Argument147【0806G-Sunbird小组】第3次作业

chenweibnuUID: 2312469

Argument 147
"Although the sales of Whirlwind video games have declined over the past two years, a recent survey of video-game players suggests that this sales trend is about to be reversed. The survey asked video-game players what features they thought were most important in a video game. According to the survey, players prefer games that provide lifelike graphics, which require the most up-to-date computers. Whirlwind has just introduced several such games with an extensive advertising campaign directed at people 10 to 25 years old, the age-group most likely to play video games. It follows, then, that the sales of Whirlwind video games are likely to increase dramatically in the next few months."

基本观点：
       W公司销售下降的趋势会扭转过来，因为它根据一项调查引进了一些调查认为会流行的游戏。

提纲：
       公司的销售下降并不一定会扭转过来
1.       调查的可靠信并没有在Argu中体现出来
2.       开发逼真的游戏要求配置过高，使玩家敬而远之，反而影响销量
3.       没有交待W公司游戏主要面向的群体是不是10~25岁
4.       dramatically的增加还要与市场需求相关，要提供这方面资料

In the argument, the speaker claims that the decline in the sales of Whirlwind would be reversed according to the survey proposed, which suggests that video games providing lifelike graphics, which are what Whirlwind are developing now, are to be the most popular games. However, the argument is flawed in several critical respects.

Firstly, the speakers fail to provide the evidence that the survey is enough to support the idea that the decline in the sales of Whirlwind would be reversed. What the survey mentioned in the argument, generally speaking, only points out that the direction of development of video games but not the situation of sales of video games, which means that without further details of the survey, explaining the trend of sales of different kinds of video games and the consumers’ attitudes towards Whirlwind, any forecast of the trends of sales of Whirlwind is powerless.

Another reason the speaker proposed to support his viewpoint is that Whirlwind is developing those games requiring the most-up-to date computer to provide lifelike graphics the survey finds most important to players. However, the speaker, on the other hand, has not shown us the statistics of people who would buy such expensive computer to just play games. Perhaps most people would not go to buy such games, considering the cost on the computer. What people like is one thing, what they would choose is another thing. It is possible that most players would not choose to buy the games Whirlwind developed for the reason that their computer could not be able to support these games, which would decreases the sales of Whirlwind in stead of increasing it. In this case, the speaker ought to show us the evidence that most players would update their computers to fit these games.

Further more, the extensive advertising campaign, directed at people 10 to 25 years old, is another seemly powerful respect to illustrate the speaker’s idea for the reason of this group of people are those most likely to play games. However, the speaker fails to tell us which age group the video games Whirlwind developed are for. If these games are for those older than 25, the advertising would not be of great use as the speaker claims.

Even people would choose games providing lifelike graphics as the survey suggests, it would not be able to convince us that the sales would increase, because the speaker does not mention about the competition of other corporations. Purpose the games developed by other corporations are even more attractive and cheaper, in this case the sales of Whirlwind would not increase as the speaker claims.

In sum, the conclusion that the sales of Whirlwind would increase dramatically lacks credibility. To strengthen the argument, the speaker should provide more information about what players would prefer to buy and who plays the games of Whirlwind. More details about the market situation are needed to convince us that the games of Whirlwind would be popular.


欢迎拍砖

[ 本帖最后由 chenweibnu 于 2007-11-16 15:57 编辑 ]

smilekevinUID: 2425343

In the argument, the speaker claims that the decline in the sales of Whirlwind would be reversed according to the survey proposed, which suggests that video games providing（should provide, suggest 后应该加从句吧） lifelike graphics, which are what Whirlwind are developing now, are to be the most popular games.（这句话的结构有点混乱，主语是什么呢,应该整理一下，使读者明确思路）However, the argument is flawed in several critical respects.

Firstly, the speakers fail to provide the evidence that the survey is enough（改用effective会比较好） to support the idea that the decline in the sales of Whirlwind would be reversed. What the survey mentioned in the argument, generally speaking, only points out that the direction of development of video games but not（but就是否定了，可以删去not） the situation of sales of video games. It means that without further details of the survey, explaining the trend of sales of different kinds of video games and the consumers’ attitudes towards Whirlwind, any forecast of the trends of sales of Whirlwind is powerless.

Another reason the speaker proposed to support his viewpoint is that Whirlwind is developing those games requiring the most up-to-date computer to provide lifelike graphics the survey finds most important to players. However, the speaker, on the other hand, has not shown us the statistics（数量用amount吧，statistics是数据的意思） of people who would buy such expensive computer to just play games. Perhaps most people would not go to buy such games, considering the cost on the computer. What people like is one thing, what they would choose is another thing. It is possible that most players would not choose to buy the games Whirlwind developed for the reason that their computer could not be able to support these games, which would decreases the sales of Whirlwind in stead of increasing it. In this case, the speaker ought to show us the evidence that most players would update their computers to fit these games.

Further more, the extensive advertising campaign, directed at people 10 to 25 years old, is another seemly powerful respect to illustrate the speaker’s idea for the reason of this group of people are those most likely to play games. However, the speaker fails to tell us which age group the video games Whirlwind developed are for. If these games are for those older than 25, the advertising would not be of great use as the speaker claims.（这段还可以提出一个问题，就是关于10到25岁最可能玩电游，没有数字，没有根据，是瞎猜的）

Even people would choose games providing lifelike graphics as the survey suggests, it would not be able to convince us that the sales would increase, because the speaker does not mention about the competition of other corporations. Purpose the games developed by other corporations are even more attractive and cheaper, in this case the sales of Whirlwind would not increase as the speaker claims.（这段还可以稍微展开讲一下其他原因，销量的影响因素应该不止只有竞争吧）

In sum, the conclusion that the sales of Whirlwind would increase dramatically lacks credibility. To strengthen the argument, the speaker should provide more information about what players would prefer to buy and who plays the games of Whirlwind. More details about the market situation are needed to convince us that the games of Whirlwind would be popular.

文章的逻辑性很强，条理很清晰。希望能在一些观点上再加以展开，并保证语言结构更清晰。