world. For an instant….
So what can we do is to unite the moral and the laws together, and guide our behaviors by both of them.

169 "Those who treat politics and morality as though they were separate realms fail to understand either the one or the other."
认为政治和道德是两码事的人既不懂政治又不懂道德。
A. It is wrong to equate moral behavior in politics with the simple notions of honesty and putting the other fellow's needs ahead of one's own. We must understand that the political rhetoric is necessary and does not harm the society, as long as it does not escalate to outright lying.
B. In order to gain the opportunity for moral leadership politicians must engage in certain compromises along the way. Some degree of pandering to the electorate is necessary to maintain that position.
C. Effective politicians need concern themselves with morality. Successful political leadership .requires a certain measure of public morality, serving the society with its best interests as the leader's overriding concern.
D. In the short term amoral or immoral public behavior might serve a political leader's interest in preserving power, yet in the long term such behavior invariably results in that leader's downfall. (还不是很明白，暂且贴上本人资料中的提纲)

A:
1．
a．运动衣和运动鞋的销售好不代表居民对健康生活高度关注
b．濒临关闭的俱乐部现在满员也许仅仅是现在的管理好了的原因
c．学生们参加“终生教育”不代表他们会买健康品
2．
a．七年前的案例放在现在不一定凑效
b．b区房产平均价格的升值不一定就是布置庭院和涂上某种颜色的结果
c．b区和d区由于地理位置的不一样，照搬经验不一定成功
3．
a．大一的学生的意见不能代表毕业生的观点
b．就算可以，顶尖法学院的学生不能代表广大的法学院毕业生的意见
c．提供更多的福利和激励，减少上班时间不一定可以提高工作的满足感
4．
a．不是人多就表明更优秀
b．虽然公司A的收入是F的两倍，也许A所付出的工作量却远远大于F的两倍
c．十年前的F和现在的A没有可比性
5．
a．也许xylan和xenon针对的分别是严重的和轻微的关节病患者，两者无法对比
b．虽然3年后xenon的专利过期，但也许到那时BP又开发了新的药，疗效比xenon更好
6．
a．65英里外的俱乐部也许刚好说明了当地不喜欢爵士乐
b．10万参加音乐节的人中到底有多少当地人，或许更多是外地过来的
c．爵士音乐家住在当地不能说明爵士在当地流行
d．

[ 本帖最后由 hema 于 2007-1-7 01:17 编辑 ]

mh1988UID: 2189586

Laws and regulations are set up along with entrenchment of a government serving as a means to control the country. （看过范文应该发现在第一段中应当明确的表述出自己的观点，这是第一段的关键。你这第一段未免太简洁）

Laws are the rules around our lives that everybody has to follow. Laws formulate that which behaviors are right, and which are wrong and need to be forbidden. Laws protect the civil rights, and save human far away from the danger. Laws also encourage the citizens who do well to our society.  Laws punish crime.（法律不能惩罚，而是违法的人受到惩罚） Laws beat all kinds behaviors which break the laws and hurt our society. In a word, the laws are made to help to maintain a peaceful, orderly, relatively stable society.(五个laws。就算是排比句也嫌多了点。句式太单一。对法律功能的阐述还可以)

As a citizen, the most normal way to do with it is to obey it, and follow it, and judge our actions through it. Because in most people’s opinion(minds似乎更好), laws means right, everyone should follow it but not disobey it. Of course, the most laws are just, and they are equal to every individual. The laws preserve morality, and guide for ones behavior.(法律的作用在前一段已经表述，再次无需在说明。而且这句的插入使原本应该有的转折没有很好的衔接) But anyway, there are some laws unjust, even it is only a little.

Since laws are built up under the power of government, which represents the public interest whereas is run by a few individuals(意思可以理解，但表述有问题。况且说政府被几个个人操纵似乎也不是事实。), it is quite possible that laws are constituted in the name of representing the majority while on the contrary in a few individual（可以说一部分人，或某一阶级，但individual不合适） favor. Always they（指代不明确） do not judge everyone equally. They are set to protect a few individual benefits.（这两句话可以合成一句，再次指出一个问题，总是用名词或代词作为句首会使句式呆板，尽量少用） Of course it harms others’ right.（这里应该不仅仅指出它损害了其他人的权利，更重要的是这种行为根本上违反了法律的基本原则） For an instant, several years ago, some laws are set for the national education. However, girls were not allows to go to study. What they can do is do the housework. Obviously it is harm to the women’s right, because the god creates the human in equal, no matter men or women.（例子没能很好的证明论点。论点是统治阶级制定的法律为了少数人的利益而失去公平。） So what can we do when we face the unjust laws?

