argument42 继续写，求拍

ghost33UID??2267869

TOPIC: ARGUMENT42 - The following appeared in a proposal from the economic minister of the country of Paraterra.

"In order to strengthen its lagging economy, last year the government of the nearby country of Bellegea began an advertising campaign to promote ecologically sound tourism (ecotourism). This year the number of foreign visitors arriving at Bellegea's main airport doubled, and per capita income in Bellegea increased by ten percent. To provide more income for the population of Paraterra and also preserve the natural environment of our tiny country, we too should begin to promote ecotourism. To ensure that our advertising campaign is successful, we should hire the current director of Bellegea's National Tourism Office as a consultant for the campaign."
WORDS: 528          TIME: 0:30:00          DATE: 2007-8-17

In this proposal, the economic minister of Paraterra recommends the government adopting the same policy of Bellegea: an advertising campaign to promote ecotourism, with the purpose of enlarging the income for the population of Paraterra and also preserving the natural environment. The minister also advises to hire Bellegea's current director in National Tourism Office to ensure the campaign is successful. Though the minister hopes to bring benefit to the country, s/he fails to convince us that this proposal is feasible, with no evidence showing that Bellegea's campaign is successful and that such campaign is suitable in Paraterra. Moreover, the resommendation for the consultant has little ground. All these fallacies, discussed as following, render this argument unconvincing.

To begin with, the mere fact that the number if foreign visitors arriving at Bellegea's main airport doubled and that per capita income in Bellegea increased by 10 percent does not indicate that it is the ecotourism that brings to such change. Though these phenomena happened after the campaign, no direct evidence proves that there is a causal relationship between the campaign and the phenomena. Maybe there are other policies enacted last year, or maybe those foreign visitors were not for the ecotourism. Unless the minister can show solid evidence proving such causal relationship, this assumption will not be accepted.

Moreover, these phenomena don't show that the ecotourism is successful. For one thing, the minister only cites the number of foreign visitors arriving at the main airport, ignoring other airports' situation. Given that while the main airport enjoyed doubled visitors, other airports totally lost all foreign visitors, chances are that the total number of foreign visitors came Bellegea decreased. For another, the per capita income without data about the population has no use in substantiating that the economy in Bellegea is improving. Given that due to the lagging economy, this year residents in Bellegea emigrated to other countries, reducing the population significantly, it is the possible that the total revenue of Bellegea don't increase, consequently this argument is undermined seriously.

Even the campaign for ecotourism in Bellegea is successful; it is precocious for the minister to recommend the same policy to the Paraterra government. The minister fails to consider the differences between the two countries. Given that Paraterra's environment has already been damaged, such campaign may result in vain.

Even this campaign is feasible, the minister fails to convince us that the current director of Bellegea's National Tourism Office is capable of being a consultant for Paraterra's campaign.No evidence shows that the current director is the one who was in charge for Bellegea's last year's campaign and that the campaign was this director's idea. Given that the director knows nothing about the campaign, instead, the whole campaign was directed and conducted by other people; this recommendation was dubious.

All in all, this argument is not well substantiated. To bolster the proposal, the minister should demonstrate that the ecotourism in Bellegea do improve that country's economy and that such campaign is suitable to Parattera as well. In addition, more information is needed to strengthen the allegation that the current director in Bellegea's National Tourism Office is capable of being a consultant for Paraterra's campaign.

abc021900UID??2369431

30分钟写了这么多，佩服！

In this proposal, the economic minister of Paraterra recommends the government adopting the same policy of Bellegea: an advertising campaign to promote ecotourism, with the purpose of enlarging the income for the population of Paraterra and also preserving the natural environment. The minister also advises to hire Bellegea's current director in National Tourism Office to ensure the campaign is successful. Though the minister hopes to bring benefit to the country, s/he fails to convince us that this proposal is feasible, with no evidence showing that Bellegea's campaign is successful and that such campaign is suitable in Paraterra. Moreover, the resommendation for the consultant has little ground. All these fallacies, discussed as following, render this argument unconvincing.（第一段不需要这么长吧）

To begin with, the mere fact that the number if foreign visitors arriving at Bellegea's main airport doubled and that per capita income in Bellegea increased by 10 percent does not indicate that it is the ecotourism (campaign)  that brings to such change. Though these phenomena happened after the campaign, no direct evidence proves that there is a causal relationship between the campaign and the phenomena. Maybe there are other policies enacted last year, or maybe those foreign visitors were not for the ecotourism. Unless the minister can show solid evidence proving such causal relationship, this assumption will not be accepted.

Moreover, these phenomena don't show that the ecotourism is successful. For one thing, the minister only cites the number of foreign visitors arriving at the main airport, ignoring other airports' situation. Given that while the main airport enjoyed doubled visitors, other airports totally lost all foreign visitors, chances are that the total number of foreign visitors came Bellegea decreased. For another, the per capita income without data about the population has no use in substantiating that the economy in Bellegea is improving. Given that due to the lagging economy, this year residents in Bellegea emigrated to other countries, reducing the population significantly, it is the possible that the total revenue of Bellegea don't increase, consequently this argument is undermined seriously（这个例子好像有点钻牛角尖了）.

