argument145 Jennie's

jennie1221UID: 2262439

Argument145
A new study collected data that shows that people who snore are more likely to gain weight than are people who do not snore. It is well known that many people who snore also stop breathing frequently during the night for a few seconds, a condition called sleep apnea. The interruption of breathing wakes the person—often so briefly that the waking goes unnoticed—and can leave the person too tired during the day to exercise. Anyone who snores, therefore, should try to eat less than the average person and to exercise more.


1.       无根据的假设——不锻炼就会长胖
2.       从can入手，也许不会导致疲倦，或者其他原因导致不能运动
3.       从many不能到all, 结论出现前文中并出现少吃点的原因，无效研究等


Based on the recent study that snorers are more likely to be fatter and on the common sense that those people who snore may apnea frequently during the night and thus they cannot do exercises because of their fatigues, the arguer conclude that anyone who snores should do more exercises and eat less. To support it, the arguer makes an unfounded assumption that no exercise can make people fatter. Obviously, this argument is infested with scores of flaws and drawbacks.

First and foremost, the threshold misleading notion which seriously weakens the logic of this argument is that the author depends on a gratuitous assumption-no exercises can make one gain weight. However, so many slim persons will still be slender regardless whether they do exercises or not and fat ones may be fatter with drinking a little table-water. The accumulation of fattiness on our body does not merely in the exercises whether we have done but results from many integrative factors, such as the gene, the absorbability, the feeding habits, the intensity of daily works and so forth. It is possible that one cannot be overweight or even gain little weight without any exercises. And there is another possibility that a great many exercises have been done to get thinner but no effect. Therefore, this argument is unwarranted without ruling out such cases stated above.

Another fundamental flaw in this argument is that the arguer incomprehensively state the correlation that one who apneas frequently during the night must be free of exercises during the day. Perhaps, lacking exercises is in respect that a great deal of works makes them have no leisure to running, going to the gymnasium, jumping and so on. Or perhaps, the snorers may have a rest in daily time in order to, not in the least, be so tired to have an exercise. In short, without more compelling evidences, the unambiguous connection between these two events, this saying will be unsound.

Before my final judgment comes out, it is necessary to indicate that even if the possibilities discussed above exist in this argument, the conclusion is still unconvinced in that many people who snore will gain weight cannot claim all the snorers should do exercises. And it is an abrupt recommendation referring the way of eating less to solve the matter of getting fatter that is deduced, after all, the relationship between eating and individual’s weight has never been concerned above the arguer’s conclusion. The last but not least, the study may be so vague for absence of necessary figures, scientific studying method, proper studying scale and time. Lacking such information, the arguer’s conclusion cannot be verified.

To conclude, just a scrutiny can even reveal several fallacies, which render this argument logically unpersuasive as it stands, so further investigations and analysis should be done to strengthen it. Without the given factors discussed above, the argument cannot be thoroughly and rationally accepted.

[ 本帖最后由 lastangel 于 2007-2-17 12:03 编辑 ]

wwltlUID: 2156586

Argument145
A new study collected data that shows that people who snore are more likely to gain weight than are people who do not snore. It is well known that many people who snore also stop breathing frequently during the night for a few seconds, a condition called sleep apnea. The interruption of breathing wakes the person—often so briefly that the waking goes unnoticed—and can leave the person too tired during the day to exercise. Anyone who snores, therefore, should try to eat less than the average person and to exercise more.


1.       无根据的假设——不锻炼就会长胖
2.       从can入手，也许不会导致疲倦，或者其他原因导致不能运动
3.       从many不能到all, 结论出现前文中并出现少吃点的原因，无效研究等

