Aero组 第二次作业 issue48

sheldenUID: 2338299

TOPIC: ISSUE48 - "The study of history places too much emphasis on individuals. The most significant events and trends in history were made possible not by the famous few, but by groups of people whose identities have long been forgotten."
WORDS: 422          TIME: 00:45:00          DATE: 2007-12-20 11:08:55

In the sky of history, the sparkling stars are the great individuals, and the flowing clouds are the groups of people. Different from the article above, I concern that they are all crucial for most significant events. We cannot omit either of them.

Some smart individuals guided the direction of the development of the significant events, and it means that in some way they influence the history seriously by their own power. In this case, we should memorize the brilliant ones who contribute a lot to the history. Washington is the first president of United States. He launched the revolution to fight the English government, and led the people to fight with the invaders. Without his brilliant guidance, the new America would not be founded. Also, in the Europe of 1800s, the socialistic revolution starts and many socialistic countries were constructed. Although he was not involved in the real war and revolution, Carl Marx, the spiritual leader of these chain events should be memorized by us. Furthermore, the reasons that we pay attention to these individuals are not only due to their impact to the history but also their outstanding spirit. For example, Lincoln devoted his whole life to the human rights until being murdered. His spirit of devoting touches us for long.

On the other hand, we cannot deny the enormous power of groups of people in the significant events. If the sparkling individuals were the red flowers, we could consider the groups of people as the leaves and stems which support and nourish the red flowers above. In history, without a huge amount of people, the Independent War could not win and the new government of United States would not be founded so early, and in this case, America may be not as advanced as now. Without the people, the socialism theory of Carl Marx would be no differences with some pieces of paper, let alone the chain revolutions later. Without the people, Khufu's pyramid could not be built, and the world would loss a great masterpiece in the field of architecture. So we cannot ignore the huge influence of groups of people.

In the further analysis, we can see that both of them cannot be departed, just like the relation between leaves and flowers mentioned above. Without the flowers, the leaves are usual and plain and no one would pay attention to it. Without the leaves, no matter how gorgeous the flowers are, they cannot survive for only a couple of days. In the history, special individuals depended on the huge amounts of people to do the things he conceived. The people relied on the leaders to give command. Both of them unite as a whole, change the history dramatically.

In conclude, my point of view on this issue is that both individuals and groups of people are responsible for the significant events in the history.

废话很多....诶  辛苦各位大人了

lingfozUID: 2435613

In the sky of history, the sparkling stars are the great individuals, and the flowing clouds are the groups of people. （这个比喻用的不错）Different from the article above, I concern that they are all crucial for most significant events. We cannot omit either of them.（论点明确）

Some smart individuals guided the direction of the development of the significant events(注意the，用的有点多), and it means that in some way they influence the history seriously by their own power（这里说完全是依靠伟人一个人的力量有点过了）. In this case, we should memorize the brilliant ones who contribute a lot to the history. Washington is the first president of United States. He launched the revolution to fight the English government, and led the people to fight with the invaders. Without his brilliant guidance, the new America would not be founded. Also, in the Europe of 1800s, the socialistic revolution starts （started）and many socialistic countries were constructed. Although he was not involved in the real war and revolution, Carl Marx, the spiritual leader of these chain events should be memorized by us. Furthermore, the reasons that we pay attention to these individuals are not only due to their impact to the history but also their outstanding spirit. For example, Lincoln devoted his whole life to the human rights until being murdered. His spirit of devoting touches us for long.(总体来说，这段论述很成功，举的例子很贴切．但是历史人物的优秀品质这一部分如果另起一段展开论述，更有逻辑性)

On the other hand, we cannot deny the enormous power of groups of people in the significant events. If the sparkling individuals were the red flowers, we could consider the groups of people as the leaves and stems which support and nourish the red flowers above. （又一个比喻，用的不错）In history, without a huge amount of people  , the Independent War could not win (注意语态) and the new government of United States would not be founded so early(如果没有大量的人的参与，就不是早晚的问题了，而是根本不可能), and in this case, America may be not as advanced as now. Without the people("群众"的说法不太地道，the public,the masses), the socialism theory of Carl Marx would be no differences with some pieces of paper, let alone the chain revolutions later. Without the people, Khufu's pyramid could not be built, and the world would loss a great masterpiece in the field of architecture. (连用３个without，论证有力)So we cannot ignore the huge influence of groups of people.

