issue77 临考了，却越写越没感觉

ghost33UID??2267869

TOPIC: ISSUE77 - "People today are too individualistic. Instead of pursuing self-centered, separate goals, people need to understand that satisfaction comes from working for the greater good of the family, the community, or society as a whole."
WORDS: 590          TIME: 0:45:00          DATE: 2007-8-20

Individuality is placed in an important place in modern society, since individuality can bring benefit to people. Undoubtedly, this process is exaggerated to some extent which begins to do harm not only to the individual but also the society. However, as far as I am concerned, I maintain that satisfaction comes from successfully reaching the aimed goals; such goals can be self-centered, separated, as well as working for the greater good of the family, the community, or society as a whole.

TO begin with, appropriate individuality can distinguish a certain person, a company from others, which brings the opportunity to attract the important audiences, therefore to success. Individuality is a crucial character for those working in the sphere of entertainment, with innumerous hot stars and new stars. People are always looking for someone with outstanding appearance along with attracting bodybuilding, or special voice as if coming from the heaven, or talent ability in some aspects, wishing to find some exciting things to talk about thus getting out of the tedious routine work for a moment. One Hollywood actress catches the public with her unusual big lips which are described as sexy, and several film directors choose her as heroine. In other fields, individuality may mean new ways to look at problems which help reach better methods, therefore paving the path to success, because people with individuality always trying to be creative. Thus, appropriate individuality can bring success.

However, individuality is to some extent exaggerated by media. People place too much emphasis on individuality. Little children may refuse to listen to parents', nor teachers' advices, claiming that they should be left alone with their autonomy on everything even when they commit wrong doings. Some juveniles try to smoke, go to bars, join to various bangs and wear queer clothing to distinguish themselves, charging sitting in the classrooms with teachers out-of -date and old textbooks is a stupid thing. Such young people waste their time on the extensive pursuing of individuality, getting little knowledge and few skills to live comfortably in this competitive society, let alone contributing to the prosperity of the society. The Internet witnesses another group of people wishing to be well-known to others with unimaginable activities called individuality. They sent their crucial treat to a cat, or they cut a dog's feet, then the ears, then the eyes. One popular girl writing her own experiences of sexual life with scores of men, becomes famous online girl. Such pursuit transcends the limit of moral values, also affects the whole society badly. Excessive individuality also detaches people away from the family, the society, since people unwillingly to be impeded to run after their own aims. Such diluted relationship can cause a sense of lonely or even depression. Thus, too much individuality, in other words, too individualistic, may bring harm to the society.

However, I maintain that satisfaction comes from successfully reaching one's goals, no matter the goals are self-centered, separated, or are determined to working for the family, or the community, even the society as a whole, since satisfaction is a personal feeling determined each individual. If the person reaches the goals set beforehand, small or big, he/she will experience happiness. A baby may feel excited when it first begins to walk on its feet; A student may feel satisfied when she/he passes one exam which she/he thought that s/he would fail; A father may feel satisfied when his son or daughter finally graduated from university and found satisfying jobs; A worker feel satisfied when he finally accumulated enough money for his wife’s fees in hospital. A manager may feel proud and satisfied when his/her company step out depression. Though all these situations mentioned above have no so-called aspects of the greater good for the family, the community or society, undoubtedly, all these people are satisfied.[这里是后来添的]

All in all, individuality is an important characteristic in modern society, but too much emphasis about individualistic ideas or activities is harmful. Yet, satisfaction has nothing to do with the goal's quality.

wizjoUID??2175360

eh，先说positive的：lz语言很好呢，即使是长句子也几乎没什么大错（except for some minor mistakes）；黑体的那一段排比的例子也很有说服力。

再说negative的：感觉lz有一点跑题啊。B1的结论是：appropriate individuality can bring success. B2的结论是： too much individuality, in other words, too individualistic, may bring harm to the society. 讲的都是individuality的好与坏，可是对于题目所限定的individuality的含义（pursuing self-centered, separate goals）与satisfaction的关系如何呢？没有凸显。而且这两段对于individuality的阐述有点偏离题目的限定（比如B1中那个hollywood actress，应该是Angelina Jolie吧？:)）。
直到第二个However段，才出现了satisfaction这个关键词...（呵呵，我可是Ctrl+F了噢～）

同时临考了，加油！！！

菲子UID??2311527

TOPIC: ISSUE77 - "People today are too individualistic. Instead of pursuing self-centered, separate goals, people need to understand that satisfaction comes from working for the greater good of the family, the community, or society as a whole."
WORDS: 590          TIME: 0:45:00          DATE: 2007-8-20

Individuality is placed in an important place in modern society, since individuality can bring benefit to people. Undoubtedly, this process is exaggerated to some extent which begins to do harm not only to the individual but also the society. However, as far as I am concerned, I maintain that satisfaction comes from successfully reaching the aimed goals; such goals can be self-centered, separated, as well as working for the greater good of the family, the community, or society as a whole.