Even the campaign for ecotourism in Bellegea is successful; it is precocious for the minister to recommend the same policy to the Paraterra government. The minister fails to consider the differences between the two countries. Given（if） that Paraterra's environment has already been damaged, such campaign may result in vain.（这段说得太简略了）

Even this campaign is feasible, the minister fails to convince us that the current director of Bellegea's National Tourism Office is capable of being a consultant for Paraterra's campaign.No evidence shows that the current director is the one who was in charge for Bellegea's last year's campaign and that the campaign was this director's idea. Given(if？) that the director knows nothing about the campaign, instead, the whole campaign was directed and conducted by other people; this recommendation was dubious.

All in all, this argument is not well substantiated. To bolster the proposal, the minister should demonstrate that the ecotourism in Bellegea do improve that country's economy and that such campaign is suitable to Parattera as well. In addition, more information is needed to strengthen the allegation that the current director in Bellegea's National Tourism Office is capable of being a consultant for Paraterra's campaign.

30分钟写了这么多，佩服！写的很流畅，学习！
帮我拍下，一样的题目
https://bbs.gter.net/thread-724912-1-1.html

菲子UID??2311527

TOPIC: ARGUMENT42 - The following appeared in a proposal from the economic minister of the country of Paraterra. "In order to strengthen its lagging economy, last year the government of the nearby country of Bellegea began an advertising campaign to promote ecologically sound tourism (ecotourism). This year the number of foreign visitors arriving at Bellegea's main airport doubled, and per capita income in Bellegea increased by ten percent. To provide more income for the population of Paraterra and also preserve the natural environment of our tiny country, we too should begin to promote ecotourism. To ensure that our advertising campaign is successful, we should hire the current director of Bellegea's National Tourism Office as a consultant for the campaign."

WORDS: 528          TIME: 0:30:00          DATE: 2007-8-17

In this proposal, the economic minister of Paraterra recommends the government adopting the same policy of Bellegea: an advertising campaign to promote ecotourism, with the purpose of enlarging the income for the population of Paraterra and also preserving the natural environment. The minister also advises to hire Bellegea's current director in National Tourism Office to ensure the campaign is successful. Though the minister hopes to bring benefit to the country, s/he fails to convince us that this proposal is feasible, with no evidence showing that Bellegea's campaign is successful and that such campaign is suitable in Paraterra. Moreover, the resommendation for the consultant has little ground. All these fallacies, discussed as following, render this argument unconvincing.这个Summary式的开头也太长了吧，好像把整段话复述了一遍。我还是比较appreciate你原来那种比较短小精悍的提炼错误的写法。

To begin with, the mere fact that the number if foreign visitors arriving at Bellegea's main airport doubled and that per capita income in Bellegea increased by 10 percent does not indicate that it is the ecotourism that brings to such change. Though these phenomena happened after the campaign, no direct evidence proves that there is a causal relationship between the campaign and the phenomena.（这句话和前面那句话可以试着合在一起，太累赘了）Maybe there are other policies enacted last year, or maybe those foreign visitors were not for the ecotourism.（我觉得你这段只有这句有点实际作用，但是又不够有说服力。）Unless the minister can show solid evidence proving such causal relationship, this assumption will not be accepted. 一整段话中关于说no evidence之类的套话太多了，有实际作用的不够。

Moreover, these phenomena don't show that the ecotourism is successful. For one thing, the minister only cites the number of foreign visitors arriving at the main airport, ignoring other airports' situation. Given that while the main airport enjoyed doubled visitors, other airports totally lost all foreign visitors, chances are that the total number of foreign visitors came Bellegea decreased. For another, the per capita income without data about the population has no use in substantiating that the economy in Bellegea is improving. Given that due to the lagging economy, this year residents in Bellegea emigrated to other countries, reducing the population significantly, it is the possible that the total revenue of Bellegea don't increase, consequently this argument is undermined seriously.虽然我觉得你这段提出的一些理由挺奇怪的，但是还算有点说服力吧。

Even the campaign for ecotourism in Bellegea is successful; it is precocious for the minister to recommend the same policy to the Paraterra government. The minister fails to consider the differences between the two countries. Given that Paraterra's environment has already been damaged, such campaign may result in vain.小总结一下吧

Even（连续两段开头用Even, 感觉不太好） this campaign is feasible, the minister fails to convince us that the current director of Bellegea's National Tourism Office is capable of being a consultant for Paraterra's campaign. No evidence shows that the current director is the one who was in charge for Bellegea's last year's campaign and that the campaign was this director's idea. Given that the director knows nothing about the campaign, instead, the whole campaign was directed and conducted by other people; this recommendation was dubious.All in all, this argument is not well substantiated. To bolster the proposal, the minister should demonstrate that the ecotourism in Bellegea do improve that country's economy and that such campaign is suitable to Parattera as well. In addition, more information is needed to strengthen the allegation that the current director in Bellegea's National Tourism Office is capable of being a consultant for Paraterra's campaign.

感觉前面两段没有实际意义的话太多，是不是写累了，偷懒啊？