argument38 天下无G组 为什么从来没有越写越亢奋呢

lindorUID: 2290025

TOPIC: ARGUMENT38 - The following memo appeared in the newsletter of the West Meria Public Health Council.

"An innovative treatment has come to our attention that promises to significantly reduce absenteeism in our schools and workplaces. A study reports that in nearby East Meria, where fish consumption is very high, people visit the doctor only once or twice per year for the treatment of colds. Clearly, eating a substantial amount of fish can prevent colds. Since colds are the reason most frequently given for absences from school and work, we recommend the daily use of Ichthaid, a nutritional supplement derived from fish oil, as a good way to prevent colds and lower absenteeism."
WORDS: 430          TIME: 0:30:00          DATE: 2007-2-22

In this argument, the arguer recommends that people in West Meria should eat Ichthaid to prevent colds and then to lower absenteeism. To support this recommendation, the arguer cites a study in nearby East Meria as evidence. After discreet scrutiny, this recommendation suffers several critical flaws as follows.

To begin with, the arguer simply assumes that eating a substantial amount of fish can prevent colds. There is no direct correlation between eating fish substantially and preventing colds mentioned in the study in East Meria. Whether people in East Meria are really rare get colds is open into doubt, because it is entirely possible that people there would not visit doctors but prefer to buy some regular medicine to cure colds. Even if they get colds less often, perhaps it is because of their healthy lifestyle. It is a common sense that exercising regular could enhance physical fitness and prevent colds. Without ruling out other alternatives, it is irrational to draw a conclusion that eating fish contributes to lower frequency of colds.

Furthermore, even if eating fish could help to prevent colds, whether colds are the main reason of absences from school and work is unclear. There is no evidence to support this assumption between colds and absenteeism. As to workers, it is possible that they asked for a cold leave on other purposes, such as a date. Or perhaps they just refuse go to work and want to have a rest sometimes. As to students, they could lie to teachers that they were sick for hanging out with friends outside. Or perhaps they made some mistakes and use colds to get away of punishment from teachers. Unless the arguer provide more convincing evidence to attest that colds are the real reason for absence, I can't accept the conclusion that to prevent colds can effectively lower absenteeism.

In addition, the arguer commits a fallacy of false analogy between West Meria and East Meria. The arguer fails to take into account their differences. We are not informed the physical characteristics and diet customs of people in West Meria. It is possible that they would not benefit from eating fish because of their special physical characteristics. Or perhaps, most citizens dislike fish and food linked to fish. Maybe West Meria is an inland city and there are few lakes to raise fish, whereas East Meria has quite a few lakes or is a bay.  Thus, daily eating fish could be unacceptable for people in West Meria.

Finally, the arguer commits a fallacy of hasty generalization. Even though eating fish is an effective and feasible measure to people in West Meria, whether the fish consumption is lower than that of East Meria is suspicious. If the consumption of fish is the same high as that of East Meria or even higher, it is unnecessary to eat more fish. Moreover, the arguer does not provide any information on effects which could be brought by Ichthaid. Whether this supplement derived from fish oil could prevent colds is still unknown. If this nutritional supplement has little to do with colds, it is unnecessary to use it daily.

To sum up, the recommendation is not logical compelling since its evidence does not lend strong support to it. To bolster the recommendation, the arguer should provide more information on whether Ichthaid is useful to prevent colds. In addition, the arguer should also consider other effective measures, such as improving work environment or establishing a strict rule, which could effectively lower absenteeism in West Marie.

greatgreatgiantUID: 2229024

写的挺好的．:)


In this argument, the arguer recommends that people in West Meria should eat Ichthaid to prevent colds and then to lower absenteeism. To support this recommendation, the arguer cites a study in nearby East Meria as evidence. After discreet scrutiny, this recommendation suffers several critical flaws as follows.

To begin with, the arguer simply assumes that eating a substantial amount of fish can prevent colds. There is no direct correlation between eating fish substantially and preventing colds mentioned in the study in East Meria. Whether people in East Meria are really rare（我觉得用rarely） get（用getting吧？） colds is open into doubt, because it is entirely possible that people there would not visit doctors but prefer to buy（用buying） some regular medicine to cure colds. Even if they get colds less often, perhaps it is because of their healthy lifestyle. It is a common sense that exercising regular could enhance physical fitness and prevent colds. Without ruling out other alternatives, it is irrational to draw a conclusion that eating fish contributes to lower frequency of colds.