Based on the recent study that snorers are more likely to be fatter and on the common sense that those people who snore may apnea frequently during the night and thus they cannot do exercises because of their fatigues, the arguer conclude that anyone who snores should do more exercises and eat less. To support it, the arguer makes an unfounded assumption that no exercise can make people fatter. Obviously, this argument is infested with scores of flaws and drawbacks.First and foremost, the threshold misleading notion which seriously weakens the logic of this argument is that the author depends on a gratuitous assumption-no exercises can make one gain weight. However, so many slim persons will still be slender regardless whether they do exercises or not and fat ones may be fatter with drinking a little table-water. The accumulation of fattiness on our body does not merely in（好像少了个动词吧） the exercises whether we have done but results from many integrative factors, such as the gene, the absorbability, the feeding habits, the intensity of daily works and so forth. It is possible that one cannot be overweight or even gain little weight without any exercises. And there is another possibility that a great many exercises have been done to get thinner but no effect. Therefore, this argument is unwarranted without ruling out such cases stated above.（这一段的论述，给人感觉好像离题有点远。可以看出来LZ的思路，但是这一段总给人一种有句话没有说明白的感觉。你一直试图说明胖和运动不运动是没关系的，但是这显然有违一半的常识。所以，我觉得应该说：打鼾的人胖也许根本就不是没运动造成的。你原文中驳的是no exercises can make one gain weight。呵呵，不知道我说明白自己的意思没有：你只需要证明运动和打鼾的人胖这一现象没有关系；但是，你却一直想要说服对方大家的脂肪积累和运动关系不紧密。显然后者不仅让人觉得在找歪理，而且让人觉得没有针对“打鼾”）

Another fundamental flaw in this argument is that the arguer incomprehensively state the correlation that one who apneas frequently during the night must be free of exercises during the day. Perhaps, lacking exercises is in respect that a great deal of works makes them have no leisure to running, going to the gymnasium, jumping and so on. Or perhaps, the snorers may have a rest in daily time in order to, not in the least, （这句话我不确定，只是读这有点怪）be so tired to have an exercise. In short, without more compelling evidences, the unambiguous connection between these two events, this saying will be unsound.（这一段很思路清楚）

Before my final judgment comes out, it is necessary to indicate that even if the possibilities discussed above exist in this argument, the conclusion is still unconvinced in that many people who snore will gain weight cannot claim all the snorers should do exercises. And it is an abrupt recommendation referring the way of eating less to solve the matter of getting fatter that is deduced, after all, the relationship between eating and individual’s weight has never been concerned above the arguer’s conclusion. The last but not least, the study may be so vague for absence of necessary figures, scientific studying method, proper studying scale and time. Lacking such information, the arguer’s conclusion cannot be verified.（这一段感觉写得不够具体。最好举点例子来衬托让所有打鼾的都节食反而可能危害他们的健康。。。这样显得比较有理有据）To conclude, just a scrutiny can even reveal several fallacies, which render this argument logically unpersuasive as it stands, so further investigations and analysis should be done to strengthen it. Without the given factors discussed above, the argument cannot be thoroughly and rationally accepted.

LZ的语言已经相当好了，PFPF。其实逻辑也是比较清楚的，呵呵，我鸡蛋里面挑骨头，未必正确。不知道什么时候考试？有空的话即使不是同主题也互改，如何？

jennie1221UID: 2262439

我看到前面的都是1,2楼互改,3,4楼互改,如果都是改下面的,谁改一楼的?所以我就改了你的.不过我可能还得看看楼下的.

我不知道2楼看过某位高人写的"argument应该这样写(一)(二)(三)"没有,我是在读了那三篇文章后对这篇argument才有了这样的看法.

我3月13号就考了,但是还没怎么准备,觉得所有文章都写得很憋~难过死了.not in the least 是齐文昱老师上课的时候讲的,我就用进去了,其实等于not
他说,这个短语放在句首可以用倒装,我想,应该可以用作插入语吧.

不知如果不在同主题里,如何互改?

wwltlUID: 2156586

你写的已经很好了，而且还有那么长时间，来得及的。只是不知道你现在一篇argument要写多长时间。如果连时间都可以控制得差不多了，那么完全不用那么着急了吧。

关于同主题，我也不很确定现在有没有换规则。但是如果你看看开始得几期，都是楼上改楼下的。唉，我也不清楚。

另外，我也看过“argument应该这样写(一)(二)(三)”。不过，你所说的这样的想法具体是指？？？

不在同主题里，你可以发站内消息把文章连接留给我。我一半会在2天之内改出来。

jennie1221UID: 2262439

我现在写作文是准备很多资料,准备的时间很长,特别是issue,但是写得时间也不是太长.不过argument这是第一篇,用得有点久,具体时间我也不记得了,可能有一个多小时,久吧?我现在打英文的速度还有问题,30分钟才可以把首段,末端,中间段的主题句和总结句打完:vomit: 哎!

