Argument140【07-10G Superstar大帖】第18次作业 by Huaxinluobo

huaxinluoboUID: 2326780

In this argument the report suggests that the university offer more $10000 and promotion to Professor Thomas to prevent her from leaving for another collage. To get support the writer cite the fact of number of students in her class to prove her popularity and the money she brought about for research to justify her ability in research. However, after scrutiny I find the report problematic for a few reasons.

Firstly, the writer assumes that Professor Thomas is popular among students in the university, but only the fact that her class is one of largest classes can not prove her popularity because there are many other factors in determine the number of a certain class beyond the teacher’s popularity. Perhaps the professor’s class is the only one in the subject and students have no other choice, perhaps the schedule the class is more suitable and desirable than other professors’, perhaps students are asked compulsorily by the university to take her class. Moreover, since other professors’ popularity is unmentioned, it is possible that other professors are more popular than Thomas although is popular as well. Thus, without more sufficient evidence, Thomas’ popularity is unsubstantiated.

Secondly, the writer unfairly assumes the professor’s leading ability in research based on the fact that the money she brought about in last two years surpassed her salary, for the evidence give are insufficient to prove it. Since the amount of money she got two years ago is unknown, maybe she only got money for research in recent two years, and if so, her ability in research is specious. Besides, we do not know the amount of money offered to other professors in the field and it is entirely possible that the money offered to Thomas is comparatively low in the field, and once one his leading place is doubtable. So, the write need provide direct evidence to convince us her leading ability in research.  

Finally, even if Professor Thomas’s popularity and research ability is justifiable, the raise in salary and promotion is not necessarily needed. No evidence shows that she want to leave the university, and the wary maybe unreasonable. Moreover, even if she want to leave, an increasing salary and promotion may not be effective in preventing her left. Maybe she are leaving for the better research condition and equipments in other universities, or for better living environment in other regions, or for some personal considerations, in any of the possibilities, the suggested measure can not help to retain the professor. Thus, unless the writer can prove that the professor may leave the university for just a higher salary and position, the suggestion is invalid.   

To sum up, the reporting fails to convince us that increasing the professor’s salary and promoting her position is needed. To better support, the writer should provide more convincing evidence to prove that the professor is worth the money and promotion as well as that higher salary and position can effectively prevent her form leaving.  

laura001UID: 2295927

In this argument the report suggests that the university offer more $10000 and promotion to Professor Thomas to prevent her from leaving for another collage. To get support the writer cite the fact(语法问题) of number of students in her class to prove her popularity and the money she brought about for research to justify her ability in research. However, after scrutiny I find the report problematic for a few reasons.

Firstly, the writer assumes that Professor Thomas is popular among students in the university, but only the fact that her class is one of largest classes can not prove her popularity because there are many other factors in determine the number of a certain class beyond the teacher’s popularity. Perhaps the professor’s class is the only one in the subject and students have no other choice, perhaps the schedule the class is more suitable and desirable than other professors’, perhaps students are asked compulsorily by the university to take her class.(你就直接说可能是必修课,非上不可) Moreover, since other professors’ popularity is unmentioned, it is possible that other professors are more popular than Thomas although is popular as well.(这句有语法错误吧,没明白你的意思) Thus, without more sufficient evidence, Thomas’ popularity is unsubstantiated.

Secondly, the writer unfairly assumes the professor’s leading ability in research based on the fact that the money she brought about in last two years surpassed her salary, for the evidence give are insufficient to prove it. Since the amount of money she got two years ago is unknown, maybe she only got money for research in recent two years, and if so, her ability in research is specious. Besides, we do not know the amount of money offered to other professors in the field and it is entirely possible that the money offered to Thomas is comparatively low in the field, (你直接说其他教授的科研基金更多会不会更直接点,这样也可以)and once one his leading place is doubtable. So, the write need provide direct evidence to convince us her leading ability in research.  

Finally, even if Professor Thomas’s popularity and research ability is justifiable, the raise in salary and promotion is not necessarily needed. No evidence shows that she want to leave the university, and the wary (??)maybe unreasonable. Moreover, even if she want to leave, an increasing salary and promotion may not be effective in preventing her left. Maybe she are leaving for the better research condition and equipments in other universities, or for better living environment in other regions, or for some personal considerations, in any of the possibilities, the suggested measure can not help to retain the professor. Thus, unless the writer can prove that the professor may leave the university for just a higher salary and position, the suggestion is invalid. (有病的??)   这段也可以说下她可能其实不想走,其实很想留

To sum up, the reporting(report) fails to convince us that increasing the professor’s salary and promoting her position is needed. To better support, the writer should provide more convincing evidence to prove that the professor is worth the money and promotion as well as that higher salary and position can effectively prevent her form leaving.