Furthermore, even if eating fish could help to prevent colds, whether colds are the main reason of absences from school and work is unclear. There is no evidence to support this assumption between colds and absenteeism. As to workers, it is possible that they asked for a cold leave on other purposes, such as a date. Or perhaps they just refuse（加to） go to work and want to have a rest sometimes. As to students, they could lie to teachers that they were sick for hanging out with friends outside. Or perhaps they made some mistakes and use colds to get away of punishment from teachers. Unless the arguer provide（s） more convincing evidence to attest that colds are the real reason for absence, I can't accept the conclusion that to prevent （preventing）colds can effectively lower absenteeism.

In addition, the arguer commits a fallacy of false analogy between West Meria and East Meria. The arguer fails to take into account their differences. We are not informed the physical characteristics and diet customs of people in West Meria. It is possible that they would not benefit from eating fish because of their special physical characteristics. Or perhaps, most citizens dislike fish and food linked to fish. Maybe West Meria is an inland city and there are few lakes to raise fish, whereas East Meria has quite a few lakes or is （　there　is）a bay.  Thus, daily eating fish could be unacceptable for people in West Meria.

Finally, the arguer commits a fallacy of hasty generalization. Even though eating fish is an effective and feasible measure to people in West Meria, whether the fish consumption is lower than that of East Meria is suspicious. If the consumption of fish is the same （as）high as that of East Meria or even higher, it is unnecessary to eat more fish. Moreover, the arguer does not provide any information on effects which could be brought （about）by Ichthaid. Whether this supplement derived from fish oil could prevent colds is still unknown. If this nutritional supplement has little to do with colds, it is unnecessary to use it daily.

To sum up, the recommendation is not logical compelling since its evidence does not lend strong support to it. To bolster the recommendation, the arguer should provide more information on whether Ichthaid is useful to prevent colds. In addition, the arguer should also consider other effective measures, such as improving work environment or establishing a strict rule, which could effectively lower absenteeism in West Marie.
你的文章挺好的了，套的句型有容入了自己的特色了．我想请教你一下，这个要怎么修改才好，我老是觉得自己的句子几乎都是原原本本书上的那几个句子，没有自己的风格．．．．

我觉得要把讲旷工逃课的那个放在第一个，因为题目开头是讲要减少逃课旷工，这是作者写文章的目的，所以要先攻击．
下面是我的作文，帮忙也看一下，好吗？

In the argument, the author recommends that people of West Meria should daily use Ichthaid, a nutritional supplement derived from fish oil, to prevent colds and lower absenteeism for the reason that colds are the reason most frequently given for absences from school and work. To substantiate his recommendation, the author cites the result of a study that people in nearby East Meria  visit the doctor only once or twice per year for the treatment of colds and this is due to the high consumption of fish. Close scrutiny of these facts, nevertheless, would reveal that none of them lend credible support to the author's recommendation.

Firstly, the author simply assumes that the absenteeism in schools and workplaces of West Meria owes to colds. To support his assumption, he provides the evidence that colds are the reason most frequently given for absenteeism. However, the author does not account for other possible reasons. It is highly that people are tired of working and study. Or perhaps, it is a way that people protest against the low salary , poor well-being and terrible working and study environment. Without considering these possible reasons, it is impossible to reduce absenteeism.

In the second place, the author unfairly concludes that the few times people of East Meria visit doctors for colds are due to the high consumption of fish. Nonetheless, the author provides no evidence that this is the case. It is entirely possible that the climate of East Meria is much more comfortable . Or maybe people take more exercise. Unless the author takes these factors into accountant, there is no guarantee that low frequency of cold treatment is the result of high consumption of fish.

Further more,it is true that West Meria and East Meria are near, however,  the author fails to take into account the inherent differences between the two places,such as environmental, genetic, economic, and so on. Even though eating fish contributes to reduce the times of having a cold, taking Ichthaid which is derived from fish oil daily maybe ineffective because it is likely that not the substance derived from fish oil  but something in other parts of the fish helps  the body  preventing colds. Lacking　more information about the differences and other factors, the author cannot hastily come to the recommendation.

