argument214 【Chasing For "6" Score】第一次作业 往死里拍

桃太郎UID: 2275108

214In each city in the region of Treehaven, the majority of the money spent on government-run public school education comes from taxes that each city government collects. The region's cities differ, however, in the value they place on public education. For example, Parson City typically budgets twice as much money per year as Blue City does for its public schools—even though both cities have about the same number of residents. It seems clear, therefore, that Parson City residents care more about public school education than do Blue City residents.

1 taxes revenue is unknow
2 stuents of both City is unknow
3 government does not always present citizens


It is true that Parson City make a plan for using money two times on public education than  Blue City does，but this is not to say that Prason City citizens pay more attention on  public school than Blue City citizens do。Many reasons could be responsible for the fact.
Obviously, author does not supply sufficient evidences to support the conclusion.

To begin with, we are told nothing about the amount of the taxes revenue of every city which plays a crucial in the education budget。The amount of the taxes revenue directly restricts the budget of education. It is equally possible that the taxes revenue of Prason City is three times of that of Blue City. Consequently the percent of public ducation in revenue of Parson City is 60% as well as that of Blue City is 90%。Conspicuously it is  absurd to allege that the Parson City residents attach more attention to public education than do Blue City.

Secondly，the author makes an oversimplified analogy between Parson City and Blue City.  Although there are the same number of citizens in both cities, the number of students of  public school in two cities is unknown。If the number of students in Parson City is five  
times of that in Blue City, there will be no doubt that the Parson City budgets twice as  Blue City does for plenty of students. Also, the author dismissed the possible less  allocation on every student.

Finally，the government does not always present the inhabitants of that area。Although the  government of Parson City budget twice per year as Blue City does for public schools，there  is a chance that the residents in Parson City care little about public school while citizens in Blue City care a lot about that.

To sum up，the conclusion reached in the argument lacks credibility and acurity for the author commits the fallacy of "all things are equal"。To make the argument more convincing, the writer should provide more information concerning the amount of the tex revenue ,the number of public school students and the focus of residents between the two City.

个人感觉第三点还是可以发展一下,米有时间了,高人指点一下~

[ 本帖最后由 桃太郎 于 2007-2-1 10:06 编辑 ]

rixiaohanUID: 2291600

说明：taxes已经是税收的意思 revenue也是税收的意思，二者选一即可，但不可两者兼用。
It is true that Parson City make a plan for using money two times on public education than Blue City does，but this is not to say that Prason City citizens pay more attention on public school than Blue City citizens do。Many reasons could be responsible for the fact.
Obviously, (the) author does not supply sufficient evidences to support the conclusion.

To begin with, we are told nothing about the amount of thetaxes revenue of every(我认为应该是each) city which plays a crucial (role) in the education budget。The amount of the taxes revenue directly restricts the budget of education.(是否可以改成同位语呢？总觉得这样的长句可写成很拽的复合句，但我也不太会写) It is equally possible that the taxes revenue of Prason City is three times of that of Blue City. Consequently the percent of public education in revenue of Parson City is 60% as well as that of Blue City is 90%。Conspicuously it is absurd to allege that the Parson City residents attach more attention to public education than do Blue City.(因为前一句已经是一个it is句型，此句是否可以换成alleging that…is absurd)

Secondly，the author makes an oversimplified analogy between Parson City and Blue City. Although there are the same number of citizens in both cities, the number of students of public school in (应该加冠词吧，the或 these 之类的)two cities is unknown。If the number of students in Parson City is five times of (than) that in Blue City, there will be no doubt that the Parson City budgets(budget) (invest as 感觉少了谓语动词) twice as Blue City does for plenty of students. Also, the author dismissed the possible less allocation on every student.

Finally，the government does not always present the inhabitants of that area。Although the government of Parson City budget twice per year as Blue City does for public schools，there is a chance that the residents in Parson City care little about public school while citizens in Blue City care a lot about that.(感觉太抽象，应该再写具体一些，比如政府是否对拨出的款进行核实用在学校的建设身上，或是否有进行定期的到学校考察，等等)

To sum up(因为第二句的开头也是To开始，建议这里换一种表达方式In summary, 或As it stands之类的短语结尾)，the conclusion reached in the argument lacks credibility and acurity（accuracy） for the author commits the (a) fallacy of "all things are equal"。To make the argument more convincing, the writer should provide more information concerning the amount of the taxes revenue, the number of public school students and the focus of residents between the two City (cities)