同伴贴被锁，新开贴回复修改

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TOPIC: ARGUMENT117 - The following is a memo from the business manager of Valu-Mart stores. "Over 70 percent of the respondents to a recent survey reported that they are required to take more work home with them from the workplace than they were in the past. Since Valu-Mart has not seen impressive sales in its office-supply departments in the past, we should take advantage of this work-at-home trend by increasing at all Valu-Mart stores the stock of home office machines such as printers, small copy machines, paper shredders, and fax machines. We will also increase stock of office supplies such as paper, pens, and staplers. With these changes, our office-supply departments will become the most profitable component of our stores."WORDS: 451               DATE: 2007-8-4

The arguer claimed that with more stock of home office machines and office supplies, the office-supple departments will become the most profitable component of Valu-Mart stores. To support the point, the arguer provided a recent survey which is not sufficient to indicate the change.Firstly, the arguer failed to provide enough information of the survey such as the size of the sample. It is quite possible that compared to the amount of those who work in the office, there are only a few them are conducted with the survey这里conduct用得不对，conduce a survey，你这样写如果把语序调过来就成了：conduct them with the survey. and even less of them responded to it. Then many others would be excluded of the survey, and it is quite possible that they did not respond to it because they do not have more work home with them. Besides, it is equally possible that those who responded to the survey were just complaining about their home work. But actually there is no more work home with them than before at all. If it is the case, the result of the survey is not credible.这一段表述不是很成功，前面的感觉不舒服。觉得你把要说的话粘到了一起。建议试着修改一下下More over, the arguer unfairly assumed that the workers have work at home need the home office machines, but there is no evidence showed that. It is possible that they just finish the complex work in the workplace and take some easier work home so that they do not have to use the home office machines. It is also possible that they……………………

In addition, even if the department increases the stock of home office machines, it is not necessary means that they can sell more machines because when the customers are choosing the machines, they will consider the quality and the price. If the machines and other office-supplies in Valu-Mart stores is bad in quality and high in the price, the customers will not buy them. Further, even if the Valu-Mart stores can sell more home office machines and office supplies than before, there is no guarantee that the office-supple departments will become the most profitable component. Firstly,这里注意一下用假设的方式吧？ the profit of the home office machines and office-supply is not very big, so it is unlikely to be more profitable than the goods with large profit. Secondly, the arguer only provided the changes in the office-supply department, but he/she did not mention the plans of other departments不清楚你到底要说的什么，是想说公司还是store的？建议不要省太多哈. It might be possible that some changes taken place in other department would also increase the profit. Without this kind of information, the argument will not be accepted. In conclusion, before making the changes, the arguer should provide more information of the survey and make some investigation of the office worker's need. Finally, the arguer cannot say the office-supply department will be the most profitable without more information of other departments.小错误：把office supply弄成office supple.

恢复很快哈。继续加油啊！！