argument147 [AWB小组] 第四次作业

dennis1230UID: 2247126

TOPIC: ARGUMENT147 - The following appeared in an editorial in a business magazine.
"Although the sales of Whirlwind video games have declined over the past two years, a recent survey of video-game players suggests that this sales trend is about to be reversed. The survey asked video-game players what features they thought were most important in a video game. According to the survey, players prefer games that provide lifelike graphics, which require the most up-to-date computers. Whirlwind has just introduced several such games with an extensive advertising campaign directed at people 10 to 25 years old, the age-group most likely to play video games. It follows, then, that the sales of Whirlwind video games are likely to increase dramatically in the next few months."
WORDS: 362         

In this argument, the arguer concludes that the sales of Whirlwind(W) video games will increase dramatically in the next few months by the way of paying more attention on advertising campaign directed at young people. To support this conclusion, the arguer point out that games which W has just introduced would be popular, according to a recent survey of video-game players. However, this conclusion suffers from several critical fallacies.

To begin with, the arguer simply believes that games which own the most important features can be high sales. But, most of players cannot possess the up-to-date computers even it can show lifelike graphics, because the price of that computers always exceed most players' capability. Then, although games are outstanding of others; one may not purchase this, and instead, choose the cheaper ones. Meanwhile, graphics is just one feature of an attractive game. Someone also will prefer the games requiring thinking, logic and devoting oneself to. If W gives much more energy on this style of video games which merely accentuate graphics, it must be a blind investment for a smart investor.

Even if these games will win the favor of players and lead to an increasing sales, it does not mean that the sales of W are likely to rise. Firstly, with just advertising campaign such games introduced by W cannot hit the market and gain players’ okay. Never will it be out of fashion to enrich games' quality and reduce product cost. Players usually focus on the games’ quality, play-duration and price other than how wonderful spoken by ad. Secondly, albeit the age-group(people 10 to 25 years old) most likely to play video games, majority of this ones still have not individual financial resource, so that whether they could buy video games or not depends on their parents’ determination. Sometimes, it is a wise choose to prefer people older than 25 who own money by themselves to young man.

In sum, the argument is not well reasoned. To solidify the argument, the arguer would have to make a comprehensive research that which styles of games can sale well and who will be the major consumer in video games of W.

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gracewx626UID: 2311628

In this argument, the arguer concludes that the [sales]---sellings   of Whirlwind(W) video games will[be] increase[d] dramatically in the next few months by {/the way of/可以删除} paying more attention [on]--to     advertising campaign directed at [young people]----{如果想要说得跟具体些可以用 teenagers and young adults}. To support this [conclusion]--claim, the arguer point[s]  out that a recent survey of video-game players indicates the games [which W has just introduced would be popular]--which have just been introduced by W would be popular.[, according to a recent survey of video-game players. ]删除However, this conclusion [suffers from]--is expriencing several [critical]--用法不当 fallacies.
To begin with, the arguer simply [believes]--ASSUMES that games which own the most important features can be [high sales]--HIGHLY DEMANDED. But, most [of]--可以删除 players cannot [possess]--afford the up-to-date computers,which are very costly, even though [it]--they can show lifelike graphics[, because the price of that computers always exceed most players' capability]删除.  Then, although these games are outstanding [of others]可以删除,one may not purchase [this]them. and instead, choose the cheaper ones. 更简洁清楚的说法可以是one may purchase cheaper ones instead of them.  [Meanwhile]似乎用法不当, [graphics]--the quality of graphics is just one feature of an attractive game. On the other hand, [Someone also wil]some people mayl prefer the games that requirse more on logical thinking [requiring thinking, logic]删除 and [devoting oneself to]这里devote oneself to意思似乎不清。如果是说角色扮演应该是character taking. If W gives much more energy on this style of video games which merely accentuate graphics, it must be a blind investment for a smart investor.主从句主语不一致


[Even if these games [will]would win the favor of players and lead to an increasing sales, it does not mean that the sales of W are likely to rise. Firstly, with just advertising campaign such games introduced by W cannot hit the market and gain players’ okay. Never will it be out of fashion to enrich games' quality and reduce product cost. Players usually focus on the games’ quality, play-duration and price other than how wonderful spoken by ad. Secondly, albeit the age-group(people 10 to 25 years old) most likely to play video games, majority of this ones still have not individual financial resource, so that whether they could buy video games or not depends on their parents’ determination. Sometimes, it is a wise choose to prefer people older than 25 who own money by themselves to young man.]--修改建议在下方

In sum, the argument is not well reasoned. To solidify the argument, the arguer would have to make a comprehensive research [that]on which styles of games can BE [sale]-- SOLD well and who will be the major [consumer]--PLAYER in video games of W.

建议修改为
Even if this kind of games would win the favor of the players, it does not mean that the firm will get as much revenue as it expected.  Firstly, solely depending on advertising campaign, the games cannot hit the market and gain players' fever, because players will focus on the games' quality, play-duration, and price other than how wonderful they are said in the ads. (Never will it be out of fashion to enrich games' quality and reduce product cost的意思没有完全领会，所以没有放进来。）Secondly, albeit？ the age-group(people 10 to 25 years old) is most likely to play video games, the majority of them have not yet financially independent.  So that whether they could buy video games or not depends on their parents' determination.  Sometimes, it is a wise choice to try to convert people who are older than 25 and have their own money.