argument149 字数似乎不够呀,不知道怎么改进

ghost33UID??2267869

TOPIC: ARGUMENT149 - The following is a memorandum from the director of personnel to the president of Get-Away Airlines.

"Since our mechanics are responsible for inspecting and maintaining our aircraft, Get-Away Airlines should pay to send them to the Quality-Care Seminar, a two-week seminar on proper maintenance procedures. I recommend this seminar because it is likely to be a wise investment, given that the automobile racing industry recently reported that the performance of its maintenance crews improved markedly after their crews had attended the seminar. These maintenance crews perform many of the same functions as do our mechanics, including refueling and repairing engines. The money we spend on sending our staff to the seminar will inevitably lead to improved maintenance and thus to greater customer satisfaction along with greater profits for our airline."
WORDS: 412          TIME: 0:45:36          DATE: 2007-8-5

Before sending the mechanics to the Quality-Care Seminar(QCS) for training, the director should consider a second time whether this is needed and whether such activities will bring greater customer satisfaction along with greater profits. Airlines industry and automobile racing industry, although with many same functions of mechanics, are different in many aspects. What's more, improved maintenance is not the same as the increasing profits.

To begin with, the director brings out this suggestion, based on the automobile racing industry which enjoyed improved maintenance quality after the training, without further examination about the difference between the two industries. The main functions of mechanics in the two industries do not necessarily mean that they may benefit from the QCS equally. Whether there are courses suitable for airline maintenance procedures is unknown, even there are such courses, the director provides no evidence that the airline maintenance courses are as good as that of automobile courses. Moreover, the director does not prove that the mechanics with current abilities cannot manage the work successfully. If the mechanics in the industry have excellent abilities, maybe such seminar is not necessary, or the mechanics may not benefit as much as the director supposed. Thus, whether the QCS is needed should be considered more.

Even such a seminar is necessary and may improve the mechanics' performances markedly, to hastily generalize that the improved maintenance means greater customer satisfaction is premature. Although improved maintenance can help the industry offer safety flight, common sense tells us that customer considers more about the prices, whether the airlines keep on time, the service on the plane and other services when airlines are delayed and so forth. Then the director should investigate the customer's opinion about what is the most desirable aspect the airline should improve, in this way, the director can best reach his/her goal of improve customer satisfaction.

Even the customers are complaining about the quality of planes, it is fallacious to conclude such a course will bring greater profits, unless the director can make sure that the cost for the QCS will be covered soon and that more customers will come after the QCS. Maintenance is only a fraction matter for the safety of the flight, however, with too high prices, there is a good chance that the potential customer will choose other available airlines. Thus, without further information, the greater profits are illusion.

In sum, this argument is not well substantiated. The director should provide more details to bolster his/her recommendation.   

菲子UID??2311527

TOPIC: ARGUMENT149 - The following is a memorandum from the director of personnel to the president of Get-Away Airlines. "Since our mechanics are responsible for inspecting and maintaining our aircraft, Get-Away Airlines should pay to send them to the Quality-Care Seminar, a two-week seminar on proper maintenance procedures. I recommend this seminar because it is likely to be a wise investment, given that the automobile racing industry recently reported that the performance of its maintenance crews improved markedly after their crews had attended the seminar. These maintenance crews perform many of the same functions as do our mechanics, including refueling and repairing engines. The money we spend on sending our staff to the seminar will inevitably lead to improved maintenance and thus to greater customer satisfaction along with greater profits for our airline."

WORDS: 412          TIME: 0:45:36          DATE: 2007-8-5

Before sending the mechanics to the Quality-Care Seminar(QCS) for training, the director should consider a second time whether this is needed and whether such activities will bring greater customer satisfaction along with greater profits. Airlines industry and automobile racing industry, although with many same functions of mechanics, are different in many aspects. What's more, improved maintenance is not the same as （表达不太地道哦。替换成这个吧？is not necessarily cause）the increasing profits.

To begin with, the director brings out this suggestion, based on the automobile racing industry which enjoyed improved maintenance quality after the training, without further examination about the difference between the two industries. The main functions of mechanics in the two industries do not necessarily mean that they may benefit from the QCS equally. Whether there are courses suitable for airline maintenance procedures is unknown, even there are such courses, the director provides no evidence that the airline maintenance courses are as good as that of automobile courses. (这个Point 不太详细，可以具体说说适合汽车维修的怎么就不适合机修了，比如飞机维修可能还有一些特殊的电路或者接受信号的仪器，还有飞机的翅膀等等。这样字数就上去了吧)Moreover, the director does not prove that the mechanics with current abilities cannot manage the work successfully. If the mechanics in the industry have excellent abilities, maybe such seminar is not necessary, or the mechanics may not benefit as much as the director supposed. Thus, whether the QCS is needed should be considered more.

Even such a seminar is necessary and may improve the mechanics' performances markedly, to hastily generalize that the improved maintenance means greater customer satisfaction is premature. Although improved maintenance can help the industry offer safety flight, common sense tells us that customer considers more about the prices, whether the airlines keep on time, the service on the plane and other services when airlines are delayed and so forth. Then the director should investigate the customer's opinion about what is the most desirable aspect the airline should improve, in this way, the director can best reach his/her goal of improve customer satisfaction.

Even the customers are complaining about the quality of planes, it is fallacious to conclude such a course will bring greater profits, unless the director can make sure that the cost for the QCS will be covered soon and that more customers will come after the QCS. Maintenance is only a fraction matter for the safety of the flight, however, with too high prices, there is a good chance that the potential customer will choose other available airlines.

Thus, without further information, the greater profits are illusion.In sum, this argument is not well substantiated. The director should provide more details to bolster his/her recommendation.

好话就不说了哈，建议提在上面了，可以参考看看。

[ 本帖最后由 菲子 于 2007-8-7 07:58 编辑 ]

BBBWUID??2144108

看完第一句话后马上有个疑问：为什么要重新考虑？
Before sending the mechanics to the Quality-Care Seminar(QCS) for training, the director should consider a second time whether this is needed and whether such activities will bring greater customer satisfaction along with greater profits.

似乎在跟下来的那句话中，揭示了原因并总起了body，但在两句话之间总觉得缺了个什么
如果这里有个起链接因果作用的短语的话就顺畅得多

开头感觉有些味道了

BBBWUID??2144108

加一句，seminar本身也是一个值得商榷的地方

ghost33UID??2267869

谢谢呀！回去仔细看看了再来！！