issue48【Aero小组】第二次作业 by wizardz

wizardzUID: 2268761

用AWP限时写问题还比较大，打字错误爆多，自己先改了一下

    The speaker claims that the study of history places too much emphasis on individuals while ignoring large groups of people who are really the dominant power of history. I partly agree with this claim as famous people are abundant in history studies and comments. By comparison, the majority are easily forgotten which seems unfair when we consider their power in the events and trends throughout history. Therefore, the roles of the vast majority are worthy of respect. A more comprehensive study will reveal that both the roles of famous people and the vast majority are significant and interconnected.
    According to the understanding of most people who have some knowledge of history, important history events are born with some key figures that lead the development of that event. These key figures, in our common sense, are considered symbols of certain history events. For example, the discovery of America reminds us of Columbus and his exploration; the War of Independence of the United States is symbolized with the name Washington and his political ideas. These heroes of their times, countless and ubiquitous in our long history and in each country, play their important role in history. They have great courage in leading the hard revolutions or discoveries. To become a leader or manager, they also have the wisdom that are obviously beyond their times, which endows them the capability to bring new things to the world. In this respect, I have the sense that the majority are relatively blind in the development of history until some individuals begin to organize and mobilize their power towards some important junctures of history.
    On the other hand, it is unfair if we place too much emphasis on individuals while ignoring the power of people. Although the individuals are considered more wise and active, their power is limited when facing the great changes in history. Admittedly, the victory of the World War II is attributed to the judicious decision of war leaders that we remember. However, we can never ignore the vast majority of soldiers and citizens who devoted their efforts to support the war. Unfortunately, the names of these people are merely found in history books even they have made great sacrifices in their lives. Maybe we are only accustomed to remember and recognize these people as a whole. The power of the majority is truly tangible in every history event simply because these events are similar to a huge project that needs the teamwork and cooperation of a large group of people. The role of each individual is necessary although they are easily forgotten. The political ideas and role of these people might not worth study in academic field or worth telling as interesting stories, it is these people who made the ideas of heroes come true and decide the trends of history.
       To conclude, the most significant events and trends in history are made possible by both key individuals and the majority. The difference is only the roles they play. In our current system of history documentation, the famous people may draw more attention because their ideas and thought might more worth telling and study.

sheldenUID: 2338299

大人的文章小弟喜欢~~语言功底真好~  半夜先顶一下  有空上来提意见  
最后一个词应该改成 studing :)

sheldenUID: 2338299

https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... &extra=page%3D1  小弟的ISSUE
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... &extra=page%3D1   ARGU

恳请大人赐教~~

houyanchunUID: 2432949

issue48【Aero小组】第二次作业 by wizardz
    The speaker claims that the study of history places too much emphasis on individuals while ignoring large groups of people who are really the dominant power of history. I partly agree with this claim as famous people are abundant in history studies and comments. (those famous people of history are studied and comment densely )By comparison, the majority are easily forgotten which seems unfair when we consider their power in the events and trends throughout history. Therefore, the roles of the vast majority are worthy of respect. A more comprehensive study will reveal that both the roles of famous people and the vast majority are significant and interconnected.
    According to the understanding of most people who have some knowledge of history, important history events are born with (by) some key figures that lead the development of that event. These key figures, in our common sense, are considered symbols of certain history events. For example, the discovery of America reminds us of Columbus and his exploration; the War of Independence of the United States is symbolized with the name Washington and his political ideas. These heroes of their times, countless and ubiquitous in our long history and in each country, play their important role in history. They have great courage in leading the hard revolutions or discoveries. To become a leader or manager, they also have the wisdom that are obviously beyond their times, which endows them the capability to bring new things to the world. In this respect, I have the sense that the majority are relatively blind in the development of history until some individuals begin to organize and mobilize their power towards some important junctures of history.
    On the other hand, it is unfair if we place too much emphasis on individuals while ignoring the power of people. Although the individuals are considered more wise and active, their power is limited when facing the great changes in history. Admittedly, the victory of the World War II is attributed to the judicious decision of war leaders that we remember. However, we can never ignore the vast majority of soldiers and citizens who devoted their efforts to support the war. Unfortunately, the names of these people are merely found in history books even they have made great sacrifices in their lives. Maybe we are only accustomed to remember and recognize these people as a whole. The power of the majority is truly tangible in every history event simply because these events are similar to a huge project that needs the teamwork and cooperation of a large group of people. The role of each individual is necessary although they are easily forgotten. The political ideas and role of these people might not worth study （to study? studying） in academic field or worth telling as interesting stories, it is these people who made the ideas of heroes come true and (and should be deleted) decide the trends of history.
       To conclude, the most significant events and trends in history are made possible by both key individuals and the majority. The difference is only the roles they play. In our current system of history documentation, the famous people may draw more attention because their ideas and thought might more worth telling and study (studying).
思路流畅，句式、用词有变化；加油，很好的；
第二段觉得有点淡薄，也许加个一句话带过的例子会不会好些？写的很好，加油。

