argument206 4月作文小组4月2日第九次作业 by寂寞樱花

寂寞樱花UID：2306511

TOPIC: ARGUMENT206 - The following appeared in a letter to the editor of the Parkville Daily Newspaper.

"Throughout the country last year, as more and more children below the age of nine participated in youth-league softball and soccer, over 80,000 of these young players suffered injuries. When interviewed for a recent study, youth-league softball players in several major cities also reported psychological pressure from coaches and parents to win games. Furthermore, education experts say that long practice sessions for these sports take away time that could be used for academic activities. Since the disadvantages apparently outweigh any advantages, we in Parkville should discontinue organized athletic competition for children under nine."
WORDS: 454          TIME: 0:54:37          DATE: 2007-4-2

In this argument the author reaches the conclusion that athletic competition for children under nine should be stopped in Parkville because disadvantages are more than the advantages. The basis for this recommendation is that over 80000 of the younger players of softball and soccer suffered injuries. An addition reason given in support of this recommendation is that long practice sessions for these sports take away time for academic activities. The author also cites studies reveals psychological pressure from coaches and parents to win games from several major cities as evidence in support of the recommendations find this argument logically unconvincing in several respects.

First of all, the author provided no evidence to demonstrate that more and more children participated in youth-league softball and soccer are suffered injuries, and the number 80000 is too value to be informative, there is no information about how many children below nine are there in these 80000 children, and whether this number is larger than before. It is possible that most young players suffered injuries in these 80000 is above nine and may be this number in smaller than the years before. If the author cannot rule out these possibilities, I will not accept the conclusion based on it.

Secondly, the author’s claim that youth-league softball players in several major cities reported psychological pressure from coaches and parents to win game cannot directed to the conclusion too. The result of study is from several major cities, maybe the level of competitions there are higher than those in other cities like Parkville. And the author gives no evidence to point out that Parkville has the same situation with these major cities. In either case, the report that in major cities would amount to scant support the author's argument.

Finally, the author cites the saying of education experts that long practice sessions for sports will take away time for academic activities as a support to his claim also lacks of evidence. For one thing, there is no evidence to show that children participated in these sports do badly in academic activities. It is possible that they are both good students and good sportsmen. For another, even assuming that sports may take away some time for academic activities, there is no signal that the time using in sports will be used in academic activities, children may use the time for television or PC games. And even if they use the time for academic activities, stopping of athletic competition may reducing the chance for children to do physical exercises, which will not good for health. The author’s failure to investigate or even consider these possible outgrowths renders the conclusion based on it highly suspect.

To sum up, the conclusion lacks credibility because the evidence cited in the analysis does not lend strong support to what the author claims. To make the argument more convincing, the author should provide more information concerning its conclusion.

oceanusUID：2283238

In this argument the author reaches the conclusion that athletic competition for children under nine should be stopped in Parkville because disadvantages are more than the advantages. The basis for this recommendation is that over 80000 of the younger players of softball and soccer suffered injuries. An addition reason given in support of this recommendation is that long practice sessions for these sports take away time for academic activities. The author also cites studies reveals psychological pressure from coaches and parents to win games from several major cities as evidence in support of the recommendations find this argument logically unconvincing in several respects.这句话有问题吧

First of all, the author provided no evidence to demonstrate that more and more children participated in youth-league softball and soccer are suffered injuries, and the number 80000 is too value vague to be informative, there is no information about how many children below nine are there in these 80000 children看一下原题吧, and whether this number is larger than before. It is possible that most young players suffered injuries in these 80000 is above nine 问题同上and may be this number in smaller than the years before. If the author cannot rule out these possibilities, I will not accept the conclusion based on it.

Secondly, the author’s claim that youth-league softball players in several major cities reported psychological pressure from coaches and parents to win game cannot directed to the conclusion too.感觉这个ts写的不好，不能说文章某一论据不能推出作者的观点吧，作者也是用所有论据推出观点的 The result of study is from several major cities, maybe the level of competitions there are higher than those in other cities like Parkville. And the author gives no evidence to point out that Parkville has the same situation with these major cities. In either case, the report that in major cities would amount to scant support the author's argument.

Finally, the author cites the saying of education experts that long practice sessions for sports will take away time for academic activities as a support to his claim also lacks of evidence. For one thing, there is no evidence to show that children participated in these sports do badly in academic activities.这能证明ts吗，似乎ts还是这句话的原因 It is possible that they are both good students and good sportsmen. For another, even assuming that sports may take away some time for academic activities, there is no signal that the time using in sports will be used in academic activities,加上定语吧，让人更明白一些 children may use the time for television or PC games. And even if they use the time for academic activities, stopping of athletic competition may reducing the chance for children to do physical exercises, which will not good for health. The author’s failure to investigate or even consider these possible outgrowths renders the conclusion based on it highly suspect.
感觉这一段逻辑比较混乱，可以这样证明：
ｔｓ：运动不一定影响了学习。
分论点１：运动不一定占用了学习的时间
分论点２：即使占用了，运动也有很多好处，也可能促进了学习

To sum up, the conclusion lacks credibility because the evidence cited in the analysis does not lend strong support to what the author claims. To make the argument more convincing, the author should provide more information concerning its conclusion.

感觉这个题可以这样来论述：
1、人数8000模糊，伤者情况模糊。
2、压力不一定是坏事，有很多好处。
3、同第4段
4、即使运动有很多坏处，但不一定适用于parkville 1)作者的结论基于大城市和全国的论据，parkville 可能不是大城市，所以可能不适用于parkville 2）作者的论据都是基于softball and soccer，并不能得出：要停止所有的运动。

[ 本帖最后由 oceanus 于 2007-4-3 09:28 编辑 ]

寂寞樱花UID：2306511

谢谢修改意见，我还一直没摸索到A要怎么写比较好……汗，好象和人家有点不同……下次把思路理清楚再写。