In the further analysis, we can see that both of them cannot be departed, just like the relation between leaves and flowers mentioned above. Without the flowers, the leaves are usual and plain and no one would pay attention to it (them). Without the leaves, no matter how gorgeous the flowers are, they cannot survive for only a couple of days. In the history, special individuals depended on the huge amounts of people to do the things he conceived. The people relied on the leaders to give command. Both of them unite as a whole, changed the history dramatically.

In conclude,(in conclusion, to conclude) my point of view (my point or my view,point 和view意思重复)on this issue is that both individuals and groups of people are responsible for the significant events in the history.　（结尾有点简单了）

论点明确，３段论述先分别论述历史人物和群众的主要作用，接着论述两者之间相互依存的关系，思路清晰，论述有说服力～
注意the，在本文有有些滥用．另，有少数语法错误．写的不错哦，加油～

katu1204UID: 2355887

In the sky of history, the sparkling stars are the great individuals, and the flowing clouds are the groups of people. Different from the article above, I concern that they are all crucial for most significant events. We cannot omit either of them. [观点清晰]

Some smart individuals guided the direction of the development of the significant events [感觉这里连用三个the有点不舒服], and it means that in some way they influence the history seriously by their own power. In this case, we should memorize the brilliant ones who contribute a lot to the history. Washington is the first president of United States. He launched the revolution to fight the English government, and led the people to fight with the invaders. Without his brilliant guidance, the new America would not be founded. Also, in the Europe of 1800s, the socialistic revolution starts and many socialistic countries were constructed. Although he was not involved in the real war and revolution, Carl Marx, the spiritual leader of these chain events should be memorized by us. Furthermore, the reasons that we pay attention to these individuals are not only due to their impact to the history but also their outstanding spirit. [为什么他们有杰出的精神就要在历史事件中特别研究呢，这里需要更家详细的论证] For example, Lincoln devoted his whole life to the human rights until being murdered. His spirit of devoting [献身精神？查了哈网上的感觉用spirit of devotion似乎更佳恰当] touches us for long.

On the other hand, we cannot deny the enormous power of groups of people in the significant events. If the sparkling individuals were the red flowers, we could consider the groups of people as the leaves and stems which support and nourish the red flowers above. [red flowers,红花配绿叶，感觉不用red似乎更容易让外国人理解] In history, without a huge amount of people, the Independent War could not win and the new government of United States would not be founded so early, and in this case, America may be not as advanced as now. Without the people, the socialism theory of Carl Marx [‘s] would be no differences [with some pieces of paper] [有点不好理解], let alone the chain revolutions later. Without the people, Khufu's pyramid could not be built, and the world would loss a great masterpiece in the field of architecture. So we cannot ignore the huge influence of groups of people.

In the further analysis, we can see that both of them cannot be departed, just like the relation between leaves and flowers mentioned above. Without the flowers, the leaves are usual and plain and no one would pay attention to it. Without the leaves, no matter how gorgeous the flowers are, they cannot survive for only a couple of days. [非常好，感觉这段的比喻比前面的用的更流畅更容易让人理解一些] In the history, special individuals depended on the huge amounts of people to do the things he conceived. The people relied on the leaders to give command. Both of them unite as a whole, change the history dramatically.In conclude, my point of view on this issue is that both individuals and groups of people are responsible for the significant events in the history.


举例比喻充分恰当，并且将举例和比喻揉和到每一段中去。论证清晰，层次分明。非常不错！个人水平有限只能提出文中标出的若干建议，也不知道自己说的对不对，谢谢你给我拍文。
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[ 本帖最后由 katu1204 于 2007-12-22 13:39 编辑 ]