[jet]小组第二次作业issue141

O--honeyUID: 2452493

ISSUE141 - "Most people recognize the benefits of individuality, but the fact is that personal economic success requires conformity."
字数：672     时间：08.2.1
提纲：
1.     只有共性而没有个性，社会虽然会没有纷争、分歧，但是，就像缺少了刺激的气球，不会有靠着反冲力向前冲的动力了。社会也会停滞不前，这对于个人利益成功没有多大的好处。
2.     只有个性而没有共性，大家都会各持一说，缺少了共同目标，虽然在某些个人方面的有所突破，但是整个社会乱成一团，在社会的影响下，个人的利益成功也只会像流星一样转瞬即逝
3.     个性和共性的关系就像是分工与合作的关系，在各自有所作为的前提下在共同合作，这样不仅对个人的经济利益成功有所促进，整个社会也会随之发展。
Do you ever thought about the reason for some people achieving high economic success? I believe for those who dream of becoming a billionaire or millionaire like me will bounce off from bed at the mere mention of Bill Gates and his huge personal economic success. Adoring his distinct thoughts of software at those times when computer technology is not so developed, we can draw certain conclusion from the benefits of individuality. However, conformity is to some extend an incubative factor, if he did not pursue the common interest of people of using computers, I am afraid his company has already broken down. In this case, we can not give a hasty assess that conformity weights more.

There is no doubt that some people are more willing to stay at home as anyone else than to risk his or her time and energy to create some individuality to gain highly personal economic success, just like you can’t deny that some remain the opposite, can you imagine what will it be like when there is nothing left in our sensibility but conformity, if you can’t deduce it from your personal experience, only suppose that any one aging from young to old do the same thing everyday, using the refrigerator the same as 1970’s, because nobody can create distinct thoughts that will be outstanding to make a difference! It will be more vivid to compare our society to be a static ball floating within the vacuum, no individuality means no outer force, there is no doubt that the ball will stay where it is as the time passing by as long as you handle some physic knowledge, so is our society. What’s worse. Without the progress of the whole, achieving high personal economic success will be out of our reach! Nevertheless, a ball without any force will stay peace, a society without any individuality will stay away from the wars, but no argument, no competitions still will lost their means once separated with interests and progress!

Otherwise, even if individuality fulfill our mind, without conformity, our living environment would also be in mad, with every single person holding their own ideas, doing their own things, inter clash can be hardly avoided which although can promote competition from one to another that result in highly personal economic achievement, the whole society might still be a static ball in the vacuum for the outer force from every direction, maybe there exists some force larger than the other, but the total force the ball get to remain its moving is the difference between every two forces in the opposite direction, in this way, lots of energy would be wasted, and these so called individual success can be turn into the difference between your achievement and others achievement that may have a clash on yours. What’s more, the reason for the difference is caused by the disorder the clash and mess it brings to the society. Under this circumstance, even prominent achievement will be like a meteor that be written in water！

Like those complex connections that link everything, individuality and conformity get no exception. They probably share the same relationship with division of labor and cooperation, under the same destiny, we exert our function no matter it’s a creative job or common work which may enable us to achieve high economic success, let’s back to our ball example, in this case, that ball has already been pushed forward by outer force not from every direction but one, every force add up together to push, so it will be a weird thing if the ball not move, fortunately, so is our society. Not only highly self economic success can be granted, but also a lot of progress of society can be achieved, so, why not just put them in one thoughts once you have decide which one is more important!

In sum, maybe we can draw a conclusion within a sentence, that is: while conformity is the basis for personal economic success, individuality is the simulate.

xiahsoulUID: 2441730

Do （Have）you ever thought about the reason for some people achieving high economic success? I believe for those who dream of becoming a billionaire or millionaire like me will bounce off from bed at the mere mention of Bill Gates and his huge personal economic success. Adoring his distinct thoughts of software at those times when computer technology is not so developed, we can draw certain conclusion from the benefits of individuality. However, conformity is to some extend an incubative factor, if he did not pursue the common interest of people of using computers, I am afraid his company has already broken down. In this case, we can not give a hasty assess that conformity weights more.（你写的是平衡观点，但是最后一句并没有明确的表达出来，感觉是对Bill Gate的用电脑人的共同兴趣这个层面的TS，而不是全文的TT)

There is no doubt that some people are more willing to stay at home as anyone else than to risk his or her time and energy to create some individuality to gain highly personal economic success, just like you can’t deny that some remain the opposite, (是表达的另一个层面了，应用句号断句）can you imagine what will it be like when there is nothing left in our sensibility but conformity, if you can’t deduce it from your personal experience, only suppose that any one aging from young to old do the same thing everyday, using the refrigerator the same as 1970’s, because nobody can create distinct thoughts that will be outstanding to make a difference! It will be more vivid to compare our society to be a static ball floating within the vacuum, no individuality means no outer force, there is no doubt that the ball will stay where it is as the time passing by as long as you handle some physic knowledge, so is our society. What’s worse. Without the progress of the whole, achieving high personal economic success will be out of our reach! Nevertheless, a ball without any force will stay peace,(和前面there is no doubt that the ball wil stay```太重复了） a society without any individuality will stay away from the wars, but no argument, no competitions still will lost their means once separated with interests and progress!(从正反两方面进行了论证，不错)

Otherwise, even if individuality fulfill our mind, without conformity, our living environment would also be in  mad(madness), with every single person holding their own ideas, doing their own things, inter clash can be hardly avoided which although can promote competition from one to another that result in highly(high） personal economic achievement, the whole society might still be a static ball in the vacuum for the outer force from every direction, maybe there exists some force larger than the other, but the total force the ball get to remain its moving is the difference between every two forces in the opposite direction, in this way, lots of energy would be wasted, and these so called individual success can be turn into the difference between your achievement and others achievement that may have a clash on yours. What’s more, the reason for the difference is caused by the disorder the clash and mess it brings to the society. Under this circumstance, even prominent achievement will be like a meteor that be written in water！

Like those complex connections that link everything, individuality and conformity get no exception. They probably share the same relationship with division of labor and cooperation, under the same destiny, we exert our function no matter it’s a creative job or common work which may enable us to achieve high economic success, let’s back to our ball example, in this case, that ball has already been pushed forward by outer force not from every direction but one, every force add up together to push, so it will be a weird thing if the ball not move, fortunately, so is our society. Not only highly self economic success can be granted, but also a lot of progress of society can be achieved, so, why not just put them in one thoughts once you have decide which one is more important!（把individuality&conformity比作division of labor&cooperation很赞！）

In sum, maybe we can draw a conclusion within a sentence, that is: while conformity is the basis for personal economic success, individuality is the simulate.（最后结尾简洁，且一目了然）

一点个人看法：
1.思路清楚 用一个例子的各个方面论证 逻辑不错
2.论证很persuasive
3.在逻辑基础上应该注意下用词的准确性 比如介词
4.在看头段应该更明确的提出TT