argument38 同主题写作

dennis1230UID: 2247126

TOPIC: ARGUMENT38 - The following memo appeared in the newsletter of the West Meria Public Health Council.

"An innovative treatment has come to our attention that promises to significantly reduce absenteeism in our schools and workplaces. A study reports that in nearby East Meria, where fish consumption is very high, people visit the doctor only once or twice per year for the treatment of colds. Clearly, eating a substantial amount of fish can prevent colds. Since colds are the reason most frequently given for absences from school and work, we recommend the daily use of Ichthaid, a nutritional supplement derived from fish oil, as a good way to prevent colds and lower absenteeism."
WORDS: 403          TIME: 上午 0:30:00         DATE: 2007-3-31


The arguer concludes that residents should use lchthaid as a good way to prevent colds and lower absenteeism. However, there is not sufficient evidence to support that people of East Meria (EM) own a healthy life only by eating fish, thus the conclusion is unconvincing.

To begin with, the argument simply connects a questionable correlation between the high consumption and people there visiting the doctor for few times. But, the arguer does not provide evidence that people there are healthier and fish consumption is the cause. Although people visit the doctor only once or twice per year for the treatment of colds, it is entirely possible that most people catching colds prefer to taking medicine at home rather than seeing the doctor. When it comes to people, the factors of circumstance and life habit make a great influence on one's fitness. Perhaps, the weather is more constant and favorable than other district which leads to a strong body function, and residents there eat vegetables which helpful to one’s immunity. Meanwhile, even if people visiting the doctor are few, there is no evidence of the people with a good health also eat fish in a large amount. It is harmful to human body to overemphasis fish consumption of a single man.

In addition, even if fish consumption actually contributes to the treatment of colds, it is illegitimate to judge the recommend of daily use of Ichthaid, according to the nutritional supplement derived from fish oil. Firstly, it is true that Ichthaid is a kind of nutrition, but does nutrition can prevent people from colds? Secondly, if we turn our attention to fish, what is doubtable is that there is only one nutritional supplement would benefit to human being. In other words, it is probably that other nutritional supplement, in a similarly way, would prevent people from colds in a more efficient way. What is more, whether Ichthaid will still owns its effective to people, when it is derived from fish oil? In this sense, the only time a person can recommend that Ichthaid is valuable is when Ichthaid is considered as a determinant to treatment of colds.

Finally, the arguer believes that people without colds--which are the reason mort frequently given for absences from school and work. Ironically, many people always pretend to be ill, though they are as good as others.

To sum up, the conclusion suffers from a series of fallacies.

第三点时间不够了，没有展开
谢谢

[ 本帖最后由 dennis1230 于 2007-3-31 02:02 编辑 ]

zhizi522UID: 2307341

偶来提供点个人意见，呵

The arguer concludes that residents should use lchthaid as a good way to prevent colds and lower absenteeism. However, there is not sufficient evidence to support that people of East Meria (EM) own a healthy life only by eating fish, thus the conclusion is unconvincing.

To begin with, the argument simply connects a questionable correlation between the high consumption （consumption毕竟第一次提到，of fish是不是考虑还是不要省吧？）and people there visiting the doctor for few times.（这半句觉得有点别扭，加个the fact that people….会不会好点？）But, the arguer does not provide evidence that people there are healthier and fish consumption is the cause. Although people visit the doctor only once or twice per year for the treatment of colds, it is entirely possible that most people catching colds prefer to taking medicine at home rather than seeing the doctor. When it comes to people, the factors of circumstance and life habit make a great influence on one's fitness. Perhaps, the weather is more constant and favorable than other district which leads to a strong body function, and residents there eat vegetables which helpful to one’s immunity. Meanwhile, even if people visiting the doctor are few, there is no evidence of the people with a good health also eat fish in a large amount. It is harmful to human body to overemphasis fish consumption of a single man. （觉得在这里再展开一个层次还不如对前两层稍加总结，因为时间比较是有限的，而且这个错误好像比较小或者牵强）

In addition, even if fish consumption actually contributes to the treatment of colds, it is illegitimate to judge the recommend of daily use of Ichthaid, according to the nutritional supplement derived from fish oil. Firstly, it is true that Ichthaid is a kind of nutrition, but does nutrition can prevent people from colds?（好像这种单独的一个设问或反问效果并不好，一般会在后文有所回答）Secondly, if we turn our attention to fish, what is doubtable is that there is only one nutritional supplement would benefit to human being. In other words, it is probably that other nutritional supplement, in a similarly way, would prevent people from colds in a more efficient way. What is more, whether Ichthaid will still owns its effective to people, when it is derived from fish oil?（同上） In this sense, the only time a person can recommend that Ichthaid is valuable is when Ichthaid is considered as a determinant to treatment of colds.

Finally, the arguer believes that people without colds--which are the reason mort frequently given for absences from school and work.（觉得这里完全可以加一个让步，让全文的逻辑性更强，另外这个TS好像没写完吧？people without colds 怎么样呢？后面插入语完了就完了） Ironically, many people always pretend to be ill, though they are as good as others.

To sum up, the conclusion suffers from a series of fallacies.
（
1． 觉得三个层次安排的很好，值得学习。
2． 段内的展开也挺好的，不过是不是不要贪多而在精
3． 语言还需要提高呐，呵呵，和偶一样啊，汗。。。一起加油！）

[ 本帖最后由 zhizi522 于 2007-3-31 09:57 编辑 ]

dennis1230UID: 2247126

谢谢 我改改 :handshake

iq28UID: 2152875

段内问题还不小

看总结吧