Argument236【07-10G Superstar大帖】7.30 by Huaxinluobo

huaxinluoboUID: 2326780

OPIC: ARGUMENT236 - The following appeared as a letter to the editor of a local Solano newspaper.

"The Solano school district should do away with its music education programs. After all, music programs are not especially popular in our schools: only 20 percent of our high school students participated in music programs last year. Furthermore, very few of the Solano district's college-bound students are interested in majoring in music at the university level. Also, when the school district of our neighboring town of Rutherford eliminated its music programs two years ago, the overall grade point average in the high school increased by 10 percent the next year. Surely the money spent on Solano music programs could be better used to improve the quality of traditional academic courses."
WORDS: 420          TIME: 0:30:00          DATE: 2007-7-30

In this argument the letter suggest that Solano should eliminate its music programs and emphasize traditional academic courses. To get support the writer tries to prove that students show little interest in music and the successful example in Rutherford. However, after scrutiny, I find both the evidence and the conclusion are problematic.

Firstly, the letter fails to prove that students do not like music. The merely fact that 20 percent or high school students participated in music programs can not lend credence, for no information about other programs is given. For that matter, it is possible that the music programs are most popular while other programs draws less than 20 percent students. Besides, the fact that very of students are interesting in majoring in music at university can also prove little because it can not prove that they do not like music in high school. Maybe their interest changes for certain reasons after they graduate from high school. After all, the evidence provided can not convince me that students do not like and need music programs.

Secondly, the letter unfairly assumes that the elimination of music programs is the only reason that is responsible for the increased grade point. The writer does not rule out other possible reasons that may contribute to this. For example, maybe at that time the Rutherford promote the quality of its teaching stuff, or improve the teaching conditions and instrumental equipments, any of which may lead to a higher grade point. Thus, unless the writer rules out other possible reason for the increase of grade point, then I can not be convinced that eliminating music programs is effective.

Finally, even assuming that students do not like music programs and eliminating music programs in Rutherford is effective, the conclusion is still too hasty. No evidence has been given to justify that spending more money on traditional courses can lead to higher grade point rather than other ways. Maybe money should be spent on other kinds of programs, or spent on nontraditional academic courses. Moreover, even if more money is given, it is not sure that quality of traditional academic course can be improved. After all, without a wide consideration, the suggestion is too hasty and unreliable.

To sum up, the suggestion is unconvincing due to lack of evidence and consideration. To better support it, the writer needs to provide more evidence to prove that music programs are not needed, and the money saved by eliminating music programs can be effectively used by emphasize traditional courses.  

desirermimiUID: 2108321

"The Solano school district should do away with its music education programs. After all, music programs are not especially popular in our schools: only 20 percent of our high school students participated in music programs last year. Furthermore, very few of the Solano district's college-bound students are interested in majoring in music at the university level. Also, when the school district of our neighboring town of Rutherford eliminated its music programs two years ago, the overall grade point average in the high school increased by 10 percent the next year. Surely the money spent on Solano music programs could be better used to improve the quality of traditional academic courses."
WORDS: 420          TIME: 0:30:00          DATE: 2007-7-30

In this argument the letter suggest that Solano should eliminate its music programs and emphasize traditional academic courses. To get support the writer tries to prove that students show little interest in music and the successful example in Rutherford. However, after scrutiny, I find both the evidence and the conclusion are problematic.

Firstly, the letter fails to prove that students do not like music. The merely fact that 20 percent or high school students participated in music programs can not lend credence, for no information about other programs is given. For that matter, it is possible that the music programs are most popular while other programs draws less than 20 percent students. Besides, the fact that very of students are interesting in majoring in music at university can also prove little because it can not prove that they do not like music in high school. Maybe their interest changes for certain reasons after they graduate from high school. [也可以说可能是因为未来方便找工作的考虑，所以学生们没有选择音乐作为专业而是作为生活兴趣]After all, the evidence provided can not convince me that students do not like and need music programs.

Secondly, the letter unfairly assumes that the elimination of music programs is the only reason that is responsible for the increased grade point. The writer does not rule out other possible reasons that may contribute to this. For example, maybe at that time the Rutherford promote the quality of its teaching stuff, or improve the teaching conditions and instrumental equipments, any of which may lead to a higher grade point. Thus, unless the writer rules out other possible reason for the increase of grade point, then I can not be convinced that eliminating music programs is effective.

Finally, even assuming that students do not like music programs and eliminating music programs in Rutherford is effective, the conclusion is still too hasty. No evidence has been given to justify that spending more money on traditional courses can lead to higher grade point rather than other ways. Maybe money should be spent on other kinds of programs, or spent on nontraditional academic courses. Moreover, even if more money is given, it is not sure that quality of traditional academic course can be improved. After all, without a wide consideration, the suggestion is too hasty and unreliable.

To sum up, the suggestion is unconvincing due to lack of evidence and consideration. To better support it, the writer needs to provide more evidence to prove that music programs are not needed, and the money saved by eliminating music programs can be effectively used by emphasize traditional courses.  

[这篇写得很清晰！还给我提供了思路了，呵呵。我原来把第一段的在该校和大学的情况分成两段写，看了你的才发觉其实说的是同一个方面，就是学生对音乐不感兴趣，应该合在一起说。
继续加油！]