When we face the unjust laws, we could not be mercy. We can not let them continue deprive（depriving )our right, especially by(前面主动语态，这个by用的不对) the so-called laws. What we need to do is to get the rights which we should have. Face the unjust laws everyone has the very responsibility to resist them, protect our own right. So what can we do with it? How to against（这是介词） them?（这两个问句与前一段的引句重复） I do not think the violent resistance is good. We should destroy（缺个宾语） by law, by just law. We can collect the case that can justify the unjust laws are unfair to everyone.（合成一句）

So in sum, every individual should put out ones opinions to the unjust laws, even every citizen could not reach an agreement on just or unjust.（没能很好地概括）

总体来说，这篇文章有不少问题。
1.对法律的理解感觉还不够深入，应该多看看组长提供的参考资料。
2.表述方面也还存在一定问题，有待提高。
建议在写作之前看看参考书的提纲，给自己一个严密的逻辑思路。参照别人的思路是不算抄袭的。

希望我的修改对你有帮助。继续努力

[ 本帖最后由 mh1988 于 2007-1-6 23:04 编辑 ]

nujnujoahzUID: 2287893

Laws and regulations are set up along with entrenchment(堑壕?在这里代表什么意思) of a government serving as a means to control the country. (这句话说的没错,但是第一段一定要表达自己的观点,而且要切合题目,你这里面完全没有题目里面所提及的just law and unjust law,我想这是不好的,应该多看看北美范文,看看地道的表达)
Laws are the rule(rules) around our lives that everybody has to follow. Laws formulate that which behaviors are right, and which are wrong and need(用must好) to be forbidden. Laws protect the civil rights, and save(keep) human far away from the danger. Laws also encourage the citizens who do well to our society.  Laws punish crime. Laws beat all kinds behaviors which break the laws and(在加一个which比较清楚,要不可能被误解成Laws hurt our societ) hurt our society. In a word, the laws are made to help to maintain a peaceful, orderly, relatively stable society(这句话写的好).
As a citizen, the most normal way to do with it(law) is (to) obey it, and (to) follow it, and (to)judge our action through it. Because in most people’s opinion, laws means right, everyone should follow it but not disobey it. Of course, the most laws are just, and they are equal to every individual. The laws preserve morality, and guide for ones (one's) behavior. But anyway, there are some laws unjust, even it(there) is only a little.
Since laws are built up under the power of government, which represents the public interest whereas run by a few individuals, it is quite possible that laws are constituted (用词很准确) in the name of representing the majority while on the contrary in a few individual favor(这句话没看懂,while连接的应该是两个意义相反的句子,而且你也写了on the contrary ,怎么后面就写了 in a few individual favor,这要象意义一样的,应该是hurt minority之类). Always they do not judge everyone equally. They are set to protect a few individual benefits. Of course it harms others’ right. For an instant(instance), several years ago, some laws are set for the national education. However, girls were not allows to go to study. What they can do is (to)do the housework. Obviously it is harm(hramful) to the women’s right, because the god creates the human (men and women)in equal, no matter men or women(去掉). So what can we do when we face the unjust laws?
When we face the unjust laws, we could not be mercy. We can not let them continue deprive our right, especially by the so-called laws. What we need to do is to get the rights which we should have. Face the unjust laws everyone has the very responsibility to resist them, protect our own right. So what can we do with it? How to against them?(到底是it 还是them) I do not think the violent resistance is good. We should(may) destroy by(去掉) law, by just law. We can collect the case that can justify the unjust laws are(to be ) unfair to everyone(这个词有些绝对哦).
So in sum(In sum), every individual should put out ones(his/her) opinions to the unjust laws, even every citizen could not reach an agreement on just or unjust.(结尾也要呼应前面和题目,说明什么样的法律我们obey,什么样的法律我们disobey)(注意一些在题目中的关键词,比如obey,unjust law等等)

总结一下咯:
总体来说段落之间衔接的还不错,有一定层次感
不过不足还是不少滴,呵呵,希望我的建议能给你一些帮助:
1.写文章一点要把题目审好,题目是两句话组成的,1)法律分just 和 unjust  2)我们遵守just law 我们反对unjust law
很清晰,那我们写文章的时候就要先说第一句,你赞成不,赞成就看第二句,你赞成不;要是第一句不赞成,就自己在对法律分一下类,然后不看第二句,按照自己的发挥,这个组长给我门的资料里面有,写文章之前应该对看看
https://bbs.gter.net/thread-437387-1-1.html
2.写文章前要打好提纲,这样才能做到明白的表述
3.正文的表述还是对的,说明了法律的作用,我们对正义法律的支持和对不公平法律的反对,并且提出了反对的一些方法.这些在开头和结尾是应该提一下的,显得文章就很紧凑了
4.再有请楼主把一些基本小语法看看哦,好象语法上的错误还是有不少

第一次写,大家都未免出很多错误,我就说这么多,希望你的文章越写越好

[ 本帖最后由 nujnujoahz 于 2007-1-7 08:32 编辑 ]

hemaUID: 2190745

非常感谢，受益匪浅啊