Issue208 请指教

ting000123UID: 172404

Issue208  The way people look, dress, and act reveals their attitudes and interests. You can tell much about a society's ideas and values by observing the appearance and behavior of its people.


1 情况比较复杂,得区别对待.
2 To certain extent, we can get a brief understanding from the person's look, dress, and act.
3 look, dress and act don't usually perform consistently in one person.
4 we can learn a society's idea and value by its exterior to large extent.
5 judging a society's ideas and values are sophisticated.
6 把上述论点总结了一下.

What is your estimation when you judge a person at the first sight? Doubtlessly, the way people look, dress and act plays a vital role in being determined. But thing seldom occurs as what it looks. Furthermore, it is distinguishing between judging one person and a nation. Meanwhile, the appearance and behaviors are not the only way that mirror the society's idea and values. And we should know the existence system of an individual and a society is different.

To certain extent, we can get a brief understanding from the person's look, dress, and act. We can read a confidence in his/her firm eyes. A simple wear at least demonstrates that the individual may not prefer luxury. I almost regard a fellow always doing good way out of jurisdiction as a warm-heated person actively involving in the society.

Admittedly, look, dress and act don't usually perform consistently in one person. A superficial nice apple perhaps owns a bad core. A boomer with silver scoop is more elegant with superiority complex, which can't present his spiritual world. On the contrast, a genius in some field may be facially vulgar. I have two excellent teachers, one of whom dresses well with graceful behavior, and the other doesn't bother about trifles with a casual style. I admire both, who make high achievements in optical domain, spreading their professional ethics. Another example also illustrates this point. Mozart, preferring tawdry clothes, conducting foully, seriously claimed to the King of Austria and his ministers, “I am vulgar, rather than my music by no means.” He addicted himself to music and led us to the spiritual feast. The passion to music completely showed Mozart's admiration to life. You can not simply define whether an apple is good or awful by what you look.

Even though we can't judge a person by his outward appearance, we can learn a society's idea and value by its exterior to large extent. If we look backward history, a fact that the martial nation preferred a succinct costume, which was lucrative for fighting, while a advocating literature state was inclined to loose wear. Until now, I have been memorizing the scene as followed. In the Second World War, the Jewish people were severely subjected to persecution by Nazis. On the way to concentration camp, ladies and gentlemen stand two lines naturally. Gentlemen wore suits with hat uniformly, while ladies dressed skirts with handbags. The imposing performance that Jews still held on dignity though suffering a lot impresses us deeply. There are mass other instances. It is well known that Western people go to church with crucifix in their hands, showing their Christian belief; Arabic people prefer mosque dressing white gowns, representing their Islam belief. Birds of a feather lock together. The entire nation appearance and behaviors stems from the nation's value system.

However, judging a society's ideas and values are sophisticated, including aspects of culture, convention, morality, ethics, history and so on. We can not seize the essence of a nation at the first sight. A complexity of a nation is beyond our words. Every nation is not built in one day. God do not create people in one style. Every nation gestates what is unlike others.

Individual and society exist by distinct criterion. Individual emphasizes diversity, while a society insists on commonness. The exterior of an individual can not deliver his/her incisive soul completely. Nevertheless, consistent appearance and behavior rooted in the same value system in a society is inevitable. You can tell much about a society's ideas and values by observing the appearance and behavior of its people.

[ 本帖最后由 ting000123 于 2007-7-21 21:39 编辑 ]

pippo1983UID: 172110

Issue208  The way people look, dress, and act reveals their attitudes and interests. You can tell much about a society's ideas and values by observing the appearance and behavior of its people.


1 情况比较复杂,得区别对待.
2 To certain extent, we can get a brief understanding from the person's look, dress, and act.
3 look, dress and act don't usually perform consistently in one person.
4 we can learn a society's idea and value by its exterior to large extent.
5 judging a society's ideas and values are sophisticated.
6 把上述论点总结了一下.

What is your estimation when you judge a person at the first sight? Doubtlessly, the way people look, dress and act plays a vital role in being determined. But thing seldom occurs as what it looks. Furthermore, it is distinguishing between judging one person and a nation. Meanwhile, the appearance and behaviors are not the only way that mirror the society's idea and values. （3个角度选得不错）And we should know the existence system （不太明白这个是什么。。。）of an individual and a society is different.

To certain extent, we can get a brief understanding from the person's look, dress, and act. We can read a confidence in his/her firm eyes. A simple wear at least demonstrates that the individual may not prefer luxury. I almost regard a fellow always doing good way out of jurisdiction as a warm-heated person actively involving in the society.

