argument53 【Victors 小组】第九次作业

totalsm45518UID: 2286658

好久没有写a了，就没有限时，所以写多了 ，可是问题真的是很多，大家给点意见
In this argument, the arguer asserts that shyness during infancy has a correlation with the increased levels of melatonin when their mothers pregnant and this shyness will affect those infants’ later life. To support this conclusion, the arguer notes a thirteen-years-ago survey of 25 infants showing up with mild distress when facing some unfamiliar stimuli, along with a follow-up study conducted earlier this year of the same individuals, in which majority of these children-now teenagers identified themselves as shy. Nevertheless, this argument is rootless for lacking sufficient evidence, rendering it unconvincing as it stands.

In the first place, the survey carried thirteen years ago indicating that those infants who were sensitive of unfamiliar stimuli were more likely than other infants to have been conceived in early autumn, lends little support to the assumption that increased levels of melatonin before birth cause shyness during infancy. Firstly, the arguer fails to establish a relationship between the infants’ sensitiveness to unfamiliar stimuli and the time when they were conceived. Though these infants were more likely than others to have been conceived in early autumn, the arguer fails to rule out other factors that may result in the mild distress. Such as gene types, their favors of foods or sounds, and their conceived length, all of which may affect infants behaviors and reactions to stimuli. Secondly, granted that it is the time of early autumn when they were conceived that results in their acuity to stimuli, there is no evidence demonstrating that it is the increased level of melatonin in mothers that plays an important role in forming this acuity. There are also numerous kinds of hormones and secretors that may influence it. Moreover, even though the increased melatonin causes the infants’ mild distress, the arguer simply equates mild distress to shyness, which is unreasonable. Therefore, the survey cannot prove the arguer’s unwarranted assumption.

In the second place, the arguer compare the study taken earlier this year to the thirteen-years-ago one too simply to prove the assumption that the shyness in their infant periods continues into later life, which is unsubstantiated. Though the arguer notes the fact that more than half of these children-now teenagers-who had shown signs of distress identified themselves as shy, this cannot ensure that the shyness of these teenagers now are derived from the shyness when they were infants. As there are no studies and researches during the process of their growth in the past thirteen years, the arguer cannot exclude the possibility that it is other factors rather than their infant distress that results in their shyness at present. It is very common to accept that environment and education can greatly modulate or change one’s character or quality. Therefore, the manners they have been taught, the environment in which they are growing up, the companies and families with whom they are always getting along might influence their nature and characters, including their shy feature. Additionally, as the survey’s sample is too small, which cannot be representative, the arguer fails to convince us his conclusion.

Finally, though the arguer notes the fact that half of those teenagers identified themselves as shy, there is not any unified criterion judging the degree of shyness in these youths. It is entirely that these teenagers have quite different understanding about shyness among them, which might also be different from the common sense of shyness. In such case, there is no guarantee that they are absolutely shy as they have thought, which may be opposite in other people’s eyes. Therefore, the conclusion that this shyness will continuously affect their later life is unreasonable.

There are also some other flaws in this argument, however I have no time to numerate them all. To support this analysis, the arguer must provide other supportive evidence to prove that there is an inevitable correlation between the shyness and the increased melatonin when they were conceived. To let the argument better accepted, we should also know the growth condition of these children and the exact judgment of their shyness is demanded meanwhile.

乳虎UID: 2251211

In this argument, the arguer asserts that shyness during infancy has a[causal]  correlation with the increased levels of melatonin when their mothers pregnant and this shyness will affect those infants’ later life. To support this conclusion, the arguer notes a thirteen-years-ago survey of 25 infants showing up[show up 用法不当]  with mild distress [when删] facing some unfamiliar stimuli, along with a follow-up study conducted earlier this year of the same individuals[of the same individual conducted earlier this year], in which majority of these children-now teenagers identified themselves as shy. Nevertheless[转折什么呀？], this argument is rootless for lacking sufficient evidence, rendering it unconvincing as it stands.[ unconvincing句和rootless句重复了]

In the first place, the survey carried[out] thirteen years ago indicating that those infants who were sensitive of unfamiliar stimuli were more likely than other infants to have been conceived in early autumn, lends little support to the assumption that increased levels of melatonin before birth cause shyness during infancy. Firstly, the arguer fails to establish a[causal] relationship between the infants’ sensitiveness to unfamiliar stimuli and the time when they were conceived. Though these infants were more likely than others to have been conceived in early autumn, the arguer fails to rule out other factors that may result in the mild distress. Such as gene types, their favors of foods or sounds, and their conceived length, all of which may affect infants behaviors and[including]  reactions to stimuli. Secondly, granted that it is the time of early autumn when they were conceived that results in their acuity to stimuli, there is no evidence demonstrating that it is the increased level of melatonin in mothers that plays an important role in forming this acuity. There are also numerous kinds of hormones and secretors that may influence it. Moreover, even though the increased melatonin causes the infants’ mild distress, the arguer simply equates mild distress to shyness, which is unreasonable. [上面这句和本段中心关系不紧密且又一笔带过，干脆删去好了] Therefore, the survey cannot prove the arguer’s unwarranted assumption.

In the second place, the arguer compare the study taken earlier this year to the thirteen-years-ago one too simply to prove the assumption that the shyness in their infant periods continues into later life, which is unsubstantiated. Though the arguer notes the fact that more than half of these children-now teenagers-who had shown signs of distress identified themselves as shy, this cannot ensure that the shyness of these teenagers now are derived from the shyness when they were infants. As there are no studies and researches during the process of their growth in the past thirteen years, the arguer cannot exclude the possibility that it is other factors rather than their infant distress that results in their shyness at present. It is very common to accept that environment and education can greatly modulate or change one’s character or quality. Therefore, the manners they have been taught, the environment in which they are growing up, the companies and families with whom they are always getting along [with] might influence their nature and characters, including their shy feature. Additionally[Additionally可以引导总结句吗？], as the survey’s sample is too small,[先行词是哪个] which cannot be representative, the arguer fails to convince us his conclusion.[句子结构混乱]

Finally, though the arguer notes the fact that half of those teenagers identified themselves as shy, there is not any unified criterion judging the degree of shyness in these youths. It is entirely that these teenagers have quite different understanding about shyness among them, which might also be different from the common sense of shyness. In such case, there is no guarantee that they are absolutely shy as they have thought, which may be opposite in other people’s eyes. Therefore, the conclusion that this shyness will continuously affect their later life is unreasonable.[把前面这两段调一下位置吧]

There are also some other flaws in this argument, however I have no time to numerate them all.[客气点好不好！] To support this analysis, the arguer must provide other supportive evidence to prove that there is an inevitable correlation between the shyness and the increased melatonin when they were conceived. To let[make/render] the argument better accepted,[非谓语动词和主句主语不一致]  we should also know the growth condition of these children and the exact judgment of their shyness is demanded meanwhile