我的想法在这期同主题下的28楼给出来了,你帮我看看?讨论讨论?


短消息里发送到后面写什么?是你的昵称还是uid?我刚刚我试了一下,好像发不起呢.

aunknownUID: 2173661

感谢楼主的修改,你说的问题我一定好好注意. :) 发现你和我一天考呀!
你所说的argument就应该这样写系列,我以前也看了,刚看的时候,我觉得写的非常有道理, 但当我写了一段时间后发现,其实有些东西并不一定要按他那种写法.其实他那种写法我觉得有一大缺陷,就是逻辑连贯性不强.版里也有很多批他的文章,我觉得关键还是你自己的风格,写顺了就行.另外你看看,官方的范文不也没有上来就批驳文章的大前提的.
你的文章我先看一下,水平有限,就请多包含了.

1.只要是事实陈述,或者是suvey,study什么的,应该放到最后反驳,因为对这些东西的反驳会让人觉得像是在强词夺理.
这个我觉得根据具体情况而定,不要太绝对,survey 本身的攻击我觉得是没必要的,比如谁做的,调查的人没有回答,或则隐瞒了实情. 我们攻击的主要是他的样本的代表性.例如调查只考虑到了部分人群 这也就是你说的    many-->all

2.在分析时,自己一定要先假设作者结论的正确,来找出他推论的错误.对结论的反驳就如同对事实反驳一样,不是ets考查的重点.
文章我们肯定是要找到他的逻辑线条的,这是作者的思路,当然最好是能按这个思路来驳. 并且每一步都是有一个推论的.很多时候这些推论(假设)是相互递进的,这样就可以用even if 的层层深入, 也有一些情况这些推论是并列的,共同证明作者的结论的,那么就可以并列着写. 另外我不同意你所说的不能驳结论的看法,结论是作者推理假设的结果,说结论错,其实还是再说他的推论到结论的论证过程有问题.没有例子说的绕呀!:o

3.暗含的假设,还有就是无关比较是最重要的批驳对象.
这当然是批驳的重点,但我还是觉得每必要一定要重要性来分你批驳的顺序.这个看你自己的认识了!

4.其次是因果链,还有题目存在的明显的假设,是第二重要的批驳对象.
其实因果链是作者的思路的体现,你说的假设都是在着条链里面的,提他的在2里我已经阐述了,就不多说了.

5.第三重要的是关于子集的批驳,也就是many不能推出all,这个问题可以看成是结论的部分错误.
6.最不重要的才是survey和study,还有as known for us 之类的无效.不过,在专门的survey argument中这个就变成重点了.

说了一堆,觉得说的比较乱,哎!汗!
总之一句话,多看官方范文,写出自己的风格就OK!:)

[ 本帖最后由 aunknown 于 2007-2-18 23:44 编辑 ]

aunknownUID: 2173661

Argument145
A new study collected data that shows that people who snore are more likely to gain weight than are people who do not snore. It is well known that many people who snore also stop breathing frequently during the night for a few seconds, a condition called sleep apnea. The interruption of breathing wakes the person—often so briefly that the waking goes unnoticed—and can leave the person too tired during the day to exercise. Anyone who snores, therefore, should try to eat less than the average person and to exercise more.

1.       无根据的假设——不锻炼就会长胖
2.       从can入手，也许不会导致疲倦，或者其他原因导致不能运动
3.       从many不能到all, 结论出现前文中并出现少吃点的原因，无效研究等

Based on the recent study that snorers are more likely to be fatter and on the common sense that those people who snore may apnea frequently during the night and thus they cannot do exercises because of their fatigues, the arguer conclude that anyone who snores should do more exercises and eat less. To support it, the arguer makes an unfounded assumption that no exercise can make people fatter. Obviously, this argument is infested with scores of flaws and drawbacks.
第一段改写的挺好，已经有自己的风格，虽然版里大多数人都赞成写的尽量简洁，但我觉得还是要指出作者的逻辑错误是最好的，赞一个

