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[a习作temp] argument99 【米国有米】寒假第17天 2-12 [复制链接]

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发表于 2007-2-12 23:56:51 |显示全部楼层
99The following appeared in a memo from the economic minister of the small country Paucia.

"Using a newly developed variety of seed, farmers in our neighboring country Abundia produced 80 percent more rice last year than in any previous year. To increase the income of farmers in our own country, we should encourage them to cultivate this new variety of rice rather than some of their traditional crops. Such high yields of rice will also improve our country's balance of trade by enabling us to begin exporting it."


In the argument, the arguer suggests that to increase the income of farmers in our own country, we should encourage them to cultivate the new variety of rice rather than some of their traditional crops, because of the harvest of our neighboring country. And in this way, we could also improve our country’s balance of trade by enabling us to begin exporting it.

In the first place, the arguer fails to establish the causal relationship between the 80 percent more rice produced by our neighboring country last year and newly developed variety of seed. The harvest of our neighboring country is possibly caused by some other factors. It is possible that the weather last year is suitable to the growth of rice, and at the same time, farmers develop some new techniques to prevent rice from insects. Hence, Abundia produced 80 percent more rice could be contribute to some other reasons instead of newly developed variety of seed.

What is more, although the harvest is caused by newly developed variety of seed, the propagation of the experience of neighboring country to our country is ungrounded. There are surely some differences between two countries, such as soil condition, weather, technique of farmers and so forth. Even though the newly developed variety of seed could thrive in Abundia, it is highly possible that it could not grow in our country. So we should not encourage our farmers to cultivate this new rice without more careful experiment taken and more persuasive evidence got.

Besides, arguer draws the conclusion that such high yields of rice will also improve our country’s balance of trade by enabling us to begin exporting it hastily without consideration of other elements. It is possible that although the quantity of this kind of seed is larger than before, the quality of it is poor, which could lead it to low price. In this case, our country could not gain balance of trade with the low income of rice. Also, the plant cultivated before may have good price and trade base in the worldwide market. If we quit former plant and turn to new rice, we may have a momentous losing in economy. Therefore, hasty suggestion could not bring brilliant future to our country.

To sum up, the seemingly convincing argument lacks both sufficient evidence and precise reasoning to make it sound enough. To further strengthen the conclusion, the arguer should ruling out other factors which could influence the harvest, list evidence which could prove the new seed is also suitable to our country and persuasive evidence about the rice and trade balance.

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发表于 2007-2-13 14:06:54 |显示全部楼层

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argument99 【米国有米】寒假第17天 2-12
99The following appeared in a memo from the economic minister of the small country Paucia.

"Using a newly developed variety of seed, farmers in our neighboring country Abundia produced 80 percent more rice last year than in any previous year. To increase the income of farmers in our own country, we should encourage them to cultivate this new variety of rice rather than some of their traditional crops. Such high yields of rice will also improve our country's balance of trade by enabling us to begin exporting it."

In the argument, the arguer suggests that to increase the income of farmers in our own country, we should encourage them to cultivate the new variety of rice rather than some of their traditional crops, because of the harvest of our neighboring country. And in this way, we could also improve our country’s balance of trade by enabling us to begin exporting it. [前面总结比较好,但最好还是要指出论述中存在错误]

In the first place, the arguer fails to establish the causal relationship between the 80 percent more rice produced by our neighboring country last year and newly developed variety of seed. The harvest of our neighboring country is possibly caused by some other factors. It is possible that the weather last year is suitable to the growth of rice, and at the same time, farmers develop some new techniques to prevent rice from insects. Hence, Abundia produced 80 percent more rice could be contribute to some other reasons instead of newly developed variety of seed.

What is more, although[even if] the harvest is caused by newly developed variety of seed, the propagation of the experience of neighboring country to our country is ungrounded. There are surely some differences between two countries, such as soil condition, weather, technique of farmers and so forth. Even though the newly developed variety of seed could thrive in Abundia, it is highly possible that it could not grow in our country. So we should not encourage our farmers to cultivate this new rice without more careful experiment taken and more persuasive evidence got.

Besides, arguer draws the conclusion that such high yields of rice will also improve our country’s balance of trade by enabling us to begin exporting it hastily without consideration of other elements. It is possible that although the quantity of this kind of seed is larger than before, the quality[具体指什么可以提一下] of it is poor, which could lead it to low price. In this case, our country could not gain balance of trade with the low income of rice. Also, the plant cultivated before may have good price and trade base in the worldwide market. If we quit former plant and turn to new rice, we may have a momentous losing in economy. Therefore, hasty suggestion could not bring brilliant future to our country.

To sum up, the seemingly convincing argument lacks both sufficient evidence and precise reasoning to make it sound enough. To further strengthen the conclusion, the arguer should ruling out other factors which could influence the harvest, list evidence which could prove the new seed is also suitable to our country and persuasive evidence about the rice and trade balance.

[写得不错,思路清晰,分析也很到位,如果要得满分呢,攻击还得深入些,有些句子的表达还要再准确些]

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RE: argument99 【米国有米】寒假第17天 2-12 [修改]

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