Argument 147

leepmoUID: 2296903

求拍！多谢多谢。刚开始写，求大家指教。

TOPIC: ARGUMENT147 - The following appeared in an editorial in a business magazine.

"Although the sales of Whirlwind video games have declined over the past two years, a recent survey of video-game players suggests that this sales trend is about to be reversed. The survey asked video-game players what features they thought were most important in a video game. According to the survey, players prefer games that provide lifelike graphics, which require the most up-to-date computers. Whirlwind has just introduced several such games with an extensive advertising campaign directed at people 10 to 25 years old, the age-group most likely to play video games. It follows, then, that the sales of Whirlwind video games are likely to increase dramatically in the next few months."

第一，   作者说新推出的游戏主要针对的是10－25岁的人，但是调查的范围却没有限定，是所有游戏玩家。
第二，   Lifelike效果的需要UP-TO-DATE的计算机，有多少人能有这样的计算机？可以玩这样的游戏。
第三，   影响游戏的因素很多，比如情节，music，这些都没有提到。有多少人已经推出这样的游戏呢
很可能有别的原因引起公司的销量下降。


The author of this argument claims that the sales of Whirlwind video games will increase dramatically in the next few months. To support his claim, the author cites the following evidences: (1) According to a survey, the video game players choose the lifelike graphics as the most important part of the video games. While Whirlwind video games has just introduced such kind of games to the people aged from 10 to 25.(2)Whirlwind video games pays a lot of attention to the advertisement aiming to people 10 to 25.However, close examination of these evidences reveals that they lends little credible support to the author's assertion.

First of all, the author bases his claim partly on the result of the survey that the video game players consider the lifelike graphics as the most important feature of the video games. However, the products of the Whirlwind which are with lifelike graphics are mainly aimed at the people aged from 10 to 25.There is no direct evidence to indicate that the people 10 to 25 are also like such kind of video games .We cannot make such a conclusion since the survey was based on all video players. What's more, there are many aspects affecting the video games, such as the music, the stories of the games etc. It is pity that the author provides no information about this .Lacking such kind of evidence, the author cannot persuade that the people 10 to 25 will prefer Whirlwind’s video games.

Second, the lifelike photo graphics needs the most up-to-date computers. This limitation will obviously decrease the sales of the video games of Whirlwind since not every people who plays the video can afford the most up-to-date computers.

Third, the author fails to take the potential challenges that the new video games will meet into account. Perhaps there are a lot of companies which have already provided such kind of video games. Perhaps some companies provide some new video games which are more attractive. With out ruling out such kind of challenges, the author cannot defend the claim that the new video games will be popular.

Last but maybe the most important, the author fails to consider the author aspects which will affect the sales of the company. The author fails to consider the other facts that may affect the sales of Whirlwind. Perhaps the prices of the video games of Whirlwind are much higher than other companies. Perhaps there are not enough salesmen to sell the products. Perhaps the interests of video game players have changed. With out establishing all other facts that affect the sales of the video games, the author cannot make us to believe that the sales of the new video games will increase.

In sum, the author's evidences lend little reliable support his claim. The make us believe that the sales of Whirlwind will increase, the author need to provide more evidences that the new video games will be welcomed. Besides, the author needs to give us more information for example （1） the analysis why the sales of Whirlwind will decrease.（2）the potential challenge the new video games will meet.

shuwenyingUID: 2233183

Argument 147
求拍！多谢多谢。刚开始写，求大家指教。

TOPIC: ARGUMENT147 - The following appeared in an editorial in a business magazine.

"Although the sales of Whirlwind video games have declined over the past two years, a recent survey of video-game players suggests that this sales trend is about to be reversed. The survey asked video-game players what features they thought were most important in a video game. According to the survey, players prefer games that provide lifelike graphics, which require the most up-to-date computers. Whirlwind has just introduced several such games with an extensive advertising campaign directed at people 10 to 25 years old, the age-group most likely to play video games. It follows, then, that the sales of Whirlwind video games are likely to increase dramatically in the next few months."

第一，   作者说新推出的游戏主要针对的是10－25岁的人，但是调查的范围却没有限定，是所有游戏玩家。
第二，   Lifelike效果的需要UP-TO-DATE的计算机，有多少人能有这样的计算机？可以玩这样的游戏。
第三，   影响游戏的因素很多，比如情节，music，这些都没有提到。有多少人已经推出这样的游戏呢
很可能有别的原因引起公司的销量下降。


The author of this argument claims that the sales of Whirlwind video games will increase dramatically in the next few months. To support his claim, the author cites the following evidences: (1) According to a survey, the video game players choose the lifelike graphics as the most important part of the video games. While Whirlwind video games has just introduced such kind of games to the people aged from 10 to 25.(2)Whirlwind video games pays a lot of attention to the advertisement aiming to people 10 to 25.However, close examination of these evidences reveals that they lends little credible support to the author's assertion.略有北美范文的影子，我也是模板感觉比较重的，刚刚被建议最好不要跟大众模板，而是建立个性模板，我现在就把这个建议转给你吧。其实很多gter建议开头简洁地点出存在的问题就行了

First of all, the author bases his claim partly on the result of the survey that the video game players consider the lifelike graphics as the most important feature of the video games. However, the products of the Whirlwind which are with lifelike graphics are mainly aimed at the people aged from 10 to 25.There is no direct evidence to indicate that the people 10 to 25 are also like such kind of video games .这句话想写“调查未必涉及到这些人群”是吗？有点想说但是没有说出来的感觉We cannot make such a conclusion since the survey was based on all video players.只是个人觉得，其实也未必是all players，试试写“based on 不明确的调查”会不会好点？ What's more, there are many aspects affecting the video games, such as the music, the stories of the games etc. It is pity that the author provides no information about this .Lacking such kind of evidence, the author cannot persuade that the people 10 to 25 will prefer Whirlwind’s video games.

Second, the lifelike photo graphics needs the most up-to-date computers. This limitation will obviously decrease the sales of the video games of Whirlwind since not every people who plays the video can afford the most up-to-date computers. 会不会绝对了一点？

Third, the author fails to take the potential challenges 建议换成competitionthat the new video games will meet into account. Perhaps there are a lot of companies which have already provided such kind of video games. Perhaps some companies provide some new video games which are more attractive. With out ruling out such kind of challenges, the author cannot defend the claim that the new video games will be popular.

Last but maybe the most important,这个没有见过，原谅俺孤陋寡闻。last but not least，常用一点 the author fails to consider the author otheraspects which will affect the sales of the company. The author fails to consider the other facts that may affect the sales of Whirlwind.呵呵多打了一次 Perhaps the prices of the video games of Whirlwind are much higher than other companies. Perhaps there are not enough salesmen to sell the products. Perhaps the interests of video game players have changed. With out establishing all other facts that affect the sales of the video games, the author cannot make us to 这里的to可以删吧，我见过的是make sb dobelieve that the sales of the new video games will increase.

In sum, the author's evidences lend little reliable support his claim. TheTo make us believe that the sales of Whirlwind will increase, the author need to provide more evidences that the new video games will be welcomed. Besides, the author needs to give us more information for example （1） the analysis why the sales of Whirlwind will decrease.（2）the potential challenge the new video games will meet.
总体上逻辑性是很好的～注意一点用词上的小地方吧，第一段模板的感觉比较明显，建议改改
呵呵，欢迎互拍啊
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