First and foremost, the threshold misleading notion which seriously weakens the logic of this argument is that前面这句写的太冗长，直接点出假设我觉得就足够了 the author depends on a gratuitous assumption-no exercises can make one gain weight. However, so many slim persons will still be slender regardless +of whether they do exercises or not and fat ones may be fatter with drinking a little table-water. The accumulation of fattiness on our body does not merely in the exercises whether we have done but results from many integrative factors, such as the gene, the absorbability, the feeding habits, the intensity of daily works and so forth. It is possible that one cannot be overweight or even gain little weight without any exercises. And there is another possibility that a great many exercises have been done to get thinner but no effect. Therefore, this argument is unwarranted without ruling out such cases stated above.
哎总算想清楚你这段的问题，花了好长时间呀，真是脑子不管用了呀!
你看看你这篇一大段竟然没有snore这个关键词，汗！ 所以给人的感觉就是没有和文章贴的很紧，以至与大家都觉得你这段有问题，如果你能指出snorer 中也有一些你所指出的特殊情况，我觉得效果就好的多，总体展开的很好

Another fundamental flaw in this argument is that the arguer incomprehensively state the correlation that one who apneas frequently during the night must be free ？lack of exercises during the day. Perhaps, lacking exercises is in respect that a great deal of works makes them have no leisure to running, going to the gymnasium, jumping and so on. Or perhaps, the snorers may have a rest in daily time in order to, not in the least, be so tired to have an exercise. In short, without more compelling evidences, the unambiguous connection between these two events, this saying will be unsound.
感觉你举的例子后面少了和主题的衔接，这样就觉得不完整，例如，缺少锻炼是因为他们工作多导致的，那么后面是不是应加上因此他们的增重不是因为他们晚上没睡好觉导致，另外不要写概述性的话，没意义。

Before my final judgment comes out, it is necessary to indicate that even if the possibilities discussed above exist in this argument, the conclusion is still unconvinced in that many people who snore will gain weight cannot claim all the snorers should do exercises. And it is an abrupt recommendation referring the way of eating less to solve the matter of getting fatter that is deduced, after all, the relationship between eating and individual’s weight has never been concerned above the arguer’s conclusion. The last but not least, the study may be so vague for absence of necessary figures, scientific studying method, proper studying scale and time. Lacking such information, the arguer’s conclusion cannot be verified.
跟楼上的一个看法，缺少展开，但仔细一看，其实你的第一段，说的就是manyall, 因为有一些体质上的差异，一些人即使锻炼也不会减轻体重，这也是你这里展开可以用的例子
To conclude, just a scrutiny can even reveal several fallacies, which render this argument logically unpersuasive as it stands, so further investigations and analysis should be done to strengthen it. Without the given factors discussed above, the argument cannot be thoroughly and rationally accepted.最后一段全部是概述性的话，觉得不太合适，还是具体一些的好

总结，文笔蛮不错的，语法错误也没找着几个，不错，加油！
最大的毛病，你的文章逻辑性感觉有点问题，条理不是很清楚，有点乱，这才是ets最主要考察的，好好斟酌一下，不要被那个”argument怎么写”给迷惑了, 可以借鉴他的一些想法，但不要被它固化，你多看一下斑里的其他精华，就会有新的认识的， 反正我觉得写的多的g友们没有对那篇文章有什么好感的。
今天外面狂放炮，烦，急！想抓狂! 说的不好的地方请见谅，偶的水平太差呀，惭愧！


不好意思,好多文章实在是想不起来在哪了,就找到这一篇,你参考看一下吧! http://bbs.gter.ce.cn/bbs/viewthread.php?tid=586228&highlight=

[ 本帖最后由 aunknown 于 2007-2-19 02:10 编辑 ]

jennie1221UID: 2262439

首先感谢wwltl和包子两位前辈的宝贵意见,提的意见很好呀!在下许多结论的时候,我确实过于片面,不过幸好有战友们的提醒呀.thx!!!
可能我的作文就是太模式化了,因为现在脑袋不是很管用了呀,人老了,呵呵.以后我会好好注意的.希望我们都能够顺利的走到踏上美国国土那一步,好好学习,报效祖国,最后回国,让老美来做中国人出的gre题,考死他们!