In summary, this argument has several patent flaws which render it logically unpersuasive as it stands. To bolster the argument, further survey  about the factual reasons of  absenteeism. To better evaluate the author's recommendation, we would need more information about the differences between East Meria and West Meria and what other factors are actually likely to help preventing colds  .
我的第一段会不会太罗嗦了？？？

（1）        作者假设相信每个人请假都是因为感冒，而不是其他原因，比如：说谎，不想上学，上班，觉得工资低，福利不好。
（2）        作者认为东边的人少去医院看感冒，是因为吃鱼，但是可能是因为那里的气候舒适，或者人们经常锻炼，才使得感冒少。
（3）        东边的情况和西边的情况不一样，如：环境，基因，经济等。即使吃鱼有助于预防感冒，吃Ichthaid 有可能无效，因为东边是吃整条鱼。

lindorUID: 2290025

In the argument, the author recommends that people of West Meria should daily use Ichthaid, a nutritional supplement derived from fish oil, to prevent colds and lower absenteeism for the reason that colds are the reason most frequently given for absences from school and work. To substantiate his recommendation, the author cites the result of a study that people in nearby East Meria  visit the doctor only once or twice per year for the treatment of colds and this is due to the high consumption of fish. Close scrutiny of these facts, nevertheless, would reveal that none of them lend credible support to the author's recommendation.

Firstly, the author simply assumes that the absenteeism in schools and workplaces of West Meria owes to colds. To support his assumption, he provides the evidence that colds are the reason most frequently given for absenteeism. However, the author does not account for other possible reasons. It is highly that people are tired of working and study. Or perhaps, it is a way that people protest against the low salary , poor well-being and terrible working and study environment. Without considering these possible reasons, it is impossible to reduce absenteeism. --> it would be groundless to blame colds for absenteeism. 用impossible太绝对了一点.：）
这一段的第二句和第一句其实是一个意思．．建议删掉...

In the second place, the author unfairly concludes that the few times people of East Meria visit doctors for colds are due to the high consumption of fish. Nonetheless, the author provides no evidence that this is the case. It is entirely possible that the climate of East Meria is much more comfortable . Or maybe people take more exercise. Unless the author takes these factors into accountant, there is no guarantee that low frequency of cold treatment is the result of high consumption of fish.
加一个  both comfortable climate and regural exercise can lead to physical fitness, therefore, people in W rarely get colds. 来强化一下自己的假设.

Further more,it is true that West Meria and East Meria are near, however,  the author fails to take into account the inherent differences between the two places,such as environmental, genetic, economic, and so on. Even though eating fish contributes to reduce the times of having a cold, taking Ichthaid which is derived from fish oil daily maybe ineffective because it is likely that not the substance derived from fish oil  but something in other parts of the fish helps  the body  preventing colds. Lacking more information about the differences and other factors, the author cannot hastily come to the recommendation.
genetic 是什么差异? 可以用在people上, 用在地区上面好像怪怪的. 最后一句很模式化.. 但是没有给出具体的什么difference 和other factors, 就空了..

In summary, this argument has several patent flaws which render it logically unpersuasive as it stands. 这一句很赞To bolster the argument, further survey  about the factual reasons of  absenteeism is needed. To better evaluate the author's recommendation, we would need more information about the differences between East Meria and West Meria and what other factors are actually likely to help preventing colds  .

刚刚仔细的改了半天,结果按错键,页面退回去了..哭死...
在这里一起说一下我的意见吧~
1. 第一段确实长了一点...
2. 每一段内部的推理要加强一点, 把里面的假设, 可能的错误,再enrich一点.
3. 模板的句子用的好很漂亮,不过一定要记得把跟本文相关的具体内容加上就更好了~

文章还不错, 一起继续加油~~~

greatgreatgiantUID: 2229024

谢谢，我想再请教你一下，第一段：＂题目结论＋论据＋有错误＂这种模式里面要怎么确定哪些论据要写，或者说都写，但不要照抄？我觉得我的都是照抄，结果第一段很长，且后面写的时候又要再写到，有的可以换一种说法，但有的有是照抄，郁闷哪？？？？