m2zhyUID: 2440721

The speaker claims that the study of history places too much emphasis on individuals while ignoring large groups of people who are really the dominant power of history. I partly agree with this claim as famous people are abundant in history studies and comments. By comparison, the majority are easily forgotten which seems unfair when we consider their power in the events and trends throughout history.（首先有个疑问，句中their是指代the majority吗？如果是的话，那这句话在逻辑上意思讲不通阿~） Therefore, the roles of the vast majority are worthy of respect. (疑问：此句与前文之间存在因果关系吗？) A more comprehensive study will reveal that both the roles of famous people and the vast majority are significant and they are interconnected.

According to the understanding of most people who have some knowledge of history, important history events are born with some key figures that lead the development of that event. These key figures, in our common sense, are considered symbols of certain history events. For example, the discovery of America reminds us of Columbus and his exploration; the War of Independence of the United States is symbolized with the name Washington and his political ideas. These heroes of their times, countless and ubiquitous in our long history and in each country, play their important role in history. They have great courage in leading the hard revolutions or discoveries. To become a leader or manager, they also have the wisdom that are obviously beyond their times, which endows them the capability to bring new things to the world. In this respect, I have the sense that the majority are relatively blind in the development of history until some individuals begin to organize and mobilize their power towards some important junctures of history. （这句话内容很不错，但整体看着有点别扭，说不出有什么问题。另外，没看懂句中towards的用法）

On the other hand, it is unfair if we place too much emphasis on individuals while ignoring the power of people. （这句话如果作为本段的论点的话，感觉怎么有点太主观了呢？这种表达态度的句子是不是用在例证的后面会比较有说服力呢？个人感觉用在这里不太好） Although the individuals are considered more wise and active, their power is limited when facing the great changes in history. Admittedly, the victory of the World War II is attributed to the judicious decision of war leaders that we remember. However, we can never ignore the vast majority of soldiers and citizens who devoted their efforts to support the war. Unfortunately, the names of these people are merely found in history books even they have made great sacrifices in their lives. Maybe we are only accustomed to remember and recognize these people as a whole. The power of the majority is truly tangible in every history event simply because these events are similar to （用just like替换“simply because these events are similar to”，是不是会简练些？） a huge project that needs the teamwork and cooperation of a large group of people. The role of each individual is necessary although they are easily forgotten. The political ideas and role of these people might not worth study in academic field or worth telling as interesting stories, it is these people who made the ideas of heroes come true and decide the trends of history.

To conclude, the most significant events and trends in history are made possible by both key individuals and the majority. The difference is only the roles they play. In our current system of history documentation, the famous people may draw more attention because their ideas and thought might more worth telling and study. （结尾段很不错，精准明确，赞一个~）

总评：
优点：1、作为限时作文，楼主现在能写到这个水平，应该是非常的不错了。反正我是写不出来啦~ 限时的话，我肯定写不完啦~ 555
      2、句型用的比较丰富，词汇也很丰富，好些词汇我都要借助词霸看呢 ^_^
      
缺点：1、文中的例证显的有点苍白，一定程度上降低了文章的说服力。
      2、文字有杂乱的感觉，读文章的时候能深刻感受到楼主限时作业时的紧张感。
      3、个别句型用的不很流畅，有的句子太罗嗦。



[ 本帖最后由 m2zhy 于 2007-12-22 16:47 编辑 ]

katu1204UID: 2355887

确实很流畅