A的基本错误都找到了.没有什么大的问题. 继续加油!

[ 本帖最后由 laura001 于 2007-7-6 13:14 编辑 ]

功夫茶UID: 2351591

我觉得应该重点写对于不同professor来说，每个人都有自己的价值观和看重的东西，而不仅仅是the raise in salary and promotion 。然后再举例列举对于professor来说更重要的东西。

我的意思是说，这个点可以写的再深刻点，先用一句类似issue那样的句子写出下面攻击的立足点（价值观和在乎的东西），然后再开始用常规的argument论证方式来详细举例，充实你的point。同样是写，这样会显得比较深刻，也比较容易吸引考官老头们（我觉得是老头...）的眼光。

呵呵，当然，新手上路，才疏，多指教~~~

desirermimiUID: 2108321

In this argument the report suggests that the university offer more $10000 and promotion to Professor Thomas to prevent her from leaving for another collage. To get support the writer citecites the fact of直接用the number，删掉the fact of,这样可以与后面的the money 形成对应关系，有节奏感 number of students in her class to prove her popularity and the money she brought about for research to justify her ability in research. However, after scrutiny I find the report problematic for a few reasons.

Firstly, the writer assumes that Professor Thomas is popular among students in the university, but only the fact that her class is one of largest classes can not prove her popularity because there are many other factors in determinedetermining the number of a certain class beyond the teacher’s popularity. Perhaps the professor’s class is the only one in the subject and students have no other choice, perhaps the schedule the class is more suitable and desirable than other professors’, perhaps students are asked compulsorily by the university to take her class.第一和第三个perhaps其实都只是在说这个教授的课必修得上，重复了 Moreover, since other professors’ popularity is unmentioned, it is possible that other professors are more popular than Thomas although is popular as well although is popular as well这句话是转折吗？主语呢？. Thus, without more sufficient evidence, Thomas’ popularity is unsubstantiated.

Secondly, the writer unfairly assumes the professor’s leading ability in research based on the fact that the money she brought about in last two years surpassed her salary, for the evidence give are insufficient to prove it. Since the amount of money she got two years ago is unknown, maybe she only got money for research in recent two years, and if so, her ability in research is specious. 从“她仅仅是得到了最近两年的研究经费”一下子跳到了“她的研究能力是徒有外表的”，让人觉得有些突兀，应该有话语说明为什么研究经费的多少不能代表她研究能力的高低Besides, we do not know the amount of money offered to other professors in the field and it is entirely possible that the money offered to Thomas is comparatively low in the field, and once one his leading place is doubtable. 这句话说的是教授获得的研究经费，但是题目说的是教授获得的经费捐助？两者能否等同呢？So, the write need provide direct evidence to convince us her leading ability in research.  这一段开头说的是要证明教授的领导能力，但是在中间论证时候说的却是她的研究能力，最后总结句说的又是领导能力。“领导能力”不等同于“研究能力”吧？

Finally, even if Professor Thomas’s popularity and research ability is justifiable, the raise in salary and promotion is not necessarily needed. No evidence shows that she want to leave the university, and the waryworry maybe unreasonable. Moreover, even if she want to leave, an increasing salary and promotion may not be effective in preventing her left. Maybe she are leaving for the better research condition and equipments in other universities, or for better living environment in other regions, or for some personal considerations, in any of the possibilities, the suggested measure can not help to retain the professor. Thus, unless the writer can prove that the professor may leave the university for just a higher salary and position, the suggestion is invalid. 论证清晰严密，佩服！  

To sum up, the reporting fails to convince us that increasing the professor’s salary and promoting her position is needed. To better support, the writer should provide more convincing evidence to prove that the professor is worth the money and promotion as well as that higher salary and position can effectively prevent her form leaving.  

小结：
写得挺好的！结构与行文都挺流畅，驳斥得也较有层次和条理性！佩服！加油！

[ 本帖最后由 desirermimi 于 2007-7-6 22:53 编辑 ]