TO begin with, appropriate individuality can distinguish a certain person, a company from others, which brings the opportunity to attract the important audiences, therefore to success. Individuality is a crucial character for those working in the sphere of entertainment, with innumerous hot stars and new stars. People are always looking for someone with outstanding appearance along with attracting bodybuilding, or special voice as if coming from the heaven, or talent ability in some aspects, wishing to find some exciting things to talk about thus getting out of the tedious routine work for a moment. One Hollywood actress catches the public with her unusual big lips which are described as sexy, and several film directors choose her as heroine. In other fields, individuality may mean new ways to look at problems which help reach better methods, therefore paving the path to success, because people with individuality always trying to be creative. Thus, appropriate individuality can bring success.（这里套用了你那篇benefit of individuality的观点，但是没有很好得和这道题目契合，应该多考虑一下satisfaction的问题，把success 转到satisfaction）

However, individuality is to some extent exaggerated by media. People place too much emphasis on individuality. Little children may refuse to listen to parents', nor teachers' advices, claiming that they should be left alone with their autonomy on everything even when they commit wrong doings. Some juveniles try to smoke, go to bars, join to various bangs and wear queer clothing to distinguish themselves, charging sitting in the classrooms with teachers out-of -date and old textbooks is a stupid thing. Such young people waste their time on the extensive pursuing of individuality, getting little knowledge and few skills to live comfortably in this competitive society, let alone contributing to the prosperity of the society. The Internet witnesses another group of people wishing to be well-known to others with unimaginable activities called individuality. They sent their crucial treat to a cat, or they cut a dog's feet, then the ears, then the eyes. One popular girl writing her own experiences of sexual life with scores of men, becomes famous online girl. (好恐怖的社会现实。。。)Such pursuit transcends the limit of moral values, also affects the whole society badly. Excessive individuality also detaches people away from the family, the society, since people unwillingly to be impeded to run after their own aims. Such diluted relationship can cause a sense of lonely or even depression. Thus, too much individuality, in other words, too individualistic, may bring harm to the society.这里说的是individuality的坏处，如果和satisfaction联系的话，你可以说他们只追求自己欲望的满足，放纵的满足，但是这种满足对社会带来了危害。



However, I maintain that satisfaction comes from successfully reaching one's goals, no matter the goals are self-centered, separated, or are determined to working for the family, or the community, even the society as a whole, since satisfaction is a personal feeling determined each individual. If the person reaches the goals set beforehand, small or big, he/she will experience happiness. A baby may feel excited when it first begins to walk on its feet; A student may feel satisfied when she/he passes one exam which she/he thought that s/he would fail; A father may feel satisfied when his son or daughter finally graduated from university and found satisfying jobs; A worker feel satisfied when he finally accumulated enough money for his wife’s fees in hospital. A manager may feel proud and satisfied when his/her company step out depression. Though all these situations mentioned above have no so-called aspects of the greater good for the family, the community or society, undoubtedly, all these people are satisfied.[这里是后来添的] 这段才是主要说了satisfaction,建议可以扩展一点。不是列举事实，而是具体分析来自家庭，社会，……带来的满足。

All in all, individuality is an important characteristic in modern society, but too much emphasis about individualistic ideas or activities is harmful. Yet, satisfaction has nothing to do with the goal's quality.

我看到你的开头，以为你会分开说individuality的satisfaction和来自家庭、社会。。。的satisfaction，然后再总述satisfaction可以有多种来源。你这种论证手法比较奇怪哦。（个人意见啦）而且，如果你没有后面添加的那块内容，你的文章跟satisfaction就没什么关系了，只说了individuality的好与坏，但是这跟文章的主题不太一致哦。

ghost33UID??2267869

谢谢修改，我把那个个人主义理解得不对，这篇得重新来过，谢谢！