Admittedly（这里应该是转折了）, look, dress and act don't usually perform consistently in one person. A superficial nice apple perhaps owns a bad core. A boomer with silver scoop is more elegant with superiority complex, which can't present his spiritual world. On the contrast, a genius in some field may be facially vulgar. I have two excellent teachers, one of whom dresses well with graceful behavior, and the other doesn't bother about trifles with a casual style. I admire both, who make high achievements in optical domain, spreading their professional ethics. Another example also illustrates this point. Mozart, preferring tawdry （vulgar ？）clothes, conducting foully, seriously claimed to the King of Austria and his ministers, “I am vulgar, rather than my music by no means.” He addicted himself to music and led us to the spiritual feast. The passion to music completely showed Mozart's admiration to life. You can not simply define whether an apple is good or awful by what you look.（例子太多，论证得少了，对例子缺少归纳分析，对例子进行下总结，比列举更多例子，尤其是相似的例子效果好得多。也可以再总结时提高些深度，比如说穿着这些有时候仅仅是人们对时尚的品味，或者从众心理，不能代表他们的内心）

Even though we can't judge a person by his outward appearance, we can （still）learn a society's idea and value by its exterior to large extent.（这里好像有点转折的味道。。连续转折？） If we look backward history, a fact that the martial nation preferred a succinct costume, which was lucrative for fighting, while a advocating literature state was inclined to loose wear. Until now, I have been memorizing the scene as followed. In the Second World War, the Jewish people were severely subjected to persecution by Nazis. On the way to concentration camp, ladies and gentlemen stand two lines naturally. Gentlemen wore suits with hat uniformly, while ladies dressed skirts with handbags. The imposing performance that Jews still held on dignity though suffering a lot impresses us deeply. There are mass other instances. It is well known that Western people go to church with crucifix in their hands, showing their Christian belief; Arabic people prefer mosque dressing white gowns, representing their Islam belief. Birds of a feather lock together. The entire nation appearance and behaviors stems from the nation's value system.（这段放在这里反而有些照应了第二段，又支持了穿着反映态度的观点，这种结构很乱，转折来转折去别人很难知道你到底支持哪种观点，还不如把第二段去掉，统一口径）

However, judging a society's ideas and values are sophisticated, including aspects of culture, convention, morality, ethics, history and so on. We can not seize the essence of a nation at the first sight. A complexity of a nation is beyond our words. Every nation is not built in one day. God do not create people in one style. Every nation gestates what is unlike others.（这一段又转折了，到底是持哪种观点？如果反对，那反对的论述是重点。而且这段的论述更像是叙述）

Individual and society exist by distinct criterion. Individual emphasizes diversity, while a society insists on commonness. The exterior of an individual can not deliver his/her incisive soul completely. Nevertheless, consistent appearance and behavior rooted in the same value system in a society is inevitable. You can tell much about a society's ideas and values by observing the appearance and behavior of its people.（汗。。。。。结尾又赞同了。。。）

文章的总体结构有很大弊端，段内的论述还可以，语言把握的也不错，建议多研究下提纲，思考下如何让自己的观点更明确，你开头提的那3个角度都不错，如果按照那个顺序，先让步，后明确反对，就好多了

ting000123UID: 172404

三个角度分别是:对于单个人来说,外表不能完全代表价值观;但一个民族的外表很大程度上可以代表这个民族的价值观;外表并不是反映一个民族观的唯一手段.
第二段:让步,同意外表可以一定程度上反映这个人.
第三段:外表与反映的价值观并不一定一致.
以上两段说明第一个角度.
第四段:一个民族的价值观很大程度上可以被外表反映出来.
以上论证第二个角度.
第五段:一个民族的价值观很复杂,不能单单只看外表.
论证第三个角度(但我自己也认为论证得很不充分).
第五段:就不同的角度表明自己的态度.

并没有同意了又反对啊.我对结构的一点说明.
能不能再清楚的说明一下我怎么转来转去了?
先谢谢pippo的修改.

pippo1983UID: 172110

你的结尾最后一句话You can tell much about a society's ideas and values by observing the appearance and behavior of its people
是赞同了题目吧？但在你文章里更多的是表明情况的复杂性，而且整个结构让人有点迷惑，你的立场在哪里？如果是讨论复杂性，最好能概括下何种情况题目成立，何时不成立。如果以支持或反对为主，那就最好把让步放在前面，赞同和反对的观点分开。其实2，3段没什么问题，我也没有提出什么异议，但从第4段，开始向民族过渡的时候，就和题目有些冲突了。题目是个人的态度兴趣能反映民族，但你再说完个人存在不一致后，直接过渡到了民族个性可以反应出来，这中间至少应该有一部分衔接。而且紧接着的一段又谈起了复杂性，更让你的立场有些偏向反对，而你的结尾又是赞同。
不过这只是我自己的看法，仅供参考:)